New bird bonded to pet sitter, now aggressive with family

[TheAlexian]

I am new to the forum and did a search for this issue, but didn't see anything on point.

I have two parakeets and a new GCC, Hestia. We brought her* home about a month ago, and she is 7 months old. We were following the rules about quarantine, so she was in my bedroom for the first few weeks--longer than we had intended because one of the parakeets (Pepper) got sick. Hestia was getting very unhappy being stuck in my room without a flock around, so we eventually switched the birds' locations, so the parakeets are now in quarantine in my bedroom while Hestia is out in the midst of things. We have a pretty busy household: 3 kids, 2 parents (me + husband), 1 friend who lives with us temporarily, and other friends who come over regularly. Hestia is enjoying having her cage out in the midst of things.

The problem is, we went away for the weekend twice during the first month. Our friend/boarder took care of her while we were gone. I trusted him because he is very experienced with animals and used to work at a pet store. But he did not follow my rules about treats and gave her WAY more treats than I ever do... and now she appears to have bonded to him. She will step up for him in the cage; when I try to get her to step up from anywhere, she bites me. (This is a change that started after the first time we went away for the weekend; she used to grab my finger and ask for a head scratch, which while not what I wanted her to do, was also not a terrible thing!) This morning, he uncovered her and got her out of the cage to play right away (I don't want her to think that is going to be normal, because school is about to start and we just aren't going to be able to do that) and gave her two of her favorite treats (which I try to reserve for special situations and only two a day). When my husband saw this, knowing that I was already upset about the friend giving her too many treats on the weekends, he told the friend not to do this anymore. I'm pretty angry at the friend, especially since I'm sure he knows how bird bonding works and should know better than to try to bond with a bird that isn't his.

Now I have a GCC who seems to have picked the one person in the household who won't be around long-term as Her Person, and who is reacting aggressively to me (her primary carer--I feed her, I get her toys, I give her baths, etc.). I can still handle her using a dowel and she will still take treats from me without biting; but she won't step up onto my hands unless she's fluttered off to the floor somewhere. I can deal with the human-to-human issues, but I'm really not sure how to deal with the GCC-to-friend or GCC-to-me issues.

GCC has also been pretty aggressive with everyone else and has bitten the two older children. I was working on that when she started to bite me, too.

For what it's worth, we have no plans to travel again for at least the next few weekends. We do take reasonably frequent weekend-long trips to visit my parents, who are nearby, and could feasibly bring her along for those. And I work from home, so I can spend a lot of time with her, but with all the biting, I am nervous to.



* Not DNA sexed; the woman at the pet store thought she was a girl based on her hips (?).

 

[Laurasea]

Do not be angry at this person for providing attention and treats while you were away. Instead focus on yourself. Spend more time with your bird gain her trust, this bird requires a lot of social time, hours if social time. I don't know what these treats are? I use seeds as treats and I may give 20 a day especially if training. I understand you are upset, but from the outside it seems you are most upset by having a boarder..... Spending all your free weekends or many of them away from your bird is t fair to her. Yes you can ask the other person to step back but you have to be willing to step up, and provide more attention and positive interaction with your bird....

 

[itzjbean]

Would you feel the same way if the person bonded to this bird was one of your kids?

I think you're mad at the pet sitter for the wrong reasons. It sounds like she was able to be out of her cage more. Yeah she may have gotten more treats, but that's sort of the key to training birds and gaining their trust.

When you travel and come back, birds get confused and often hold grudges. It takes time for them to adjust to you being back.

You say that you don't want your bird to get used to being out of its cage after being uncovered because school starts soon... is there a real reason the bird can't come out and enjoy some breakfast out of its cage while everyone is getting ready for school, etc?

After uncovering my birds in the morning, I take them out for around half an hour to eat breakfast, play and stretch their wings before they go back into the cage for the day. I work full-time and manage to do this every day. I know having kids can make things more difficult, but maybe if you committed to more out of cage time with the bird being out with the family, maybe she would be more willing to step up.

Don't be mad at the pet sitter for bonding with the bird -- the aggression would be there if it was to one of your kids or to this other person, the bird would still show aggression.

Moving forward, it's important that your new bird get plenty of out of cage time, even with school approaching, YES, you can MAKE IT WORK. Let her come out for a few minutes and give her something to do while she sits there -- if you haven't done so already, birds love a varied diet with fruits and veggies, they'll even eat cornbread with chopped up fruits and veggies in it, so why not give her something tasty to eat every morning? Have something she can look forward to every day?

Out of cage time is good, not bad! I put my bird on the curtain rod in the bathroom when I do my hair for work. He sits on my shoulder while I do my makeup. And then I take him out again for lunch for a few minutes for some head scratches. It can be done! The more things you can do to make your bird happy, the better behaved she will become and be easier to handle.

 

[Laurasea]

Itzbean you said it better! Being covered in the morning doesn't mean she isn't awake, and she knows her flock is being active, they want to be a part of that. Watching the bustle of activities. Morning is important, they want to know every one survived the night. Mine are the most vocal and inquisitive in the morning, and eating together with the flock (people) makes them so happy. Take this incident as a wake up call to be more inclusive. You can get past the biting, there's lots to read and learn to address this.

 

[TheAlexian]

Thanks for the responses!

To address your questions:

I would be upset if a family member were the one not following my feeding instructions. For additional background, I am in the process of switching her from the 75% seed diet that the pet store recommended to the 100% pellet diet that the vet recommends. She gets sunflower seeds for training treats (not sure how many, but a handful) and Nutri-berries for special treats (only two of those a day). I reserve them for "end of session" treats and for foraging treats. I'm concerned that she won't eat the pellets if she's just waiting for someone to give her too many Nutri-berries. I actually wouldn't really care if it had been gobs of sunflower seeds. She likes those, but the Nutri-berries are the special treats.

I would not be upset if the bird bonded to a family member. I'm upset with the friend because he won't be around long-term. He will be moving out sometime within the next nine months. I don't think that's particularly fair to Hestia. If I'm overreacting and she'll just choose someone else when he leaves, do let me know. I'm very new at this...!

We do travel on weekends quite a lot during the summer, but not during the school year, so that will be calming down very soon. She does seem to travel pretty well (our vet is almost an hour's drive away), so I expect to bring her with me on our shorter trips (most of them are roughly two hours' drive) by next summer. The conure care book I have and her vet both think bringing her on short trips is fine. But if you know of reasons I shouldn't, or have travel tips, I'd love to hear them!

I don't think the friend had her out of her cage more than I do, but I can't be sure. I do make sure she's out a lot, whenever it's safe for her. My youngest is quite little, so I have to make sure it's when he's otherwise occupied, napping, or at daycare. That is a lot of the time, fortunately.

I don't want her out in the mornings for her safety. Mornings are really chaotic at my house with six of us, lots of doors opening and closing, people running around, and so on. It's a little more laid back in the summers and on the weekends, but during the school year weekdays the chances of someone hurting her because they're distracted and busy are just too high. I'll take her out once everyone has gotten to their destinations and I'm settling in for work. I've ordered a perch/play stand just to keep her nearby while I work; it should come this week.

With respect to fresh foods, I haven't gotten her to eat many of them. I offer daily, and she will usually willingly nibble on them, but she doesn't really eat them. I give her some of whatever we're eating today, as long as it isn't too heavily spiced. Cauliflower, chickpeas, romaine lettuce, carrots (she REALLY doesn't like those, poops in the bowl whenever I try them!), apple, grapes, green beans.... I will keep trying!

On biting, honestly, I'm really confused. I have seen SO much conflicting advice that I'm not even really sure what to do. Sigh. I sort of think of her as a tiny toddler. With my kids, doing the same thing consistently was key, so I've picked one method and I'm going to stick with it for a while. We'll see.

I feel like I'm rambling, sorry. But I don't really know what's important to tell you! Thank you both again for your responses!

 

[EllenD]

Well, honestly I can't fault the friend at all either for getting the bird out first thing in the morning before work/school, as you absolutely need to be doing this too once school starts. Most parronts I know get their birds out first thing in the morning, before work, school, etc., and let them be free, fly around a little, play out of the cage a little, eat breakfast with them, etc. while everyone is getting ready to leave, then they go back in their cages until they get home from school or work. So you really need to make sure that you uncover her and let her out first thing in the morning too, and I'm glad that your friend is giving her the attention and time that she needs.

As far as the bird bonding to your friend, she may very well have done this anyway, regardless of the "treat" situation, and I'm going to guess that the treats had little to nothing to do with your bird bonding to your friend. Birds choose whatever person they want to choose, we cannot ever control this. And there are a ton of posts on here all the time about a couple buying a bird, the bird is supposed to be the "wife's" bird or the "husband's" bird, or one of the kid's birds, they are the one that is the primary care-giver for the bird, but the bird chooses the one person in the house that actually doesn't like the bird, lol. It happens all the time, and usually has nothing to do with who gives the bird treats, or food, or takes them out of the cage, etc. So it's likely that your bird would have bonded with your friend anyway, regardless of the treats (though I understand being upset that your friend didn't listen to your instructions).

Your friend lives with you, and he is obviously good with animals, and he is giving your bird the attention she needs. So this doesn't have to be a bad thing at all, in fact, your bird is a happy, well taken care of bird, so this is a good thing. You said that your friend is not living with you for much longer, correct? If this is the case, and your friend is moving out in the near future anyway, then I'd not try to fight this, as this will actually strain your relationship with your bird, and could really stress her too. You can't force your bird to bond with you or your husband, and you can't make your bird not want to be with your friend as long as he's living there. So I'd just let that be, and once your friend moves out of your house and is no longer around, then your bird won't have a choice but to choose someone else. And as long as your friend is in your house, then that's how it's going to be. They are stubborn, and they bond with whomever they bond with. Even if you forbid your friend from interacting with your bird at all, like you forbid him from even looking at her, she is still going to be bonded to him, and this would probably only create stress, screaming, crying, etc. So I'd just keep your bird happy in the interim, and once your friend moves out, then you guys need to start completely over, from square 1, like you just brought the bird home from the pet shop or breeder on the same day that your friend moves out.

***BTW, you need a DNA test to determine your bird's sex; anyone who "feels their hip bones" and says that they can tell their sex by "how far apart their pelvic bones are" is full of poo-poo-la-la, and is crazy, and they know it, lol. I once heard a parrot "Broker", yes a parrot Broker, tell customers this, and I couldn't contain myself, I had to cut her off and call her out on her crap, because she was directly lying to this couple who was requesting a baby bird that was a male only, otherwise they wouldn't buy one. So she lied right to their face, like a really bad, shady used-car salesman from the 1980's.

 

[wrench13]

Wake up. Conures are not parakeets. It sounds like your keets stay in cage mostly and the conure is your Bird? Step up your game and be the parront. She should be socialized (out and with you and family )asmuch as possible. Great advice above and more on ths board, but you have to implement what you read. Cute, friendly, people loving parrots dont just happen, it takes hours and hours of socilaizing and training. And when puberty hits around 2, all bets are off. You might have to start from scratch.

 

[wrench13]

Socializing - a good way would be in the evening let your friend take the bird out and play 'warm potato' with all the family members. Warm'tato is gently passin her around . But do it every night and try to make each holding time longer and longer each nite.

 

[TheAlexian]

Your friend lives with you, and he is obviously good with animals, and he is giving your bird the attention she needs. So this doesn't have to be a bad thing at all, in fact, your bird is a happy, well taken care of bird, so this is a good thing. You said that your friend is not living with you for much longer, correct? If this is the case, and your friend is moving out in the near future anyway, then I'd not try to fight this, as this will actually strain your relationship with your bird, and could really stress her too. You can't force your bird to bond with you or your husband, and you can't make your bird not want to be with your friend as long as he's living there. So I'd just let that be, and once your friend moves out of your house and is no longer around, then your bird won't have a choice but to choose someone else. And as long as your friend is in your house, then that's how it's going to be. They are stubborn, and they bond with whomever they bond with. Even if you forbid your friend from interacting with your bird at all, like you forbid him from even looking at her, she is still going to be bonded to him, and this would probably only create stress, screaming, crying, etc. So I'd just keep your bird happy in the interim, and once your friend moves out, then you guys need to start completely over, from square 1, like you just brought the bird home from the pet shop or breeder on the same day that your friend moves out.

***BTW, you need a DNA test to determine your bird's sex; anyone who "feels their hip bones" and says that they can tell their sex by "how far apart their pelvic bones are" is full of poo-poo-la-la, and is crazy, and they know it, lol. I once heard a parrot "Broker", yes a parrot Broker, tell customers this, and I couldn't contain myself, I had to cut her off and call her out on her crap, because she was directly lying to this couple who was requesting a baby bird that was a male only, otherwise they wouldn't buy one. So she lied right to their face, like a really bad, shady used-car salesman from the 1980's.

Thanks for this--I'll let it be (but I'm going to insist about the diet issues). And the pet store person was honest that the hip method was not reliable. We are going to do DNA sexing at the first opportunity. We were initially going to at her first vet appointment, but she was stressed out and the vet said we should hold off. We'll know before puberty!

 

[Laurasea]

Have a cup of tea (or your preference) take deep breath. Take some time to think what you want to get out of this relationship with GCC. Why did you want to bring a parrot into your life. Decide what you want and what you are willing to give up to get it? You can get up an houlf hour before everyone else, and welcome the morning with your parrot. You can spend time right next to the cage reading a book out loud to both if your little ones. The possibilities are endless in making bit work. This burd is as intelligent as a toddler, and as social as a hormonal teenager driven to fit in with their peer group. The reasons why it won't work are also endless, it up to you to decide. It's ok to also think if this is the right choice for you with small children and travel having higher priorities. Maybe re-homing the bird now while it's young. But if you want to make it work, then make it work. This is a family member. I have a friend who has a CAG she had before the husband and children, she gets up at 4 am to spend time with her bird, she sets aside orine time after work bfir her and the bird with it without the rest if the family. She had made a little of sacrifices of her (me) time to make sure this bird family member has a place within her family. It's being honest with yourself, and your family. Welcome to the forum. We all learn from each other. Please spend some time thinking about this birds place in your life. Because some of the worst kind of neglect is a parrot stuck in a big cage with toys and the best food, but not spending time with it's people.

 

[Chelsea304]

I will add my own experience. I was one of those people that got a conure expecting it to bond to me and to be my bird....but alas, Regen bonded to my husband, as well as my African Grey (he is not the primary caregiver to either of my birds and doesn't care for them too much tbh but he tolerates them)

The bird probably would have bonded with the roommate either way. My husband doesn't give any treats, I do. It's the only way I can get the birds to accept me. It took a year of constant treat giving and bonding for my African Grey to easily step up and tolerate my presence. We are still working on the conure and he still bites me, strikes at me, and is overall not the most pleasant to me if my husband is around. If my husband is gone he is a cuddle bug with me (as you can see in my picture I took when my husband was gone lol) Birds sometimes just pick their people and there's nothing that can be done to change that....

that being said....

Give treats, it should teach your conure that your hands equal good things. It sounds like your conure knows how to step up. Offer your arm and a treat. Once your bird steps up, put them back down on the perch....rinse and repeat. Do this for mini training sessions everyday. Eventually, the hope is that your conure will willingly step up for you. I know my conure will step up for me for treats...but as soon as thats done he will fly to my husband. So it's sort of a win lose situation. Just trying to be transparent that your bird may never bond to you.

ALSO! I did a lot of target/clicker training with my CAG and it really helped her understand. My conure doesn't really respond well to target training but I am trying with him!

Just giving my 2 cents on the situation. I hope your Fid eventually bonds to you!

 

[T00tsyd]

I feel quite sorry for you. In parrot terms your little Green Cheek has been with you for 5 minutes. In that time life has taken over and you had to be away at a crucial time when he needed everyone around to settle him in and get used to them. While you were away he got used to the one person remaining and a bond formed.

I'm a pretty new parrot pet, but I don't think it's the end of the world whatever has happened over the last few weeks. Take it all back to the beginning. Talk to him gently whenever you pass the cage. Let him hear and see you all from that safe place so that he can once again get used to you. Don't worry about the treats or the food at this juncture too much. Yes ideally you will change his diet but you can take your time.

My GCC was on a seed diet when I rescued him at 14 weeks. It took a while before he stopped throwing anything but seeds right back at me but now, over a year later, he eats his chop before anything else and is really into everything else I offer him. I am still introducing new tastes on a regular basis. It's a long term adventure.

Your little one is still looking at you as a bit of a threat. Don't expect too much too soon. It takes time and patience and it may take weeks/months before he is really sure of his place in your flock. It is often said here that the best way to not get bitten is not to offer yourself for the bite. So stick to the dowel if that's what works. Given time and patience progress will come in such small steps that you might hardly notice them until suddenly you will look back one day and wonder when it all happened.

I vary the amount of out time Syd has most days. I am retired it's true but I am busy so I make sure that we have plenty of together time where I might just hold a conversation with him while doing something he can't be out for. Other times he will sit on my shoulder or sleep behind my head while I'm on the laptop - if he isn't trying to chew it. He is mostly glad to see me when I have been out, but I know if he doesn't get to bed on time (he has a separate sleep cage in a quiet room) I will suffer the following day. He'll be grumpy and nippy. Just like an over-tired toddler.

Take heart - welcome to the forum. There is lots of advice here and it's a good place to learn. I have found it an absolute gold-mine of info. Best wishes - you'll get there.



I doubt if any two people here manage in exactly the same way.

 

[LoriS53]

We have a GCC and 2 PGCC and a SC. I know my situation is different as I am home all day however my babies are out all day with me. They do laundry, they vacuum etc. The only time they are in their cage is if I leave to do the grocery shopping or something. If I am home they are out. When we eat breakfast they have a plate of fruit and veggies at the table. When we travel we take them with us. We went camping and took them with us. We put them in travel cages and set up a sun canopy with screened sides as an aviary and the birds loved it.

We have 15 parakeets. While they are not as socialized as our conures I spend time with them everyday. Birds are social animals especially conures. They are not pets they are members of your family and should be treated as such. It isn't a matter of treats its a matter of love and trust. Everyone of my birds are rescues. They all loved someone before me. It just takes time and patience. Stop worrying about your boarder and worry about your bird.

 

[ChristaNL]

I would be upset if a family member were the one not following my feeding instructions. For additional background, I am in the process of switching her from the 75% seed diet that the pet store recommended to the 100% pellet diet that the vet recommends. She gets sunflower seeds for training treats (not sure how many, but a handful) and Nutri-berries for special treats (only two of those a day). I reserve them for "end of session" treats and for foraging treats. I'm concerned that she won't eat the pellets if she's just waiting for someone to give her too many Nutri-berries. I actually wouldn't really care if it had been gobs of sunflower seeds. She likes those, but the Nutri-berries are the special treats.

I would not be upset if the bird bonded to a family member. I'm upset with the friend because he won't be around long-term. He will be moving out sometime within the next nine months. I don't think that's particularly fair to Hestia. If I'm overreacting and she'll just choose someone else when he leaves, do let me know. I'm very new at this...!

We do travel on weekends quite a lot during the summer, but not during the school year, so that will be calming down very soon. She does seem to travel pretty well (our vet is almost an hour's drive away), so I expect to bring her with me on our shorter trips (most of them are roughly two hours' drive) by next summer. The conure care book I have and her vet both think bringing her on short trips is fine. But if you know of reasons I shouldn't, or have travel tips, I'd love to hear them!

I don't think the friend had her out of her cage more than I do, but I can't be sure. I do make sure she's out a lot, whenever it's safe for her. My youngest is quite little, so I have to make sure it's when he's otherwise occupied, napping, or at daycare. That is a lot of the time, fortunately.

I don't want her out in the mornings for her safety. Mornings are really chaotic at my house with six of us, lots of doors opening and closing, people running around, and so on. It's a little more laid back in the summers and on the weekends, but during the school year weekdays the chances of someone hurting her because they're distracted and busy are just too high. I'll take her out once everyone has gotten to their destinations and I'm settling in for work. I've ordered a perch/play stand just to keep her nearby while I work; it should come this week.

With respect to fresh foods, I haven't gotten her to eat many of them. I offer daily, and she will usually willingly nibble on them, but she doesn't really eat them. I give her some of whatever we're eating today, as long as it isn't too heavily spiced. Cauliflower, chickpeas, romaine lettuce, carrots (she REALLY doesn't like those, poops in the bowl whenever I try them!), apple, grapes, green beans.... I will keep trying!

On biting, honestly, I'm really confused. I have seen SO much conflicting advice that I'm not even really sure what to do. Sigh. I sort of think of her as a tiny toddler. With my kids, doing the same thing consistently was key, so I've picked one method and I'm going to stick with it for a while. We'll see.

I feel like I'm rambling, sorry. But I don't really know what's important to tell you! Thank you both again for your responses!

actually: feeding your parrot 100% pellets is also not good for them, they need fresh veggies daily, fruit a couple of times a week, and -verry respectfully but really: get a grip of the amount of sunflowerseeds! They are fastfood at best, so why not crumble up a Nutriberrie for treats - at least they are healthy!
Feeding/ rewarding with unlimited sunflowerseeds is like stufffing a kid with cookies everytime it does something you like -> you end up with an obese kid that will not eat healthy things anymore.

I am glad you have the best interests of your parrot at heart, but if this person is ging to be around for the next nine months...you have plenty of time (see Sailboats "hot potato-game" ) to make sure she is a flock-bird instead of a "mummy's bird".
So if the friend is no longer there, she will be not so upset, because the rest of the flock is still here and it is not the end of her world.

Not sure if your bird is still a baby - but if so...in nine moths s/he might be approaching puberty and could be trying to 'get away from mum' (your friend) and pick another human as a companion anyway.
Reason number one young(ish) birds get ditched: adolescence!
The cuddly bird does not want its mummy anymore and wants/bites to have its own way- not a fun time to deal with a parrot you got for cuddles and such.
So lots of them get kicked to the curb at that point. (Humans have no staying power ..it's just a phase... get parronting already!)

The perch-thing is a great idea: just like you would walk a dog before going to work ..a parrot needs to stretch its wings and have some interaction (as much as he can get actually).
The most intense flock interaction in the wild is after waking up (is everybody still alive and well?) and before bed (same question).

and speaking of socializing: Oh yess, do take her everwhere (Pack-o-bird? aviator? modified dogcrate/catcarier), she is a family-member now, with equal rights and special needs...

I know it is confusing - and this will be an ungoing thing, everybody has an opinion... just go with the ones that have experience and good results.

f.e. I've been around 7 greys in my life (4 living with me) but EllenD (and many others here) will have met dozens! We have vastly different experiences - but we all know a few things that really, really work - and if they happens to be the same, then I am pretty confident that is one thing that is a given!
That is what this forum is all about, share experiences, share knowlege and... share the confusion!


(and keep track of the sunflowerseeds: a handfull is quite a bit for a smallish bird! You would not give a kid 2 familysized packets of cookies to eat every day.)

 

[TheAlexian]

Thank you again for the thoughts and advice, all. I'm making some adjustments to our routines.

That said, I think I've misdiagnosed this situation in light of my friend's remarks about "buying her affection" with all of the treats. She's been bathing constantly this week, and today she's been biting everyone, coming in all pinfeathers on her neck, and lost two tail feathers while out and about (they fell out on their own).

She's just the right age for her first molting.

Off to read up on how to keep her happy, healthy, and comfy through this process!