Feeling Guilty About Family Parrot


New member
Aug 30, 2022
My dad got a (1) lovebird last year for himself, and it is obsessed with me. It's generally very affectionate with most members of the family, but I did bond with it at the beginning and it definitely has shown a preference for me when I am around. Originally I was not living with my dad, but I moved in with him due to circumstances.

The thing is, I've had some health issues recently and it's made it very difficult to be around the bird (and people in general) as I am super sensitive to light and noise and can't walk well. I am holed up in my room a lot and when I come down for meals/to get things, I want to be left alone - but birdy immediately flies to me and wants to share my food, chat... is all over me. And I can sometimes handle it for short bursts, but I am getting increasingly frustrated by the unwelcome attention and feeling guilty because I know it's not the bird's fault.

I feel guilty because I'm sure birdy thinks I'm rejecting it, because it's been increasingly left in the cage alone (not because of me, because my dad has gotten really busy) and because my dad expects me to take care of birdy while he goes away on an extended holiday (a whole other story) and I know that my many tense conversations with my dad about the topic have likely made me resent birdy a little. I also feel guilty because I'm going to move in the next few months to a more accessible place, and then birdy will likely be left alone in the cage more.

I have voiced my opinion that my dad needs to train the bird, get the bird a mate, get a proper vet, look into bird daycare or connecting with other people about babysitting/socializing with the bird, but he seems to think that because the bird likes me so much, that I should be the one to take care of it. I just feel really guilty that birdy is in the cage so much, and while I know I can do something about it by socializing with the bird more, doing so physically hurts (noise) or can be nerve wracking as birdy likes to attack whatever glasses I am wearing and likes to get VERY close to my eyeballs.

Any help or advice you can give me would be great!
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Staff member
Super Moderator
Jun 25, 2019
Seattle WA
Kirby - OWA, 33yrs old (2019-)
Sammy - YNA, 45 yrs old (2022-)
RIP Cricket - Cockatiel (2019-2022)
Iโ€™m so sorry to hear youโ€™re having health issues (also, welcome to the forums!). My Amazon Kirby was actually a rehome because, among other things, one of his previous owners had PTSD and couldnโ€™t handle the noise level. Itโ€™s perfectly valid for you to be clear about your boundaries and what you cannot handle; especially if this is your fatherโ€™s bird.

Birds do tend to choose who they like the best, and unfortunately it seems this bird has chosen you! It also sounds like youโ€™ve tried to tell your father that itโ€™s his bird & his responsibility and you canโ€™t help out? Iโ€™m sorry he isnโ€™t hearing you.

I will say that while a vet is a great idea, bird daycare doesnโ€™t really exist, unless you mean specifically for him to board your lovebird while heโ€™s out of town! Also, unfortunately getting a second lovebird likely wonโ€™t solve any problems. Itโ€™s entirely possible the two birds wonโ€™t get along, or the new bird might get the existing bird sick, etc. In reality getting a second bird often just means doing twice as much work.

Does he still want the bird? It almost sounds like, if he is putting the onus of care entirely on you, that he thinks of it as YOUR bird. Perhaps who is the responsible party needs to be made more clear?

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