Had a bad experience with a parrot owner... is this normal?

The other day my dad and I went to the local pet store. They were hosting some kind of bird rescue event where they had two macaws, some kind of cockatoo, and an amazon. I was ecstatic. Since I want to get a parrot in the future, I went right in and after awkwardly standing around for a bit, I started asking questions. The guy who was taking care of them answered my questions, but he seems very apathetic to do so. He let a couple adults hold the amazon but when I asked to handle the birds, he immediately instructed me in an almost scolding manner about how to do it. In general, he talked down to me like I was a terrible college student who buys animals on impulse and judged me the whole time.

The whole experience made me a lot less confident about wanting to get a bird because I felt like all the research I'd been doing was worthless. And I know research is no substitute for the real thing but he made me feel like I didn't know anything at all. I'm now really nervous about talking to bird owners irl; on here is fine, as I've had a great experience in this forum. But I'm so anxious about someday contacting a breeder to get a parrot.

Is this normal behavior for owners to treat everyone like they don't know enough, even by accident or in a kind way ("oh, my bird doesn't like to be pet on his wings. He likes his beak stroked much more! ")? I could really use some reassurance :C

I am so sorry this person made you feel this way. It is such a shame that he was a representative of a rescue as well, because I wonder how many other people were turned off by his behaviour.
I do not think it is normal, but I have run across people like that as well. With our own birds, I would tell someone if they don't like a certain thing, but I would be nice about it. All birds are different, and some of mine will bite if you give scritches and some love it
Your research is certainly not worthless, and I commend you for getting as much knowledge and experience as possible before getting a bird!
Please do not let this experience dim your passion for birds!

Of course the research, prepping and planning you've been doing isn't worthless! You are doing exactly what you should be before purchasing a bird, but a random stranger doesn't know that. I think many people (especially who work at/with rescues) have become very defensive after seeing the same situations play out over and over- no research, impulse buy birds who become abused, neglected and eventually they get to deal with the aftermath of all these broken birds. Not saying that is what you would do, but it does happen A LOT. You also have the element of the general public handling the birds, which is (IMO) is a very bad choice. If a big bird bites someone, that can do serious damage. Then the bird could be declared a vicious animal and put down (just like they do with dogs) along with the owner facing legal charges and restitution for medical expenses. I totally understand why the owner was a little overly detailed about instructions to handle. If it were my birds, I wouldn't allow people to handle them, they could enjoy from a safe distance!

1. Personal biases exist. That's not a reflection on you, it's a reflection of the personal bias of the person you were talking to...

2. How old are you? There is a serious misperception out there that kids and parrots should not mix. (My daughter has been handling large macaws [with supervision of course] since she was around 7... so there's that!)

3. It's different when it's your bird, and when you are the person responsible for the birds in a public display, and responsible for safety of both birds and people. Some folks are less diplomatic than others about it... (Plus when you answer the same questions over and over again for a matter of years... there are times when I'm sure your answers are "canned."

Don't let one negative person discourage you from your own positive interactions.

Endi said:

Is this normal behavior for owners to treat everyone like they don't know enough, even by accident or in a kind way ("oh, my bird doesn't like to be pet on his wings. He likes his beak stroked much more! ")? I could really use some reassurance :C

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Ya know, i am glad you brought this up. I can relate to this quite a bit.

Someone i contacted in real life was kind of like this. It made me anxious and nervous about getting a bird. Even on this forum you can get that vibe from time to time.

I think the people doing it have good intentions, they don't want someone not ready to get a bird then have to rehome it. I get it. But it can make it seem intimidating to get a bird, when all these people are saying this stuff to you.

jasper19 said:

Endi said:

Is this normal behavior for owners to treat everyone like they don't know enough, even by accident or in a kind way ("oh, my bird doesn't like to be pet on his wings. He likes his beak stroked much more! ")? I could really use some reassurance :C

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Ya know, i am glad you brought this up. I can relate to this quite a bit.

Someone i contacted in real life was kind of like this. It made me anxious and nervous about getting a bird. Even on this forum you can get that vibe from time to time.

I think the people doing it have good intentions, they don't want someone not ready to get a bird then have to rehome it. I get it. But it can make it seem intimidating to get a bird, when all these people are saying this stuff to you.

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MOST PARROTS HAVE TO GET TO KNOW YOU FIRST... THAT'S WHAT YOU SEEM TO FAIL TO REALIZE. Walking up to a completely strange bird who doesn't know you, especially if the bird is in a strange and unfamiliar place - (unless they have been extensively out and about trained) tends to put them on the defensive.

IT'S DIFFERENT WHEN IT IS "YOUR BIRD." YOUR BIRD generally speaking knows and trusts you, and "lets you in" on things no one else gets to see. You can do things with YOUR BIRD that no one else can...

There are a hand full of people that seem to have the ability to walk up to just about any bird and handle it as if they were old friends... that is the exception, rather than the rule.

Thanks for the reassurance guys. It really put me down to have that guy treat me that way. I'm 21, almost 22 years old, so to an older guy like that handler, I probably look like one of those hipster college kids who get an "exotic" pet because it's "cool." I'm not and its reassuring to hear you guys say that it shouldn't reflect on me, but of their bias.

The thing I was most upset about was the man's attitude. The birds were completely comfortable with me. Once he was done explaining how to have the amazon step up, the bird climbed right up onto my hand and settled onto my shoulder. The little white cockatoo would put her head down to be pet as soon as you lifted your hand to do so. I know most parrots have to get to know you first and I wouldn't have been discouraged at all had one of the birds been wary to interact with me.

It's a shame in a situation where the person has chosen to come to a public place as an ambassador for a bird rescue to behave like this, but the world is full of people who mean well but don't have the best personal skills, and unfortunately there are a fair few people out there who are just not very pleasant. Parrots don't make the easiest of pets and owning one is not to be taken lightly, we all get that, but whatever assumptions this guy made about you he had the perfect opportunity to engage with you in a positive manner and educate you about his birds, and instead he made you feel bad.

I can't promise you won't come across others like him, but if someone is rude and apathetic with you when you're trying to broaden your understanding - whatever the subject - it's their problem, not yours.

The real interviewer were the birds and it sounds like they loved you. Be like a duck and let it roll off. I know it's hard and here is some advice a friend gave me. In my early 20s I supported doctors and hospitals. I'd tell the doctor what to do with his PC and he'd go to my friend (we worked together) and would ask her the same question, in front of me. She is about 10 years older than me. She would tell me don't worry when you turn 30 they will take you seriously. She was right. It could be that you look young but don't let it get to you, they don't know you, or anything about you. And you don't know him or what is going on with him, he could have had a bad visitor before you came up and it was still on his mind, or he had a sudden urge to go to the restroom and you stopped him so he had to wait a little longer, lol. Your research is not a waste, the bird will pick you!

People are people. I'm sorry some people aren't kind.

Here's a heads up, bird owners are far from normal. We are bizarre people. Most of us are nice and welcoming to new comers, but there are a few bad apples in the bunch. Don't let this bad experience stop you from owning a parrot. A lot of rescue people also become jaded not because they're bad people but have had to deal with a lot of bad experiences. I hope you do not give up on your dream of parrot ownership you are far above the average new owner by doing research before hand. Many new owners seek information only after running into problems. When you pick out your fid, you must share it with this forum. The forum is incredibly welcoming, helpful and always has your fid's best interest at heart. This place will never try to sell you anything and if anyone tries to feed you BS, they are quick to call them out on it.

Thanks for all the encouragement everyone; it makes me feel a lot better to know he was just one bad egg. You all have been so nice and welcoming that I didn't know how to take his attitude. I'm even more excited to get a parrot now, especially after reading the forums. Thanks again everyone

The world is full of idiots and unfortunately it is not against the law.

Everything that has already been stated as to why this person treated you that way could be true but it also could come down to greed, there are lots of them folks out there. He might have thought you couldn't afford it so why waste his time.

I have a full sleeve tattoo and you would be amazed at how many times I have been treated like poor white trash, ignored in high end stores, ironically these morons don't get that I have well over 3 thousand dollars into this arm, great ink art is not cheap!

As was said let it roll off, I am 49 yrs old, an artist and eccentric weirdo by choice, the only person's opinion about me that matters to me is mine!

unfortunately from my experience, the bird owning world, and any exotic pet for that matter, a LOT of people are snooty and jerks. but this forum? nah, this forum collects all the good ones here so its all good here but ive seen and personally experienced a LOT of nasty people in the bird community (and chinchilla community) on other forums. and not just that, but also many people in real life can be pretty nasty too. im sorry you as a new potential owner had to already witness some of it

me and you are very close in age (im 23). i own birds and have since 19. you will find people may look down on your age, but dont let that discourage you. just research everything you need to know and prove them all wrong ive gone to a local bird show where i live and the judges ive talked to there talked down to me due to my age as well. they shot down my discussions on genetics and mutations of birds and treated me like i knew nothing, just because i was a lot younger than nearly all of the other bird fans in and out of the hall. so i do totally understand where you are coming from. it hurts, it rubs you the wrong way, because they see you for your age rather than who you are.

shrug them off, keep on doing what you are doing, and learn more you will be a great bird owner, i'm sure

Don't let some ---hat ruin your confidence in your knowledge, i've dealt with those people myself.

Infact, just 3 days ago i was at local pet shop that just opened and i asked to handle the red fronted macaw baby they had there, and the person who was working there was extremely condescending and rude. said "Birds are for adults who are responsible not partying kids who come home wasted and ignore responsibilities"

i'm 24. I haven't partied since i was 17. i haven't had more than 3 beers or a glass of wine in me at one time in almost 2 years. Though i do enjoy a nice scotch-neat or whiskey-up on occasion

So i told her that i have been working with birds for over 7 years and she kinda shied back and handed me the bird, who i taught to step up for her in about 15 minutes.

Point is, don't let it get you down.

Anybody can be rude. Anybody can be condescending. Its an attribute that is in every area. Not specific to parrots.

Because parrots are a less known type of companion animal, people tend to be rude know it all's to make themselves look intelligent when in reality they embarrass themselves.

Unfortunately not everyone in the bird community is nice or have people skills as well as bird skills. Lol

Don't let others' attitudes ruin your dreams no matter what that dream is! maybe that guy was just having a bad day? It sucks that he was judgmental and made you feel half an inch tall, but we're all not like that... After being a parront or even a caretaker for a while, it's easy to become protective over these little guys.

I hope your next experience is better

And remember their life span, you are probably most suited to be your parrots forever home because you are possibly young enough to actually live as long as they do. Go for it.

Dear Endi, Don't let one jerk ruin your plans. Taking a rescue can save a life. My Gcc spent 2 yrs. in a tiny cage, with no out of cage or human interaction. He was angry(understandably) and mean .He drew blood the first time I was near him .A month later he go on my finger and was on his way to becoming a sweet bird. You can make a difference! Bonita