Please help my fiance stop being an idiot!

mandolynn · Mar 24, 2012

My finance is constantly arguing with me about the care of my IRN and especially, the things that are toxic to her. He is pigheaded and has never been around parrots before he met me. Hes actually trying to tell me that aerosols, over heated teflon, and many other well known hazards to birds are safe. He said he wont believe me. Aaaaaaaaa! I tried showing him documentation, but he insists that all us parrot people don't know what we are talking about! How can I convince him? It worries me that he might use these things around her when I'm not home. Also, I'm just frustrated by his ignorance and arrogance. Any ideas? Maybe scientific proof?

Pedro · Mar 24, 2012

Just ignore him, scientific proof won't help either cause some guys think they know everything. Trust me my hubby is inclined to be like that as well. So I don't argue with him. I have been dealing with his ignoance/arrogance for almost 43 years now. The only time i get through to him is when he has given our pets something that doesn't agree with them & i have to take them to the Vet, that makes him sit up & take notice. Especially when he gets the bill. LOL.

lizardsmells · Mar 24, 2012

I might be tempted to slap him across his face, but I don't abide willful ignorance very well.

Since he refuses to be reasonable and care about your bird as much as you do I say throw out all aerosols and teflon and anything else that could be a problem. If it's not around, he can't kill your bird with his ignorance.

mele · Mar 24, 2012

Well, You have tried to reason with him. For the sake of your bird just toss the teflon pans and all aerosole products and toxic cleaners. I found myself in this position before :< all the proof in the world wouldn't change his mind. I finally tossed everything pots, pans, bakingsheets, cleaners, and candles. After awhile, he was tired of replacing the stuff.

Goodluck with everything.

JensFlock · Mar 24, 2012

I agree wityh Mele.
Keep tossing the stuff until he gets some sense.

mandolynn · Mar 24, 2012

Ha! I actually threw the teflon away(it was his not mine), but I'm definetly going to throw the aerosols too. Ive thrown all candles, incense, and made him smoke outside. He doesn't want to hurt flora and he does care about her(even though hes afraid of her and wont even touch her), he sincerely believes that i am over paranoid when it comes to her since shes my baby and she 18. And he wont admit hes wrong no matter what proof i have, you're right about that. I normally just stop talking to him when he tries arguing other stuff with me, but not if it involves my pets. Now, hes decided to go on a rant about our dogs' food prices, trying to say ol Roy is healthy. Wow. I told him if he doesn't just take what i say about pets as gospel, we are all leaving him. He was quiet then, which is rare. People like him are so frustrating. I don't know what I'm getting myself into.

Pedro · Mar 24, 2012

mandolynn said:
Ha! I actually threw the teflon away(it was his not mine), but I'm definetly going to throw the aerosols too. Ive thrown all candles, incense, and made him smoke outside. He doesn't want to hurt flora and he does care about her(even though hes afraid of her and wont even touch her), he sincerely believes that i am over paranoid when it comes to her since shes my baby and she 18. And he wont admit hes wrong no matter what proof i have, you're right about that. I normally just stop talking to him when he tries arguing other stuff with me, but not if it involves my pets. Now, hes decided to go on a rant about our dogs' food prices, trying to say ol Roy is healthy. Wow. I told him if he doesn't just take what i say about pets as gospel, we are all leaving him. He was quiet then, which is rare. People like him are so frustrating. I don't know what I'm getting myself into.

PMSLOL. That so sounds like hubby & me. If he said that red flower was green well it's green. No he isn't colored blind. You know what it is they really don't like being proven wrong. I think it's a guy thing. But hey your got to love them.

lizardsmells · Mar 24, 2012

Well, you know, stuff that bothers you now will get about 100x more annoying once you're married. I'm not saying dump him or anything like that, just offering a little insight from a married chick. (It was quite a wake-up call for me!) People like that are frustrating. I don't even know the man and I'm frustrated for you! I want to shake him and ask him to explain a birds' respiratory system to me and if all the hundreds of stories of avoidable bird deaths due to chemicals or teflon are proof enough. Or if the fact there are euthanized cats and dogs (including collars) in cheap pet foods is what makes garbage like Ol' Roy healthy.

You have my sympathy! My husband was not an animal person when he met me. I told him that would change pretty quickly if he wanted to be with me. He managed to come around pretty easily. It was definitely an adjustment for us both at the beginning though. For the first couple of years we were together the words, "You're about to get bit if you don't stop that," came out of my mouth a LOT.

northernlights1 · Mar 24, 2012

i would put birdie in a room whene the hubby doesnt go when your away. your bird is better off, not be mention safer.

Remy · Mar 24, 2012

If it comes down to it, I would also just toss all of the nasty stuff, until he gets tired of replacing it!

Would it help if you made it more about your comfort levels and feelings? "I'd be more comfortable if teflon/aerosol/etc were never, ever, ever used in the house," as opposed to "You're going to kill my birds!"

"I statements" as opposed to "you statements" go a long way.

I also might look into couples counseling if that doesn't work. It's done wonders for me and mine.

Mare Miller · Mar 24, 2012

Pshh! This guy does not sound like a keeper! Sorry to say this because I'm sure you have a lot of time and emotional energy invested. People don't change, not at that level...they don't, and it will get worse, sorry. I speak, not only from my life experiences but my friends and children's experiences.

Enjru · Mar 24, 2012

Avian cells do not have capsacain receptors, so capsacain spray does not hurt our birds. Spray a bit of capsacain at your birds' eyes, then spray the capsacain into a pair of his underpants and tell him to put them on or shut up. If this still doesn't convince him avian physiology is different to ours, tell him capsacain could find its way into his shaving cream, toothpaste and hair products as well.

mandolynn · Mar 25, 2012

You.guys are awesome! Ive reading him the posts. I know hes always going to be stubborn, and I'll always be a nature loving "bleeding heart" and hell be a selfish conservative. We are complete opposites, but we are never bored.... we've had eyes for eachother since high school and have been togestget 2 years, and he loves the animals, he just has to be right.

Pedro · Mar 25, 2012

mandolynn said:
You.guys are awesome! Ive reading him the posts. I know hes always going to be stubborn, and I'll always be a nature loving "bleeding heart" and hell be a selfish conservative. We are complete opposites, but we are never bored.... we've had eyes for eachother since high school and have been togestget 2 years, and he loves the animals, he just has to be right.

I think it's the overall qualities that matter. It would be a boring old world if we were all the same. Whats more not one of us is perfect. I know i am not. But i do have some wonderful qualities even if i do say so myself.

You hang on to him love if he makes you happy, you can always work your way around the flaws. I did. LOL.

Ginkai · Mar 25, 2012

I know you've tired showing him studies, but try taking him to an avian vet, surely he would know better than to question someone who has studied most their lives to know this stuff. If he still thinks he's right I'm sorry but he's a fool and doesn't deserve to live with animals or those that love them he's a risk to their health.

mandolynn · Mar 25, 2012

I live in North Dakota. We don't have 1 avian vet in the whole state. My exotics vet, who was amazing, just moved away, and the vet i recently took Flora to isn't very experienced with birds. But, that is a really good idea. We are going to Minneapolis soon and I was planning on going to drag him to some rescue and rehabilitation centers for birds anyways. Its odd that he's so stubborn about this because he's around birds alot now. At my work, at my parents' and brother's, hes surrounded by them. Hes still never even held a bird. He wont even hold baby tiels i hand feed at work. But at least he not only accepts my large pet family, he encourages me to enlarge it if there's an animal in need. He just loves to prove me wrong, even when he knows I'm not. Ill train him yet. Lol. Thanks for all your advice fellow bird brainers. We all know how hard it can be when the loves of our lives clash.

luvmytooo · Mar 25, 2012

Toss all that isnt safe for birds , maybe him too ?
Just saying....

Spiritbird · Mar 25, 2012

Perhaps he wants attention too and this is the only way he knows. Is he jealous of the bird??

roxynoodle · Mar 25, 2012

Sounds like my ex husband and everyone I've dated. Some men just can't listen to anything a woman says, or not the woman he's involved with. They have some weird ego thing where they need to think they are smarter than you. I actually had my last one go storming off when he was helping me hang a gate in the pasture after I said in a normal tone of voice, "Do that." He said I was bossing him around. He was also very over sensitive and I was always walking on egg shells. I tend to be matter of fact when doing a job, but most people don't see me as actually bossy. I don't know, 178 of 180 of my students loved me every year so I can't be that bad, lol! Although I think they saw me as direct (I like to think honest) as well, because 2 of them would come into my classroom arguing about something and one would say, "Ask Ms_________, she'll tell you like it is!"

All I can say is good luck! Been there, done that, and it's aggravating.

Yes, they will often listen to someone who isn't you. You might put him on the phone with a vet, even if you have to make a long distance call.

Tammy · Mar 25, 2012

mandolynn said:
My finance is constantly arguing with me about the care of my IRN and especially, the things that are toxic to her. He is pigheaded and has never been around parrots before he met me. Hes actually trying to tell me that aerosols, over heated teflon, and many other well known hazards to birds are safe. He said he wont believe me. Aaaaaaaaa! I tried showing him documentation, but he insists that all us parrot people don't know what we are talking about! How can I convince him? It worries me that he might use these things around her when I'm not home. Also, I'm just frustrated by his ignorance and arrogance. Any ideas? Maybe scientific proof?

My Advice: DUMP THE IDIOT! I GOT RID OF MY FIANCE & HAVE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER. THERE IS ROOM IN MY LIFE FOR ONLY ONE MAN - MR. PRECIOUS. AN INTELLIGENT PERSON KNOWS THEY DON'T KNOW EVERYTHING. STUPID, IGNORANT PEOPLE THINK THEY ARE ALWAYS RIGHT. YOUR FEARS ARE VALID & I THINK IT'S MORE ABOUT HIM NOT LIKING THE BIRD THAN IT IS ABOUT NOT BELIEVING SOMETHING IS TOXIC.

SORRY, BEEN DIVORCED TWICE. I'M TERRIBLE AT PICKING MEN. REGARDLESS, IF HE DOESN'T LOVE, RESPECT OR TRUST YOU ENOUGH TO BELIEVE YOU ABOUT THE BIRD, THEN HE DOESN'T LOVE, RESPECT OR TRUST YOU PERIOD! KICK HIM TO THE CURB NOW BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.

Please help my fiance stop being an idiot!

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