How do I spend enough time with my birds? Plus a maybe-not-so-small vent.

[𝕾𝖙𝖔𝖗𝖒𝖞𝕻𝖎𝖈𝖆]

Not sure if this is the right place to post this, it's both a vent and a parrot question (TL;DR, there are my questions in bold at the end of the post)

So I've been quite sick and burnt out lately, and it feels like everything is just going downhill. I'm going to a neurologist for both ADHD and Tourette's Syndrome, and I'm honestly dreading it. My father doesn't believe in ADHD and doesn't want a 'disabled' child. In fact, I have gotten 'diagnosed' with ADHD, but my dad refused to put it in my record, or have any official diagnosis. All because he doesn't want to look bad.

This has made so many things a struggle, including spending enough time with my birds. I'm so burnt out from school (not because it's actually hard, but because I have ADHD and no clue how to cope or manage anything), and them I get home and the birds want to play. I just want to curl up in a little ball and sleep forever, not run around and do recall.

Don't worry, I would never give my birds up, and I do spend a LOT of time playing with them, cuddling some of them, and doing various recall tricks. Despite all that, I still feel like I should be doing that hardcore trick training bird experts advocate, and I feel really guilty when I can't. They seem perfectly happy, but I still kind of miss those times when Stormy could do every trick in the book, including some I made up just for him. But hey, he's a smart bird, and still remembers most of his tricks a year later, with little to no practice.

Now, for the good news. I am going to hopefully get an official ADHD diagnosis! I'm also learning to manage my crazy, pet filled life, and still have time for the things I love.

Ok, so 2 questions for you guys. One kinda goofy, one more serious:

1. Do you guys sometimes forget I'm 13??? I get that a lot, but I'm wondering how you envision me, I guess. Do you imagine a 13 year old sitting behind the computer, or someone much older? I just think it would be interesting to know your thoughts!

2. What are some easy tricks I can teach my birds that don't require a lot of effort, but look/are cool? I would like to start easy, then build up.

 

[Henderbird]

Hello there!
I really feel for you I really do!
I know it’s a tough situation to be in and we all greatly want our parents support and the people around us but sometimes that doesn’t happen, so we feel saddened and at a dead end.
And I understand when you say that it’s tough dealing with this sort of stress that is ADHD AND also having the big (and hard) responsibility that is parrot ownership. I know it’s hard but things start to look up eventually and that applies to you as well!
Just keep pushing through and getting the help you need if needed at any point. It’s nice to open up about these things and get some stuff off your chest! Including on this forum since were always here to help!
Now for your questions.
For the first one, I don’t know anybody really well yet haha! Only have been here for a day!
For your second one, I personally like basic tricks like “wave” and “play dead” I think those are really cool! Or even the simple “lay on your back” thing!

 

[𝕾𝖙𝖔𝖗𝖒𝖞𝕻𝖎𝖈𝖆]

Hello there!
I really feel for you I really do!
I know it’s a tough situation to be in and we all greatly want our parents support and the people around us but sometimes that doesn’t happen, so we feel saddened and at a dead end.
And I understand when you say that it’s tough dealing with this sort of stress that is ADHD AND also having the big (and hard) responsibility that is parrot ownership. I know it’s hard but things start to look up eventually and that applies to you as well!
Just keep pushing through and getting the help you need if needed at any point. It’s nice to open up about these things and get some stuff off your chest! Including on this forum since were always here to help!
Now for your questions.
For the first one, I don’t know anybody really well yet haha! Only have been here for a day!
For your second one, I personally like basic tricks like “wave” and “play dead” I think those are really cool! Or even the simple “lay on your back” thing!

It's kind of funny actually, but 'wave' and 'play dead' are the two tricks my budgies cannot seem to understand. I taught Stormy to wave a while back, but he's a bit lazy and has ended up just booping my hard gently with one foot! Oh well, we can't have everything in life now, can we?

 

[ravvlet]

As an ADHD 35 year old, it gets easier! School is really tough! My 10 year old is suspected to be ADHD also and she really struggled until this year, because we managed to find a local therapist who works with kids with executive function disorders. Made her first A on a math test in 2022!

Go easy on yourself. I am absolutely certain that your budgies can have a perfectly happy and fufilled life just flying around your room and socializing with you. Some people with ADHD have issues with something called “rejection sensitive dysphoria”. It can make you really hard on yourself because you may find yourself constantly worried you are not meeting expectations. I have met a couple of local bird experts in person, and while they certainly do “hardcore trick training” with their own flock, they have never looked down on anyone who could not always provide that for their own parrots. In fact, they were more than happy to just see people interested in learning how to better care for their animals.

You’ve got so much going on right now, and you should feel safe and ok to just take a day off sometimes and sleep or read a book or whatever it is you like to do when you are not being a very excellent caregiver for your flock!

If you still feel like, for your own sake, you’d rest better if you had a training routine, perhaps set aside a set amount of time daily to work one on one with one of your birds, and don’t do it for more than 15 minutes. Structure can be very helpful for neurodivergent people, and ADHD is not an exception to this. That way you can hit your “target” of working on training your birds, but it’s not so much as to feel overwhelming.

Best of luck to you!

 

[𝕾𝖙𝖔𝖗𝖒𝖞𝕻𝖎𝖈𝖆]

As an ADHD 35 year old, it gets easier! School is really tough! My 10 year old is suspected to be ADHD also and she really struggled until this year, because we managed to find a local therapist who works with kids with executive function disorders. Made her first A on a math test in 2022!

Go easy on yourself. I am absolutely certain that your budgies can have a perfectly happy and fufilled life just flying around your room and socializing with you. Some people with ADHD have issues with something called “rejection sensitive dysphoria”. It can make you really hard on yourself because you may find yourself constantly worried you are not meeting expectations. I have met a couple of local bird experts in person, and while they certainly do “hardcore trick training” with their own flock, they have never looked down on anyone who could not always provide that for their own parrots. In fact, they were more than happy to just see people interested in learning how to better care for their animals.

You’ve got so much going on right now, and you should feel safe and ok to just take a day off sometimes and sleep or read a book or whatever it is you like to do when you are not being a very excellent caregiver for your flock!

If you still feel like, for your own sake, you’d rest better if you had a training routine, perhaps set aside a set amount of time daily to work one on one with one of your birds, and don’t do it for more than 15 minutes. Structure can be very helpful for neurodivergent people, and ADHD is not an exception to this. That way you can hit your “target” of working on training your birds, but it’s not so much as to feel overwhelming.

Best of luck to you!

That's crazy- I didn't know you had ADHD! And you're very right, rejection sensitivity is something I have struggled with, as well as imposter syndrome (which can make me feel like I could do better, I'm just not trying hard enough).

I'm sure you can relate to structure being hard. We ADHD people tend to do things on an impulse. I do make sure to have a basic routine, though, for my pets and their care.

 

[zERo]

I can't relate to ADHD but I hope it gets easier for you, because being in a tough place mentally really sucks and I think that's something everyone has to deal with.
Hm, I don't think I thought you were 13 but I could tell you were younger, but based on all of your parrot knowledge I thought you were an adult, maybe 20s?
As far as tricks, I don't train my budgies enough, but I taught Striga how to spin and how to shake hands. Spinning can be tough because not all birds like your hand above their head, so if their on a perch you could do it from below. Teaching to shake is easy because you just wait for them to step up but only let them put one foot on your hand. Let's see...Striga will also (when he feels like it) do a 'flip' like on a rope perch or vet tape wrapped perch go all the way around, my conure does this too. Those are all the tricks I can think of right now!

 

[ravvlet]

That's crazy- I didn't know you had ADHD! And you're very right, rejection sensitivity is something I have struggled with, as well as imposter syndrome (which can make me feel like I could do better, I'm just not trying hard enough).

I'm sure you can relate to structure being hard. We ADHD people tend to do things on an impulse. I do make sure to have a basic routine, though, for my pets and their care.

Apparently, I take home birds on impulse, but once they’re here I have a routine. In all seriousness, I really have found that, although it is very difficult, having a routine around time-sensitive tasks like homework (I did some independent study programs online last year), chores, or major household stuff (which for me is grocery shopping) allows me to be less structured about other stuff - like sitting down to write in my budget journal, reading a book, or running other less important errands.

It is really hard though when you have so much going on, and much of it is outside of your control, to set a routine, so fully respect if that is not a solution that will work for you right now. I hope your parents become more open to your diagnosis - my mother was ALSO very recalcitrant about it, and insisted I was just being lazy. I remember at the time it felt like A LOT (I was diagnosed when I was 7!) and it has taken me a very long time to get to a place where I am comfortable with the fact that my brain feels like two hamsters trying to run on the same wheel in opposite directions!

 

[Flboy]

I am taking the easy question!

*********
1. Do you guys sometimes forget I'm 13??? I get that a lot, but I'm wondering how you envision me, I guess. Do you imagine a 13 year old sitting behind the computer, or someone much older? I just think it would be interesting to know your thoughts!
***********

You are an extremely mature individual stuck in a young shell! You first mentioned your age in a post where you were concerned about posting your location! My reaction? Blown away! Your style of writing is so clear and mature!
You appear to be an old soul, and inside, you know this! You have way more on your plate than most individuals, regardless of age! My belief? This is to fine tune the strength you obviously have!

 

[𝕾𝖙𝖔𝖗𝖒𝖞𝕻𝖎𝖈𝖆]

I am taking the easy question!

*********
1. Do you guys sometimes forget I'm 13??? I get that a lot, but I'm wondering how you envision me, I guess. Do you imagine a 13 year old sitting behind the computer, or someone much older? I just think it would be interesting to know your thoughts!
***********

You are an extremely mature individual stuck in a young shell! You first mentioned your age in a post where you were concerned about posting your location! My reaction? Blown away! Your style of writing is so clear and mature!
You appear to be an old soul, and inside, you know this! You have way more on your plate than most individuals, regardless of age! My belief? This is to fine tune the strength you obviously have!

Thank you very much! I feel that I've experienced much more than most 13-year-olds, and have an understanding of the world beyond video games and friends. Of course, rescuing both wildlife and pets has helped play a role in that, and I'm forever grateful for the experiences I've been able to have.

 

[Icca]

I can and often do relate to feeling overwhelmed. By the responsibilities of caring for living critters. But you have to remember down time is important not only for you as the caretaker but also for your pets. I have noticed increases in willingness to perform after a couple of days "off". For the animals. Do not force yourself to " fight through " if you are feeling drained. It very well may result in a poor training session anyways.

Now training stuff out of the way 2 things about a diagnosis for a young person. The first is simple and I already said it for the most part. Never forget to take a break if you need it! This is critical for neurologic conditions. Take time to enjoy how beautiful nature is even if your in a bad mood. Eventually things will change, they always do.
And second, which is less about your physical health and more about your mindset. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE! Do not ever let a diagnosis be your identity. It's not worth it! Any diagnosis is a very small part of who you are. ALL people live complex lives and there will be lots of things now and in your future that will be how people know you. You never need to feel boxed in. It's a big world out there. Just need to enjoy it. Remember life is as fun as you want it to be! Enjoy small things

 

[Kentuckienne]

I’m old, so when I was your age with ADHD it was an unknown and undiagnosed thing. Back then, the result was deep rejection by my social group, both students and teachers. Sometimes I thought it was unfair to have to suffer from being different, but the truth is that everyone suffers for different reason. Sometimes perfectly happy and well adjusted-looking people are seething with anxiety inside. Sometimes people conceal all kinds of beliefs about themselves.

I say all this to encourage you to see if you can find a place to let go of beliefs about what you “should” be….when you get a feeling that you should be training your birds, or working on a project, or typing a perfect mature post, step back from self-judgement. Maybe what you need to do is take a nap, or listen to music, or sing to your budgies, or read a book, or draw, or paint, or play music. Life is short. Live yours. Listen to the small quiet voice that never gets any louder, but always speaks truth. Don’t confuse it with the loud voice that tells you what you should be doing.

In a wild flock, your birds would be perfectly happy flying as a group, finding food and eating it, finding water and drinking it, squawking and talking and forming friendships with one another, they don’t need tricks to be happy. You aren’t failing them. If they are happy and healthy, you did good. They don’t and won’t judge you. When you feel your interactions with them are causing stress to you, just acknowledge the feeling, maybe see if you can get a sense of where it might be coming from, then take a deep breath and let it go.

 

[Kentuckienne]

Also…when you say do we realize you are 13…there are a lot of preconceptions that go along with putting someone in a category. Like, if people thought you were Japanese, or eight feet tall, or a rodeo cowboy, or a senator’s daughter, or a retired marine sergeant…they would make certain assumptions about what kind of person you must be that might have nothing to do with who you are. Most humans your age are going through an intense period of growth and change, and emotions are very intense, so knowing you’re 13 can help people temper their replies. But it’s not the most important thing about you. There are times I wish I could get some wise old soul to reassure me and tell me the right path to follow. To me, you will always be the brave soul who helped Pax the spider live out his life in dignity and peace.

 

[𝕾𝖙𝖔𝖗𝖒𝖞𝕻𝖎𝖈𝖆]

I can and often do relate to feeling overwhelmed. By the responsibilities of caring for living critters. But you have to remember down time is important not only for you as the caretaker but also for your pets. I have noticed increases in willingness to perform after a couple of days "off". For the animals. Do not force yourself to " fight through " if you are feeling drained. It very well may result in a poor training session anyways.

Now training stuff out of the way 2 things about a diagnosis for a young person. The first is simple and I already said it for the most part. Never forget to take a break if you need it! This is critical for neurologic conditions. Take time to enjoy how beautiful nature is even if your in a bad mood. Eventually things will change, they always do.
And second, which is less about your physical health and more about your mindset. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE! Do not ever let a diagnosis be your identity. It's not worth it! Any diagnosis is a very small part of who you are. ALL people live complex lives and there will be lots of things now and in your future that will be how people know you. You never need to feel boxed in. It's a big world out there. Just need to enjoy it. Remember life is as fun as you want it to be! Enjoy small things

For sure. I am learning to give myself and my budgies breaks, especially since they have their own flock. I will also NEVER let ANY diagnosis be my identity. I'm not ADHD, I have ADHD.

Also…when you say do we realize you are 13…there are a lot of preconceptions that go along with putting someone in a category. Like, if people thought you were Japanese, or eight feet tall, or a rodeo cowboy, or a senator’s daughter, or a retired marine sergeant…they would make certain assumptions about what kind of person you must be that might have nothing to do with who you are. Most humans your age are going through an intense period of growth and change, and emotions are very intense, so knowing you’re 13 can help people temper their replies. But it’s not the most important thing about you. There are times I wish I could get some wise old soul to reassure me and tell me the right path to follow. To me, you will always be the brave soul who helped Pax the spider live out his life in dignity and peace.

I do feel like, when I say I'm 13, people often think I'm moody or know nothing of the world, or am stuck up, or they need to censor things when talking to me. I wish those preconceptions didn't exist, and people actually recognized that some teens have experienced a lot of different things, and aren't just 'living blobs of nastiness'.

 

[Kentuckienne]

There’s censoring, and then there’s fine-tuning. Sometimes valuable interactions are connected to shared experiences: a breast cancer survivor might talking to other breast cancer survivors to be more helpful than talking to people who have only read about it. The fact is, none of us know very much about the world. Time and experience create the illusion that we have become wise, and we may feel confident pronouncing judgement and criticism on people who do things we would never do. Then life maybe hands us a situation that makes us realize that we are all very much the same. We all suffer, we are all capable of doing “wrong” when things change. This is very humbling. And realizing that we don’t know is the beginning of wisdom. Keep that beginner’s mind you have. Knowing nothing is a great advantage, because instead of thinking “that’s an eight foot tall Japanese rodeo cowboy” you think “who is this person”? Wondering what others think of us is useless. Wondering what you yourself think of the world, every second? Wondering who your dad really is inside, in this moment…wondering what your bird is experiencing, in this moment? Wondering what feels like fun, what feels like healing and peace, to you? Useful.

 

[PyroParrot]

I want to sat much, but have to sign off now…. But teens as ‘just living blobs of nastiness’ made me blow my beverage out my nose!🤣 that has to be the funniest thing I’ve heard in a long time!

 

[𝕾𝖙𝖔𝖗𝖒𝖞𝕻𝖎𝖈𝖆]

I want to sat much, but have to sign off now…. But teens as ‘just living blobs of nastiness’ made me blow my beverage out my nose!🤣 that has to be the funniest thing I’ve heard in a long time!

Glad I could make you laugh! Unfortunately, that was what I was taught when I was younger, my parents would say that they never wanted me to be a teen because I'd be the meanest teen ever! To be fair, at the time they said it, I was a 3rd grader with severe anger management issues. I must've been a hard kid to deal with...

 

[𝕾𝖙𝖔𝖗𝖒𝖞𝕻𝖎𝖈𝖆]

typing a perfect mature post

Believe me, it's not something that's forced! This is how I always write and type. I do have to force myself to 'type like a normal 13yr old' though.

 

[Rozalka]

Do you guys sometimes forget I'm 13??? I get that a lot, but I'm wondering how you envision me, I guess. Do you imagine a 13 year old sitting behind the computer, or someone much older? I just think it would be interesting to know your thoughts!

I don't forget it because recently I write with many teenagers here but to be honest - I don't imagine myself sitting on such forums. Because of some reasons (maybe Asperger's Syndrome?) psychically I was growing up slower than others. As a 13 y/o I still had budgies kept in too small cage in bad conditions. Nowadays I realize that was me-thing.
But in your case - I'd also say that you write like you were older. I've seen 15 y/o writing worse (I couldn't even understand him/her)

 

[𝕾𝖙𝖔𝖗𝖒𝖞𝕻𝖎𝖈𝖆]

I don't forget it because recently I write with many teenagers here but to be honest - I don't imagine myself sitting on such forums. Because of some reasons (maybe Asperger's Syndrome?) psychically I was growing up slower than others. As a 13 y/o I still had budgies kept in too small cage in bad conditions. Nowadays I realize that was me-thing.
But in your case - I'd also say that you write like you were older. I've seen 15 y/o writing worse (I couldn't even understand him/her)

Slang nowadays is crazy 🤦‍♂️

 

[Rozalka]

Slang nowadays is crazy 🤦‍♂️

As a child I hadn't many friends and I didn't know much about slang. I still remember such conversations:
(because you don't speak Polish I'll write the translation)
friend: How r u?
me: what is r u?
friend: on which world do you live?

Currently I try to write different slang words but sometimes it's hard to me... so I can relate to you