Please think before you type

[Terry57]

We know that every single one of us are passionate about not only our birds, but about all birds.
Sometimes when we see someone doing something that we disagree with, it's hard to watch our manners.
We need to remember that everyone does not have the same access to avian vets, food, or cages that so many of us are so lucky to have.
These are people who want to care for their birds properly or they wouldn't be here. Instead of recriminations, it is much better to think outside the box in ways to help them.

People come to the forum to ask for help with their birds. If they are greeted with attacks, they won't come back and that is a bird who could have been helped that wasn't. While it may feel good in the moment to get things off our chest, how long does that feeling last when we know a bird's life was not improved because of our words?

There is a human being on the other side of that keyboard, and they deserve to be treated with respect, just like every member here.

Please do not "scream" at people using all caps. Emphasizing one word is fine, more than that is aggressive and is not allowed.

We put this in the Suggestion forum, because this forum is for suggestions on how to better the forum. I would like to suggest that everyone keep in mind that we are here for the birds, and to help whenever we can. That not only makes the forums a better place, but also helps birds whose owners come here looking for help to have a better life.

We're asking that we all be more careful with our words. All it takes in a thread is for one person to post something mean and then others will follow. If the first posts are nice, that is what usually follows.
Kindness begets kindness.

Before anyone types, please take a second to think of not only the bird someone needs help with, but how you would have felt being attacked when you posted your first post here.

We are asking that everyone choose kindness.

For those who don't, your posts will be edited or deleted, and a warning given.

~The Mod Team~

 

[texsize]

OR as my mother taught me.
If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.

many times I refrain from posting cuz I can’t find a polite way to phrase some thought.

 

[Terry57]

OR as my mother taught me.
If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.

many times I refrain from posting cuz I can’t find a polite way to phrase some thought.

You and me both, Wes.

 

[GaleriaGila]

Beautifully said, Terry

This is too valuable
and treasured
and helpful
and useful
and precious
a Community

to endanger with careless words.

I personally don't know what I'd have done without it over the years.

Amen, Namaste, Verily.
Love............................................

 

[Flboy]

Well said! Often, where I see things going south is when a defensive posture is taken to something said! And from there, it escalates!

 

[𝕾𝖙𝖔𝖗𝖒𝖞𝕻𝖎𝖈𝖆]

We know that every single one of us are passionate about not only our birds, but about all birds.
Sometimes when we see someone doing something that we disagree with, it's hard to watch our manners.
We need to remember that everyone does not have the same access to avian vets, food, or cages that so many of us are so lucky to have.
These are people who want to care for their birds properly or they wouldn't be here. Instead of recriminations, it is much better to think outside the box in ways to help them.

People come to the forum to ask for help with their birds. If they are greeted with attacks, they won't come back and that is a bird who could have been helped that wasn't. While it may feel good in the moment to get things off our chest, how long does that feeling last when we know a bird's life was not improved because of our words?

There is a human being on the other side of that keyboard, and they deserve to be treated with respect, just like every member here.

We put this in the Suggestion forum, because this forum is for suggestions on how to better the forum. I would like to suggest that everyone keep in mind that we are here for the birds, and to help whenever we can. That not only makes the forums a better place, but also helps birds whose owners come here looking for help to have a better life.

We're asking that we all be more careful with our words. All it takes in a thread is for one person to post something mean and then others will follow. If the first posts are nice, that is what usually follows.
Kindness begets kindness.

Before anyone types, please take a second to think of not only the bird someone needs help with, but how you would have felt being attacked when you posted your first post here.

We are asking that everyone choose kindness.

For those who don't, your posts will be edited or deleted, and a warning given.

~The Mod Team~

Great post! I'm very guilty of doing this sometimes, and usually it's totally me who started being super overbearing, but sometimes a new poster asks for help and then makes fun of, ignores, or cusses off members trying to provide genuine help.

This really annoys me, and downright upsets me, because there have been a couple people that have asked for help by a new member (who usually impulse bought a bird), then an experienced member gives KIND and RATIONAL input, and get ignored, told they're wrong, or cussed at by said new member.

That's what really gets me, because they honestly seem to be asking for attention, but I've totally been guilty of doing exactly what you described, Terry. The important thing is that we all learn from our mistakes and progress to become a better person!

-Ollie

 

[SailBoat]

I work at addressing questions, statements, opinions from the prospective of speaking to the unintended/ unseen; silent Viewer, the non-member that sits just outside, looking and learning from the shadows. The Visitor...

Sometimes, I am successful and sometimes I miss by a bit.

I will never be that person that is attempting to open the aircraft's door at FL-35000', but, I will be that individual that is pulling them away from that hatch.

 

[Skarila]

I will never be that person that is attempting to open the aircraft's door at FL-35000', but, I will be that individual that is pulling them away from that hatch.

For some reason I really laughed hard at this statement! The description is so beautiful

 

[Terry57]

Great post! I'm very guilty of doing this sometimes, and usually it's totally me who started being super overbearing, but sometimes a new poster asks for help and then makes fun of, ignores, or cusses off members trying to provide genuine help.

This really annoys me, and downright upsets me, because there have been a couple people that have asked for help by a new member (who usually impulse bought a bird), then an experienced member gives KIND and RATIONAL input, and get ignored, told they're wrong, or cussed at by said new member.

That's what really gets me, because they honestly seem to be asking for attention, but I've totally been guilty of doing exactly what you described, Terry. The important thing is that we all learn from our mistakes and progress to become a better person!

-Ollie

Stormy, if you ever see anyone cursing at someone else on the forum, please report it so we can take care of it.

I love your last line, that is so true for everyone.

 

[Terry57]

I work at addressing questions, statements, opinions from the prospective of speaking to the unintended/ unseen; silent Viewer, the non-member that sits just outside, looking and learning from the shadows. The Visitor...

Sometimes, I am successful and sometimes I miss by a bit.

I will never be that person that is attempting to open the aircraft's door at FL-35000', but, I will be that individual that is pulling them away from that hatch.

Steven, you bring up such an important point. Many people lurk for awhile before joining to make sure it's a place they want to be. I was one of those people.
Had I seen someone being attacked on the forum I would have continued my search and never would have joined.

The other point is that someone who is lurking may be waiting for answers on someone else's thread because they are having the same issue. If the OP's question gets lost because of the posts following it, that would be 2 birds that could possibly have been helped and weren't.

Your last line here is a winner!!

 

[𝕾𝖙𝖔𝖗𝖒𝖞𝕻𝖎𝖈𝖆]

Stormy, if you ever see anyone cursing at someone else on the forum, please report it so we can take care of it.

I love your last line, that is so true for everyone.

Well in my opinion, calling someone the Irish slur for 'stupid bigot' because they asked a genuine question is cursing, because it was with bad intention even if it wasn't formally a swear.

I've seen others too, they've all been deleted, including the one mentioned above, but I'm not gonna dwell on them, I just want to point out that it's not always the experienced members 'attacking' the new member, sometimes it's the other way around.

 

[Terry57]

Well in my opinion, calling someone the Irish slur for 'stupid bigot' because they asked a genuine question is cursing, because it was with bad intention even if it wasn't formally a swear.

I've seen others too, they've all been deleted, including the one mentioned above, but I'm not gonna dwell on them, I just want to point out that it's not always the experienced members 'attacking' the new member, sometimes it's the other way around.

And like you said, we deleted it. You didn't report it though, you posted it on the thread. Reporting it to a Mod is always the way to go.

 

[Laurasea]

I think we should remember we are helping and supporting .
And as at the start, not everyone can buy a big cage or has access to the same resources , English may not be their first language so slip ups or calling birds a different name or typos ( queen of typos here) should not be a judgment of their intelligence or devotion to their bird.

 

[Rozalka]

"People come to the forum to ask for help with their birds. If they are greeted with attacks, they won't come back and that is a bird who could have been helped that wasn't." - that's why this forum is my favorite parrot related place.
I know, I've already written about this few times - I've been on few parrot Facebook groups and what do I see there? Attacks. Show a picture of your cage - somebody has to point something wrong (bells/single parrot/mixed species etc). I understand, sometimes it is necessary to point something out wrong. But sometimes we get a new inexperienced parront, who bought two parakeets in a pet shop not knowing anything about the right care. Alright, this person did wrong that bought not knowing anything... but most of such people don't even try to join other parronts somewhere on the Internet. What do experienced owners then? Attack them for so many mistakes. Gees, how this person could know such things? They are to LEARN such things.
My (Polish) friend decided to create a group where such attacks wouldn't be allowed. And she did. There was no place for people who would attack for single photos (for example: a bit small cage. How do they know if it wasn't a temporary cage? How do they know how long the fids are outside? How do they know if the owner can buy a bigger one? Asking why not/suggestions - I understand. But not attacks). Some members really liked this group because it was different - without unnecessary attacks.
But.... there was a person who didn't like this group because she couldn't attack people for wrong things. She was blocked and removed... then she started threatening me on pm (because I was the group moderator) - she demanded her return because she wanted other people's birds to be in good conditions. Such attacks like she was doing weren't allowed, so finally I ignored her.
Few months later our group was blocked and next deleted. It was because of the mentioned blocked person. She wrote on another group that our admin is a pest cos she promotes having just one parrot (1. we don't promote it - it's your business how many birds you have 2. prob most of you may disagree with sentence "parrots can't be kept single"), promoting too small cages (gees there was never such thing. It depends on how much big you can have and how long the birb is outside) or drinking from cubs (what the....?! there's never been even such thing - LIAR).

Now, it's the only place where I feel safe to write own opinions, if I need help, I will ask here because I don't trust Facebook any longer... My friend asked me if I wanna create similar group... no, thanks. I'm afraid of posting pictures of my fids or asking for help on fb.

Thank you mods for taking care of the forum

 

[Terry57]

"People come to the forum to ask for help with their birds. If they are greeted with attacks, they won't come back and that is a bird who could have been helped that wasn't." - that's why this forum is my favorite parrot related place.
I know, I've already written about this few times - I've been on few parrot Facebook groups and what do I see there? Attacks. Show a picture of your cage - somebody has to point something wrong (bells/single parrot/mixed species etc). I understand, sometimes it is necessary to point something out wrong. But sometimes we get a new inexperienced parront, who bought two parakeets in a pet shop not knowing anything about the right care. Alright, this person did wrong that bought not knowing anything... but most of such people don't even try to join other parronts somewhere on the Internet. What do experienced owners then? Attack them for so many mistakes. Gees, how this person could know such things? They are to LEARN such things.
My (Polish) friend decided to create a group where such attacks wouldn't be allowed. And she did. There was no place for people who would attack for single photos (for example: a bit small cage. How do they know if it wasn't a temporary cage? How do they know how long the fids are outside? How do they know if the owner can buy a bigger one? Asking why not/suggestions - I understand. But not attacks). Some members really liked this group because it was different - without unnecessary attacks.
But.... there was a person who didn't like this group because she couldn't attack people for wrong things. She was blocked and removed... then she started threatening me on pm (because I was the group moderator) - she demanded her return because she wanted other people's birds to be in good conditions. Such attacks like she was doing weren't allowed, so finally I ignored her.
Few months later our group was blocked and next deleted. It was because of the mentioned blocked person. She wrote on another group that our admin is a pest cos she promotes having just one parrot (1. we don't promote it - it's your business how many birds you have 2. prob most of you may disagree with sentence "parrots can't be kept single"), promoting too small cages (gees there was never such thing. It depends on how much big you can have and how long the birb is outside) or drinking from cubs (what the....?! there's never been even such thing - LIAR).

Now, it's the only place where I feel safe to write own opinions, if I need help, I will ask here because I don't trust Facebook any longer... My friend asked me if I wanna create similar group... no, thanks. I'm afraid of posting pictures of my fids or asking for help on fb.

Thank you mods for taking care of the forum

Roz, I'm so sorry that happened to you on FB. It definitely sounds like blocking that woman was the right call.

Your post is so beautifully written that there is nothing I can add to it, except thank you for your kind words and I'm so happy you're here with us.

 

[Skarila]

"People come to the forum to ask for help with their birds. If they are greeted with attacks, they won't come back and that is a bird who could have been helped that wasn't." - that's why this forum is my favorite parrot related place.
I know, I've already written about this few times - I've been on few parrot Facebook groups and what do I see there? Attacks. Show a picture of your cage - somebody has to point something wrong (bells/single parrot/mixed species etc). I understand, sometimes it is necessary to point something out wrong. But sometimes we get a new inexperienced parront, who bought two parakeets in a pet shop not knowing anything about the right care. Alright, this person did wrong that bought not knowing anything... but most of such people don't even try to join other parronts somewhere on the Internet. What do experienced owners then? Attack them for so many mistakes. Gees, how this person could know such things? They are to LEARN such things.
My (Polish) friend decided to create a group where such attacks wouldn't be allowed. And she did. There was no place for people who would attack for single photos (for example: a bit small cage. How do they know if it wasn't a temporary cage? How do they know how long the fids are outside? How do they know if the owner can buy a bigger one? Asking why not/suggestions - I understand. But not attacks). Some members really liked this group because it was different - without unnecessary attacks.
But.... there was a person who didn't like this group because she couldn't attack people for wrong things. She was blocked and removed... then she started threatening me on pm (because I was the group moderator) - she demanded her return because she wanted other people's birds to be in good conditions. Such attacks like she was doing weren't allowed, so finally I ignored her.
Few months later our group was blocked and next deleted. It was because of the mentioned blocked person. She wrote on another group that our admin is a pest cos she promotes having just one parrot (1. we don't promote it - it's your business how many birds you have 2. prob most of you may disagree with sentence "parrots can't be kept single"), promoting too small cages (gees there was never such thing. It depends on how much big you can have and how long the birb is outside) or drinking from cubs (what the....?! there's never been even such thing - LIAR).

Now, it's the only place where I feel safe to write own opinions, if I need help, I will ask here because I don't trust Facebook any longer... My friend asked me if I wanna create similar group... no, thanks. I'm afraid of posting pictures of my fids or asking for help on fb.

Thank you mods for taking care of the forum

This is also why I stopped going to FB groups, posting, commenting or reading comments. I just feel like I need to take a Xanax or two afterwards.

Lately I even see a lot of comments of people who don't know anything about bird/parrot keeping that it is "horrible" and that "birds should be free and not be kept as pets, they will forever be unhappy and unable to fly free"

I joke every time whenever Pascal is munching happily on his veggies or pellets, when he is snuggled in my hand and grinding his beak or just preening together with the budgie, that what a poor bird he is. So lousy. Absolutely in depression and unhappy. Free all day in 70m2 flat with us, unclipped. In an aviary just for him with tons toys now. Getting treats and love. Getting vet help asap something is bad. I almost feel bad for him, almost. But yeah, I guess we are horrible people for keeping them for pets, that we are so selfish, eventhough many avid parrot owners spend incredible amount of money on their feathery friends.

On the Croatian FB parrot page some of us were attacked for using pellets instead of seeds, and how horrible we are for promoting pellets... like... I don't need this kind of stress. I am so happy I found this place. It is my little safe haven.

(rant over)

 

[Terry57]

Well said, Skar, and I don't consider it a rant at all, but rather a heartfelt post.
I'm also so happy you found and stayed with us. I also consider it my safe haven.

 

[foxgloveparrot]

Thank you! I do this way more than I should, sometimes it’s just way too hard to be polite when you see someone who you believe is a “bad owner”.
Even if their care isn’t perfect, 99% of the time they try to do their best and really do love their birds.
If I have the answer to a question , I always answer it the best I can…except I don’t, because the “best” you can do is be kind, not give a detailed, helpful, but rude answer.
Amazing post. Thank you so, so much.
-Foxxy, who really needs to work on her attitude 😉

 

[Terry57]

Thank you! I do this way more than I should, sometimes it’s just way too hard to be polite when you see someone who you believe is a “bad owner”.
Even if their care isn’t perfect, 99% of the time they try to do their best and really do love their birds.
If I have the answer to a question , I always answer it the best I can…except I don’t, because the “best” you can do is be kind, not give a detailed, helpful, but rude answer.
Amazing post. Thank you so, so much.

Fox, thank you so much for reading it.

I love the bolded part so much. No matter how detailed and helpful it may be, if there is rudeness the person will only remember that part of the post and not the instructions that may have helped then. I appreciate your post here, well stated.

 

[Terry57]

I think we should remember we are helping and supporting .
And as at the start, not everyone can buy a big cage or has access to the same resources , English may not be their first language so slip ups or calling birds a different name or typos ( queen of typos here) should not be a judgment of their intelligence or devotion to their bird.

I thought I had commented on your post, Laura, my apologies for not doing it until now. you made some wonderful points in it.
My husband is French and English is his second language. He learned it by listening to people when he moved here and is quite fluent, but there are times he does get a word wrong. If he were corrected rudely here, I know he would never come back, and it would hurt him. We definitely don't want anyone to feel that way.