Adopting my moms macaw and have a question about jealousy

[Valyndris]

My moms blue and gold macaw, named Jacob, is 15 years old, my mom can no longer take care of him so I will be adopting him this weekend. So to start at the beginning, I have lived with Jacob for 11 years of my life while I still lived at home with my parents. Jacob has chosen me as his "mate" and loves me very much, I am his favorite person in the whole world. 4 years ago I moved out and started living with my boyfriend. Jacob took this very personally as in his eyes my boyfriend stole me away from him. Jacob absolutely hated my boyfriend and wanted to kill him for taking me away from him.

Over the past 4 years me and my boyfriend visited my mom very often and of course Jacob too. At first he really wanted to murder my boyfriend but over the course of 4 years he has slowly come to hate him less and less and my boyfriend was nothing but nice to him and always played with him (from a distance). Now he can play "got your beak" with him and actually touch his beak, but Jacob still tries to bite him any chance he gets.

Now Jacob will be moving in with me and my boyfriend, I am hoping since he will see both me and him every day instead of once every week or two that his jealousy will settle down a little bit. So my question was, how can I get him to be less jealous and accept my boyfriend as part of the flock? I know these things take time but it has been 4 years. I'd love some advice on how to transition him into his new family and accept my boyfriend as not an adversary but as a friend and family member.

I know transitioning to a new home, even though it's with his favorite person will be hard on him as he will no longer see "mommy and "daddy" (my parents) as often and will take getting used to a new home. I'd like for this transition to go as smooth as possible and would love any advice or suggestions. I love that macaw with all my heart and just want to see him do well. I know how to feed and take care of him just fine from seeing my mother do it over the years but overcoming this jealousy thing has been a challenge.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and answer my questions,
-new member to the forums, Mel

 

[ChristaNL]

Hi Mel,


from what I have read your boyfriend will remain the 'competition', but there is always bite pressuretraining, clickertraining to get his mindset to working/playing and not fighting.


My first grey loved me, accepted the rest of the family, did not appreciate my dad (who had Parkinsons so probably moved a bit scary for a bird) and bit him deeply for as long as he lived with us.
(We had him for about 2 decades, he was a hand-me-down-bird and lived at least to 43- 46 afaik /probably longer.)

 

[wrench13]

Love B&G's ! Remember that the way to a parrots heart is thru the stomach. Your b/f should be the ONLY person to offer the parrot his favorite treat, anytime he passes the cage or playstand.

 

[Valyndris]

I'll be adopting him tomorrow, I am anxious and excited to take over his care. I'll just have to wait and see how he does with us once he settles in. I figure he will get better with my boyfriend as he will be living with us and gets to see us daily. I will definitely be having my boyfriend give him treats all the time. I'm hoping my boyfriend will eventually be able to "shake a paw" with Jacob rather than getting beak.

 

[Valyndris]

Since I am new here I have yet to post some pictures of Jacob. Here are a few pictures, they aren't very recent but once I have Jacob living at my place I will be taking a lot more pictures.

Here is Jacob asking to shake a paw.

Here is Jacob blushing all pink. Pink = dangerous, unpredictable and more likely to bite just out of excitement. I always get a little nervous when he turns pink.

Here is a cute picture I found when he was younger, he is scratching his head and is just so adorable

First time uploading pictures so hopefully I did it right.

 

[Squeekmouse]

Oh my goodness he is SO CUTE!!!! Irresistible!!

I had some similar challenges with our CAG Trigger, here's the thread from when I got a lot of great suggestions:
http://www.parrotforums.com/congo-timneh-greys/78678-need-some-advice-about-trigger.html

Nutshell:
Have your BF offer lots of treats and be the one to feed him.
Move slowly (literally and figuratively), let Jacob set the pace.

Over the course of many days/weeks/months:
While you are holding and cuddling Jacob, move closer and closer to your BF.
Try to get to the point where your BF can add his hands to yours as you scritch/pet Jacob.
Eventually transition to your BF doing the scritching as you hold Jacob.
Final step is transitioning Jacob to BF's hands completely.
Tell Jacob what a good boy he is when he is tolerant of the BF's attentions, YOU need to let Jacob know he makes you happy when he is friendly to the BF.

If/when Jacob bites your BF, don't reward Jacob by taking him away from the BF. That will teach him to bite the BF so he can go back to being with you alone. An attack on the BF should be treated as an attack on you.

Helpful threads:
http://www.parrotforums.com/training/63988-bite-pressure-training.html
http://www.parrotforums.com/general-parrot-information/49144-tips-bonding-building-trust.html
http://www.parrotforums.com/general-parrot-information/3100-bond-forming.html
http://www.parrotforums.com/behavioral/76386-birdtricks-don-t-bite-hand-feeds-you.html

 

[Valyndris]

Oh my goodness he is SO CUTE!!!! Irresistible!!

I had some similar challenges with our CAG Trigger, here's the thread from when I got a lot of great suggestions:
http://www.parrotforums.com/congo-timneh-greys/78678-need-some-advice-about-trigger.html

Nutshell:
Have your BF offer lots of treats and be the one to feed him.
Move slowly (literally and figuratively), let Jacob set the pace.

Over the course of many days/weeks/months:
While you are holding and cuddling Jacob, move closer and closer to your BF.
Try to get to the point where your BF can add his hands to yours as you scritch/pet Jacob.
Eventually transition to your BF doing the scritching as you hold Jacob.
Final step is transitioning Jacob to BF's hands completely.
Tell Jacob what a good boy he is when he is tolerant of the BF's attentions, YOU need to let Jacob know he makes you happy when he is friendly to the BF.

If/when Jacob bites your BF, don't reward Jacob by taking him away from the BF. That will teach him to bite the BF so he can go back to being with you alone. An attack on the BF should be treated as an attack on you.

Helpful threads:
http://www.parrotforums.com/training/63988-bite-pressure-training.html
http://www.parrotforums.com/general-parrot-information/49144-tips-bonding-building-trust.html
http://www.parrotforums.com/general-parrot-information/3100-bond-forming.html
http://www.parrotforums.com/behavioral/76386-birdtricks-don-t-bite-hand-feeds-you.html

Thank you for the great advice, getting my BF to slowly get closer might be a challenge though as Jacob is not normally a petable bird to begin with, he only lets me do it and for short periods before he bites. Not even my mom is able to pet him and it's her bird. My BF has been getting closer by playing got your beak but as soon as my BF touches me the bird goes to chomp him right away. I will start with having him sit closer and closer for a start and go from there.

Thank you especially for the advice of not taking him away if he bites my BF, I sure would of got that wrong had you not told me how to do it properly. I will definitely be checking out those links today too.

 

[noodles123]

Also-- everyone should only ever pet Jacob on the head...and no cuddles or shadowy places (including under furniture or in clothes). You don't want to create a hormonal monster (and this can happen year-round).
Remember--- this is going to be a very sensitive/rough patch for the bird because it is a huge transition---even if the bird seems okay at first, a new home and the absence of your mother will be sources of stress.
Don't totally neglect your bond, but DO try to allow your boyfriend to do all of the positive stuff...Treats=boyfriend etc. You should allow them to bond a bit and step out of the room occasionally so that this can happen. As long as you are around, he will associate the good with you and not your boyfriend.
If the bird is rude to your boyfriend, at the very most, silently (and without eye-contact) take him to a time-out cage and walk away (BUT ONLY IF YOU WERE ALREADY NEARBY)- ideally, you should not be running to the rescue...that shows the bird that it has your attention etc.
Don't push physical contact initially---just let him get used to things at his new home and try to associate yourselves with treats etc...but....NO CUDDLES....even if he allows it.

 

[Valyndris]

Also-- everyone should only ever pet Jacob on the head...and no cuddles or shadowy places (including under furniture or in clothes). You don't want to create a hormonal monster (and this can happen year-round).
Remember--- this is going to be a very sensitive/rough patch for the bird because it is a huge transition---even if the bird seems okay at first, a new home and the absence of your mother will be sources of stress.
Don't totally neglect your bond, but DO try to allow your boyfriend to do all of the positive stuff...Treats=boyfriend etc. You should allow them to bond a bit and step out of the room occasionally so that this can happen. As long as you are around, he will associate the good with you and not your boyfriend.
If the bird is rude to your boyfriend, at the very most, silently (and without eye-contact) take him to a time-out cage and walk away (BUT ONLY IF YOU WERE ALREADY NEARBY)- ideally, you should not be running to the rescue...that shows the bird that it has your attention etc.
Don't push physical contact initially---just let him get used to things at his new home and try to associate yourselves with treats etc...but....NO CUDDLES....even if he allows it.

Thank you for the great advice, I already know about the no-no spots to pet the bird, I only pet him on the head. My boyfriend will definitely be the "treat guy" when he's not at work.

I talked to my mother today and because she just loves that bird so so much she said she will probably want to take him on mondays and tuesdays as she will miss him too much, the transition for her will probably be harder on her than on the bird, her whole life is about him and no longer having him around will be very hard for her.

The first few months will be hard on everyone and my priority will be to get Jacob comfortable and happy in his new home, then once he's settled in I will try to slowly get him to not hate my boyfriend.

This forum and the community here are awesome, I've already gotten so much good advice. I'd like to thank everyone who has already helped me learn more about Jacob and how to properly care for him. I am very glad I became part of this community and will love to share more about my experiences and I will definitely give updates about Jacob.

 

[Valyndris]

So I got Jacob for the first time today, he is doing very well as he is with his favorite person (me). He was happy all day, my BF played with him a lot and he had lots of fun. My mom doesn't want to part with him so she said she will have him 3/4 of the time and we will share him. I will take him for some weeks when my mother is too sick and when she feels better she will take him home with her. I hope having 2 homes isn't going to stress him out too much but so far he is doing great. He started off screaming any time I left the room and by the end of the day he only lets out a few screams then settles down quickly when I leave the room. I am so glad he is transitioning well.