Buddiesparents

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Okay everyone- I need some real expertise here as I’m in a severe situation and it looks like I will have to give my Senegal parrot away. I’m so upset just having the think about this and I don’t know what to do. I guess it’s easier if I explain everything- I got Buddie when I was 10 as a baby and I fed him with a syringe so he quickly latched on to me. Very social very good parrot loved me so much. I went away on vacation for 6 weeks about two years later and his behaviour completely changed into very aggressive never would listen would never go back into his cage constantly terrorizing everyone in our household and at a point he was barely allowed out of his cage as he would stalk us out just to attack us. We have another bird as well a conure and they have a double stacked cage with the conure on the top part and Buddie on the bottom. I always thought it was a bad idea to have him on the bottom as he probably doesn’t get sufficient light down there. Throughout the years it got worse he would go for our heads he’s tore up our hands my mom can’t be in the same room as him and neither can I or else he flies for my head and tries to bite my face. Once he escaped his cage while our cleaning ladies were over and he tore up their faces, bit their lip cheeks etc. They managed to get him into my brothers room where he flew around frantically and when we got home he had torn out all the eyes of my brothers posters. I don’t think this is normal bird behaviour at all. This behaviour has only gotten mildly better expect today he was with my sister for 20 min extremely calm and social until out of nowhere he tore a chunk out of her face- and I mean a chunk it’s probably more than an inch deep. My parents are distraught and they insist on giving him away. I don’t know what to do I don’t want to give him away and I’m so upset with myself without being educated on proper Senegal care earlier. I was so young when I got him I do not think I was prepared for being a bird mom and I blame myself. I don’t want to give him away. What do I do.
 

charmedbyekkie

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There are many factors here:

- How old are you? How much say do you have about your living condition and Buddy's living condition?

If you are not financially independent (e.g., cannot move out of the house with Buddy), then there's very little you can do to push back against your parents.


- How does your family build up their individual relationships with Buddy?
- Does Buddy have structure in his life?

A great way to build up relationship and structure and behavioural expectations is to train. Clicker training, target training, trick training, etc. Establishing cue words for each part of his life - meal time, bedtime, wake-up time, training time, etc. Bite training should be done and done consistently.


- What does Buddy do day-in-day out? Does he have toys that he plays with? How much time out of his cage does he get? What keeps his brain going?
Parrots are incredibly smart. When they get bored, they often get destructive, sometimes self-destructive.
 

wrench13

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Not to sound crass or unfeeling, BUT, with a parrot who flys and attacks you have 2 choices. Remove the ability to fly or remove the ability to tear flesh. Since its impossible to remove beaks, the choice is to have his wings clipped. This will often ease the aggressiveness and give some modicum of safety. But really, unless he is just going through puberty ( which can last for a year or more), he sounds like he needs more structure, as Charmed suggests.

There is a third choice, which you mentioned, rehoming him, but I am feeling that you love this little cantackerous bird.

good luck!
 
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Buddiesparents

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There are many factors here:

- How old are you? How much say do you have about your living condition and Buddy's living condition?

If you are not financially independent (e.g., cannot move out of the house with Buddy), then there's very little you can do to push back against your parents.


- How does your family build up their individual relationships with Buddy?
- Does Buddy have structure in his life?

A great way to build up relationship and structure and behavioural expectations is to train. Clicker training, target training, trick training, etc. Establishing cue words for each part of his life - meal time, bedtime, wake-up time, training time, etc. Bite training should be done and done consistently.


- What does Buddy do day-in-day out? Does he have toys that he plays with? How much time out of his cage does he get? What keeps his brain going?
Parrots are incredibly smart. When they get bored, they often get destructive, sometimes self-destructive.
The problem is my dad is pretty set on giving him up. I’ve only mentioned a few incidents we’ve had with him as there’s so many more and my dad has now become fearful that his aggression could seriously hurt someone as where he bit my sister was right next to her eye. He doesn’t get a lot of time out of his cage daily as he will attack most people in the household so when he is let out to socialize he’s usually only allowed to stay in one room. He’s not destructive in the sense that he wrecks furniture / chews on everything he just attacks everyone. Do you think this aggression could be because of boredom? We do have another bird, a conure though he doesn’t seem bothered by him / won’t attack him. My issue is I don’t live at home he’s more my family’s pet now. I can’t be in the same room as him anymore
 
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Buddiesparents

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Not to sound crass or unfeeling, BUT, with a parrot who flys and attacks you have 2 choices. Remove the ability to fly or remove the ability to tear flesh. Since its impossible to remove beaks, the choice is to have his wings clipped. This will often ease the aggressiveness and give some modicum of safety. But really, unless he is just going through puberty ( which can last for a year or more), he sounds like he needs more structure, as Charmed suggests.

There is a third choice, which you mentioned, rehoming him, but I am feeling that you love this little cantackerous bird.

good luck!
I do really love him and so do the rest of my siblings though we have tried for so many years to tame him with clipping his wings and shaving down his beak to make it easier for training though that did not seem to work either. What I’m wondering is he does tolerate being around my sister and will actually go up to her and ask to be pet so why would he attack her like that out of nowhere ?
 

charmedbyekkie

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If you cannot take responsibility for him, unfortunately then, it seems your father's decision has more weight as your parents run the household in which your bird lives - not you.


And yes, boredom can cause aggression. It sounds like he has very little human interaction and so doesn't know how to properly interact with humans. If you want to oversimplify, he's becoming less 'tame' because he has little to no opportunity to practice those skills.

Have anyone in the family even attempted target training? It could happen with him safely inside the cage, but it would give him a way to have a structure of how positive interactions look like.

Keep in mind, parrots have the mental and emotional intelligence of a toddler. If he's being isolated, if people are avoiding interacting with him or if people are inadvertently establishing negative interactions with him... I think any toddler wouldn't know how to have a healthy relationship.

That being said, if the bird isn't 'theirs', you cannot expect your familiy members to fulfil that role of training the bird and establishing positive human connection. My partner likes our ekkie well enough, but all responsibility falls on me - if he needs food, if he acts out from boredom, if he needs stationary training, if he bites, if he needs to see the vet, etc.

Now you haven't said how old he is. As wrench says, it might be puberty. But even then, if he has the training and relationship rules established, this could be mitigated.
 
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Buddiesparents

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If you cannot take responsibility for him, unfortunately then, it seems your father's decision has more weight as your parents run the household in which your bird lives - not you.


And yes, boredom can cause aggression. It sounds like he has very little human interaction and so doesn't know how to properly interact with humans. If you want to oversimplify, he's becoming less 'tame' because he has little to no opportunity to practice those skills.

Have anyone in the family even attempted target training? It could happen with him safely inside the cage, but it would give him a way to have a structure of how positive interactions look like.

Keep in mind, parrots have the mental and emotional intelligence of a toddler. If he's being isolated, if people are avoiding interacting with him or if people are inadvertently establishing negative interactions with him... I think any toddler wouldn't know how to have a healthy relationship.

That being said, if the bird isn't 'theirs', you cannot expect your familiy members to fulfil that role of training the bird and establishing positive human connection. My partner likes our ekkie well enough, but all responsibility falls on me - if he needs food, if he acts out from boredom, if he needs stationary training, if he bites, if he needs to see the vet, etc.

Now you haven't said how old he is. As wrench says, it might be puberty. But even then, if he has the training and relationship rules established, this could be mitigated.
Buddie is gonna be eight years old in a few months would that mean he’s going through puberty right now?
For sure I get what you mean. After he began distancing himself from me and getting aggressive he latched onto my brother more and he took responsibility for Buddie. We did try many training techniques for a long period of time that he wasn’t responding to, and at that time he would never go back in his cage it took us about an hour each time to lure him back to his cage with toys and treats and it was incredibly frustrating, and of course at the time I was much younger and didn’t have much of a say in regards to what my parents wanted and they insisted he stay in his cage.
I love him and I want to keep him and wish I could train him myself though with me not living at home anymore along with the fact that my dad is now uncomfortable and genuinely scared to allow him out of his cage a part of me thinks that maybe it would benefit Buddie more than anyone to rehome him with someone who has the ability to give him the full commitment that he needs and has more experience with handling parrots than we do. I just think that since I’m the only one committed to train him and my the rest of my family doesn’t seem to want to make the same commitment it wouldn’t be fair to Buddie. I wish it were different, and that I could take him with me though me and my roommates allergies could not handle the bird living with us. I hate to admit that he may be better off in another home. Do you think this is best for him? Or how do I make my dad more comfortable living with the bird as I don’t want to cross my dads boundaries as well
 

noodles123

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They generally are sexually mature by 4 years of age, but males can get more aggressive in breeding season. The fact that he was in a shadowy space probably made him more hormonal, but it also sounds like he isn't getting the attention and activity that he needs etc. I am confused about the time-line of this vacation....if you are about 18 or so, how many years had he been acting this way and when was the vacation?

It's takes a whole house to do right by a parrot-- everybody has to at least tolerate the bird because he needs to be out with the family etc--not shut away.
 
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shinyuankuo

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Winston 屁撚, the Eclectus. 屁撚 (pi-nian) came from Pinion (Psalms 64, meaning flight feather, typifying God's soaring power.)
I don't mean to make you upset, but just from reading your post, I feel the best option is to rehome Buddie.
1. You want to, but you can't take care of Buddie. This option is not viable.
2. Your family is not willing to invest more time and effort into Buddie, and they have their reasons.This is not what you can control.
3. If you choose to rehome, you have a lot of control over what kind of family Buddie goes to. This is the option that you have the most control.

Like everyone said, parrots can be good companions, but ALL MEMBERS in the family has to commit to the bird. You can hire a parrot training consultant and try to help Buddie to change, but there's so much that goes into adjusting our lifestyle according to the bird's need. It really comes down to a commitment level.

Rehome might not be as bad as you think. My Winston was rehomed to me, and I update his old family with fresh pictures/videos of the month regularly. His old mom and sister still get to see how Winston is doing under my care. I update them instantly if Winston has to go to vet for whatever reason. It sounds like you can't interact with Buddie on a regular basis, so I assume you see his pictures or videos when you contact your family. This may be similar after you rehome Buddie. You can choose a good family that is willing to do this for you. I know many of us on the forum would be.

I strongly encourage you to consider what's best for Buddie. It really might not be as sad as you think. If your family can commit to making changes, wonderful. If not, you need to do put Buddie's interests before yours.
 
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Buddiesparents

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So I was around 13 when I went on vacation, and when I came back his behaviour changed ( he was around 2 and a half to three years ) at first it wasn’t very aggressive more as in not listening would not want to go in his cage whatsoever so we would spend hours trying to get him to go back in his cage. And then we started noticing that he would be extra nippy with us where we would try to pick him up and he would bite though we kept going with the training. About a year of the aggression continuing we would let him out of his cage and we would purposely come after us to attack us to the point where we couldn’t let him out of his cage as often as we didn’t know how to deal with him. This type of aggression happened when he was 4-5 years old and then in the past two years (during the time where he was 6-7 years old) he has become more calm in the sense that he will allow people to bring him in and out of his cage and will want to be pet and playful sometimes though can be very aggressive at other times
 
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Buddiesparents

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I don't mean to make you upset, but just from reading your post, I feel the best option is to rehome Buddie.
1. You want to, but you can't take care of Buddie. This option is not viable.
2. Your family is not willing to invest more time and effort into Buddie, and they have their reasons.This is not what you can control.
3. If you choose to rehome, you have a lot of control over what kind of family Buddie goes to. This is the option that you have the most control.

Like everyone said, parrots can be good companions, but ALL MEMBERS in the family has to commit to the bird. You can hire a parrot training consultant and try to help Buddie to change, but there's so much that goes into adjusting our lifestyle according to the bird's need. It really comes down to a commitment level.

Rehome might not be as bad as you think. My Winston was rehomed to me, and I update his old family with fresh pictures/videos of the month regularly. His old mom and sister still get to see how Winston is doing under my care. I update them instantly if Winston has to go to vet for whatever reason. It sounds like you can't interact with Buddie on a regular basis, so I assume you see his pictures or videos when you contact your family. This may be similar after you rehome Buddie. You can choose a good family that is willing to do this for you. I know many of us on the forum would be.

I strongly encourage you to consider what's best for Buddie. It really might not be as sad as you think. If your family can commit to making changes, wonderful. If not, you need to do put Buddie's interests before yours.
That’s exactly what I was thinking as though it is difficult to me it is more unfair to Buddie as he deserves more and while I would be more than happy to put in the effort as right now I am at my parents house during the quarantine and will be here for the next bit as I find a new place to rent, I have the time and ability to train him though I wouldn’t feel right if I put all the effort into training him and when I move out again my other family members do not continue the same level of attention to give him. The only other option that would work out in my favour is if I board him with a foster family of experienced bird owners and they can return him to us after they’ve located the problem and can also teach us how to handle him. Do you think this could work ?
 

noodles123

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Umbrella Cockatoo- 15? years old..I think?
So I was around 13 when I went on vacation, and when I came back his behaviour changed ( he was around 2 and a half to three years ) at first it wasn’t very aggressive more as in not listening would not want to go in his cage whatsoever so we would spend hours trying to get him to go back in his cage. And then we started noticing that he would be extra nippy with us where we would try to pick him up and he would bite though we kept going with the training. About a year of the aggression continuing we would let him out of his cage and we would purposely come after us to attack us to the point where we couldn’t let him out of his cage as often as we didn’t know how to deal with him. This type of aggression happened when he was 4-5 years old and then in the past two years (during the time where he was 6-7 years old) he has become more calm in the sense that he will allow people to bring him in and out of his cage and will want to be pet and playful sometimes though can be very aggressive at other times

So it sounds like he got this way at puberty and probably saw you as a mate--and was really mad when you left him and returned (plus, they get weirdly pushy at puberty either way--adults vs. babies...you know?). It is in the past now--sad as that sounds---so don't beat yourself up.
The thing is, he can't be cared for unless everyone in the house is willing to build trust and allow him to come out etc. You are respected and acknowledged for your efforts--we know you love him---but if he can't be social and cared for in your house, keeping him is going to hurt him more in the long-run. So sorry you are going through this and thank you for trying. It's crappy situation, honestly.
 
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noodles123

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He needs to be in the most consistent place possible with people who will devote time and effort to him without a lot of major changes. He needs to build trust and then hopefully, stay with someone who will be there for him long-term. Shifting him around and bouncing him place-to-place will only cause further trauma...Think about a human toddler-- it's very similar.
 

LaManuka

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Your idea of “boarding” with a foster family may help, kind of like a birdie “boot camp”, I have heard of this working in situations like yours.

I will provide you with a link to another member who had a very similar issue a few years ago. Pay special attention to the responses from birdman666 and his method of attitude adjustment. Unfortunately Buddie’s behaviour is much more entrenched than that of the bird in this example - you certainly have a very serious and dangerous situation on your hands there and perhaps a little old school treatment is in order!

http://www.parrotforums.com/behavioral/52432-my-sweetheart-monster-disguise.html

Obviously you love Buddie and want what’s best for him or you wouldn’t be here. Rehoming isn’t always a bad decision but it is always an emotionally fraught one. I hope you’re able to find a solution that works for the health, safety and well-being of all involved :)
 
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shinyuankuo

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May 9, 2019
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State College, PA
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Winston 屁撚, the Eclectus. 屁撚 (pi-nian) came from Pinion (Psalms 64, meaning flight feather, typifying God's soaring power.)
The only other option that would work out in my favour is if I board him with a foster family of experienced bird owners and they can return him to us after they’ve located the problem and can also teach us how to handle him. Do you think this could work ?

I won't say it will work, nor I will say it won't work. The key question is not so much Buddie but your family. Boarding/fostering/rehoming are the same in terms of providing a fresh start to Buddie. However, if your household cannot change, Buddie will revert back to his "normal". So in a sense, you stated the same concern. Will your family treat Buddie the same when he is more "trained"?

If I were you, I will gather what I learned on the forum and present the options to your family. You guys need to have a family meeting. Everyone sits down together and talks about Buddie's future.
  • How willing are you to keep Buddie?
  • How much can each of you compromise for the better of Buddie's life?
  • If you must rehome, how much longer can they continue to keep Buddie, so you can find a good home?
  • Also, I realized that you guys have a conure. You also need to consider how Buddie's staying/leaving will affect the conure. Are they bonded? This definitely complicates things.
  • Things like above...you know.

Buddie is a family bird, so this needs to be a family decision. If you keep him, everyone needs to be onboard and work together to change. If you don't keep him, everyone needs to understand and have similar expectations.
Just my 2 cents.
 
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Buddiesparents

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So I was around 13 when I went on vacation, and when I came back his behaviour changed ( he was around 2 and a half to three years ) at first it wasn’t very aggressive more as in not listening would not want to go in his cage whatsoever so we would spend hours trying to get him to go back in his cage. And then we started noticing that he would be extra nippy with us where we would try to pick him up and he would bite though we kept going with the training. About a year of the aggression continuing we would let him out of his cage and we would purposely come after us to attack us to the point where we couldn’t let him out of his cage as often as we didn’t know how to deal with him. This type of aggression happened when he was 4-5 years old and then in the past two years (during the time where he was 6-7 years old) he has become more calm in the sense that he will allow people to bring him in and out of his cage and will want to be pet and playful sometimes though can be very aggressive at other times

So it sounds like he got this way at puberty and probably saw you as a mate--and was really mad when you left him and returned (plus, they get weirdly pushy at puberty either way--adults vs. babies...you know?). It is in the past now--sad as that sounds---so don't beat yourself up.
The thing is, he can't be cared for unless everyone in the house is willing to build trust and allow him to come out etc. You are respected and acknowledged for your efforts--we know you love him---but if he can't be social and cared for in your house, keeping him is going to hurt him more in the long-run. So sorry you are going through this and thank you for trying. It's crappy situation, honestly.
Thank you for being so accepting, I was pretty nervous reaching out for help because I know it sounds so irresponsible on my part for leaving him when I was younger and I don’t have an excuse for it or a justification. I truly didn’t know how detrimental it would be. And I do think now that if the whole family isn’t committed than there is not much I can do as I cannot force anyone to commit to him or put in effort. Honestly one the saddest things ever
 
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Buddiesparents

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Your idea of “boarding” with a foster family may help, kind of like a birdie “boot camp”, I have heard of this working in situations like yours.

I will provide you with a link to another member who had a very similar issue a few years ago. Pay special attention to the responses from birdman666 and his method of attitude adjustment. Unfortunately Buddie’s behaviour is much more entrenched than that of the bird in this example - you certainly have a very serious and dangerous situation on your hands there and perhaps a little old school treatment is in order!

http://www.parrotforums.com/behavioral/52432-my-sweetheart-monster-disguise.html

Obviously you love Buddie and want what’s best for him or you wouldn’t be here. Rehoming isn’t always a bad decision but it is always an emotionally fraught one. I hope you’re able to find a solution that works for the health, safety and well-being of all involved :)
Thank you so much for the resource I will definitely check it out. The boarding situation I am on board with though what I’m afraid of is my family not adapting for Buddie when he returns and in that case if they don’t I will not allow him to return, I wouldn’t feel right about myself knowing he’s returning to a situation thats not best for him. I wish it could be a wake up call or they would rise to the occasion though I guess I can’t put those expectations on them....
 
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Buddiesparents

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The only other option that would work out in my favour is if I board him with a foster family of experienced bird owners and they can return him to us after they’ve located the problem and can also teach us how to handle him. Do you think this could work ?

I won't say it will work, nor I will say it won't work. The key question is not so much Buddie but your family. Boarding/fostering/rehoming are the same in terms of providing a fresh start to Buddie. However, if your household cannot change, Buddie will revert back to his "normal". So in a sense, you stated the same concern. Will your family treat Buddie the same when he is more "trained"?

If I were you, I will gather what I learned on the forum and present the options to your family. You guys need to have a family meeting. Everyone sits down together and talks about Buddie's future.
  • How willing are you to keep Buddie?
  • How much can each of you compromise for the better of Buddie's life?
  • If you must rehome, how much longer can they continue to keep Buddie, so you can find a good home?
  • Also, I realized that you guys have a conure. You also need to consider how Buddie's staying/leaving will affect the conure. Are they bonded? This definitely complicates things.
  • Things like above...you know.

Buddie is a family bird, so this needs to be a family decision. If you keep him, everyone needs to be onboard and work together to change. If you don't keep him, everyone needs to understand and have similar expectations.
Just my 2 cents.
That is the one thing I’m concerned about. It’s me and my three siblings and while myself and two others are committed to Buddie one of our siblings has given up on him and we have come to a standstill where we can’t come to an agreement on him staying so it might be best I let him go.
The one person I have talked to actually lives decently close to me and said they would update me weekly send photos and videos and let us visit when we want. They also said that they would see with trial and error how he responds to them and if it is best he comes back with us or not so it could be that once they get introduced to him they feel it’s best he stay with them permanently.
No the conure and Buddie are not bonded And they rarely spend time together. If they’re in the same room they can tolerate eachother though Nicki (the conure) is more anxious around him as Buddie tends to be more a bully if Nicki is in his personal space. But he won’t actively chase out Nicki like he does with us.
 

noodles123

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Umbrella Cockatoo- 15? years old..I think?
Have they had birds? Parrots specifically...This isn't going to happen overnight. He is still going to be upset by the change and it is going to take many months for them to build trust with him (even if he didn't have behavioral issues)...even if they can't get him to step-up, they should find a way to safely let him out of his cage etc..I hope they have some experience.
 
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Buddiesparents

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Yes the people willing to board him take in many parrots for rehoming and they said they were experienced with aggressive birds as well.
 

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