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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 11-02-2019, 12:42 PM
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Re: My boy is in mourning and I dont know how to console him

They were together 10 years. Dean and Sam had shared a cage together, and several months after Sam passed we ended up putting Dean in a large flight with our finches, and he buddied up with a little Society. We ended up adding another male Bourke's, and they are best friends now.
You being near & talking to your boy now is the best thing you can do. I really think that they know we are hurting with them and feel that extra connection. My GCC never even liked me, and after we lost his best friend he steadily grew closer to me. I will always believe that he felt our shared pain and that it brought us closer.

I wish I could take away your guilt, there is no way to know if anything would have changed the outcome. There is nothing worse than not being able to do something because of being short of money, and sadly these things are completely out of our control. Your love for them is obvious, and what a wonderful life you gave her.
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  #12 (permalink)  
Old 11-02-2019, 01:01 PM
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Re: My boy is in mourning and I dont know how to console him

Quote: Originally Posted by SailBoat View Post
Our Amazons had all come to us older, very ill and most of them abused with no want to ever trust another Human. Countless hours place in medical care, but the most important thing, in our minds, was the heaping of our Love upon them.

Some past far too soon, but they all knew they where loved as they crossed-over.
Know, that your girl also knew that she was loved and not left in a strange place without your Love in her final hours. She knew and enjoyed your Love.
Thank you. I dont know how you guys who rescue do it. Bless you all. You must see the worst, and have to witness so much of their pain and death.

Had I the resources, I would have loved to rescue dogs. They are the animal I am most familiar with. So many people throw out their older dogs, Id have loved to given them comfortable and loving homes, in their old age. But I bond so quickly to animals, and Im not getting any better with age at handling their deaths.

When I say 'had i the resources', I meant money, but I also meant emotional capacity. I have a hard time with animal deaths, and have since I was a kid. Which is nuts because I cared for my parents through terminal cancer and death. You would think that after that, and the death of two dogs who thankfully lived long lives, that I would have more of a handle on it, and on the guilt that absolutely bludgeons me along with the pain.

I did my best ; Im not god. I know all that. BUt it doesnt translate; not all the way. I think I mentioned before that I suffer from depression, and being out of work has made it worse. Family tragedy on top of that, and then money problems. One thing I have never experienced though, was an animal I love going through mourning for its partner, and this is really tough on me, right now. I'll get through it. I just want to make sure he is as all right as he can be, in this situation. And I feel sorta helpless right now. Im doing the best I can.
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  #13 (permalink)  
Old 11-02-2019, 01:15 PM
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Re: My boy is in mourning and I dont know how to console him

Quote: Originally Posted by Scott View Post
My deepest condolences for the loss of your female Bourke's. Please don't blame yourself for providing a home and lots of love, even if passive.

I don't know the Bourke's personality, but if the male is eating, survival instinct is strong.
Yes thank god for that; he is eating and drinking today, too. They are smaller and have strong wild instincts, and I hope it helps him get over the grief.

One thing Ive never had answered, tho, is why bourke's dont preen each other. I read that in one journal article and it is true from what I saw.
He tried to feed her and all that; I caught them mating a couple times. He cozied up to her at night sometimes. All normal bird stuff. But they never preened one another.
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  #14 (permalink)  
Old 11-02-2019, 01:54 PM
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Re: My boy is in mourning and I dont know how to console him

Quote: Originally Posted by LaManuka View Post
Buurd Iím so very sorry for your loss. Like the others I agree itís best your sweet girl passed in the comfort and familiar surroundings of her home. I know how much you love your little ones and how much her loss must be hurting you but please donít blame yourself (easier said than done I know!)

Iím not sure if this occurrence might make your boy seek out your company a little more since heís pretty much a free range birdie. Our budgie Val is not tame but if he spots the other two sitting with us he will hover over to have a look. Iím sure he would probably land close by too if it wasnít for Lilly Pilly chasing him off!

I hope in time you will be able to welcome a new feathered baby into your heart and home but in the meantime please be kind to yourself, and we are here for you and send you all our warmest wishes and feathered hugs!
Thank you. You guys are the best. If you cant be my neighbors, at least you can in this forum. Bless you all. You really have no idea who neede and healing your words are.

I do believe she knew she was loved. They dont like hands or any of that, but she liked when I got up close and sang to her. She was so expressive with her eyes. They both are, but she was a beauty. I remember singing to her the night before last, and her blinking at me and getting comfortable n her perch. Id been singing a sad song to her all week, because it had so many S sounds in it, they liked it a little more, and could chime in with chirps.

I was happy that I nailed the job on Monday, so I wasnt singing it sadly, but it was a sad song. "(S-s-s-s-s-) Summertime Sadness."

"Kiss me hard before you go
Summertime sadness
I just wanted you to know
That baby, you the best"

At least the lyrics meant something, in retrospect.

The sun just came out strong now and I played the song for him, and he was singing like mad, my sweet baby.
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  #15 (permalink)  
Old 11-02-2019, 02:20 PM
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Re: My boy is in mourning and I dont know how to console him

It is harder to watch your bird greive... Ta-dah just say in one spot hour after hour day after day just stairing into space. I took her to the vet, but it was just greif....all I could do was dit next to her cage and talk to her, play with her food till she would eat. It makes me cry now to think on it, a d to think on you and your bird.
But we got through it, and so will you.
You can't play the what if game....
She was at home, with her mate and in peace, that can be much better than the stress at a vets, and alone.
I hope things in your life start to turn around, I know they will
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  #16 (permalink)  
Old 11-02-2019, 02:39 PM
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Re: My boy is in mourning and I dont know how to console him

Quote: Originally Posted by Terry57 View Post
They were together 10 years. Dean and Sam had shared a cage together, and several months after Sam passed we ended up putting Dean in a large flight with our finches, and he buddied up with a little Society. We ended up adding another male Bourke's, and they are best friends now.
You being near & talking to your boy now is the best thing you can do. I really think that they know we are hurting with them and feel that extra connection. My GCC never even liked me, and after we lost his best friend he steadily grew closer to me. I will always believe that he felt our shared pain and that it brought us closer.

I wish I could take away your guilt, there is no way to know if anything would have changed the outcome. There is nothing worse than not being able to do something because of being short of money, and sadly these things are completely out of our control. Your love for them is obvious, and what a wonderful life you gave her.
10 years, poor Dean. Im so glad he found some happiness and companions again. I always see cockatiels with other smaller bird types in clips, but bourke's just with bourke's. Im glad he has a brother to love.

I think you're right about them being perceptive to human emotions. I dont know what its like with larger parrots from experience, maybe more evolved and obvious? But right away I noticed that they arent mimicking human behavior.

My dog knows how to make her eyes water, in an instant. She mimics humans, and its a trick she learned and uses for humans to feel sorry for her and give her treats, usually. She doesnt get watery eyes when Im sad, though. She reacts in her own dog way and personality, to that. One of my previous dogs used to shove his cold, wet nose into my bare armpit when he saw me sad. That sure knocks you out of sadness immediately, let me tell you,lol And he knew that; he figured that out, and that was his way of stopping it for me.

Birds are known for mimicking human behavior, so I would have expected they'd mirror back my actions or expressions. But no. There's another intelligence at work there, and it seems like a genuine type of understanding, and maybe compassion, even. They communicate so much with their eyes, and I didnt really know that until I lived with these guys and was face to face with them.

Thank you. I know I have to remember that I dont know everything, and I might be wrong about how or why she died. I've been wrong before when I thought things were obvious. With my dogs, I had researched dog health and veterinary medicine so much that I actually diagnosed my dog's bladder cancer before the vet did, and was able to speak to the type of testing and treatment he needed.

And as you know, with birds, you need a license to practice bird medicine. Or year and years of experience to even know whats up. They are so complex, it is near impossible to know everything, or keep them safe from everything. This is my nightmare scenario, what has happened, as a person having birds for the first time.

Last edited by buurd; 11-02-2019 at 02:59 PM.
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  #17 (permalink)  
Old 11-02-2019, 02:57 PM
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Re: My boy is in mourning and I dont know how to console him

Quote: Originally Posted by Laurasea View Post
It is harder to watch your bird greive... Ta-dah just say in one spot hour after hour day after day just stairing into space. I took her to the vet, but it was just greif....all I could do was dit next to her cage and talk to her, play with her food till she would eat. It makes me cry now to think on it, a d to think on you and your bird.
But we got through it, and so will you.
You can't play the what if game....
She was at home, with her mate and in peace, that can be much better than the stress at a vets, and alone.
I hope things in your life start to turn around, I know they will
Oh no, Laurasea, I m sorry it made you cry! :hug:
Truth is, I had to stay out of the Bereavement section before all of this, even when I hadnt experienced this before; I just couldn't read about birds dying. I glanced there to pick up some possible warnings of things that might happen on accident or whatever, to try and avoid them, but reading about the deaths left me a mess, so I tried to stay out of that area.

I was worried about him last night because he parked up and laid on the top of the curtain, where she had been, and he just laid there and didnt hardly move or make a peep. I left enough light on, but he didnt go back to the cage til morning. He's moved around and ate a little today, and is back u p there looking down at birds in the tree outside. He called to a few, so he doesnt have it as badly as Ta-dah did, I cannot imagine going through witnessing that, Im sorry you had to. Love is stronger than pain. Thank god. What is going through their minds, when they are like that? Deep grief, but what else? Memories of the mate? Is it just raw emotion so strong its crippling? What can cause that in a bird? They are a mystery.
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Old 11-03-2019, 01:36 AM
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Re: My boy is in mourning and I dont know how to console him

Sorry to read of Girls passing, I know how you feel. Iwould just lavish the love on your male burd, getting a second parrot to companion him could backfire and they might hate each other, or be a one sided love affair, or they could pair up just fine - you can nevere tell which will happen.

I madea donation to Cornell University Vet college in your parrots name, BuurdsBird ( becasue you never told us his name), with the instruction that it be used exclusively for parrot related studies and programs, because everyones parrot deserves to be remembered forever.

Heres hoping your boy weathers this time of grief and remains your feather baby
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  #19 (permalink)  
Old 11-03-2019, 03:50 PM
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Re: My boy is in mourning and I dont know how to console him

Quote: Originally Posted by wrench13 View Post
Sorry to read of Girls passing, I know how you feel. Iwould just lavish the love on your male burd, getting a second parrot to companion him could backfire and they might hate each other, or be a one sided love affair, or they could pair up just fine - you can nevere tell which will happen.

I madea donation to Cornell University Vet college in your parrots name, BuurdsBird ( becasue you never told us his name), with the instruction that it be used exclusively for parrot related studies and programs, because everyones parrot deserves to be remembered forever.

Heres hoping your boy weathers this time of grief and remains your feather baby
Thank you, wrench13. That is beautiful of you, to do that in her memory. Her name is Bereet. I would say it to her like a bird sound (ba-REET).

I am loving on him, for sure. He is continuing to eat and drink, and sleep, too, thank god.
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Old 11-03-2019, 05:45 PM
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Re: My boy is in mourning and I dont know how to console him

Iím so very sorry for the loss of your sweet girl. And that you & your boy are suffering. Like many have already said, please don't blame yourself.
You loved her so much and gave a her a wonderful, safe home.
I hope your boy doesn't grieve for too long. It's just heartbreaking, I'm so sorry!
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