Words of Comfort

Terry57

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When someone comes to this forum to post, we all post our personal, heartfelt condolences to them. Some people may find it too painful to post about their loss, and we thought that having a sticky with words of comfort may help someone in their grieving process even if they don't post.

This thread is open for the members to also post things that helped them, or that may help someone else. Just to be clear, though, this is not a place for humorous posts, only posts of understanding, comfort and healing.
As a reminder, please remember to add the author's name who wrote what you post (if you can find it).

The Mod Team would like to start things off with a couple of examples.
The first one is not about losing a pet, but it is written so beautifully that it can apply to any loss.


1665503510193.png



"Alright, here goes. I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not. I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents.

I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see.

As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.

In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.

Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.

Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks."
~ GSnow
 

SailBoat

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Jul 10, 2015
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DYH Amazon
I offer you this Pray: “Passing of a Feathered Friend”

As this Thread may likely exist far beyond my involvement in All Things Parrots. I believe that like the leading Post in this Thread, a lasting testimony (Pray) to the Parrot's that have shared our homes, expanded our Love, and Understanding of Parrots should be part of this Threat

It is not an issue of not wanting to visit and more importantly providing words of support as part of the Bereavement Forum, but my own difficultly in fully facing my households many losses over the years. It is a reality of what we have committed ourselves too and each loss returns us to that clarity. When one opens their home to the very sick and very poorly cared for, losses are part of the commitment. I ask not forgiveness, but understanding of not often enough in sharing your grief. For those of you who loss a Loving Feather Family Member, I offer you this Pray “Passing of a Feathered Friend,” that we provide our Loved Ones!

May Pease find and stand with you as part of your loss my friends…

As provided within the Amazon Forum, Parrot Forum
Passing of a Feathered Friend
Provided By: Steven (SailBoat), November 2016


“All of us feel such deep sadness when our Parrot friends die, and because they are Animals and not Humans, we are at a loss for words. Often, it is only other Parrot Owners who can understand the depth of the loss that we feel with this complex, loyal, and loving creature. Resulting from such a loss, I have placed feelings and emotions into words and found verse to console the loss of my Cleo and since her, other sweet Amazons, in turn; I hope it will speak for each of you.” Steven

You left this world so quickly. I can hardly comprehend your leaving. Yet there, in my hands, your still body rested — no longer your home. So much I have learned, so much you have taught, your purpose a full measure beyond your size. Comprehensions of your loss still a mist, but yet, I know you are whole and happy - now beyond Rainbow Bridge. And so busy you must be upon your green wings, guiding angles to those of us yet to cross. Within my ear, I still hear you, those special sweet sounds of comfort and contentment:

“Do not stand by my grave and weep my friend.
I am not here. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the gentle summer rain.
When you wake in the morning hush, I am the swift uplifting rush of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry my friend.
I am not there. I did not die.”

My pray for you my beloved feathered friend:

“May your body nourish this earth.
May your soul find release and contentment.
May you fly-high and free upon wings of spirit.
Rest in peace little green one.”

The love and tender warmth of you is a un-full-fill-able void.
I do so much thank you for creating a space for another, a special place next to yours’.

In remembrance of Cleo, (Estimated) Spring 1959 - May 2003

Parrot's Have More Love!

Sources: Cheyenne Warrior Blessing, The Amazona Society’s Forum, Steven (SailBoat)
 

foxgloveparrot

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If you're missing someone,
V LIVE

Drink some water.
Get some sleep.
Feel better. I love you <3
 

LaManuka

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Most of us here have been bereaved, have lost a "special" one, or several during our lifetimes. For some the pain is so great that the idea of going through it again is unbearable, and that is fair enough, I have felt that way myself at times too. But for the most part, we do open our hearts again, even though we know it almost inevitably means they'll be broken again, and some folks wonder why we would do that. I think a lady called Suzanne Clothier has expressed those feelings very well here ...

“There is a cycle of love and death that shapes the lives of those who choose to travel in the company of animals. It is a cycle unlike any other. To those who have never lived through it’s turnings or walked it’s rocky path, our willingness to give our hearts with full knowledge that they will be broken seems incomprehensible. Only we know how small a price we pay for what we receive – our grief, no matter how powerful it may be, is an insufficient measure of the joy we have been given.” 💖
 
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𝕾𝖙𝖔𝖗𝖒𝖞𝕻𝖎𝖈𝖆

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I've been dealing with some stuff in my personal life for a couple years, and I've learned this:

You have to find people who genuinely care about you. Sometimes, the people who jump to say "Oh, I'm so sorry!" don't actually care about what you're going through. Many times, it's the people who watch you from a distance, making sure you're OK, and checking on you occasionally. Many times, the person who doesn't know what to say to you, because they know that saying "I'm so sorry" is not going to change anything, cares the most.

It may sound a bit harsh, but it's reality. Don't surround yourself with people who don't care.
 

LaManuka

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My most precious girl, Lilly Pilly, was lost to me in the most emotionally torturous of circumstances in January 2022, in a situation where it felt like whichever option I chose would have been the wrong one and I would end up regretting whichever path I chose to take with her treatment. Many of us are similarly wracked with guilt and driven to great depths of despair by constantly going over all the "what if's" over and over again, as I most certainly did. A few months ago I discovered these words by a gent called John Farrell on Facebook which have helped me enormously in putting those feelings of "if only" into some sort of perspective, and I think they may be very valuable to others here as well ...

"Attend these words. When your pet is called home, cherish your memories until you see them again. All too often I see people second guessing themselves. What if i had done this? What if i had done that? Was it the right time? and so on. None of us have crystal balls do we? If I had kept her in my house that night would she have lived another ten years or longer? Who knows? But I do know this - they had the best years of love and care with you that they could ever have wished for, so torturing oneself is totally unwarranted. Whether it be by advancing years, illness or accident, some things are not in our control. They are controlled by the One who gave them to us, and His ways are not our ways. Whatever or however, their journey is mapped out before we get them into our lives, so never entertain your doubts or uncertainties. The promise was fulfilled when you received them, and one day the promise will be fulfilled to you. And there's no doubt or uncertainty in that." 🙏
 

GaleriaGila

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There is nothing like grief, and nothing like grief for a beloved bird. And there is nothing like THIS PLACE. I am overcome with gratitude and love when I really just sit and let it sink in. There are miracle-workers, and a magical spirit. Love you all. Thank you.
 

LaManuka

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I've never been able to find an author for this one, it's always been attributed to "Anonymous" as far as I can tell. And I think it may have originally been written for non-feathered pets and been adapted later. Although it makes me cry every single time I read it, it is another that has always been a source of great comfort to me during very difficult times ...

Lend Me A Bird

"I will lend to you for a while, a bird," God said.
"For you to love her while she lives and to mourn for her when she is dead."

"Maybe for twenty or forty years, or maybe for two or three,
But will you, 'til I call her back, take care of her for me?

She'll bring her charms to gladden you, and should her stay be brief,
You'll always have her memories as solace for your grief.

I cannot promise that she will stay, since all from Earth return,
But there are lessons taught below that I want this bird to learn.

I've looked the whole world over in search of teachers true,
And from the folks that crowd life's land, I have chosen you.

Now will you give her all your love; nor think the labour vain;
Nor hate me when I come to take my lovely bird again?

I fancied that I heard them say, "Dear Lord, thy will be done,
For all the joys this bird will bring, the risk of grief we'll run!"

Will you shelter her with tenderness? Will you love her while you may?
And for the happiness you'll know, forever grateful stay?

But should I call her back much sooner than you've planned,
Please brave the bitter grief that comes and try to understand.

If, by your love, you've managed, my wishes to achieve,
In memory of her you've loved, be thankful, do not grieve.

Cherish every moment of your feathered charge.
She filled your home with songs of joy the time she was alive.
Let not her passing take from you those memories to enjoy."

"I will lend to you, a Bird," God said, "and teach you all you have to do.
And when I call her back to Heaven, you will know she loved you too." ✨ ❤️‍🩹
 

BirdyBee

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I've been dealing with some stuff in my personal life for a couple years, and I've learned this:

You have to find people who genuinely care about you. Sometimes, the people who jump to say "Oh, I'm so sorry!" don't actually care about what you're going through. Many times, it's the people who watch you from a distance, making sure you're OK, and checking on you occasionally. Many times, the person who doesn't know what to say to you, because they know that saying "I'm so sorry" is not going to change anything, cares the most.

It may sound a bit harsh, but it's reality. Don't surround yourself with people who don't care.
I think it is often hard to know what to say when someone is going through something. For me, when I just say, "I'm sorry" it just doesn't feel right, because is that meaningful in any way? That's why I try to avoid posting on bereavement threads, because when I try to post something meaningful, it comes off as meaningless, and the coping advice is just... not useful.

The best you can do for someone who is struggling is just to be there for them and to lend your ear whenever necessary.
 

Rambosmother

Member
May 31, 2019
12
38
When someone comes to this forum to post, we all post our personal, heartfelt condolences to them. Some people may find it too painful to post about their loss, and we thought that having a sticky with words of comfort may help someone in their grieving process even if they don't post.

This thread is open for the members to also post things that helped them, or that may help someone else. Just to be clear, though, this is not a place for humorous posts, only posts of understanding, comfort and healing.
As a reminder, please remember to add the author's name who wrote what you post (if you can find it).

The Mod Team would like to start things off with a couple of examples.
The first one is not about losing a pet, but it is written so beautifully that it can apply to any loss.





"Alright, here goes. I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not. I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents.

I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see.

As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.

In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.

Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.

Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks."
~ GSnow
Such beautifully written words. I needed to read this today. Lost my baby on July 4th. I'm trying to keep afloat and this is the first time I've lost a pet. I had him his whole life of 30 years. Farewell my Quaker Rambo. Until me meet again. My heart is broken.
 

Jcas

Supporting Member
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Jan 9, 2023
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I've never been able to find an author for this one, it's always been attributed to "Anonymous" as far as I can tell. And I think it may have originally been written for non-feathered pets and been adapted later. Although it makes me cry every single time I read it, it is another that has always been a source of great comfort to me during very difficult times ...

Lend Me A Bird

"I will lend to you for a while, a bird," God said.
"For you to love her while she lives and to mourn for her when she is dead."

"Maybe for twenty or forty years, or maybe for two or three,
But will you, 'til I call her back, take care of her for me?

She'll bring her charms to gladden you, and should her stay be brief,
You'll always have her memories as solace for your grief.

I cannot promise that she will stay, since all from Earth return,
But there are lessons taught below that I want this bird to learn.

I've looked the whole world over in search of teachers true,
And from the folks that crowd life's land, I have chosen you.

Now will you give her all your love; nor think the labour vain;
Nor hate me when I come to take my lovely bird again?

I fancied that I heard them say, "Dear Lord, thy will be done,
For all the joys this bird will bring, the risk of grief we'll run!"

Will you shelter her with tenderness? Will you love her while you may?
And for the happiness you'll know, forever grateful stay?

But should I call her back much sooner than you've planned,
Please brave the bitter grief that comes and try to understand.

If, by your love, you've managed, my wishes to achieve,
In memory of her you've loved, be thankful, do not grieve.

Cherish every moment of your feathered charge.
She filled your home with songs of joy the time she was alive.
Let not her passing take from you those memories to enjoy."

"I will lend to you, a Bird," God said, "and teach you all you have to do.
And when I call her back to Heaven, you will know she loved you too." ✨ ❤️‍🩹
This is such a sweet poem. I just unexpectedly lost my 22 year old horse, Beckett, a week ago today. He wasn’t a bird but I replaced “ bird” with “horse” as I read and it made me cry. Grief is often so bewildering and we just have to take it one day at a time and know that it does get better. Grief is the price of love but it is a price I’ll gladly pay again and again because the the love and joy I receive in return for loving another completely outweighs the grief I feel at their loss. We may not feel that way in the moment, but as the sharp edge of sorrow fades, the good memories take precedence and we know that it’s worth it. Every animal teaches us something and while the animal will leave us at some point, those lessons they taught us stick with us for a lifetime, and in that way I think a little bit of them lives on forever, through us.
 

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