Unsure of what to do

I recently got my african grey Barney as a rehome, and he is quite nippy he's left multiple marks on me and deep ones at that. I think I have gotten him out to soon as he seemed like he was ready he was coming out and stepping up fine. By probably the third or fourth day he started biting very hard. I was originally the only one able to pick him up, lately he has been puffing up and just looking angry when I go to pick him up. So after many bites I started to leave him alone. We wernt sure if he adjusted so we just let him be in his cage which he enjoyed. We were told he liked women rather then men but I'm starting to think its the other way around. My boyfriend was able to have him step up off the floor with only a minimum bite and he was also able to pet him. And today my brother walked up to his cage and he came right to him. I then brought him into an empty room with me and tried to get him to step up for me he did it probably 5 times then decided he wanted to leave (he was flapping toward the door) now the thing is i don't want him bonding with my brother or boyfriend because they are rarly here due to work and school. Is there anyway to go about trying to get him used to me? Or am I just going to be bit a lot? I just don't want him to hate me I feel bad for him just being able to sit on his cage.
Also I forgot to mention he was bonded to the woman who owned him, he would bite at the male and his son could pull Barney out fine
Sorry for the long message

I've been trying to avoid the stick because it scares him he just runs from it. I don't think he's ever stepped up with one. He's 16 and I've only had him about a week, he just tries to nip at females he seems to go to my brother and boyfriend fine but they have only tried once. In starting to think he only wants males attebtion but neither of them are here enough if he bonded to them I wouldn't want him to be miserable if he bonded and they wernt here often.

Is it possible if he does prefer men for him to start to like me

Mariahh0721 said:

I've been trying to avoid the stick because it scares him he just runs from it. I don't think he's ever stepped up with one. He's 16 and I've only had him about a week, he just tries to nip at females he seems to go to my brother and boyfriend fine but they have only tried once. In starting to think he only wants males attebtion but neither of them are here enough if he bonded to them I wouldn't want him to be miserable if he bonded and they wernt here often.

Is it possible if he does prefer men for him to start to like me

Click to expand...

Why don't you just give him some time to settle in and talk and offer treats through the bars of the cage. When you feel that he is more comfortable with you open the cage and see what happens. But until then give him time, speak softly, and no touching right now.

Why would he bite??? Could it be his way of saying,"NO" ??? Why would he go from stepping up fine to biting?? It's because "stepping up" for you meant," i'm going to take you here"," I'm going pet /cuddle you", i'm taking you away from your "safe spot" and pushing you past your comfort level. Of course you've now taught him how to control YOU and YOUR behavior.
Yes you can fix it but it will take more work now. Your going to have to see the world though his eyes. At this point you can't be trusted. Your fault,not his. Quit trying to force him to see how how great a buddy you are. It's something he'll have to figure out on his own after you've earned his trust. Practice the "step up" , but don't take him anywhere. Just step up and quickly back down to his cage. Show him "step up" doesn't mean something else," like i'm moving you over here". If and when he does allow scratches/pets, make him ask for them and stop before he bites to say "that's enough". Leave him wanting more interaction from you instead of him biting to make you stop.
I don't hang out in this section much and don't know what threads are here about this type of thing, but it's something we talk about alot in the Amazon section. I don't want or have time to write a book but if you need help just ask. Slow down and see the world though their eyes.

A biting bird is saying "No, stop!" for sure!

But, that doesn't mean he wants you to ignore him...it means he doesn't like it when you take him so far away from his comfort zone, or maybe he just doesn't want to be picked up right now. Try pulling a chair up next to his cage and just talking to him, and offer tasty treats. Sing him a song, or just talk to him about whatever. I find a sing-song cooing sort of voice, like what you might use on a baby, is very effective.

He tried to warn you with little bites...and now, yes, trust will be harder to earn. When he wasn't comfortable with exactly what you wanted from him, you pushed him harder, then stopped paying attention to him. (I know you didn't mean to, but as said above...see it though his eyes.)

Now for the final clincher - there is absolutely no way he won't take to you "just because you are a girl". Parrots aren't sexist, they just look for what they are familiar with. If short hair and deep voice means nice person that respects me, and long hair and higher voice means someone that is pushy with me...well yeah, they will be predisposed to liking short hair, deep voices. Jack was hand fed by a guy, and when he came here he showed a lot more interest in ANY male then he did me. But parrots are pretty smart, and they soon figure it out...oooooh, this person looks different, but now I see how nice they treat me, and after all, they are here with me more. Now, he pines after me when I am around and will happily ignore any male in favor of me.

Best advice - let him come to you. Don't be pushy...be patient. If my birds step away when I offer my arm, I tell them I am sorry they don't want to interact with me right now in a soft voice (no sadness, just noting a fact in a gentle voice) and withdraw my arm. Most of the time when I go back a few minutes or an hour later, they find themselves making a different decision.

It is impossible for you to "make" your parrot do anything...you can request, and they can accept or deny. If you think another way, you and the rest of the family are going to wind up with a lot more scars, and a parrot that won't leave its cage...at least not without steel gloves.

Take your time, slow down and relax.
You need to earn his trust and the only way to do that is by him knowing you respect his feelings and decisions, It's the first step in bonding.
It took my amazon over a month to step up at all for me and a few more months before he would do it all the time on request. Now if he sees my hand or arm he jumps right on.
I always gave him the choice in the beginning, I asked him if he wanted to go before I took him anywhere, now he step on me and says" I wanna go "

It's not too late to repair this, but you will have to work at it.

Oh, my dear, a week is NOTHING to create trust in a parrot. It's as the previous posters told you: you pushed the envelope (you asked him to step up FIVE times in a row and wonder why he wanted to leave the unfamiliar room?!) and got punished for it.

Let me tell you one thing I've learned about parrots, you can't really make them do anything they don't want to do or to bond with you. If he is going to bond with you, he will but if he wants to bond with another person, nothing you can do (even withholding the other person's interaction with him) will work.

With parrots, you take your time and allow them to take the first step EVERY TIME the relationship escalates another notch into becoming more intimate. Don't take him to an unfamiliar room, he will resent you and distrust you for doing this. Allow him to become comfortable and familiar in one single environment and to learn to trust you before you start giving the house tours. Don't flood him asking him over and over to do useless things - they are highly intelligent animals and not easily bamboozled plus they are not 'hard-wired' for pleasing anybody but themselves (unlike dogs, horse and other domesticated animals) so, unless he is bonded to you, he will not react favorably to been asked to do something he does NOT want to do. He will do it for love but not because you are his owner and asked him to do it.

Take your time, let him out of his cage by opening the door without asking him to step up, put a perch on the outside of the cage or a playstand nearby so he can chill there if he feels like it. Talk to him, praise him, sing and dance for him, offer him treats, keep a steady routine (this goes a LOOOOOOONG way toward making him comfortable) and always tell him what you are going to do by repeating the same phrase PRIOR the action -for example, greet him in the morning with a Hello or a Hi and as you stand in front of his cage ask him 'Wanna come out?' and then open the cage - or let him know you are going to mist him (but only if he likes it!) by saying something like 'Wanna a bath?' (I sing Singing in the rain to them while I do it), that kind of thing...

Parrots are not dogs, we need to win them over and it needs to be done the right way, showing respect for their wishes and needs and never imposing our needs or desires on them.

As everyone else has said, slow it down! It takes time... a LOT of time...for many birds to "bond" with someone, and trying to make it happen faster will only result in mistrust and more work. I read somewhere that it can take YEARS for some birds to really bond.

There is SO much good advice here...please read lots and remember that, even if someone sounds impatient in their comments, they are wanting the best for you and your bird!

Thank you everyone for the replies, i haven't been pushing him to do anything and I am telling him what I am doing before I just do it. He seems to respect that more. I don't think he will ever fully bond with me as I believe he has with my brother. I got up this morning to him. Fully interacting and enjoying my brother. Only problem is he tries to regurgitate on him. Which I told him to discourage. But now because he does this and seems to like him so much is him working going to cause problems? He works probably about 14 hours a day