Squirt she sounds awesome. I had a counsellor once when I was a teenager, a lot of my problems were caused by my Mother, and so what did the Counsellor do? Tell my Mother every thing I said. -_- I was not pleased and have not seen any sort of psychologist etc. since.
I dislike sunlight, however I have been out in it a fair bit recently due to birds, kids, a nice lawn and sunny weather. It hasn't really helped at all. I'm trying to do more exercise but I don't want to overdo it.. Just walking one round through the house makes me feel exhausted and breathless and faint. I've been feeling like this for a few weeks.. in fact I feel exhausted just putting washing on or doing the dishes.
I refuse to take meds, because to me, that's not dealing with the issues/my issues. I think it's mostly to do with the stuff my parents put me through, their (mostly mental) abuse started when I was 8, them bragging to visitors about my creative artwork and talent, then when the people are gone it's back to calling me stupid, an idiot, worthless, a burden etc. The main thing I think was confusion. Especially when my father smacked me at about 11 years old with a plastic spoon for taking an extra cookie, which snapped, so he continued smacking with a metal spoon and my thighs then bled, were bruised and swollen. And then him and my Mother saying "We only do this because we love you." All that sort of stuff, it's just frustrating because now whenever my husband says anything like what my parents used to say even if it isn't bad, I instantly get a little hostile towards him.. I'm very rebellious *embarrassed face* Not always in a good way..
I would call Lifeline but my husband studies at home so there's never really enough time to say anything to them before he walks out.
In fact it was my husband who is causing me some worry (i don't want to blame him though, because he didn't mean for me to take it this way) because he was the one who said he does NOT want me talking to psychologists etc and he told me all the kids taking away etc. Because that's what happened to him, he got put in Hospital against his Mothers will and no one was allowed to see him for weeks. I don't mean to poke my husband but he has caused me half of my current concerns. He wants US to talk and deal with stuff, but then when I do start to talk about stuff of course it's kind of like complaining, and he doesn't want to hear complaints. -_- Eh..
Mm.. I try not to worry, but it just doesn't seem to be working. Mmm. Well I suppose this nausea isn't helping.. it's very difficult to eat and drink at the moment. I've had MANY dark spots through out the years.. this one is just much worse.
My husband does help in some ways, but then also in other ways him trying to help makes it worse.
Copperarabian.. I really don't know. O.O But I do know I honestly whole-heartedly believe I am stupid and worthless. Part of me thinks/knows it's not true.. but deep down I believe it.. That's one of my biggest things I have to struggle with. Awww! I wish I had friends round here. All my good friends are in different states (VIC and QLD).
Feeding kids, me, birds, cleaning (if i have the energy) kids again, cleaning again, a rest which is really not enough and then other work doesn't get done because I'm resting, I would do art but i have no table and i'm really sick of sitting on the couch hunching my back over to draw on my tablet.
My old pet bird Muta was my stress reliever.. whenever I was feeling depressed he would come to me and give me cuddles and just sit with me all day. (and he was extremely hyper and NOT a cuddle-liking bird).
I've struggled much harder with depression since he died last year.
Eh.. I could speak for 2 hours straight and I still wouldn't have covered even a 10th of my troubles.
I think it's also hard because I don't have anyone I trust enough to talk to.. I mean I could talk to my husband but I really feel like I can't at the moment.
....That's a lot of text. O.O
