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Old 12-28-2019, 06:33 PM
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Wedding planning!

My husband and I have finally started planning our wedding. Yeah, you read that right, lol. Me an the ole' ball-n-chain are legally married as of this past July 17, but we have not had our wedding ceremony yet. We were originally going to have it last winter, but then I shattered my foot and that threw a whole sack of onions in the ointment. We ended up getting legally married for tax and property purchase reasons, but we definitely want to have a "real" wedding. Now, I am not one of those gals who spent her youth daydreaming about her perfect wedding. I spent more of my time playing with birds and digging in the mud. I have recruited my mom to help me plan this thing, but I am still pretty lost.



So let's talk wedding stuff. We want something small, family mostly(not real social, us. Shocker, huh? Lol), and nothing over the top formal. So this shouldn't be too hard to figure out, but it is all so overwhelming. I've literally never spent time thinking about weddings.
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Old 12-28-2019, 07:54 PM
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Re: Wedding planning!

Congratulations!!! Whoo hoo!
I went to a wedding reception that was on a huge plot of land in the middle of the woods are they were going to build their cabin, we all brought our dogs and sleeping bags , lit bonfire and toasted marshmallow, , cooked burgers , had some drinks and their was a metero shower , best dang party ever! Lol

I hope you have a beautiful wedding! And lots of fun. Congratulations again , so happy for you!
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Old 12-28-2019, 10:18 PM
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Re: Wedding planning!

Congratulations, very exciting. If I were to do it again, I go with a rustic barn wedding theme. Not too big, but that theme for sure.
https://www.google.com/search?q=barn...vGxFt6M:&vet=1


What are your interests? We are outdoorsy peeps, so we had an outdoor wedding.
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Last edited by Tami2; 12-28-2019 at 10:36 PM.
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Old 12-28-2019, 10:32 PM
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Re: Wedding planning!

Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials bug and Mr bug, how exciting!
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Old 12-29-2019, 11:41 AM
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Re: Wedding planning!

Congrats to you on getting married! You are doing similarly to what we did when we got married (got legally married at courthouse and had a celebration for around 25 people a few months later). I was also never the girl fantasizing about a big poofy white dress and throwing myself a party, so I also found wedding planning difficult. I absolutely put my foot down to the big traditional wedding at a fancy venue my parents wanted and were even willing to pay for. We instead reserved the covered picnic areas at a pretty local lake, made our own food/cake and only invited immediate family. We brought a speaker for music, a soccer ball (something my husbands family enjoys) for people to kick around and just basically hung out for the afternoon and enjoyed ourselves. Very low key and low stress. I also did not wear a big white wedding dress. My mom made me a pretty tea length dress that was a gold silk type material with little colorful flowers pattern that actually looked like something I’d wear. Been married over 9 years and have zero regrets over not having the big fancy *stressful* wedding.

Don’t be scared to just plan a nice little celebration that reflects you as a couple with just the people who actually matter and not kill yourself planning some “event” that doesn’t suit you or your husband.
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Old 12-29-2019, 02:15 PM
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Re: Wedding planning!

A simple party somewhere sounds nice. Hubbs wants to do vows again(and ones we have ourselves written), but isn't set on it. I think I'd be fine either way on that. I'm not someone who likes to be the center of attention either lol


Hubbs family are quite judgemental though unfortunately, and that certainly complicates things. They inheirited some money from my husband's grandfather and so they just assume everyone else is poor and if you don't have a phd you may as well need care staff. His aunt literally told him that he didn't know me and he needed to be careful because I only wanted him for his money. She has met me twice: once at a Thanksgiving party she was hosting(we didn't talk, but she still found things to gossip about me after for... specifically that I liked to have fun while working my RESEARCH job in a FEDERAL LAB(so clearly I am stupid. Because I like to play while I work.), and again at her son's wedding(spoke for like 5 minutes). And based on that she thought she knew me better than my now husband does. It's a whole thing. Hubbs has dislexia and adhd, so despite him testing well into the "gifted" IQ range, they have always written him off as "special needs". So clearly his judgement on my character couldn't possibly be sound. Grrrrr



My family is nearly the opposite. We have money too, but we don't have it sitting in a trust fund. Various members of my family invested in land and tractors and are farmers. But they all(other than us) have hobby farms and they have money from elsewhere. Aka not broke. Priced out a large excavator lately? Yeah, your luxury car is cute, but like a quarter of the price and useless. Grrr lol can you tell I don't like the way they judged my family? We work hard, even if we don't have to. Strong millitary ties will do that to ya. And while most in my family do not have phd's, we are HIGHLY gifted. Physics teachers, advanced degrees from prestigious universities, writers, published researchers etc etc etc. But because we are farmers in our spare time we are poor and stupid? LOL Ok Sharon(not anyone's name). But they are also the opposite in judgey-ness. They have their problems, sure, but they are as accepting and loving and supportive as could be. Even the crazy ones! Lol



Sorry for the little rant there. Hubbs is also not fond of his aunt and is considering not inviting her to the wedding. As much as that would probably make the day more pleasant, I don't think that is the right call. She is still his mother's sister, and she should be invited. Crammed into a small table in the corner with all the other people we "have" to invite but don't want to? Suuuuuuure. But I think we should still invite her if for no other reason than to not sour his mother's time at our wedding. Shrug.



Yaaaay drama! My favorite thing(not!!)
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Old 12-29-2019, 03:43 PM
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Re: Wedding planning!

Quote: Originally Posted by bug_n_flock View Post
A simple party somewhere sounds nice. Hubbs wants to do vows again(and ones we have ourselves written), but isn't set on it. I think I'd be fine either way on that. I'm not someone who likes to be the center of attention either lol


Hubbs family are quite judgemental though unfortunately, and that certainly complicates things. They inheirited some money from my husband's grandfather and so they just assume everyone else is poor and if you don't have a phd you may as well need care staff. His aunt literally told him that he didn't know me and he needed to be careful because I only wanted him for his money. She has met me twice: once at a Thanksgiving party she was hosting(we didn't talk, but she still found things to gossip about me after for... specifically that I liked to have fun while working my RESEARCH job in a FEDERAL LAB(so clearly I am stupid. Because I like to play while I work.), and again at her son's wedding(spoke for like 5 minutes). And based on that she thought she knew me better than my now husband does. It's a whole thing. Hubbs has dislexia and adhd, so despite him testing well into the "gifted" IQ range, they have always written him off as "special needs". So clearly his judgement on my character couldn't possibly be sound. Grrrrr



My family is nearly the opposite. We have money too, but we don't have it sitting in a trust fund. Various members of my family invested in land and tractors and are farmers. But they all(other than us) have hobby farms and they have money from elsewhere. Aka not broke. Priced out a large excavator lately? Yeah, your luxury car is cute, but like a quarter of the price and useless. Grrr lol can you tell I don't like the way they judged my family? We work hard, even if we don't have to. Strong millitary ties will do that to ya. And while most in my family do not have phd's, we are HIGHLY gifted. Physics teachers, advanced degrees from prestigious universities, writers, published researchers etc etc etc. But because we are farmers in our spare time we are poor and stupid? LOL Ok Sharon(not anyone's name). But they are also the opposite in judgey-ness. They have their problems, sure, but they are as accepting and loving and supportive as could be. Even the crazy ones! Lol



Sorry for the little rant there. Hubbs is also not fond of his aunt and is considering not inviting her to the wedding. As much as that would probably make the day more pleasant, I don't think that is the right call. She is still his mother's sister, and she should be invited. Crammed into a small table in the corner with all the other people we "have" to invite but don't want to? Suuuuuuure. But I think we should still invite her if for no other reason than to not sour his mother's time at our wedding. Shrug.



Yaaaay drama! My favorite thing(not!!)
What I did not mention about our “wedding” is that almost as many uninvited/unwanted “guests” attempted to gate crash it as we actually invited/wanted (seriously). We managed to chase them off fairly quickly with minimal drama and no evidence in any photos that they ever showed up

I don’t want to get too into it, but I understand all too well your position and frustration with people you can tell or maybe come outright and say that they don’t think very highly of you for no other reason than you aren’t leading the same path in life as them. If you can get away with it, don’t invite them, if not, remember their opinion means nothing and their judgement says more about them than it does you. If they want to make a big a** of themselves by acting like a stuck up , let them (and laugh at them!). Maybe if you have a smaller and simpler wedding, they won’t bother showing up because it’s not an event they can brag to their friends about attending and/or is at some outdoor venue they wouldn’t dare go

Never forget, whether or not they appear to/should have money does not mean they actually do either. It’s easy enough to blow through a trust fund and/or finance the facade of doing well, when in reality, you own nothing and are drowning in debt and/or are one crisis away from loosing all their material things. I truly give no s about those type of people or their money/appearance of having money/lifestyle/home(s)/cars/degrees/jobs or whatever else they feel makes them better than everyone else. Nor should you. I respect people who work hard and have money/a nice lifestyle as a result of that, but can’t stand that materialistic, flashy, holier than thou attitude some affluent/wannabe affluent people get.
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Old 12-29-2019, 04:06 PM
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Re: Wedding planning!

Preach! The one works with autistic people and it SICKENS me how she treats them. Every single nonverbal autistic person who has, usually thru technology, gained the ability to communicate has made it painfully clear: they understand it ALL. And people talk about autistic people right in front of them as though they were total burdons and/or the mental equal of a houseplant. It breaks my heart. She could have the best job in the absolute WORLD, and have fun every single day at work. Instead, she views her clients as "unworthy" and she wont even talk to them. She is not a good person by any metric, but she is still family.
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Old 12-29-2019, 05:26 PM
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Re: Wedding planning!

Wowwwwwwwwwww, welllllllllllllllll... whatever you do... CONGRATULATIONS!!!

"Dearly bugloved, we are gathered here..."
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Old 12-29-2019, 06:45 PM
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Re: Wedding planning!

Sincere congratulations!

I must confess that I’ve been married twice - the first time I got talked into having all the trimmings. The second time, I got married on a public beach with immediate family only. Much less stressful the second time . Seriously - some of the best weddings are informal, small and in a natural setting. It’s your day, make it suit you - and have people that matter to you there. Personally I’d skip inviting people like the aunt, but I find my patience with nasty people dwindling every year and I’m now old enough that I don’t care what they think!
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