ROTFL! Yep. Alexandrines. What can I say?
Mine are exactly the same. Although, I do have the pair and they can occupy each other to a degree. One time, I took them in my bedroom when I had a nap (was so very tired) and when I woke up, they were exactly where I'd left them (one on my elbow and one on my knee) and still fast asleep. That was one time.
There's no possibility of doing what other parronts do and having the birds out on their playgym while you do stuff around the house. Oh no. You have to be there, having full-on quality time with them the whole time. And, as you say, pour a cuppa, pick up an apple, reach for a bit of toast - in an instant, you'll have a green hat which quickly descends onto your arm and steals whatever it is you have and gobbles it up.
Here's what I do each day with my pair.
I let them into the house (we have a tunnel connecting their large outdoor cage with the kitchen) and allow them to fly and fly and fly for about half an hour. During that time, kitchen things can happen, so I'll do the washing up etc. From time to time, one or both birds will come to help me and to taste the suds. I try to stop them, but they seem to think it's funny or something. ?
If they feel dirty, we'll have a shower. This consists of them perching on my hand while I wet them thoroughly to the skin with a squishy bottle. If only they would hop into the sink or even perch on the tap. But no, they utterly must sidle up my arm and onto my head so that I always seem to wind up showering my own self as much as I'm showering the Beaks. Some days they don't want a shower and they indicate this by nipping me when I pick up the squishy bottle. While I'm showering one bird, the other will be busily pulling my hair out of its plait and redoing it for me in a creative, nest-like 'do'.
After the shower, we blow dry. The Beaks perch on the shower curtain rail and I point the drier at them while they turn themselves into pretzels. They really, really love the blow drier and fight each other for the prime spot in front of it.
Next, we do Work. That is, trick training. I'll spend about half an hour to an hour playing with the birds and teaching them their tricks. They're pretty good at fetching things, putting things 'in the bin' and flying to me when I call (so long as there's a treat in my hand - otherwise, I'm chopped liver). After that, they have free time for an hour or so while I do the sweeping and picking up that's necessary after all the mess they've made from flinging sunflower husks, bits of paper from their rummage basket and whichever pieces of paper, wood and plastic they've stolen from off of my house. Free time often consists of a nap: they'll perch on top of the TV (which is on top of our fridge), preen themselves nicely and then nod off while I do the boring stuff.
Finally, after cuddles and kisses, I'll put a couple of shelled peanuts in the tunnel and post first Barney and then Madge back into their outside cage. Once they've realised the hatch door is shut, they complain a bit but not for long. They'll eat a bit and then play until dinner time at around 5pm.
I'm finding the super-huge cage is absolutely great! The Beaks can actually fly in it and it's loaded up with toys and chewy things for them to play with. Not only that, but they have the lovebirds for company and will soon have Dominic as well when the weather picks up a bit (been cold and wet for the last month or so). The Beaks still bellow for me and it's very obvious they've imprinted on me in some very basic way. But this system is working for us just now. Having them out of doors has made things far less stressful than when they were smack in the middle of the kitchen and wanting attention from everyone all the time.
I should add that ours is a bird-friendly household. There are purpose-built perches everywhere, a suspended playgym over the kitchen doorway and another over the front door. While the house is very, very small by most standards, there are rooms where the birds are not allowed and they're pretty good at observing that. I just keep the off-limits rooms darkened and so the Beaks never go there.
Maybe he thought you were in a diabetic coma and needed some sugar. 
