Are you haunted by thoughts of your parrot's mortality?

I normally would be sad when I think about my birds passing on, but it was a fleeting feeling and I got over it quickly. Now, having experienced the sudden loss of my parakeet, Kiki, I am absolutely paralyzed with sadness. It does not let up. I am overcome with the certainty that some day, my remaining parakeet, Pewpew, and my sun conure, Boomer, will no longer be with me. Maybe it will be years from now, from old age. Maybe it will be in a month from something unexpected.

I love them like everyday is their last but this feeling of inevitable loss is way more intense. I can't even concentrate at work. I enjoy my time with my parrots but when this horrible thought comes (which it now often does), I am instantly saddened. Does anyone think about these things? How do you handle it?

I, too have these thoughts from time to time. I lost my female tiel suddenly this year and was devastated for a while, and do have thoughts in my head pop up, am I going to uncover my male tiel's cage and find him on the cage floor? But then I see him and he stretches his wings and gives me his chirping sounds and I relax. When those moments hit me, I stand there with him for a few extra minutes and whistle to him, feed him a few treats and I'm able to calm down.

I have a 6 year old dog, also, and since he is nearing half his life I worry more for him. I have it planned out in my head the way I want it to end, hopefully from old age he'll pass on with his favorite people and favorite things around him and a belly full of cheeseburgers and bacon. I fear that I won't be able to give him that last day he deserves and something like getting hit by a car, would devastate me.

At the end of the day, we can only do our best. The more you worry, the more the fear begins controlling you. I'm sorry for your loss of Kiwi. Spend extra time with your birds when you feel those thoughts come up, they will be your comfort when those thoughts flood you. You aren't alone when you worry, we all do it.

Yes, and try best to compartmentalize and give them the very best life possible. I've lived with birds long enough to have endured the "sudden passing" and agonizing illnesses that end with great sadness. It is certainly possible for one or more of my parrots to outlive me!

Maybe not for my Ekkie but for my dog, yes. She’s 11, and it’s bothered me since she was 8, having lived half her life. I find myself thinking more and more about when the end will be, what the end will be like, how will I react, do I want another dog. At least twice a week I’m struck by these nattering thoughts I can’t shake.

It helps to remind yourself to live in the moment. she’s still here, and I want the best life for her. I still have that opportunity.

My birds are relatively young, and should be long-lived. I worry more about if anything should ever happen to me.
Loss would certainly be hard, but I may cope better than they would.

We work with Amazons that as a result of poor care, abuse, horrible diets and stored in tiny cages commonly in a basement for years. The emotion of loosing one never changes, whether they are with us for a few days, weeks, months and with hope years. There is no trick that easies the loss, no number of losses that makes it any easier. Death is one of those realties of life!

This will likely sound hard hearted, but it is a reality. If you get lost in the fear of loosing them, you loss important time with them! So, the hard statement is: One's Fears lessens the most important thing and that being fully a part of them. Love them for the moment you have them, leave the future to its own devises. Worrying only steals, it provides nothing, support or helps nothing. Love every moment, they are the only ones you will ever get, why waste them on the nothing of fear and worry.

We daily fight for every hour we can squeeze into a day with them by being prepared, knowing the signs and having a very tight relationship with our primary, secondary and back-up Avian Vet services.

Love them!

Peanut is one and I'm 42 so there's a chance she'll outlive me. But I recently had to put down my newfoundland who was 16 and my basset hound who was 13 within two weeks of each other, that sucked. But life is what it is. Just try to enjoy every moment. I know easier said than done.

I have similar fears. In fact, I have an anxiety disorder that includes intrusive thoughts about my pets dying. Medication keeps them well controlled, but when I’m tired, stressed, or feeling emotional they often make an appearance. And every single day when I come home I’m afraid I’ll find Bumble at the bottom of her cage now matter how “normal” I’m feeling. Luckily, she chirps when I put my key in the door so I always know she’s alive right away. [emoji5]

Sailboat put it beautifully though-don’t let worries about the future steal the joy of today.


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Inger said:

And every single day when I come home I’m afraid I’ll find Bumble at the bottom of her cage now

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Trust me, youre DEFINITELY not alone in this.

It keeps me awake most nights tbh. I'm terrified of loosing him or one of my dogs (especially my personal SD) Honestly I'm gonna be a wreck when the unpreventable happens.

Know that those who love even lightly are like effected. Loss of a treasured one cuts deeply for all of us. There is no alone and that is one of many truly wonderful gifts of being part of this group of crazy bird people, we all understand. Take long slow deep breaths and always know, you are never alone. Silly little words, but true; Worrying about the future only steal from the wonder of today.

I find myself occasionally consumed with fear that something will occur not naturally to my bird. I try so hard too keep him/her safe and would just die if I were unable to keep him safe for his lifespan.

I'm pretty certain that every human being has felt exactly what you are describing at one point or another, albeit some a lot more than others, as feelings of grief, anxiety, and loss effect every person differently than the next. Anyone who says that thinking about the prospect of losing those that they love doesn't effect them emotionally or psychologically is either lying, or they are in denial. Even the coldest or people worry about losing those they love forever.

And while it's completely normal and common for people to have anxiety about possibly losing those they love, the fact that it's impacting you so greatly right now is because you just did lose someone that you loved, a member of your family. It's still fresh, the wound is still raw. The only cure for the grief of losing someone is time, and time doesn't even make that fear and anxiety of it happening again go away, and again, that's normal because you love your family.

When I was 26 all 4 of my grandparents were still living. I remember friends that were the same age as I was telling me how lucky I was that I still had all my grandparents at 26 years old, and I understood why they said this to me, because most of them had lost their grandparents years prior. However, I tried so hard not to think about that situation because I knew what was going to happen and it drove me insane, so much so that I would often have dreams that they had died, then I would wake-up in a sweat and say "Just a dream, they're still alive", and exhale....Then 2 days after Christmas, December 27th, my mom's mother passed-away. I took a few days off from work (which for a car salesperson/manager is impossible, doesn't matter who died or what illness you have, to the point that when I was going through laser treatments and surgeries for cancer I got yelled at on a daily basis and was called "part-time" by the General Sales Manager)...Then on February 1st my mom's father passed away. He was in great physical health for 92 years old (he had severe dementia and only recognized my grandmother and myself at that point, so they actually didn't even tell him that she has passed away, he wouldn't have remembered anyway). We're certain that he passed-away because my grandmother had died, even though he didn't know that she had died just a month prior...So again I took a few days off from work, got hell, and had to deal with the fact that this was happening all at once...Then on March 3rd my dad's mother passed-away, no joke...It was exactly what I had known was going to happen, I lost them all at the same time (though this was a little more brutal than I had ever guessed that it would have been)...they didn't even believe me at work, not my cold-hearted, arrogant, narcissistic boss anyway, I actually had to point out the obituaries in the newspaper, it was disgusting...but what I was feeling was just this feeling of fear, anxiety, loss, grief, and frustration, along with a huge, empty hole in my life all of a sudden. My dad's father lived for another 8 years after that, so I didn't lose all 4 of them at the same time, but losing 3 of them within 3 months was a bit much for me to take. And I remember walking around through life constantly wondering when he was going to die. Same thing happened with the first 2 dogs I ever owned on my own, my first Australian Cattle Dog, Cleo, and my Pug, Jaeger. I got them about 3 years apart, but Cleo was born with a heart murmur that caused no issues until she hit about 10 years old and started retaining fluid. I had her belly drained several times, but then at the age of 12 she started to have seizures whenever she would lay-down for a long period of time and then suddenly stand up, as her blood-pressure would rapidly fall due to the fluid and the weakness of her heart not pumping strongly enough. I had to put her to sleep just before her 13th birthday. Jaeger the pug was about 10 then, and I came home from work one night to find that he had died in his sleep on the couch about a year later, very young for a pug as he had just turned 12. My house was empty, so I did shortly after that go and find my current Blue Heeler, Lola, who is now 4 years old, very shortly after Jaeger died. I only had my breeder Budgies at the time as far as parrots, so it was very hard.

I guess for me, I'd rather feel those emotions of anxiety and fear of losing my family than not, as I said they do and will lessen for you, as they are still very, very fresh and raw for you right now. If we didn't worry about losing our loved ones then they wouldn't be loved ones, or at least not very important loved ones. And even though this current constant anxiety, fear, and grief that you're feeling will definitely lessen with time, it is true that we could all go at any second. We could be killed in a car accident on our way to work, but that doesn't mean we're going to stop leaving the house. I'm an avid mountain-biker, I've been doing it on a regular basis since I was 12 years old, and I bike on some very nasty but fun trails. And I've had a few very bad wrecks, one in-particular where I rode right off the edge and into the side of a cement drainage ditch that was covered over with shrubbery that totally hid it. I had a concussion and laid in that ditch for hours before I was able to crawl out of it and walk my bike up to the rode for help...I could have easily died, but that was about 15 years ago, and I haven't stopped biking, because I love it.

The point is that while it's totally normal to fear losing people and animals that you love, if you let that anxiety completely overwhelm you, then you'll end-up not living anymore. You can do everything you can to protect your birds and keep them safe, feed them a very healthy, varied diet every day, give them lots of exercise, keep them separated from any other animals/pets, and make sure that you take every precaution you can so that they don't fly away outside, such as always checking doors and windows, and always having a harness and leash on them or having them in a carrier when you take them out of the house, etc., but even all of these things that I just typed out seem like a lot to think of every single day, every second of the day. You'll end-up not enjoying your birds if you only feel anxiety about losing them instead of feeling the joy that they bring you when you spend time with them. There's nothing any of us can do to ensure that nothing will ever happen to our pets, we can't control that, but what we can all control is the quality of life that we give them and the amount of love that we give them while they're here and while we're here.

One more thing that I hope you'll keep an open-mind about, as some people won't ever consider this when they are going through something like this, either due to pride or fear, or for whatever reason, but if this anxiety that you're feeling is really consuming your every moment and preventing you from doing things like concentrate at work or even enjoying the time that you spend with your birds, and you don't think that it's getting any better soon, it's important to remember that it's always a very good idea to talk to someone about it. I don't know if you've spoken to any of your family, friends, significant-other, etc. about what you've been feeling, but if not, that's a really good place to start. A lot of the time just saying the words out-loud, just telling someone else what you're feeling and relieving yourself of that burden that you've been carrying around inside you is enough to start the healing process and lessen your anxiety. And if you try that and it doesn't help you, then there is absolutely nothing wrong with seeking out the help of a professional. I know personally that talking to someone who is completely neutral, who doesn't know anyone else that I know, that doesn't really know me personally, at least not at-first, someone who will not be judgmental and who is just there to listen to you and nothing more is the best treatment for emotional pain in the world. Something to think about...

Ellen is right on the number.

8 years ago, I was 10 years old. I had 3 cats that I loved the hell out of. One of them, peter, was an old stray who basically lived in our yard. He was the most sweet, peaceful, loving cat you could ever meet. He never, in all the years I knew him, hurt me, or hissed at me. He must have been an angel or something, I swear. He was too dang sweet.

One day I came home late at night. He was laying with his head on a rock. My sister told me he was dead and I fell apart. I remember checking over and over for a heartbeat.

I had always had OCD and anxiety as a kid, but after that event it skyrocketed. Suddenly I was painfully aware that my pets, my family, could die. My cats were 10 at the time, fairly old. I became absolutely paranoid, for years, about them dying. I would stay up at night checking their heartbeats, would go into a panic attack when they sneezed, would jolt them awake when they were sleeping because I thought they were dead. This lasted a huge chunk of my life. In fact, it only got better about two years ago.

I probably had about 10,000 instances where I was certain they would die. When my cat stopped eating. When one of them got into lilies, which is an extremely deadly plant. When one of them got hyperthyroidism and had a fast heartrate. They are 18 now, and they are still alive. They are healthy and happy in fact. My vet was shocked when she found out her age, as she thought she was about 3 years old.

I very recently came to terms with the fact that they will die. It will probably be one of the most tragic events of my life, but I think I'll be okay. Because, finally, I realized that all people, and animals, will one day move on from your life, and you'll one day move on from theirs. However, you are the only person on the planet who had that exact relationship with them. It may have been painful when peter died, but I would much rather have gone through that pain then not have experienced him. He taught me how to be a peaceful, caring human being, and that will live on through me forever.

So yes, one day your birds will pass, but instead of lingering on their futures, linger on every moment you have with them. Enjoy them instead of worrying about them. I wasn't loving my cats by being paranoid over them, as all it did was stress them out. I can love them by taking care of them, and giving them as much love as I can.

So yes, it makes me sick to think of any of my precious animals passing, but I try not to think about those thoughts too much. Theres no purpose or goodness found in grieving over something that hasn't happened.

I know its hard, but I hope you get through this soon. I'm so sorry for your loss. <3

Thank you for sharing your experience and advice, everyone. There are so many insightful posts and all of them are helpful. I've read everything at least 3 times now. I will save it to my HD so I can go back and read them again.

I'm tempted to post some of your words on my refrigerator door. They really are inspiring. Truly, over-worrying does nothing but take away from the joy of spending time with my birds. I want to have more memories that are happy and comforting, not the constant worrying of when they may depart. Easier said than done on my part of course, but it's something to work towards.

Thank you again. This community is amazing. We need more of all of you out in the world.

I have no wisdom of my own to add, but I want to share something I love: a quote from a Frederick Buechner book called "Alphabet of Grace":

Be Alive

YOU ARE SEEING everything for the last time, and everything you see is gilded with goodbyes. The child's hand like a starfish on the pillow, your hand on the doorknob. Caught between screen and window, a wasp unfolds one wing. With a sick smile, guilt-ridden, the old dachshund lurches off the forbidden couch when you come through the door, his nose dry with sleep, and makes for the pillow by the hot-air register. It is the room where for years Christmases have happened, snow falling so thick by the window that sometimes it has started to snow in the room, brightness falling on tables, books, chairs, the gaudy tree in the corner, a family sitting there snowmen, snowbound, snowblind to the crazy passing of what they think will never pass. And today now everything will pass because it is the last day. For the last time you are seeing this rain fall and in your mind that snow, this child asleep, this cat. For the last time you are hearing this house come alive because you who are part of its life have come alive. All the unkept promises if they are ever to be kept have to be kept today. All the unspoken words if you do not speak them today will never be spoken. The people, the ones you love and the ones who bore you to death, all the life you have in you to live with them, if you do not live it with them today will never be lived.

It is the first day because it has never been before and the last day because it will never be again. Be alive if you can all through this day today of your life. What's to be done? What's to be done?

Follow your feet. Put on the coffee. Start the orange juice, the bacon, the toast. Then go wake up your children and your wife. Think about the work of your hands, the book that of all conceivable things you have chosen to add to the world's pain. Live in the needs of the day.

Every animal, human included, is mortal. I try not to think about it to much. It's a fact of life and, overtime though certain experiences, I've personally come to accept it. Sherbert is currently my oldest bird, at some point he'll pass on but I don't think about that, I think about what I could do in the here and now. Even if he suddenly became ill I'd try to think about what joy we could share now.
It's not always easy and some people find a lot harder that others but try to remember, nothing would be special if it lasted forever.

Beautiful stuff here... it *IS* an amazing community.

I agree earnestly with the sentiments and advice.

The Rb is 34... has never had a significant scratch or sniffle until a few weeks ago he had a seizure, and ultimately was diagnosed with a condition that requires medication and monitoring (details have been discussed in several threads, as well as his Scrapbook).

I got him when I was in college, and I'm now retired, soooooo...

Yeah, I'm scared.

But I promised him I'd outlive him, and take care of him all the way. So here's my chance to step up and keep my word, and I will! That thought helps me be brave.

Thank you for this thread!