Valentino too bonded to me

I realized something while picking up Valentino from the clinic. After Dr. Blair took care of his toe nail she kept him for half a day to observe him. She wanted to make sure the toe would not begin bleeding again since she had to work on it to cut off the "hang" like broken part of the nail so he would not catch it on anything.

She did give me a glowing report of his behavior. "Everyone loved him. He stepped up for anyone and even after I worked on him giving him pain shots and cutting his nail he cuddled with me." I was very happy that Valentino likes other people and is still friendly with other people than what is in his immediate family. But of course I was not there.

When Lupe and I went this evening to pick him up Dr. Blair was talking to us about how he did and his discharge instructions and as I asked questions even though he was in a spare exam room in the BACK OF THE CLINIC and I was in the LOBBY OF THE CLINIC he began screaming when he heard my voice. Dr. Blair stops talking mid sentence and said. "Hear him calling to you?" I could hear parrot screaming and recognized it as Valentino's call. She thought it was some what amusing that he called to me. I asked her "Has he screamed a lot while he was here?" (I thought he might of been missing me) She answered with "No he never screamed but he told us what a good boy he was and would say Hi to us."

When Valentino is with me all bets are off. His behavior deteriorates and he is naughty. He will not go to anyone else and will actually nip if anyone else tries to get him to step up for him. Even though I hold him out and tell him to step up for the other person he will not do it. He will fly off my arm and land on my back and hang from my hair. This is to make it very difficult for me to retrieve him and have him follow through with the command. He is way too bonded to me for me to socalize him properly.

When I had my previous three boys I was a very social person and took them to a lot of places having them meet new people and experience new adventures. My boys were well socialized and were better adjusted parrots. Now I am more of a recluse along with the fact it is harder to take parrots out into the world now a days with so many restrictions in place. My now reclusive nature with the changes in society in reference with parrots makes it very very hard for me to properly socialize a baby parrot.

I realize my RFM is way to bonded to me and when he knows it is time for me to be with him he is very obnoxious about having me. He wants to be ON me during this time and wants attention from me. I have taught him independent play and he is fine during the day when he knows I will not go to him or let him out of cage. He has plenty of thinking toys along with some destructive toys to help with cage boredom. Very soon I will be going back into the workforce and he will have to be alone during this time anyway. I have prepared him since I got him to spend the day in his cage and be able to entertain himself. My problem is when he is with me he will not follow commands and he poops when he pleases even if it is on me. He does not care. I HAVE potty trained him but he chooses not to be and goes when and where ever he feels like it (that drives me NUTS)

So I have a parrot that craps all over the place and on people and I have a parrot that won't go to anyone else and be nice. Valentino is not my first parrot and I am not really a newbie with training and keeping parrots but Valentino makes me feel like I have failed him with his emotional growth.

I sometimes wonder if I got him too soon after Mihijo died. He did bring me great comfort but maybe too much comfort? Honestly if he were to escape I wonder if he would come back to me when called. He is recall trained IN THE HOUSE but I don't feel confident he would come to me right away as trained if he escaped outside to unfamiliar territory.

I would like to train with him but feel like I am not conducting the training properly. My methods are positive reinforcement with food treats as rewards. In stead of clicking I use my voice as the clicker part of the training and in the past this has always worked for me. Sometimes I feel at a loss with Valentino's training and feel he is too bonded to me.

In January I will be gone two weeks for a hospital stay at the VA. I can come home on weekends but during the week I must stay at the hospital. I wonder what kind of effect this will have on him the separation. I have asked Lupe to bring him to the hospital to visit me and she is willing to do this but if the winds are blowing and its below zero she will not bring him too me.

I would like to have a better relationship with Valentino, a more healthy one and figure out training him that works.

Well, some of that is just an RFM thing.

He is over bonded to some extent, but not to the extent that you are the only person who can handle him, which is definately not in an RFM's Nature. Really, all you need is to have more people other than you handle him, that's all. And RFM's readily take to anyone who will play with them.

Valentino sounds similar to Georgie. It was the same where she was actually a very sweet bird, was good at the vet, didn't fuss or nip, would be friendly to others, but if with me, she often became demanding, bossy and nippy with other people. Part of it i think was her nature, and part of it was probably inevitable with a bird who lives with only one human. 99% of her life, it was the two of us with no one else caring for her. She was also somehow 'harder to train' than Gilbert. He has always been more easy going and compliant where she was like a 'rock and roll diva' by nature, if that makes any sense.

Anyhow, i used to sometimes feel that i had failed Georgie in proper training and socialization but then my vet would say "are you kidding? she is really good." Maybe Valentino is the same and you are being hard on yourself?? I guess each bird is different and each situation and time in our lives is different and we can't expect training to always be the same. And, Valentino is still young, so it's likely that continued effort with him will ultimately pay off. (Georgie got better in time with some of her less desirable behaviors, and there were times i truly felt i was failing in her training!)

Thank you both for your responses. Sometimes I just need for some other parrot people to hear my woes. LOL

I don't know is this is related but Valentino's behavior has been better since his injury. I would think it would have to do with the recovery, pain management or what not but he is eating, drinking and even playing normally. He does not present with any pain and is doing really well.

He has been extra cuddly with everyone lately. However with me he has been begging a lot with wing flipping and honking. He has grabbed my finger, ear, and yes, the end of my nose and pumped for food. I tell him none of my parts are going to magically give him formula but he does not believe. I have not hand fed him since the day I took him to the clinic. I knew they wanted to keep him there all day and I knew he was in too much pain to eat well so I hand fed him pulverized pellet of the type he is normally fed. Now that he is eating normally I do not hand feed him. Hopefully the begging behavior will lessen in time when he realizes I will not give into his begging and get out the syringe. LOL.

I also have been bouncing around the idea in my head that he is very in tune with my emotions. Lately I have not been doing well and feeling depressed so I have also not been very patient with him. Valentino has been annoying me mostly and maybe that is also why he has been "acting up". In frustration once I told him "Your a horrible horrible companion." What a thing to say to your parrot. Geeze. I feel really bad about that.

This morning when I uncovered his cage he told me he loved me. I of course melted and told him I loved him. So far out of all the parrots I have had Valentino is the only parrot that tells me he loves me. I have loved and do love each one differently because they are all so different even within the same species.

He sounds like a great bird, and the hospital staff was impressed with him. Seems like you're in a position to count your blessings and achievements, and accept that any bird is still going to behave at times based more on wild instincts, which I would refrain from calling "naughty."

That sound like Lola. She's very bonded to me and is only nice to my partner as long as I'm not home. But if she knows I'm home all bets are off. They can be naughty little turds but we love them anyways. LoL....

noblemacaw, I always enjoy reading stories about Valentino! It's like "what is he up to now?" You are the loving, doting parront that tries your best to keep him in good behavior, and he's that pesky little child that has to get into everything and cause a ruckus!!!! I just love it!


Even if he's not perfect, he's *YOUR* brat! I don't think anyone could have it any other way! We all love him, even if he's causing you to get extra gray hairs! Don't think you aren't ever doing the best that you can to make him the best companion ever!

Thanks Monica. There are days I feel where he can be a real challenge. He has been so good while recuperating but now he is a brat again. I nodded off watching TV during our cuddle time and he took total advantage of me. He would reach in my hoodie and pull my hair and perch on my hand right in front of my face. Lupe said he was staring at me watching me sleep. He also stuck his tongue in my eye. I tell people the RFM has a taste for human eyeballs.

I still have a analog TV downstairs with a converter box on it and when he screams Valentino can disrupt the signal. That is some strength in those screams for sure.

I asked her "Has he screamed a lot while he was here?" (I thought he might of been missing me) She answered with "No he never screamed but he told us what a good boy he was and would say Hi to us."

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im still laughing at this.

I can identify whole heartedly. Hahnzel is much more on his best behavior around others, but will be his naughtiest with me. I know I spoil him but my wife wont take any crap off him and is better at setting boundaries.

I still have a analog TV downstairs with a converter box on it and when he screams Valentino can disrupt the signal. That is some strength in those screams for sure.

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Science unplugged did a show on force waves in slow motion coming off an explosion. I bet you could actually capture those sound waves on an HD slo motion camera.