She hates me!

So i have finally given up on my grey.

I admit, she hates me. Not dislikes, But actually hates me

She free roams the house in the evening and seems to be semi independent in that regards,

She likes my younger sister, who can rub her, pick her up and give loads of kisses.

My wife gets her toes nibbled a little, same with our kids. But if I go near her I get bitten. She even stalks me and goes for my toes when im watching tv,

Is there anything I can do to stop that? Maybe get her to love me in some way? We have a little nightly ritual where I have to say good night to her or she shouts a little. But other than that..... She just hates me

*the birdy also doesnt puff up when im around, eyes dont pin, no back tracking etc. Its as if she isnt scared of me and is willing to fight to the death if she can only get a knife

Per your other posts , you also have 2 GCC who also don't like you. I think in order to help you, we will need a lot more information on what the family life is like, and details on what goes on, and how the parrots are cared for.

Make sure no one is petting the bird anywhere than the head or neck..Remove access to any shadowy spaces (tents, huts, pillows, blankets, paper piles, drawers, low-ledges, under furniture etc) ---if you have one of those hammock things, get rid of it.
10-12 hours of sleep per night also helps hormones.

It could also be partly due to your style of interaction with them (no one should be stroking/cuddling though).
Don't ever yell at a bird or try to physically force it to do something it doesn't want unless it is an absolute emergency..
Take time to build trust by associating yourself with positive things but not getting in the bird's face etc.

Greys are extremely intelligent and often very stubborn. Many parrots form opinions of the people in their lives and resist change. Changing behavior is not impossible with patience and love. Some additional techniques to earn trust and bond with a parrot: http://www.parrotforums.com/general-parrot-information/49144-tips-bonding-building-trust.html

Is there a favorite treat you can offer as reward? Most parrots enjoy bits of almond and walnuts. High in fat, so tiny pieces are best. (be sure and avoid "bitter almonds," available in some regions. They contain high levels of cyanide.

Scott said:

Greys are extremely intelligent and often very stubborn. Many parrots form opinions of the people in their lives and resist change. Changing behavior is not impossible with patience and love. Some additional techniques to earn trust and bond with a parrot: http://www.parrotforums.com/general-parrot-information/49144-tips-bonding-building-trust.html

Is there a favorite treat you can offer as reward? Most parrots enjoy bits of almond and walnuts. High in fat, so tiny pieces are best. (be sure and avoid "bitter almonds," available in some regions. They contain high levels of cyanide.

Click to expand...

I’ve still been giving Archie unsalted white pistachios as a treat, although I haven’t learned whether quantities should be limited.

He loves them.

She *may* be jealous of your attention to your wife/daughter, my Enzo was as you described to my X. Has she ever 'dive bombed' you at all? Any signs of aggression to you or others whilst you are around?

If its not a jealousy thing, maybe its a trust thing. Ive found with Enzo I have to ask her to do things, step up etc, i never demand...sort of a weird mutual respect thing.
Im ALWAYS relaxed around her, or as relaxed and patient as i can be, I talk softly to her mostly and I try and keep a relaxed and non threatening physical pose ensuring she sees no threat with me. Believe me, if she knows im not happy about something she knows! (although she may not stop whats shes doing!!!)

What is she like when you approach her, how do you interact with her, i think we need a little more information. Ive seen conures and some other birds when they pin and i dont beleive ive ever seen Enzo do that to others although it may be far more subtle with a grey, im not sure.

Ive just re-read your post. So she will bite you, but doenst show signs of aggression by making herself look larger 'puffing up' etc. Would that mean she is not frightened of you, im back to thinking its a jealousy thing.

Disclaimer: My only experience with large birds is with Rocco, my U2. This may be irrelevant to other species.

When I first got Rocco I had no experience with large birds. To get over my fear of that big beak I'd sit with him during his more relaxed times and gently massage his beak, and even tickle his tongue a bit. Over time I got over my apprehension of his beak, and he stopped using it in a threatening way. In 15 years I've only had 3 bad bites, but all were accidental, like when he lunges for my coffee and I pull it away which results in him nailing my lip or nose. Now I drink my coffee away from him.

My Rocco is normally very sweet and affectionate, but he has a foot fetish. If I walk around barefoot he'll chase me around the house. At first I thought it was funny, but I saw the potential for injury to one or both of us. Now I always wear slippers and that problem was solved. In fact, he rarely goes on the floor now.

Bonus feature: The slippers protect my feet from his many shards of destroyed wood.

Walter

enzo is the same, she hates feet and will attack them if not careful

wrench13 said:

Per your other posts , you also have 2 GCC who also don't like you. I think in order to help you, we will need a lot more information on what the family life is like, and details on what goes on, and how the parrots are cared for.

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The two GCC's are new to the family, only had them for about 3 months. I dont know their history so im kinda working on that one on the side.

Family life,

wife and two boys live with me. we have the birds in our lounge area,
when we go for work/school etc, i make sure to leave a radio on during the day so there is some noise for her.

at night we open the cage around 5:30 - 6pm, and then most nights she will go back in when she is ready. there has been 2-3 evenings where we were ready for bed and i had to persuade her into the cage using a towl (like a bull). I know this isnt the best way, but no pushing or hurting happened.

i greet the her often, talking to her randomly through the day. she sits outside in her cage most days where she will whistle and return my whistles. we have learned how to do the tune to "the good the bad and the ugly", she does the first bit and i do the second.

she has held my finger numerous times through her cage bars, but we stopped that when she started to bite me

the GCC's are in the same room, however they are not near each other.
the behaviour issues with my parrot have been there since before the gcc's

All sounds good as long as she gets enough peace to sleep in your lounge area, ideally they need 10-12hrs, but i know...real life takes over.

The towel though, that could well be your problem assuming its you who does it and she likely gets distressed/dislikes the towel. If she is struggling to go in the cage, treats are best when offered inside the cage or as a 'lead' into it at least, and especially when the lights are turned very low. I have a smart bulb that I get alexa to reduce from 50% to 10% over 5 mins and that calms her right down as she knows its ni-night time....
Give that ago, as i said earlier, ive found greys are best when you ask/encourage them to do things rather than force, calming environment as much as possible, unless its play time, then chaos is best

When i got enzo nearly 3yrs ago I used a towel on her to get her off my wardrobes as i couldnt reach....it took me ages to get her trust back. lesson learnt, she isnt a budgie that didnt hold grudges (my previous birds)

one other silly thing, when anybody enters the house its a rule that after greeting each other, always go and greet the parrot with a treat and a bit of a fuss.

Do you train her? If her problem is with you you could trick and target train her. It's fantastic to grow a bond and also you'll share a language the test of your family won't if you take the lead.

Is she different when other people are around and when you're alone with her? Might be worth testing out if you haven't really had the opportunity to yet.

Do you know she is a she? I do think birds generally favour a human of the opposite sex. If she likes your wife and you boys are, well, still boys, it might be why she isn't as keen on you? I have assumed you're a guy, which I'm very aware might not be the case, apologies for any offence caused!

Honestly though what you describe is so far away from being hated! Maybe you're not her favourite, but you seem to be getting along pretty good.

wfstecko said:

Disclaimer: My only experience with large birds is with Rocco, my U2. This may be irrelevant to other species.

When I first got Rocco I had no experience with large birds. To get over my fear of that big beak I'd sit with him during his more relaxed times and gently massage his beak, and even tickle his tongue a bit. Over time I got over my apprehension of his beak, and he stopped using it in a threatening way. In 15 years I've only had 3 bad bites, but all were accidental, like when he lunges for my coffee and I pull it away which results in him nailing my lip or nose. Now I drink my coffee away from him.

My Rocco is normally very sweet and affectionate, but he has a foot fetish. If I walk around barefoot he'll chase me around the house. At first I thought it was funny, but I saw the potential for injury to one or both of us. Now I always wear slippers and that problem was solved. In fact, he rarely goes on the floor now.

Bonus feature: The slippers protect my feet from his many shards of destroyed wood.

Walter

Click to expand...

I'm gonna be the devil's advocate here....foot-chasing is often tied to hormones (initially--and then reinforced by reactions) and hormones are tied to beak and tongue massage... ESPECIALLY in a U2..sorry (eek)! Love you guys!!!

Jottlebot said:

Do you train her? If her problem is with you you could trick and target train her. It's fantastic to grow a bond and also you'll share a language the test of your family won't if you take the lead.

Is she different when other people are around and when you're alone with her? Might be worth testing out if you haven't really had the opportunity to yet.

Do you know she is a she? I do think birds generally favour a human of the opposite sex. If she likes your wife and you boys are, well, still boys, it might be why she isn't as keen on you? I have assumed you're a guy, which I'm very aware might not be the case, apologies for any offence caused!

Honestly though what you describe is so far away from being hated! Maybe you're not her favourite, but you seem to be getting along pretty good.

Click to expand...

we havent sexed her, but judging by posts i found here, she seems to be , well a she .

the tail isnt solid, the feathers under the wings are lighter, head shape isnt as flat

i am a male, she used to belong to my grandfather and moved in with me when she was about 3 years old. that was about 5 years ago? he never really handled her, more just let her out the cage and then back in. He started to develop some old people issues and well... i got the birdy

Have a look at training videos, there are some excellent youtube channels, BirdTricks is great.. As for sexing Greys, I think its very hard to do in fact ive even heard of tests that are wrong! My Enzo was a boy, right up until the point he laid an egg.

noodles123 said:

wfstecko said:

Disclaimer: My only experience with large birds is with Rocco, my U2. This may be irrelevant to other species.

When I first got Rocco I had no experience with large birds. To get over my fear of that big beak I'd sit with him during his more relaxed times and gently massage his beak, and even tickle his tongue a bit. Over time I got over my apprehension of his beak, and he stopped using it in a threatening way. In 15 years I've only had 3 bad bites, but all were accidental, like when he lunges for my coffee and I pull it away which results in him nailing my lip or nose. Now I drink my coffee away from him.

My Rocco is normally very sweet and affectionate, but he has a foot fetish. If I walk around barefoot he'll chase me around the house. At first I thought it was funny, but I saw the potential for injury to one or both of us. Now I always wear slippers and that problem was solved. In fact, he rarely goes on the floor now.

Bonus feature: The slippers protect my feet from his many shards of destroyed wood.

Walter

Click to expand...

I'm gonna be the devil's advocate here....foot-chasing is often tied to hormones (initially--and then reinforced by reactions) and hormones are tied to beak and tongue massage... ESPECIALLY in a U2..sorry (eek)! Love you guys!!!

Click to expand...

My grey used to go after my wife’s dangling toes all the time, and he was way pre-hormonal.

He just didn’t love anyone except me, and those toes were the closest thing he could get to.

This whole thing sounds like a simple body language issue. How you move, how quickly you move, etc., but God knows what advice would actually help.

Diet, sleep time and hormones are very possible issues or their combination. Also a more "scheduled life can improve things along with some training or re-training. NO toweling is a BIG thing and cage time can be faciltiiated with meals or treats and bedtime. This will take you knowing what goes on, our advices, more research and your own best judgement. She may not actually or ever actually "like" you, but you have more birds too. jh