Grandma Update

[Psittaciformes]

I hate when people act like that, getting made at someone in a situation like this, for a dumb reason like that. When did they expect the call, 20m before she passed away, like you were supposed to know that?
So ungrateful, you should just be there for each other. I got no time for people like that, family or not.

You really shouldn't beat yourself up, you seemed involved in her life, I'm sure she knew how much she means to you.
Just try to stay positive Amanda We're all here for you if you need a talk!

 

[Amanda_Bennett]

The super sad part is my Mom DID call every one of them and let them say "good bye" to Grandma over the phone in the final 1/2 hour before she passed. She called me and let me tell her I loved her, then she went on to call every one else. Only one of them didn't answer and didn't call back in time.

It's not like she waited and called them all after she had passed. She thought of all of them and wanted them to be able to at least tell her they loved her and say "good bye"

That's how my Mom is, and to have them treat her like this is killing me.

 

[Scott]

Amanda, I'm so sorry your grandmother has passed away. Remember the good times and try to accept that you and your mom handled the last chapter with the very best of intent.

Family dynamics are difficult during times of great stress. My experience is that the most recalcitrant individuals operate from the stance of regret - from their own lack of connectedness and it oozes in most unpleasant behavior.

 

[miloslave]

So sorry to hear this Amanda! I know it is a difficult time for all of you.

Keep in mind that a lot of people blame others for the guilt they feel. This might be the case here as well. By lashing out at your mom they try to make themselves feel better. They know very well they were not there for her.

Hugs and lots of strenght for you and your mom. We are all thinking of you.

 

[labell]

Amanda, I'm so sorry your grandmother has passed away. Remember the good times and try to accept that you and your mom handled the last chapter with the very best of intent.

Family dynamics are difficult during times of great stress. My experience is that the most recalcitrant individuals operate from the stance of regret - from their own lack of connectedness and it oozes in most unpleasant behavior.

Well said! Death in my family has been made all the more difficult by others actions after the fact. All you can do is be proud of your mom's and your actions of staying in your grandma's life and letting her know she was loved. We are never responsible for either the actions or the reactions of others.

 

[Sunset_Chaser]

Mom's siblings (all except one) are being total jerks, blaming Mom for not calling them sooner so they could be there. Only the one who is being nice and understanding has even visited Grandma in the last 4 YEARS! The other 3 plus my brother and cousins haven't even seen her in almost 5 YEARS! Yet they are blaming Mom (and me) for not telling them how bad Grandma had gotten lately. Mom and I have both called, emailed, private messaged on facebook, and texted them over the last couple of years and told them she was getting worse and wouldn't be with us much longer. They all know about every hospital trip, every fall, every health issue, we kept them informed even when they didn't seem interested.

I understand they are grieving and everyone grieves differently, but this is just unreal.

Perhaps her siblings are feeling guilty and are trying to make excuses to themselves by blaming your Mom? Your Mom must feel awful about all of this, losing Grandma and then almost everyone being upset with her??!! If they TRULY cared they would have visited more often. My heart goes out to your Mom though, jeez, people can be cruel.

 

[DoodlesMom]

It's ALWAYS the family members that behave so selfishly at these times. As you said it had been YEARS since they came around. THEY are feeling GUILTY for their neglectful behavior! Honey, focus on helping Mom get through this and keeping YOURSELF well for her as you arrange services for Grandma, NOBODY ELSE'S BACKBITING MATTERS. I've been where you're at now in '99 when my Mom passed.

Just sick Zilla on them if they get outta hand!!

 

[RavensGryf]

I'm sorry about all the additional stress from family attitudes that you don't need right now. Do your best to forget their words. Stick with your mom... that's the only important thing right now.

 

[Roanoke]

I'm so sorry for your loss honey. Just remember all the good times you had with her.
Don't worry about your Mom's siblings. They just feel guilty and need someone to blame.
Praying for you & your family!

 

[Violette]

So sorry for your loss. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts.

 

[Amanda_Bennett]

Luckily we won't have to deal with them except by phone for a couple months. I made Mom turn her phone to silent and told her not to answer it if it's one of the ones being asses. So far she is taking my advice, maybe I have grown up a bit in her eyes now. I also called Mom's assistant manager and had him go take the company cell phone away from her so she won't be trying to work for the next day or two. And I called her bosses (the owners of the mobile home park she manages) and told them about Grandma and to leave Mom alone for a few days, that the assistant has the phone and is handling the business. They were super nice!

Grandma didn't want a service, so we aren't having one.

Her final arrangements were all paid for and pre-arranged a couple of years ago, so she is being cremated today and we will pick up her ashes in a couple days and keep them until arrangements can be made later this spring to have her placed in her crypt. Maybe the family will calm down by then and want to be a part of that, only time will tell.

The assisted living where she lived for the last 4 1/2 years is having a small service for the other residents and staff with flowers and a nice picture of Grandma in her younger days. They have been exceptionally AWESOME and I have ordered flowers and chocolates to be delivered to them with a "Thank You" card from the Family. I will also thank them in person when we go to get her belongings from her apartment there.

We have decided to only take the mementos that have special meaning to the family and to donate the furniture and clothing to the facility to distribute to anyone there who might be able to use any of it, then the rest to the VA.

 

[Dopey]

Amanda - you are awesome. Those arrangements and what you are doing sound wonderful. I know it is hard right now but you are doing great. Hugs to you and your mom.

 

[Psittaciformes]

The super sad part is my Mom DID call every one of them and let them say "good bye" to Grandma over the phone in the final 1/2 hour before she passed. She called me and let me tell her I loved her, then she went on to call every one else. Only one of them didn't answer and didn't call back in time.

It's not like she waited and called them all after she had passed. She thought of all of them and wanted them to be able to at least tell her they loved her and say "good bye"

That's how my Mom is, and to have them treat her like this is killing me.

That's just insane, there's no way I'd talk to them if they behaved like that. I really can't stand people like that ... Makes me wanna punch them

 

[Dinosrawr]

Oh Amanda, I'm so sorry I didn't see this until now! Loss is always painful, and it never helps when family isn't acting like family. My "uncle" (I hardly regard him as such) hit on my mother at my father's funeral. In front of my entire family. It's disgraceful what people will do when they're selfish.

I'm glad your mother thought to inform everyone the way she could, and to help prevent any potential guilt of not being there. She was being so kind to think of your other family members that way, and she has my highest regard. Same to the care home. It means the world when others are there to support you and be there for you.

We'll all be thinking of you and your mom. Lots of love and hugs are being sent your way. Tell Zilla to give you lots of love and cuddles from us!

 

[getwozzy]

Oh Amanda- I'm so sorry to hear about your grandma!!! [emoji26] I wish I could give you a big hug right now.

Those family members sound like a bunch of you-know-whats...how can they get so mad about something like this??? I hope something can change their hearts so they can quit being butts about this.

Hugs to you my friend [emoji173]️

 

[Flboy]

Amanda, please understand everyone grieves differently. Some bury their pain by attacking! Not much differently than our feathered friends! JoJo bites me out of anger, excitement, happiness, why? He's JoJo!