No progress with biting / who my parrot prefers

I am to my wits end and my hands are beaten and scarred from the bites from the last two weeks from my sweet Ryu.

I followed the advice on this forum and removed the fleece. I have been refraining from sticking my hand into the cage and petting ONLY ON THE HEAD. And yet still, the bird will bite me without warning.

Last week I took Ryu into the shower and as we were standing there and she/he was letting me pet on the head all seemed well and then suddenly, bit me on the finger, drawing blood.

I have noticed when I come near the cage now, Ryu follows my body and then screeches really loudly when I walk away returning from the cage.

One thing that I noticed is that my parrot does NOT bite my fiance (who is male). MOreover, even prior to Springtime when I used to be able to freely pick up / put down and pet Ryu, if Zane was in the room with us, the bird would walk over to him and leave me behind.

Zane moved in in December and its been months where my bird no longer seems bonded to me and prefers him. But here is what I do not get, its clear the bird is hormonal but Zane does not get bit, ever!

I have instructed him to stop allowing Ryu to be on his shoulder . Often, Zane is home in the day and would let the bird out and have Ryu riding around on his shoulder and give treats often. Perhaps this is why my parrot prefers him ?

I want to stop getting bit. I want the connection back with my bird. I am appreciative that someone can be home with Ryu and that my fiance has obviously earned Ryu's favor but I miss my buddy and I feel replaced.

This SUCKS. Please help.

um I think your bird is a female and I think she is pissed your sleeping with HER MAN! (you home wrecker)

Look up TIME OUT METHOD in the search bar at the top....it's the most effective for bonded and acclimated birds especially conures.

oh and make sure your partner is on board and re-enforces the time out method or that would be a disaster......

clark_conure said:

um I think your bird is a female and I think she is pissed your sleeping with HER MAN! (you home wrecker)

Look up TIME OUT METHOD in the search bar at the top....it's the most effective for bonded and acclimated birds especially conures.

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HAHAHA .... really ? I do not understand why or how that happened. Will it ever go away ? Should I just submit and relinquish all bonding / interaction to him now ?

He can pay the vet and food bill too then since he has apparently ruined my relationship with my sweet GCC.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO it passes and it can be..............look just look up time out.

Basically in the wild if a bird bites another flock member it's shunned. if a bird bites you say NO! and put it on the floor, but not a cage playstand. some place it won't like....then 1) it's away from the flock and has to come back 2) has time to calm down 3) has to think about re-introducing itself to the flock. Several others and I have written large posts about this method but thats the jist of it, you shun the bird and it has to calm down realize crap i'm not in the flock and come back and apologize. may take.... lets say 5 times....usually that does it.

make the bird walk/fly back so it has that time to think (why am I here walking back?) also hormones pass

clark_conure said:

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO it passes and it can be..............look just look up time out.

Basically in the wild if a bird bites another flock member it's shunned. if a bird bites you say NO! and put it on the floor, but not a cage playstand. some place it won't like....then 1) it's away from the flock and has to come back 2) has time to calm down 3) has to think about re-introducing itself to the flock. Several others and I have written large posts about this method but thats the jist of it, you shun the bird and it has to calm down realize crap i'm not in the flock and come back and apologize. may take.... lets say 5 times....usually that does it.

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I just watched videos on this and read some threads. I have done this already and it does not seem to help. There is no problem stepping up on the stick but I've been bit so many times in the last several weeks that I am now shy with my fingers.
I have seen nothing posted about when a bird switches "owner" preference so I don't know what to tell my fiance. He does not have a problem with the bird, the bird never bites HIM....

Never fear the beak......that is all they have. it's an animal animals can sense fear.

Treat the bird like you would spoon (emotionally, fear wise). if you fear the bird you lowered yourself on the pecking order...a totally female bird related hierarchy.

"a hierarchy of status seen among members of a group of people or animals, originally as observed among hens."

It's a bird thing...

be loving but be alpha.or assertive...a bird is sitting there, and doesn't want to come, bull-crap! you snow cone it and pick it up... they are all about a pecking order. You can't be a goood parent and cower.... OWN YOUR BIRD!

now dn't ever hurt it, but there is nothing wrong with a laying down the law....but you have to mean it. and you have to LOVE the bird at the same time. they have to know you love them and that you are in charge. sometimes I put zod on her back in my hand and say no and talk about a bunch of stuff she has no idea what i'm saying, but she gets I'm saying stuff to her and to be better.

and it works....

ryusmum said:

...
I have seen nothing posted about when a bird switches "owner" preference so I don't know what to tell my fiance. He does not have a problem with the bird, the bird never bites HIM....

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That happened to me and I've posted about it.

You can't control a parrot very much; much like our relationships with other people.
They evolved socially for zillions of years before we humans took them from the wild to make them pets for our pleasure.
They aren't like dogs, which have been selectively bred by humans for thousands of years for traits that make humans happy.

I accept that Pico wants to be with my SO now whenever the 3 of us are together.
I don't prefer it, but I accept it.
Fortunately, when my SO is gone Pico is affectionate with me.

It's a parrot, and switching their preferred human is just what parrots do sometimes.
Is yours well behaved when you two are alone?

YSGC said:

ryusmum said:

...
I have seen nothing posted about when a bird switches "owner" preference so I don't know what to tell my fiance. He does not have a problem with the bird, the bird never bites HIM....

Click to expand...

That happened to me and I've posted about it.

You can't control a parrot very much; much like our relationships with other people.
They evolved socially for zillions of years before we humans took them from the wild to make them pets for our pleasure.
They aren't like dogs, which have been selectively bred by humans for thousands of years for traits that make humans happy.

I accept that Pico wants to be with my SO now whenever the 3 of us are together.
I don't prefer it, but I accept it.
Fortunately, when my SO is gone Pico is affectionate with me.

It's a parrot, and switching their preferred human is just what parrots do sometimes.
Is yours well behaved when you two are alone?

Click to expand...

It's an odd comfort to know that I am not the only one who has experienced this.
YES, Ry is kind when Zane is not around and prior to mating season kicking in, even when both of us were with Ryu I'd be able to easily handle the parrot and it would travel between the two of us with no attacks.
I did what some others have suggested and really slowed things down yesterday. Zane was outside gardening and I took Ryu out of her cage and into the room on the training perch with some treats. I allowed her to just come to me when she wanted to and a watched carefully for her body language to help guide me to when she did not want to be picked up.
I did spot a tail feather coming in so I am sure that molting may also be contributing to why she does not want to be picked up by anyone but I can admit... having my parrot for six years with no issues prior to this left me saddened and stubborn at first. I saw Zane swoop in and have this parrots love with zero effort except giving her treats.
I think my own jealousy of their relationship fed me trying to force my hand so to speak, therefore forcing Ryu and as you said, they cannot be controlled nor should I try to.

Zane has agreed to stepping aside for a bit so I can re-bond with the parrot and we are one day down with no bites.

ryusmum said:

YSGC said:

ryusmum said:

...
I have seen nothing posted about when a bird switches "owner" preference so I don't know what to tell my fiance. He does not have a problem with the bird, the bird never bites HIM....

Click to expand...

That happened to me and I've posted about it.

You can't control a parrot very much; much like our relationships with other people.
They evolved socially for zillions of years before we humans took them from the wild to make them pets for our pleasure.
They aren't like dogs, which have been selectively bred by humans for thousands of years for traits that make humans happy.

I accept that Pico wants to be with my SO now whenever the 3 of us are together.
I don't prefer it, but I accept it.
Fortunately, when my SO is gone Pico is affectionate with me.

It's a parrot, and switching their preferred human is just what parrots do sometimes.
Is yours well behaved when you two are alone?

Click to expand...

It's an odd comfort to know that I am not the only one who has experienced this.
YES, Ry is kind when Zane is not around and prior to mating season kicking in, even when both of us were with Ryu I'd be able to easily handle the parrot and it would travel between the two of us with no attacks.
I did what some others have suggested and really slowed things down yesterday. Zane was outside gardening and I took Ryu out of her cage and into the room on the training perch with some treats. I allowed her to just come to me when she wanted to and a watched carefully for her body language to help guide me to when she did not want to be picked up.
I did spot a tail feather coming in so I am sure that molting may also be contributing to why she does not want to be picked up by anyone but I can admit... having my parrot for six years with no issues prior to this left me saddened and stubborn at first. I saw Zane swoop in and have this parrots love with zero effort except giving her treats.
I think my own jealousy of their relationship fed me trying to force my hand so to speak, therefore forcing Ryu and as you said, they cannot be controlled nor should I try to.

Zane has agreed to stepping aside for a bit so I can re-bond with the parrot and we are one day down with no bites.

Click to expand...

I wish you all the best on this, and am curious how it goes.
But it wouldn't surprise me if there is trouble ahead if you think you can "win back" Ryu's human-preference.
Conures are pretty stubborn and strong-willed.
If Ryu prefers Zane as her favorite human I'm not sure there is much Zane or you can do to "fix" that.

Again, I do wish you 3 all the best on this.

I'm not saying that my experience will play out for everyone else but, fwiw, it may be useful to read a bit more about this flock's ménage à trois ...

I got Pico as a hand-fed, newly-weaned, wing-clipped youngster in 2015.
I was then living with my previous SO, but Pico mostly hung out with me.
My then-SO took little interest in Pico, but he could also handle him.

A year ago we split up.
I met my current SO a few months later.
He moved in 2 months ago. (Don't waste no time, do I? )

Pico immediately took to him and shunned my attention when we were all 3 together.
Once Pico even marched over, with head feathers erect, and bit me very hard, something he had never done.

Instead of seeing this as Pico's problem that the humans must fix I saw it as the parrot communicating his new human-preference. Period.
He was asserting himself in the strongest way he knew.
BTW, these humanlike qualities is a major reason I love parrots.
It is also a major reason many humans can't live with a parrot.
Many want a pet that behaves like a pet, IOW submissive and controllable.

To put it another way, I don't think of Pico as a pet I own.
I see him as a sentient being, deserving of much of the respect we afford other humans.

I think backing off and respecting Pico's human-choice is key to how he's remained extremely affectionate with me and many other new people when his favorite human is absent.

Of course this is all merely speculation on my part.
Nobody can be certain exactly what goes on in the mind of any animal, including other humans.
But alas, we humans can't stand not knowing things so we formulate answers to unanswerable questions all the time.

Just to add my .02... I have also posted about the same situation with my Pineapple. I live alone and raised him since a baby. He is now 16 months old. Never had a problem. Then I met a very nice lady and happens to be a bird lover also. Well, my Pineapple took to her immediately and ALMOST every time we r together, I get bit HARD.
When my SO is not around, no problems, no bites. We have since learned to accept this problem and give Buddy lots of space when we all sit together. I don't force a step-up when SO is there as it will usually result in a chomp. He will even get on my shoulder and chomp my ear lobe...not THAT is not fun...
It has even gotten to the point that I have difficulty getting him back into his cage. He'll jump on top of his cage and bite if I try to get him to step up.

BUT I have since learned a trick that was mentioned previously. When he was a baby, I was able to hold him like an ice cream cone. I could actually hold him that way and have him lay on his back.
So when he gets into his stubborn biting mood, I pick him up like that and he just goes limp and doesn't bite.

I have also learned to read his body language. Before striking, he usually fluffs up. The strange part is that when we are all together and he is on his playground, he will fly to me as if he misses me. As long as I don't offer him my fingers, he's okay. But then, without any provication, he'll jump on my shoulder and bite the hell out of my ear lobe. I f I try to return him to his cage, he will attack me with vengeance.

So at this point, instead of my ego getting in the way, I let my SO return him to the cage. He may fly off on her also, but she usually gets him back in without getting bit too much herself. He justs wants to be with us all the time.