Thank you all for the thoughts.
I do feel tormented by a mix of emotions. Part of me is relieved because I've seen her health deteriorate over the past few years (especially the last 6mo) and I don't want to acknowledge that. It makes me feel guilty. But when my parakeet Sammy was sick and the vet told me I should have him put down, I refused. He passed away 2 weeks later and I can't help remember how he suffered because I couldn't say goodbye. I told myself that would not happen with Peaches. I'm grateful to her for sparing me that decision. She always was a self-less bird.
Another part of me thinks I could have done more to prolong her life or make her more comfortable if I had just done this or done that. I know these feelings are normal and I have to remind myself theres only so much we can do. Another part of me thinks she just held on as long as she did for me.
I thought that all the pictures I have of Peaches on my walls would hurt to look at, but they don't. She looks so happy and healthy in those pics. Not like she did the past few months. I am choosing to remember her that way.
When I lost my parakeet Sammy, who was 11 at the time of his passing, I had had Peaches for only four years but we were very bonded and Peaches got me through it. I know Skittles will do the same.
I think even he feels the loss even though they didn't get along. I can't stand my big sister but I'd still be heartbroken if anything happened to her. Well, maybe. j/k
Sorry, I needed the laugh.
I have contacted a local cremation service (well, local as in about 45minutes away). I am hoping they do pick-ups.
It's gonna be an adjustment for me, not having her. I've always had at LEAST two birds ever since I was just a little boy. In fact, just having Peaches and Skittles these past few years was the least amount of birds I've ever had. So it feels weird with it just being him and I. Somehow lonelier.
I don't see myself getting another cockatiel. I love them dearly, but if I ever did it would have to be a male. I don't want to deal with the chronic egg-laying that I have had to deal with Peaches.
I know that her hormones went into overdrive and she had this egg-laying issue prop up which I'm sure contributed to her aging more rapidly.
This all started shortly after when I got Skittles but it's not his fault nor mine. Neither of use anticipated it which is what I keep telling myself.
If I do get another bird, it'll probably be a couple of budgies. I've had so many issues with budgies flying around loose (smashing into things, getting stuck in little burrows etc) that I usually just get a VERY large cage for them to be able to fly around freely. That way I wouldn't have to worry about Skittles "attacking" them. Plus, I love the sound of budgies tweets. BUT, I also have to consider that they'd be likely to get Skittles going. So not sure if that'd work.
I can't get another conure. There is just no way it would work with Skittles. He's too attached to me that I don't see him sharing me with anyone. It wouldn't be fair to the other bird.
Anyways, I told my therapist about this and she is going to see me tomorrow evening for a session and that should help.
Fly free, Peaches, you will be missed.
