I am sorry joy

[My.joy]

I still can't believe what happened . I had a 5 years old irn her name was Joy . I have had her since she was 1 year old . She was my buddy lived with me through covid quarantine days . She was tough , loving and annoying sometimes but I loved her dearly .
I can't believe she died while I am away .
I feel guilty for leaving her . I had to travel with my family so I left ger with a pet hotel I left her with not long ago , made sure she had all the food she loved ready for her while I was away , gave her extra fly time before I sent her to the pet hotel .asked the person who was responsible for the place to take care of her .
I still don't know what happened , she was in perfect health when I sent her , happy , jumpy and asking for attention till the last minute .
They sent me few messages , telling me she is very sick , I kept sending them and asking to see her to no vail . Less than 24hrs later, the sent me saying she had died .
I am sorry she died alone , and I can't get over the fact that I don't know why she got sick .
They told me she chewed some leather and part of it made her choke .
She was an expert in ruining my bags and shoes but never had she choked on any parts she ruined .
Did they neglect her ?
Was she scared to the point that she died?
Was she stressed ?
I don't know , and not knowing is killing me .
I loved her so much to the point I would see the food she loved and remember her .
What I can I do to get past this I don't know ?
I try to tell myself , I did all I can but again maybe I should have not left her in the pet hotel ?
I should have stayed home , maybe she would have stayed alive then ....

 

[Jcas]

I still can't believe what happened . I had a 5 years old irn her name was Joy . I have had her since she was 1 year old . She was my buddy lived with me through covid quarantine days . She was tough , loving and annoying sometimes but I loved her dearly .
I can't believe she died while I am away .
I feel guilty for leaving her . I had to travel with my family so I left ger with a pet hotel I left her with not long ago , made sure she had all the food she loved ready for her while I was away , gave her extra fly time before I sent her to the pet hotel .asked the person who was responsible for the place to take care of her .
I still don't know what happened , she was in perfect health when I sent her , happy , jumpy and asking for attention till the last minute .
They sent me few messages , telling me she is very sick , I kept sending them and asking to see her to no vail . Less than 24hrs later, the sent me saying she had died .
I am sorry she died alone , and I can't get over the fact that I don't know why she got sick .
They told me she chewed some leather and part of it made her choke .
She was an expert in ruining my bags and shoes but never had she choked on any parts she ruined .
Did they neglect her ?
Was she scared to the point that she died?
Was she stressed ?
I don't know , and not knowing is killing me .
I loved her so much to the point I would see the food she loved and remember her .
What I can I do to get past this I don't know ?
I try to tell myself , I did all I can but again maybe I should have not left her in the pet hotel ?
I should have stayed home , maybe she would have stayed alive then ....

I’m so sorry for your loss. Every time one of my animals passes I always wonder if I did something wrong or didn’t do something right. But there is just no way for us to know. Please don’t blame yourself. Birds are so good at hiding things, perhaps Joy was sick before you left and she just didn’t let it show. Maybe it was just a freak accident. Those can happen at home or away. The most important thing is that you gave Joy a wonderful life in the years that you had her and she knew she was loved. The pain of loss in the moment is terrible but it does fade with time. Go easy on yourself and grieve however you need to. I truly believe that our animals don’t want us to be sad at their passing. So in the midst of your grieving try to also remember all the good times that you and Joy had together. My thoughts and prayers are with you .

 

[LaManuka]

I still can't believe what happened . I had a 5 years old irn her name was Joy . I have had her since she was 1 year old . She was my buddy lived with me through covid quarantine days . She was tough , loving and annoying sometimes but I loved her dearly .
I can't believe she died while I am away .
I feel guilty for leaving her . I had to travel with my family so I left ger with a pet hotel I left her with not long ago , made sure she had all the food she loved ready for her while I was away , gave her extra fly time before I sent her to the pet hotel .asked the person who was responsible for the place to take care of her .
I still don't know what happened , she was in perfect health when I sent her , happy , jumpy and asking for attention till the last minute .
They sent me few messages , telling me she is very sick , I kept sending them and asking to see her to no vail . Less than 24hrs later, the sent me saying she had died .
I am sorry she died alone , and I can't get over the fact that I don't know why she got sick .
They told me she chewed some leather and part of it made her choke .
She was an expert in ruining my bags and shoes but never had she choked on any parts she ruined .
Did they neglect her ?
Was she scared to the point that she died?
Was she stressed ?
I don't know , and not knowing is killing me .
I loved her so much to the point I would see the food she loved and remember her .
What I can I do to get past this I don't know ?
I try to tell myself , I did all I can but again maybe I should have not left her in the pet hotel ?
I should have stayed home , maybe she would have stayed alive then ....

Welcome to the forums, @My.joy, though I am truly sorry for the loss that brought you here 💔 I agree with @Jcas, there may have been something underlying with Joy that she masked so well you didn't know about it, or it might just have been a terrible accident beyond anyone's control, sadly birds are pretty good at getting themselves into those situations too. It's so easy to blame ourselves for not doing better but that's a path we must try not go down for it will only lead to more torment and won't change anything, though I know how very hard it is not to dwell on all of the "what ifs", I do it every time too.

I say this to so many who join us under such circumstances - I'm glad you found us, because you are among friends here who understand how painful this kind of loss is. Our birds are family, sometimes better than family because they love us unconditionally as we do them. So in the end, the love we share with them is all that matters, and I hope in time you will remember Joy with more happiness than tears.

Godspeed to the Rainbow Bridge, sweet Joy, until we all meet again 🙏🌈