I'm feeling desperate

Its been a while, and for good reason. I have found myself completely overwhelmed with my life and I just need advice. I have been working two jobs for almost a year. I am still a high school student and I work four days in a row every week, which amounts to 15-17 hours. I know that's not a lot compared to people who balance a full time job with the rest of their life, but I am cracking under the pressure. I know I need to work less but I know people are depending on me and I feel like I need the money if I want to move out while I'm in college. I have also been diagnosed with ocd (obsessive compulsive disorder) which is an anxiety disorder. I get to bed late every night and get up early every morning. I feel like my life revolves around work (school and work) and every day is a race to get to bed. I am so tired when I come home that taking care of my birds is a daunting responsibility. For some reason, my room seems to trigger my ocd and I haven't regularly slept there for almost two years, so I sleep on the couch. I can't stand being in my room and I only go in there if I need to. My birds are in my room so this is definitely a problem for them. Sometimes I don't set foot in my room for days at a time, so my mother had been very helpful by taking care of my birds for me. If we moved them downstairs that would be incredibly helpful, but I still have to talk my parents into it. I am considering downsizing my flock of finches because they would be the least traumatized by the change in environment and aren't really bonded to me so I don't think they would miss me like my parrots would. I am still trying to figure this out but I just feel stuck. I would really appreciate some advice here
PS- I'm glad to be back on the forum again, I'll try to post more often.

OCD does belong to a spectrum of anxiety disorders, but it also occurs along with other personality disorders such as Asperger's or Tourette's. (Not suggesting you have either of those!) The thing is, if you have an underlying anxiety, you really need to be treated for that as well before it expresses itself as a more unpleasant diagnosis. Have you sought help for your OCD? Surely the person who diagnosed you suggested some form of therapy? The thing is, it's eminently treatable with drug therapy, talking therapy, cognitive behaviour therapy or a combination of all three. At your young age, you shouldn't have to be suffering the extreme changes to your life that you describe. Also, if you don't seek treatment now, the OCD may take hold even more firmly and be much more difficult to manage as you get older. Please, please, see if you can find a good therapist to help you with it!

I think it's a good idea to downsize your flock if you feel you can. Sit down and try to think of as many ways to streamline your life as you can. I have to wonder whether all that work is worth it for the lifestyle (or lack of one) you seem to have? If you can't bear to be in your room, for example, then why not gradually subtract things from it until you can? I think it's a good idea to take your birds out of your room because they clearly add to the stress of 'jobs that need to be done'. The more I think about it, the more I think you're bowing under the stress of too many jobs and not enough time to get them done in. Perhaps, with a little perfectionism thrown in?

Please try to be kinder to yourself and really set about finding professional help. You'd be surprised how liberating it can be, just to learn techniques for managing anxiety! I do wish you the very best and hope to read some happier, more hopeful posts from you in the future.

Thank you betrisher, I have been seeing a therapist and we are making progress. I have decided not to work one of my jobs over the summer and will be working less hours for my other job. I think I can convince my parents to at least let me bring my parrots downstairs, and my dove can stay in my room. I will start looking into new homes for my finches. With a little time things should start to clear up :0)

I am so sorry to hear you are going through so much at this time. I too suffer with OCD along with my daughter ( she was diagnosed when she was 15 she is now 19) I agree therapy is a must! Is your room overcrowded with the bird cages? I know for me if a room feels crowded it gives me anxiety. My birds are actually therapeutic for me but they are not in my room they are in the breakfast room (we use the dining room for eating) Sounds like down sizing is a good option for you! Have you seen someone who specializes in OCD and other disorders or are you just being treated by your general practitioner?

I'm so glad to hear that, Ann! Sorry if I came over a bit pompous - I didn't mean to - it's just that I deal with OCD in my family and we've all had our ups and downs with it. LOL! We find that laughter really is the best medicine in our case and try to make a joke of it (even when it's not particularly funny). Think of the irony in my situation: I have a son who perseverates and vocalises (Asperger's/Tourette's)with high-pitched noises and I have a daughter who can't stand either of the above. The daughter has a tic disorder which causes her to march thumpingly back and forth across her room and the son can't stand the anxiety this causes him. I tell you, it's almost like watching centre court at Wimbledon in our house - things just ricochet from one to the other to the other. Anyway, I'm really glad to hear you're making progress and I look forward to hearing more about your birds.

Ann, I don't presume to understand your life but if all the things that need your attention, are making you unwell, you need to downscale, like Trish has said. Not only on the birdies but also in other areas. Can your parents not assist with moving you to a different room (if there is space of course)? I'm thinking if you start out with a 'lean space' (minimal furniture and nicknacks) you may find the space calming and relaxing - which could help you deal better with other stresses. I am a firm believer in the "you bedroom is your sanctuary" thing. You need a 'perfect' space to relax, recharge and rest. Perfect is not the same for everyone and your 'perfect' could be a minimalist room with little stimuli to 'get your brain going' if you know what I mean. Just a place to CHILL, stare at the wall, think about life (or nothing) - that's what I do in my own bedroom to recharge

Along with the care of a therapist, I really recommend creating that safe, clean space at home too. Think about it, ok?

Good luck and all the best!

Thanks everyone! I am seeing a counselor right now, but we are looking for a psychiatrist who specializes in OCD.
Betrisher- don't worry I didn't think you were pompous, and I use humor to lighten the situation all the time. I think you have to sometimes!
Momtopercy- I think your right, when I imagine my room later in life, its very simple and plain. We don't have another room, but I think once I downsize the clutter it will be a much more relaxing space.
Its helpful to know other people here understand ocd .
I will be graduating very soon (last day of classes is in may) so I will have time to sort things out over the summer.

I would strongly suggest that you find a good psychologist to help you. You will be surprised how quickly things will improve with as little as 1-2 sessions. Most people only attend therapy for 6-12 weeks, despite the myths that are perpetrated on tv and movies. Very little time will be spent on discussing your past, your parents, etc., and a good counselor will focus on strategies, strengths, coping mechanisms that will put you back in charge of your life.

There are also certain medications that have proven useful for OCD and other anxiety disorders. Statistically, the best outcomes will involve a combination of medication and talk therapy.

Have you considered adopting out all of your birds or contacting a rescue? I think that is a lot of birds for anyone but you have a lot going on and still in high school? I inherited a conure that is almost 7 and she has bonded to me readily. I find one bird to be rather high maintenance and I am not in school, nor do I work. It seems this would be best for you as well as best for the birds. My humble opinion.

Yea I have severe OCD and severe anxiety as well. It really screws with my head every day. It sucks and i hope you get better. Buspirone is a really good medicine for the anxiety. It works fast and it calms you down if you start freaking out. You should ask your doctor about it. I hope you get better soon I really do

Good luck

My parents and I have been talking about medication, right now we are focusing on cognitive behavioral therapy which is helping. While I definitely feel like I should downsize, I am definitely keeping both my parrots and probably my dove. I will only give up my dove if I can find someone with a male dove who is looking to start a pair. I'm trying to take it slow and see how things go on a day-to-day basis. Its nice to get this off my chest~

I agree with you! Make your changes slowly...one moment at a time. If you try to do too much at once to change that can be just as overwhelming as your current situation. Therapy is a great way to help you sort out and deal with your issues! I know it has been a great help for me. Also, a good Psychiatrist is very important in my opinion. A lot of people don't want to go to one but they are the ones who can diagnose and treat your disorders. Therapy just helps you cope with the disorders you have been diagnosed with and gives you the skills to overcome issues. I applaud both you and your parents for realizing a psychiatrist is an essential part of you getting better! Lots of luck!!! Prayers coming your way

Since there are quite a few of us dealing with OCD matters, would it be impertinent to ask how it manifests in members? I'll start the ball rolling.

My son has OCD as a part of Asperger's/Tourette's syndrome, so it's hard to separated out the symptoms of each from the OCD traits. He washes his hands excessively; compulsively tightens things until they can't be undone (this is particularly not useful with two women in the house); closes and locks things even when someone's in the middle of using them (eg. the front door while groceries are being ferried in) and (worst of all) has intrusive, ugly thoughts that dog his sleeping hours and disturb him enormously. That's alongside the various tics and perseverative things he does. Please don't think he's a weirdo or anything! He's a lovely young bloke: very gentle and kindly with a great sense of humour. He was just unlucky.

My daughter has milder symptoms, but they get her in hot water on work mornings. She has certain 'ways' in which things must be done and, no matter how close it is to bus-time, she has to do them. That would include washing her hands with a massive amount of soap (and water and time and rinsing); drying her hands on a certain part of the towel and then having to re-hang it and start again if she got out of the 'appropriate' area; lacing her shoelaces incessantly until they're perfectly flat and perfectly equal and the bow lies perfectly on her foot (whoever invented Converse All-Stars owes me Big Time); only doing things from the right side if they're 'happy' and from the left side if they're 'sad'; brushing her hair (which is three feet long) in a certain way and then starting all over again if she got the sequence wrong. I could go on and on.

The thing is, you try explaining these things to teachers and employers. LOL! People are so ready to leap to conclusions that the individual is shiftless or lazy, yet they don't see the distress as the person struggles to break the cycle. It's a very hard thing to live with and much harder without help. Still, we always look for the humour in it all. I do enjoy the lovely shade of puce in my daughter's face as she dances around the kitchen trying to open the peanut butter jar after my son has put the lid on. Or, watching my son trying to hurry his sister up in the mornings as she brushes and brushes and brushes her hair (he's bald, so he truly has difficulty coping with that). LOLOL!

Me, I seem to have grown out of the various tics and rituals I had as a younger person. The only thing I have left is a sort of vocal tic that only ever strikes when I try to knit. It's a sort of throat-clearing at the back of my palate, which gets very uncomfortable after I've been doing it for a while. I absolutely cannot stop doing it, once it's taken hold and as a result, I'm reluctant to knit. Oddly, crocheting is not a problem!

As the great Art Linkletter said a squillion years ago: 'people are funny'!

I have OCD issues myself.....I am trying to do better though but the sleep part don't help, I think that's part of my problem why I can't sleep half the time as I function on very little sleep nightly. I have come a long ways on trying to convince myself that it's ok to let it go. I am a compulsive hand washer, I'll wash my hands with soap in-between projects. Which it helps when I deal with sick animals. I'm not as bad as I was before as my partner can tell you that. When we first got together I was really bad but I'm a lot better now days....

I too have OCD and Anxiety Disorder. And I also have alot of pressure put on myself when it comes to my job/bills/every day life. Over a month ago I became very ill and ended up in the hospital and then bed ridden for four weeks. I knew then that, that on top of all my other stress it was not benefiting two of my birds with major behavior issues to live with me.

I knew I could handle my Cockatiel still. But it was hard for me when I went back to work and then had to come home and spend a hour of individual time with each bird. It exhausted me, it stressed me out, and it depressed me because I knew there was a home out there for my problem birds better than mine. I wanted to be the hero and provider but life intervened and instead I was able to place Skittles and Tinkerbell in a amazing home with a stay at home "mom" who already had parrots and lots of experience and time for them. I knew in the end it was better situation for everyone.

Now my stress level is extremely lower. Bruno seems much happier because I devote so much more free time to him and training him. He also gets much more freedom because I don't have to worry about him landing on another bird cage and getting bitten. So he is now free to be in any room (supervised of course) of the house he wants.

It isn't easy to down size. But when you know it's for the best you really do feel better in the end.

I was diagnosed with OCD when I was a teenager. I have really strict routines and ways of doing things, especially when it comes to waking up/getting ready in the morning. Clutter and change give me huge amounts of anxiety. I wash my hands constantly and can't stand the feeling of certain textures, sticky residues, and clothing fabrics. Just picking out clothing to wear is often a nightmare. I've got quite a few tics as well. I could keep going....

It's been a struggle, for sure. Just getting through the day is stressful enough, but in times of excessive stress from life circumstances such as working too much/studying too hard/worrying about bills/etc, it's especially rough. Over the years it's become more manageable, I think. It was a lot worse when I was younger and didn't know myself as well or have a collection of healthy coping mechanisms and a support system to rely on. Therapy helped some. So did medication.

Please know that you're not alone and hang in there. It will get better. Definitely down size in any way you can, but do it at a pace that feels right for you. You are stronger than you realize. *hugs*

I'm shocked at how many people are dealing with the same problem, but its nice to know there are others. I was able to take my birds out today, which was nice. I'm just trying to take things slow. We are scheduling an appointment with a psychiatrist who will do a two hour evaluation and from there we will look into medication and group therapy. Right now I'm just looking forward to Easter break .
Thanks witchbaby, hugs to you too~

i know this thread is old but I'm just kind of updating things-
earlier i mentioned the need to downsize my number of birds. recently i made a thread on the adoption section of the forum hoping to find homes for my birds with people on the forum. I felt this was the best place because its full of good bird owners. if anyone is interested or knows someone who might be, here's he link:

http://www.parrotforums.com/adoptio...ches-tame-dove-kings-cage-free-good-home.html

things have greatly improved and I am feeling much more relieved. I'm on summer break now so i have time to sort things out. i really cant thank you guys enough for the support, it was great to be heard and to know that other people could relate :60: