Broken trust

[Siobhan]

We have been struggling with Rocky for some months now, after three years together. He has been biting, which you all know is a serious matter when it's a cockatoo, and screaming, and while we understand that some screaming is what you get with a 'too, it has been excessive even for a 'too. Some days nothing makes him happy, and the biting was to the point where even I, his chosen person, was afraid to pick him up without a T stand. And when using the T stand, he'd attack it and try to climb down it to get to me to bite me.

So we made the decision to find him a new home. I have a friend who has been in parrot rescue but isn't any longer and just has her own birds at home, and she once had a 'too, and she offered to take him. We loaded him and his belongings up and took them to her house. It broke our hearts and his, too.

After a couple of days, she realized that he isn't a good fit with her birds, who are all smaller. At our house, we have a separate bird room for the little parrots (two quakers, a tiel and a budgie) so they can fly free without worrying about their safety, and they can only see Rocky through a screen door. No interaction. She has a small house and her birds are free in the house, and her small birds either challenged him or were terrified of him and he was afraid of them, too, which could have been a recipe for disaster. On Sunday, we brought him home, and for two days he hardly moved or made a sound, ate very little, and refused to step up. Finally this morning, he walked across the room to me and sat on my lap of his own accord. He shook like a leaf the whole time, though. I'm afraid it's going to be a while before we regain his trust, but I'm very glad he's home. We missed him dreadfully and regretted sending him away as soon as we'd done it. It's so hard to live with a 'too, but it's also hard to live without one, once you've fallen in love with him.

 

[ChristaNL]

Broken trust ... or a reset?


I know you all must feel terrible now- but you've learned a very special lesson: Rocky does not want to be away from you guys for a longish period of time.
So maybe a fresh start?


Pretent he is a new bird
maybe things will be better now
unless you all want to go back to exactly where you were asap
(I know the bird will want to- but will you let him?)

 

[Scott]

Know first that I *cannot* find fault with your initial decision to re-home Rocky. I don't recall his timeline, but he is apparently well past puberty? Regardless, you made a selfless decision but ultimately chose to rescind his adoption.

Toos are highly intelligent and bond closely. Seems Rocky has not totally forgotten his attachment to you. I'd suggest a total "reset" using very basic bonding and trust-building tools. IMHO you have not completely severed the relationship, time and love will likely heal.

I look forward to updates!

 

[Siobhan]

He was only with my friend from Friday morning to Sunday morning. We joked that he'd "gone to camp." Not long enough to bond with her, though he liked her and she loves him, nor to forget us. It was barely enough time to give his part of the living room a good, thorough cleaning, which is hard to do with a giant cage, play stand and rolling perch there.

We have no idea what his age is. The people we got him from (which was a terrible situation) told us so many different things, and it turns out they didn't know, either. Nor did the people they got him from (also a terrible situation). Like most 'toos, he's been in many homes. We suspect his time with us has been the longest period with one family he's ever known. And after this experience, he's not going anywhere again for the rest of our lives or his, whichever is longest. We have arranged with a young friend to take over if he outlives us. The good news is, my friend is willing to Rocky-sit if we need a break occasionally, and we can take him and his rolling stand to her house for a day or two at a time, which will give her a chance to visit with him and us a break, which we'd never had the whole time he's been with us.

 

[ToMang07]

He was only with my friend from Friday morning to Sunday morning. We joked that he'd "gone to camp." Not long enough to bond with her, though he liked her and she loves him, nor to forget us. It was barely enough time to give his part of the living room a good, thorough cleaning, which is hard to do with a giant cage, play stand and rolling perch there.

We have no idea what his age is. The people we got him from (which was a terrible situation) told us so many different things, and it turns out they didn't know, either. Nor did the people they got him from (also a terrible situation). Like most 'toos, he's been in many homes. We suspect his time with us has been the longest period with one family he's ever known. And after this experience, he's not going anywhere again for the rest of our lives or his, whichever is longest. We have arranged with a young friend to take over if he outlives us. The good news is, my friend is willing to Rocky-sit if we need a break occasionally, and we can take him and his rolling stand to her house for a day or two at a time, which will give her a chance to visit with him and us a break, which we'd never had the whole time he's been with us.

Sounds like you found a better-for-all solution.

 

[GaleriaGila]

My heart is really warmed by your story. I can sense your good will and humanity.

Yes, please keep us posted!

 

[Kiwibird]

I can tell by all your posts about Rocky that you really care for him and are dedicated to him.

I think you just didn't know what the right solution was before when he became a bit 'too' unbearable. I think you've found it now though and it is exactly what you (and probably Rocky too) *really* need/ed: A short break from each other every so often. I'm so glad you now have someone who can take him for a few days when you need a break! Great solution and one that might be worth mentioning to other members who struggle with 'difficult' birds they may not want to rehome but do need a break from.

 

[Siobhan]

He's finally getting over being mad. He's started talking again and yelling a bit, which (I never thought I'd say this) I missed. LOL He had a good cuddle before bed last night and seems to have decided to forgive us.