Only this week I have messaged Auggie's Dad (an administrator of this site) about this very subject as I read a comment of his about PTFE. Every article I have read has given very little or no balanced, measured opinions on this. It seemed to me that I was a bad parront if I kept so much as a non stick frying pan at the back of the cupboard!
The information that AD took the time to give me on this subject was literally life saving. To say I value it would be an understatment. I'm sure he won't mind me posting his wonderful reply to me.
This is something that is hard to get reliable information on, and I can't claim to be an authority. But I am a research scientist accustomed to reading primary scientific literature, and when faced with the contradictions and confusion surrounding PTFE I perused what I could find in scientific literature to find a better answer.
Unfortunately, and fortunately, no one does experiments to see how hot a pan has to get before it kills a bird. However there are numerous material studies on what the PTFE chemical does under different temperatures.
As I most likely said in the thread you read, PTFE does not produce dangerous fumes until the pan is hotter than the flash point of most cooking oils. So, if there's oil in the pan, and it isn't spattering flaming blobs of fire over your entire kitchen, then it should not be giving off harmful fumes [from the PTFE].
The real danger is from heating a dry pan (either 'pre-heating' the pan, or turning on a George Foreman style grill). In these situations the pan DOES get hot enough to release fumes; and the warnings about these fumes are not overstated: they are deadly for birds.
The other danger is from what might be called "irresponsible cooking practices", but in reality the most responsible person can make a mistake - and it only takes one mistake to loose your best friend. These "mistakes" would be setting out a pot of water to boil (perhaps to cook pasta) and then getting caught up with something else and forgetting about the pot - the pot would boil dry, and then quickly overheat.
Used carefully, properly, and mistake free teflon can be safe. The first two are easy enough to manage, the third one can never be guaranteed.
Based on what I've learned I quickly got rid of my George Foreman style grill and a waffle iron that were PTFE coated. I do still have a teflon frying pan, but I've started using cast iron more.
In summary, PTFE fumes ARE deadly, but they are also rare. Is it a chance worth taking? New cookware is a great value if you think of it as accident insurance for if you ever are absent minded one day while cooking you wont loose your fids.
To your more direct questions: yes, more space between the kitchen and the birds is good, particularly if there open windows - but also note that if your home has a central ventilation unit any toxic fumes generated in the kitchen could go everywhere quickly. Unfortunately I know of no way to know how much distance is 'enough'.
Is it hard to get other types of cookware there? There have to be some places that do mail-order / internet sales. I've found that cast iron cookware is great: completely safe, sturdy, and it makes great food. It takes a little care in cleaning properly but it adds a little to the cooking experience.
Is it safe to use PTFE from a distance? Is it safe to run outside in a lightening storm with a big metal pole? 99.9% of the time you'd be fine - but if that other 0.1% happens you'll really regret it.

Auggie's Dad
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