Puck
New member
- Mar 8, 2015
- 802
- 4
You know that you are an obsessive parront when you are SUPER PROUD of your DARLING FID for making it through her first visit to the vet with only two episodes of screaming like she was dying loud enough for the entire office to hear and absolutely no vet-assistant-deaths-by-beak! It was quite an adventure, though--have I mentioned I HATE having to get my birds places at certain times? Seriously, birds were not created to be on a schedule! 
We start off the day with my sweet girl refusing to enter the bird carrier under any circumstances and flying away over and over again until her obedient human slave (that would be me!) gives up and just takes her in the car since the vet's office is only a mile from our house. Once she arrives, she gives a sweet and lovely look of death to all of the veterinary assistants before eating her pellet breakfast in the exam room (and by "eating" I really mean flinging her pellets ALL over the exam room). Meanwhile, I hold her food dish in one hand like the loyal servant I am and fill out a rather frightening form with the other. Why is it frightening you ask? Mostly because it is full of questions that prove there are many, many IDIOTS with birds out there:
"How often would you say you interact with your bird?: Regularly, Occasionally, Never"
"How often do you remove your bird from the cage?: Daily, Occasionally, Never"
(UHHHHHH... I can't believe there are people out there who answer "occasionally", much less "never"!)
Next, Lucille the Great actually steps up very well for the vet and the assistant, at least until The Towel arrives (The Towel is the ultimate villain of this story, you see, kind of like the Master to the Doctor in Doctor Who.). Once The Towel arrives, all bets are off and she screams her head off so loud the woman with the dog in the next exam room comes over to see what is happening, you know, since it sounds like someone is violating the United Nation's Convention Against Torture in our room.
The Towel is eventually conquered (aka put in prison/stuck in a drawer) and Lucille then gets weighed (a nice, healthy 280 grams). Of course, she refuses to eat the almond or the nutriberri they offer her as treats because, darnit, she ain't EASY like that and there is NO WAY The Queen of the Universe will be quickly forgiving these peasants for desecrating her holiness! All is found to be well other than her vent being a little dirty from the tiny carrier she was trapped in during the plane ride.
I then get a long, long, LONG lecture on lots of bird stuff I already know (from the importance of feeding birds vegetables to the importance of training to how to weigh your bird), which I suppose is a good thing since the form they gave me to fill out proves the world is full of people who apparently buy large parrots with absolutely no idea they need things like human interaction and time outside a cage. Also, the doctor says that she's been seeing a whole lot of people with brand new baby macaws lately, a fact I find midly disturbing knowing how many of those will likely end up rehomed once they hit the terrible teens.
We then go out to pay, and after Lucille finishes terrifying the cat they keep out front with her patented Fid Look of Death, she hops off my shoulder and walks as far down the counter as she can, glaring angrily at this collection of people who violated her Queenliness. (The Towel shall NOT be forgotten!)
At this point we try to leave, which is when Lucille decides that it would be super fun to fly across the room and land on the blinds, so I go get her crate out of the car and force her into it (she's already pissed as heck anyway at this point). The funny thing is, the crate she was so terrified of is a Perch N Go and once she's actually inside it, she actually seems to like it and doesn't really want to come out once we get home! I'm crossing my fingers that next time I'll be able to lure her in and can avoid the moment when she decides to flutter across the room while all the Dog and Cat People stare at this strange Bird Person like he's a lunatic. (Okay, Bird People are kind of lunatics, but there's nothing wrong with that.)
Overall, it was a pretty fun little adventure! Lucille is back in her cage now, sleeping off the horrors, and all is well on the health end!
We start off the day with my sweet girl refusing to enter the bird carrier under any circumstances and flying away over and over again until her obedient human slave (that would be me!) gives up and just takes her in the car since the vet's office is only a mile from our house. Once she arrives, she gives a sweet and lovely look of death to all of the veterinary assistants before eating her pellet breakfast in the exam room (and by "eating" I really mean flinging her pellets ALL over the exam room). Meanwhile, I hold her food dish in one hand like the loyal servant I am and fill out a rather frightening form with the other. Why is it frightening you ask? Mostly because it is full of questions that prove there are many, many IDIOTS with birds out there:
"How often would you say you interact with your bird?: Regularly, Occasionally, Never"
"How often do you remove your bird from the cage?: Daily, Occasionally, Never"
(UHHHHHH... I can't believe there are people out there who answer "occasionally", much less "never"!)
Next, Lucille the Great actually steps up very well for the vet and the assistant, at least until The Towel arrives (The Towel is the ultimate villain of this story, you see, kind of like the Master to the Doctor in Doctor Who.). Once The Towel arrives, all bets are off and she screams her head off so loud the woman with the dog in the next exam room comes over to see what is happening, you know, since it sounds like someone is violating the United Nation's Convention Against Torture in our room.
The Towel is eventually conquered (aka put in prison/stuck in a drawer) and Lucille then gets weighed (a nice, healthy 280 grams). Of course, she refuses to eat the almond or the nutriberri they offer her as treats because, darnit, she ain't EASY like that and there is NO WAY The Queen of the Universe will be quickly forgiving these peasants for desecrating her holiness! All is found to be well other than her vent being a little dirty from the tiny carrier she was trapped in during the plane ride. I then get a long, long, LONG lecture on lots of bird stuff I already know (from the importance of feeding birds vegetables to the importance of training to how to weigh your bird), which I suppose is a good thing since the form they gave me to fill out proves the world is full of people who apparently buy large parrots with absolutely no idea they need things like human interaction and time outside a cage. Also, the doctor says that she's been seeing a whole lot of people with brand new baby macaws lately, a fact I find midly disturbing knowing how many of those will likely end up rehomed once they hit the terrible teens.
We then go out to pay, and after Lucille finishes terrifying the cat they keep out front with her patented Fid Look of Death, she hops off my shoulder and walks as far down the counter as she can, glaring angrily at this collection of people who violated her Queenliness. (The Towel shall NOT be forgotten!)
At this point we try to leave, which is when Lucille decides that it would be super fun to fly across the room and land on the blinds, so I go get her crate out of the car and force her into it (she's already pissed as heck anyway at this point). The funny thing is, the crate she was so terrified of is a Perch N Go and once she's actually inside it, she actually seems to like it and doesn't really want to come out once we get home! I'm crossing my fingers that next time I'll be able to lure her in and can avoid the moment when she decides to flutter across the room while all the Dog and Cat People stare at this strange Bird Person like he's a lunatic. (Okay, Bird People are kind of lunatics, but there's nothing wrong with that.)
Overall, it was a pretty fun little adventure! Lucille is back in her cage now, sleeping off the horrors, and all is well on the health end!
