Rant

[JosephNAsenath]

Really frustrated / rant post
So I am a socially awkward individual, I have tourrettes, I'm too easily hurt. All I ever want to do is fit in or just feel like I belong but I just can't. Ever felt like a puzzle piece? No matter what you do you just can't fit yourself into the puzzle as a whole? Well that's me.

I don't know why I feel the way I do, but I truly feel like all these bird forums are dragging me down... I join up all excited but sadly when I post my birds people knock me back down, if only they knew how hard I have to climb to get to the top of Mount elated.
Grrr! I went from 2 to 4 budgies, then 4 to 6 and I got ridiculed. I got Carlos and I got ridiculed. Now I have jazzy and I'm uber ridiculed! Can't anyone just be happy for me once in my dang life?

My animals bring me so much joy! Try losing your mom to suicide beside you, yea... So if animals help me what's the friggin deal!?! Gosh i can't stand people! This is why I have animals! I don't want friends ya hear me!?! Don't care! I'm so frustrated!!!

 

[Peppo]

This is difficult to respond to without sounding like a jerk...believe me, I am not trying to be at all. I understand the hole our animals fill in our lives. My animals fill a huge gap for me too BUT co-dependence is a different matter and typically leads to unhealthy relationships. I mean this sincerely...if you want all of these birds then great, but maybe try counseling for your unresolved issues, we all have them, so that the relationships you form with them are healthy for all involved. Good luck

 

[Doublete]

I would suggest seeking counseling to deal with everything you have gone through. Tourette's itself doesn't make you socially awkward, it is the depression and anxiety which is a separate issue and CAN be treated.

I wish you the best of luck. I just don't want you to get in over your head given your own issues and find in several months you made a poor decision. Being faced with that would hurt your mental state more than being hurt by the advice you are getting now.
If you are already in counseling or have an advisor, have them help you read these posts so you understand nobody is hurting your feelings on purpose and nobody means harm. They (and i) are looking out for you. Nothing more, nothing less.

 

[JerseyWendy]

.... Try losing your mom to suicide beside you, yea... So if animals help me what's the friggin deal!?! Gosh i can't stand people! This is why I have animals! I don't want friends ya hear me!?! Don't care! I'm so frustrated!!!

Oh boy! Where do I start here?

How about this: Get professional help, please. As far as I know none of us are properly equipped to deal with PTSD and/or depression.

Most of us are not here to make friends - even though it's an added bonus that many GREAT friendships are build nonetheless.

This is a parrot forum. We LOVE our birds. We love other people's birds. We ALWAYS have the birds' best interest at heart.

You were the one with the questions (about the macaw). Heck, Kristin, your thread title indicated you wanted us to talk you out of it. http://www.parrotforums.com/macaws/60055-please-tell-me-i-am-crazy-4.html#post549153

Many of us tried. Hard! Many of us took time out of our busy lives, sat down, and wrote well thought out responses to YOUR question.

Of course it's entirely up to you that you dismissed all the warnings and went right ahead and bought that Severe Macaw anyway. Did you expect us to run around the camp fire and celebrate with you?

Sorry, but most of us believe in HONESTY. Anyone can kiss a$$ and tell you what you want to hear, but since that didn't happen you decided on this 'little' rant? You even said so yourself...in different terms:

I appreciate everyone's concerns but I'm definitely not like everyone else, I'm me. I'm sorry if I angered or offended anyone but I did what I felt was right and I'm happy I wish others could be happy for me but I see that may not be the case.

Believe me, NOBODY was/is angry with you over the Severe Macaw. Shocked? Probably. In disbelieve? Yup. Shaking their heads? Definitely.

So, having said all that, I truly hope one of the forums you've signed up on will be gentle enough for you.

Oh, one last thing: I truly hope you didn't put Jazzy in a 'flight' cage. Severes WILL break cage bars - easily! You have previously said a 'parrot' cage wouldn't fit in your BMW. If you can fit a flight cage, you can fit a parrot cage with the same dimension.

 

[chris-md]

Take it from someone who was in your shoes (just starting on forums, always feeling beat), you must develop thick skin to deal with forums. Text doesn't translate well into intention. it's WAY too easy to misunderstand a short sentence as having attitude, or an expression of shock ("is this serious?") for a personal attack without body language and vocal intonation to mitigate the sharp edge of the phrase.

I couldn't agree with more with doublete. If your third post on a forum is a self defense from strongly worded advice using your parent's suicide, there are clearly unresolved issues that you would greatly benefit from addressing. This is not a normal posting, putting personal baggage out there in this specific manner. You have our sympathies for your loss. It's just that there are far more appropriate times and contexts that it gets brought up.

We most definitely welcome you and your beautiful birdies, but I full throatedly encourage you to work on thicker skin, and understand that this forum truly is the most supportive and welcoming forum. You're approach here needs to be to assume the best in the participants. You remember the serenity prayer?

God grant me the wisdom to understand that no matter how much I think they are being rude, they are truly being kind with nothing but good intentions.
Grant me the patience to see through strong words to the intention behind them
Grant me thick skin to absorb the perceived attacks while I process the intention of the person who said them before I post.

 

[Birdman666]

Do you know how many hoarder calls i went on, where these people just kept getting "one more bird" until they ended up with more animals than they could possibly care for...

Who said some of the exact same things you just said?!

Some of us... See a potential red flag.

It's not that we don't appreciate your love for these birds, but...

Please consider your ability to care for them, and train them before adding more. That's all... And that's not a personal attack at all.

Actually, it's a personal responsibility... Yours!

With the fun, and the love, comes the work.

 

[JosephNAsenath]

I don't need counseling, I have my birds. As for me getting a Macaw, well I did sort of take good advice I got a mini one instead of a big one...

I am frustrated at this point, I don't really care anymore what anyone thinks, I truly thought someone might be happy for me... I just knew some folks would be angry sure, but not a single person was happy for me.

As for me being an animal hoarder, even if I was who cares? And no I'm not the ones you've seen on TV! I have tons of animals that are cleaned, fed, watered, and loved on daily! I find it insulting that this is insinuated at me. It's crazy its okay for animal mills aka breeders to raise birds for profit but its not okay for someone like me to raise them to love..
Afterall I'm inexperienced. heh

// rant over, I'll get over it and move on. I'll thicken my skin time to not give a darn what others think. I semi took the advice, I got a smaller macaw I tried to not do so but we bonded so there... But ultimately I don't owe an apology it was my money, but apologized nicely. Plus its 9am groggy so...

 

[Anansi]

This situation is so familiar to me.

You see, I tend to be a very honest person. Not in a harsh or unnecessarily blunt kind of way, but I've always believed in actually answering questions posed to me.

Thing is, over the years I came to realize that quite a few people who ask advice don't really want an honest answer to their query. They want affirmation of a decision already made. Or a cosigner on an opinion already fully formed and adamantly held.

You are one of these people.

I'm not saying this to insult you. Truly I'm not. I'm just pointing out something that you may not have considered, yet.

The context of your thread was not celebratory in nature. You were seeking advice on a potential impulse purchase.

Here's the thing. You weren't singled out in that thread. It feels like that to you, because you're focused on your situation and the fact that the general consensus is not what you'd have preferred.

But what was said to you is no different from what might have been said - indeed, what HAS been said - to other members with similar experience and intentions.

What singles your situation out a bit is your reaction to the advice you'd sought.

Now understand, none of us here knows you personally. So how do we go about advising you? Well, it all comes down to 2 things. What you tell us, and our prior experiences with other members. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less. And fact is, in the past, members with a similar level of experience as you who went on to welcome a macaw into their homes tended not to fare so well.

Does this mean you are doomed to fail in your endeavor? That your severe macaw is fated to be rehomed? Of course not! Not a one of us lays claim to the precognitive prowess of Nostradamus.

All we have to go by is your previous experience and current situation. But believe me, everyone here fervently hopes you prove an exception to the general tendency.

I'm sorry about the social awkwardness with which you must contend. And deepest consolations for your mother's passing. Such things are not easily borne.

But a word to the wise that will make your time on forums much easier? Take the advice received for exactly what it is. Advice. Not a personal condemnation. Not a hateful attack. Not an indictment of your character. Simply advice.

Ultimately, it's your situation and your life. Listen to our advice, and then apply it or discard it as you will.

The choice is yours.

 

[JerseyWendy]

I so hate busting your bubble, but there is NO way you've 'bonded' with a bird in such a short amount of time. Bonding takes time. Building trust takes more time. Training and socializing will need to be done throughout their (the birds) entire life.

Nobody, and I repeat, NOBODY, called you a hoarder.

It appears you only perceive negativity in our responses, when that it absolutely not the case.

As for not giving a darn what others think or say: You've demonstrated that quite nicely.

 

[Birdman666]

For the record, I wasn't calling you a hoarder...

I was pointing out that the guys you see on TV didn't start that way. They started out with the best of intentions, and ENDED UP in over their heads... AND THEY SAID THESE VERY SAME WORDS... but failed to realize that THEY had become part of the problem, not part of the solution.

Okay you got a mini mac... However, what you failed to consider is that some mini macs are more difficult and challenging than big macs.

I will waste no more time arguing with you. I kinda have to agree with Anansi on this one. If you don't really want our input, don't ask the questions.

You might not like what you hear.

 

[wrench13]

Hi Joseph,

The folks on this and other parrot boards you have joined will be supportive, as long as the welfare of the parrots is evident. You can type, they cant. You can speak, they cant ( oops well that analogy just went out the window ). Point being that we all want to see parrots are homed with people who can give the birds a safe, clean, healthy and long term environment. If you can do that, you'll get all the support in that area you could possibly want. But none of here is a mental health professional.

 

[JosephNAsenath]

Actually I disagree I did not want advice to fit my needs, but instead I chose to go against advice I couldn't help it I bonded with her. Don't worry my bubble isn't burst its fully intact. I will go enjoy my birds now. God bless.

 

[Aquila]

I can't comment much on the other threads since I haven't been involved, but I just came to say that I suffer from severe social anxiety, to the point that I have difficulty getting and maintaining a job and often just leaving the house. I don't talk about it here not for fear of getting judged or anything like that, I just don't want people to worry about me. I have some other issues like PTSD and depression and a few other random medical issues.

There are a few others that also suffer similar issues.

I've stuck around here and this has become like my family. Stick around long enough and you'll understand. You want to be treated like everyone else and that's exactly what we do. Everyone here is VERY honest and it's not an attempt to make you feel bad or guilty. You are just getting totally unfiltered answers. It's about hearing the truth and yes, it's difficult sometimes and people can be very opinionated, but please believe me when I say we all have the best intentions. It's nothing personal against your and we say these things because we really do care.

If you need someone to talk to as well, I'm always around.

 

[ToMang07]

.... Try losing your mom to suicide beside you, yea... So if animals help me what's the friggin deal!?! Gosh i can't stand people! This is why I have animals! I don't want friends ya hear me!?! Don't care! I'm so frustrated!!!

Oh boy! Where do I start here?

How about this: Get professional help, please. As far as I know none of us are properly equipped to deal with PTSD and/or depression.

Most of us are not here to make friends - even though it's an added bonus that many GREAT friendships are build nonetheless.

This is a parrot forum. We LOVE our birds. We love other people's birds. We ALWAYS have the birds' best interest at heart.

You were the one with the questions (about the macaw). Heck, Kristin, your thread title indicated you wanted us to talk you out of it. http://www.parrotforums.com/macaws/60055-please-tell-me-i-am-crazy-4.html#post549153

Many of us tried. Hard! Many of us took time out of our busy lives, sat down, and wrote well thought out responses to YOUR question.

Of course it's entirely up to you that you dismissed all the warnings and went right ahead and bought that Severe Macaw anyway. Did you expect us to run around the camp fire and celebrate with you?

Sorry, but most of us believe in HONESTY. Anyone can kiss a$$ and tell you what you want to hear, but since that didn't happen you decided on this 'little' rant? You even said so yourself...in different terms:

I appreciate everyone's concerns but I'm definitely not like everyone else, I'm me. I'm sorry if I angered or offended anyone but I did what I felt was right and I'm happy I wish others could be happy for me but I see that may not be the case.

Believe me, NOBODY was/is angry with you over the Severe Macaw. Shocked? Probably. In disbelieve? Yup. Shaking their heads? Definitely.

So, having said all that, I truly hope one of the forums you've signed up on will be gentle enough for you.

Oh, one last thing: I truly hope you didn't put Jazzy in a 'flight' cage. Severes WILL break cage bars - easily! You have previously said a 'parrot' cage wouldn't fit in your BMW. If you can fit a flight cage, you can fit a parrot cage with the same dimension.

 

[Doublete]

I am sorry you feel you do not need counseling.

I do believe you do.
Bonding with a bird takes time. Animals are part of therapy, not a replacement for mental help.

 

[getwozzy]

All you've done is come on here and ask for advice, ignore what's given to you, and then turn around and bash us for it....WHYYYYY can't you see that we're only trying to HELP you?! Yet you're actively bashing us here AND on other forums as well?? How rude.

This thread is now closed.