Dealing with the loss of my life-long best friend

bonitabird59

New member
Apr 12, 2022
3
1
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Bonita, Red-crowned Amazon (F 70y/o), Tina, Blue and Yellow Budgie (F 2y/o), Siouxsie, Black and Grey Budgie(F 2y/o) and Betty, all white Budgie (M, 5months), Cookie, Brown and White society finch
Hello! I am new to using this forum, however for the past 10 or so years I've used this site as a resource for parrot information. Incredibly helpful! I'd like to add a trigger warning for this post as I am going to be talking about my parrot who passed away.

When I was a young girl, my grandmother got sick and gave me her red-lored amazon parrot named Bonita. She was known as the old crabby bird who bit just about everyone, and hated everyone except for my grandma. She bit several family members and friends, would scream bloody murder if she wanted you out of her sight, and would go as far as pelting you with carrots and sunflower seeds. I decided to take her on because I loved all animals. Little did I know the impact of this (then 55 y/o) parrot. She became my world.

We spent every day together. She moved out with me to college. I spent all the time and money I could muster on her. She was my goodmorning and my goodnight. We snuggled constantly and everyone said I turned her into a new bird. She was literally my best friend. I even got a job at a chain pet store and educated people about budgies. I love Bonita to death. Around my 20th birthday, Bonita slowly stopped eating and would vomit up food. Alarmed, I rushed her to the vet. They gave me anti emetics and told me not to worry about it because she was behaving in her normal, evil ways. But she kept getting worse. The vets kept telling me everything was fine, but it wasn't. I knew it wasn't. I converted her onto roudy bush because she was on a seed diet. I never liked that she was on seed but y'all know how hard it is to diet change a bird set in their ways. (refused everything but sunflower seeds, unless it was fresh veggies; she always had those her whole life, about 50% of her diet)

On the second of this month, exactly one month from her first vet visit, Bonita passed away in my arms. She had organ failure from just being old. I knew my time with her was going to be limited, she was incredibly old when I got her- but I just didn't expect it to hurt so bad.

When she finally passed, I was bawling my eyes out. I screamed so loud I blacked out and woke up just to do it all over again. It's been about a week and I just can't stop crying. I miss her so much. She was my world and now she's gone. Everyone around me tells me they know how I feel because they lost dogs or cats before, but I feel like Bonita was so much different. She was so.. human like? She had a fully established personality and acted in her own unique way. All parrots do.

I guess what I'm getting at here is.. when does it get easier? I can't stop crying. I can't even bring myself to look at her cage. Everything she once owned is still here, and I can't even look at it without tearing up and having a hard time breathing. I just miss her so much and I want to know when this is going to get easier, or if it'll ever get easier? How did you guys cope with loss? I have no idea what to do or who to go to because nobody I know is as into parrots as I am.

I attached the only picture I have of her on my camera roll on my computer, but I swear my phone is filled up with her. Looking at pictures of her help, but I almost feel like I'm wallowing in losing her..
 

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Icca

Active member
Feb 1, 2022
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175
I have so much sympathy for you I went through it year and a half ago. I had I total melt down had to change his whole room I could stand to be in there. Its so different and painful. It took me more than a year. Everyone is different but alot of people here can relate.
So sorry for your loss. Sounds like a very special relationship. Hang in there but cry it out if you need to
 

Cottonoid

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Feb 20, 2022
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I am so so sorry and I want to thank you for sharing her with us.

Losing a partner, which Bonita has been to you, is hard and terrible and awful and HARD! And grief can be just as awful and consuming.

Everyone moves through it differently and there's no right way to grieve. I've heard it described as moving through circles, that eventually get smaller, and you might find you come back to this point and move forward again, and that's ok.

This is so new for you I don't really have concrete suggestions yet other than please have some grace for yourself and what you're going through. Sending a lot of love ❀️❀️❀️
 

LaManuka

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Welcome to the forums, bonitabird59, but I am very sorry for the awfully sad circumstances that led you to join us.

I too joined up following a devastating loss, for me it was a little GCC called Baci who had been my whole world until I lost him to sudden illness in 2018. I had lost birds before but he was a "heart bird" for me, one of those little birds we just have that connection with from the very first moment we laid eyes on each other, and a constant companion and comfort through some very difficult times too. His loss was unexpected and i did not cope with it well, to the point where I reached out to my doctor for a little medicinal help to get through the worst of it. Even so I think I cried every day for about a year before things even started to get better - even now three and a half years on I still think of him and miss him every single day, my sweet long lost baby boy.

Fast forward to January of this year and I lost my little purple crowned lorikeet, my Princess, my Lilly Pilly, to a combination of reproductive and kidney issues. If anything this has been even worse, she was my little "heart and soul" bird, and due to her VERY intense (typical lorikeet!) personality and my constant worry over her various health issues I think her loss has been even harder to bear. But one thing I can tell you is that being part of this community who understands these things, how much we love these little feathered miracles, and how very deeply it hurts to lose them, has help me more than that bit of medicinal help that I got after losing Baci ever did.

You are among like-minded friends in this community, bonitabird, and I know that you will find comfort here too just like I did. We hear you and understand your grief and will support you through this and in your healing too. I am truly sorry for your loss, but your precious Bonita lived a very fortunate life to have been loved by you.

Godspeed to the Rainbow Bridge, sweet Bonita, until we all meet again πŸ™
 
May 2, 2021
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Stormy(M): blue Australian budgie
Picasso(F): green Australian budgie
Pepper(M): violet recessive pied Australian budgie
Apollo(F): sky blue dominant pied Australian budgie
Welcome, but I'm so sorry you joined under such tragic circumstances. Rest assured that we will support you through this difficult time ❀️
 

Laurasea

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Aug 2, 2018
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Full house
I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm so happy you had many years together. Beautiful birdie.

The wonderful members above are eloquent in their condolences..I wish I was better at expressing my sympathy.

It's so much better to let the grief out. I held it with one of mine ...

We do understand and honor the special bond with parrots.

Big hugs
 

zERo

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Dec 9, 2021
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Tony-Green QP(M)
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Hedwig- Green budgie(F)
Striga- Blue Clearwing budgie(M)
Grim- Mauve budgie(F)
I'm so very sorry for your loss!
I know it's hard, I've lost one of my birds, it was so sudden I don't feel like I've grieved properly even though her passing anniversary is only a month away.
Losing a family member is always awful not matter how prepared you try to be.
I hope you feel better in time and maybe one day you'll be able to open your arms to a new feathered friend to bless and love.
 

Henderbird

Well-known member
Apr 7, 2022
212
381
Canada
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Munchkin the Sun Conure!
I am so so so sorry for the loss of your beloved Bonita!
I know it's not easy at all. You're grieving and you have to let yourself go through the whole grieving process, even if some parts of it are harder than others.
I really do sympathize for you. I truly do. And reading your post has absolutely broke me and I hope you're doing okay as you read through these sweet replies.
Does it get easier? Yes. Absolutely. When? You will know. You will feel it.
You will feel okay in the end even if that moment is far far away from now, because you're just processing a loss. And I feel you, it's hard.
But we got you! I'm sure Bonita was truly loved under your care and I'm so grateful that she was cared for with deep sympathy and passion.
You will one day be left with precious memories rather than painful reminders of her presence with you. Those photos and her belongings will seem so painful to see right now but one day just one day you'll remember her without that feeling of pain in you. You'll end up remembering the love you've shared with her, the joys, the laughs, and the happiness she gave you in return.
Just let some time pass and I promise you, life gets better and you will feel much better at the end.
I believe there's always a light at the end of the tunnel even if you feel like you're at your lowest.
 

Scott

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Aug 21, 2010
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Goffins: Gabby, Abby, Squeaky, Peanut, Popcorn / Citron: Alice / Eclectus: Angel /Timneh Grey: ET / Blue Fronted Amazon: Gonzo /

RIP Gandalf and Big Bird, you are missed.
My deepest condolences for the passing of Bonita. May sharing her story and phenomenal transformation with your love prove cathartic. Please know grief lacks timeline and arc to completion, various triggering events will frequently tug your heart. Keeping Bonita's memory alive by sharing with empathetic audience helpful as you process a painful loss. Over time her bright memories may overshadow painful dread and sadness. Many of us have endured similar, we're always here for empathy and discussion.
 

PippTheBananaBirb

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Jan 7, 2022
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show budgies:
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Pippen(?)Lutino
I am so sorry for the loss of your life-long friend. It really hurts when you lose a pet or any loved one. We'll all be here to comfort you through this difficult time.

Rest in peace, Bonita.
 

wrench13

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I too suffered the loss of a loved parrot, my little Maxie. Its been almost 7 years, and if I think hard on his life and home with us, it still hurts. BUT, most of the time, I remember all the great times we had together, how cute he was, how he would sing and whistle for me, begging scratches. It does get easier to live with. What helped me a lot was devoting my life to a new parrot, Salty, who is totally different then Max was. I waited 6 months after Max passed to even consider getting a new parrot, and Salty kinda stepped out for me.
 
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bonitabird59

New member
Apr 12, 2022
3
1
Parrots
Bonita, Red-crowned Amazon (F 70y/o), Tina, Blue and Yellow Budgie (F 2y/o), Siouxsie, Black and Grey Budgie(F 2y/o) and Betty, all white Budgie (M, 5months), Cookie, Brown and White society finch
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Thank you all so much for the support. I've read every reply and I feel a lot better knowing that other people know how I feel. The last thing I said to Bonita before she passed on was "I'll be okay if you have to go", she took one big breath in and that was it. I told her she has to send me some feathered friend soon, and I have confidence that I will. In the mean time, I'll let the grieving cycle take it's course, and in time I'm sure I'll be okay.
 

LaManuka

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Fang (11yo (ab)normal grey cockatiel), Valentino (budgie, gotcha date 14 Feb 2019 at approx 6mo), Jem (cinnamon cockatiel, little miracle bird)
....and in time I'm sure I'll be okay.
I think you will be too, bonitabird. Three months on from losing my Lilly I still cry over her every day, and some days are still very hard being without her. But there are better days in between and better days ahead too, and I pray that there will be for you as well. You sound like an absolutely wonderful parront and I also agree that in time your beautiful Bonita will have a hand (or claw) in sending another little feathered angel your way, and I look forward to making his or her acquaintance when that happens. Whoever he or she turns out to be, they will be one lucky little birdie indeed to be loved and cared for by someone like you ❀️
 

Cottonoid

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My soulmate dog passed this winter at almost 21 years and I do believe he led me right to my beloved little Cotton parrot.

It's such a gift, to know such love and to be seen by these souls, isn't it?

Hugs and love to you today ❀️
 

HeatherG

Well-known member
Apr 25, 2020
1,412
2,101
I am so sorry.

My Lucy passed from old age almost two years ago. I found her in the morning. I was shocked to find her because I loved her so much I thought my heart would stop when she died. I managed not to scream but it was very very hard and I still miss her every day.

Now I can look back and realize that she was uncomfortable the last two years of her life and she is not in pain any more. I would not want my grandmother to be living in pain and so I would not want Lucy to be in pain either.

I feel very lucky that I had 22 years with her and she was my best friend. I was blessed to have such a wonderful bird in my life. I love the blue Quaker I’ve since adopted, Willow, but he is not Lucy.

You were fortunate to have Bonita in your life and she was lucky to have you. I’m sure you’ll always remember her.
 

tacocaTEclectus

Supporting Member
Mar 22, 2022
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tacocaT the Eclectus hatched 9/16/22
I am so sorry about your sweet girl but what an amazing adventure she had with you! My budgie died over two years ago and I still cry for him. I got a new parrot shortly after the second anniversary of his death. It took that long for me to feel like I was in the right place to get another bird. There is no timeline for grieving. It’s different for each person and each scenario. It hurts so much but it will get better. Just take care of yourself and do what you need to do. Look at pictures, share stories, cover her cage if you need to, donate new toys or food to a bird rescue in her name, plant a tree, do something to memorialize her. I can link some really cool memorial options if you’d like, just let me know.
 

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