Tomorrow, I have to bury Gabby.

[Ladyhawk]

The night after we buried Gabby, I couldn't sleep, so I'm still running on fumes. Right now, little baby blue front has first dibs on my energy. All else is secondary until I feel rested.

 

[Ladyhawk]

Since the funeral, my mind has been on Gabby a lot. Right now, there's a huge thunderstorm and I turned to his cage to tell him it was OK and to see how he was taking it. I guess I assumed he was in his cage because I know he's not in his play area. But I should know he's not in his cage, either.

Instead, I told the baby it's OK, but she's less likely to be upset by the thunderstorm because it's just one more new thing, whereas Gabby understood it wasn't "normal."

This is gonna hurt for a long time.

 

[Kentuckienne]

After Oliver died, l had the hardest time fixing dinner. I used to give him things like broccoli leaves and red pepper innards while I was working. It got to where as soon as he heard noise in the kitchen around 5, he would perk up and start looking through the walls in that direction, and be antsy until he got a ride to his cage in the adjacent room. For the longest time, every time I held a piece of veggie scrap to put in the compost I would remember him and start crying. I thought it would never get better. But you know, it did. I still miss him, and now and then there is something that brings the tears back. The hurt never goes away, but it does get better, and I have to say that the loss brings a kind of balance, something to balance out the pure sweetness of life with the sharpness of loss, something that reminds me not to take anything for granted. You and Gabby were closer than I was to Oliver, so I can only imagine how sharp the memories are for you. Sharing your experiences here the way you do...you will make someone else's difficult journey more bearable one day, and I hope you can find some comfort in this company of fellow sojourners.

 

[seshat97]

I am so sorry for your loss. I am going through the sane thing as I lost my beloved green cheeked conure who was with me everyday for the past seven years. RIP Gabby and hopefully you and Eeebee find eachother on the Rainbow Bridge.

 

[MySweetJess]

My African Grey died just a week before Gabby. He is frozen along with my 3-legged cat, to be cremated next month (it's costly so i couldn't do it until then because of big vet bills for another cat I have). They will be together in the urn. I'm so sorry about Gabby, such a pretty girl. I can see in the portrait that love and bond. I was up one night just miserable with pain and regret, searching for answers, and then did read some very comforting words about that we were chosen to be their parent, they would not have chosen anyone else. They are still beside you in spirit, loved you more than themselves as you loved them more than yourself. Anyway, the words hit home and I believe them. You will heal, takes time, but you will remember just the good times.

 

[Ladyhawk]

My African Grey died just a week before Gabby. He is frozen along with my 3-legged cat, to be cremated next month (it's costly so i couldn't do it until then because of big vet bills for another cat I have). They will be together in the urn. I'm so sorry about Gabby, such a pretty girl. I can see in the portrait that love and bond. I was up one night just miserable with pain and regret, searching for answers, and then did read some very comforting words about that we were chosen to be their parent, they would not have chosen anyone else. They are still beside you in spirit, loved you more than themselves as you loved them more than yourself. Anyway, the words hit home and I believe them. You will heal, takes time, but you will remember just the good times.

I'm so sorry about your grey and cat. I hope the cremation goes OK. If you react anything like I did, you will start to feel the pain come on again. I've been dreaming about Gabby and when I wake up, I once again feel the pain of reality sinking in. Luckily, I have an adorable little life that depends on me for her very existence.

 

[Ladyhawk]

I'm hurting again, missing my wonderful Gabby bird. I don't care if he was sometimes persnickety. I'd do anything just to have him pinch me again. Grief comes in waves and right now it's high tide.

 

[Allee]

I'm so very sorry for both being late to this thread and for your heartbreaking loss. Your tribute to Gabby is heartwrenchingly honest. Such a strong, beautiful bond can never really be broken in our hearts, where it counts, she will always be a part of you. Thank you for sharing not only the loss but the possibility, so many never experience such a journey. Gorgeous photo of you and Gabby, you and your mom chose a lovely and fitting way to say goodby to an unforgettable companion. I'm so glad you have sweet Kizzy to help you heal.

 

[Emberamazing]

I'm so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and your family. Wish there were more I could do for you.

 

[Anansi]

I am so very sorry for your loss. All that you and your mom did as parting gifts for Gabby, from your beautifully written tribute to her color appropriate, felt-lined resting place, were just beautiful and worthy of what was obviously a deep and powerful bond. Thank you for sharing that with us.

 

[Mariar]

Im sending you and your mom big feathered hugs...

 

[goalerjones]

Took about a month after George, my Jenday conure passed before I was even close to useful again. Don't remember much except tears, questions and too much quiet around the house. My advice is to keep talking about it, good stuff, bad stuff, and everything in between. That way your grief will be healthy.

Sent from my SM-G935V using Tapatalk

 

[Ladyhawk]

I stopped talking and thinking about Gabby for awhile because it was too painful, but during the last couple of weeks, he's been on my mind a lot. There are lots of distractions during the day (thank you, Kizzy), but when I go to my bed, thoughts of Gabby come flooding in. I cry and it stuffs up my nose. I have sleep apnea, so it becomes impossible to sleep because the CPAP can't do its thing.

I miss him so much. Thirty years he was with me. 3/5's of my life. I just turned 50 and my baby was with me since my sophomore year in college. It's so devastating to lose a close family member.

Ten days after I lost Gabby, I lost one of only three close friends. We'd been friend off and on since my late twenties. I haven't even been able to grieve for her yet because I was closer to Gabby. If someone ever tells me he was "only a bird"...not sure what I'd do. To me, he was a person. A bird person, yes, quite different from humans, but still a person.

I think I need to open myself up to my emotions again. I got emotionally constipated for awhile there, unable to feel anything due to my fear of the pain. I can't do that. It only makes things worse in the long run.

Society makes us wear masks. We all pressure one another to put on a happy face even when we're hurting inside. I think it makes all of us worse off: quick to anger, slow to forgiveness and love. Gabby's and Deb's deaths made me see more clearly than ever. I must hang on to the lesson.

A few years ago, the disagreement I had with someone on this forum probably would have caused a permanent rift because I threw up so many defenses. I have to stop that. I have to learn to accept painful emotions and work through them instead of shutting down.

Gabby and Deb. Deb and Gabby. I couldn't wall myself off from that much pain. I shouldn't even try.

 

[LordTriggs]

I think I need to open myself up to my emotions again. I got emotionally constipated for awhile there, unable to feel anything due to my fear of the pain

I say throw two fingers up to society! (or one considering that gesture isn't as offensive outside the UK) If you want to bawl your eyes out you do that! It's a lot healthier than disconnecting

It may be an idea to speak to your doctor about getting some anti-depressants for a bit? I've had to deal with depression a lot and that feeling of closing away all the emotions is all too familiar to me.

 

[MySweetJess]

I'm so sorry about Gabby. Your love reigns forever. I, too just had my grey parrot Jess cremated after keeping him frozen for a few months, couldn't get a shovel past the roots and stones in the ground here and then had cat vet bills and finally did it. I know that I procastinated a little because I couldn't face it just yet.

Again so sorry. Gabby sure was a lucky birdy to have you.

 

[MySweetJess]

On the topic of antidepressants, I take a low dose. That's the key. People sometimes have a doctor where "one dose fits all." Not true. The low dose is right for me. The usual dose would make me feel too overloaded. I read a very good Newsweek article, it was a few years ago, on how a lot of medications could be given in a smaller dose. And yes you can get off them, a few days of maybe a little tension, mostly psychological IMHO. They can really help during a bad time. The ones now have little to no side effects for the most part.

 

[Birdman666]

He died on February 22, but I was so distraught I couldn't face his funeral, so we froze his casket.

Gabby was my best friend, my life partner, the light of my life. I never thought I would lose him. Occasionally, I had nightmares about him dying and in the dreams it would all turn out to be a big mistake because I seriously could not deal with such a reality. I was so upset I had to move in with my mother temporarily. Gabby was such a treasure. We shared a pair bond that lasted over thirty years.

When we were both young:

February 23, 2016, almost a year to the day before he passed away:

Dr. Speer sent me his last feathers:

My mother and I made him a casket with his name, picture, a favorite bell and some cards:

Inside, my mother laid out felt in all of Gabby's colors:

He's been in the freezer, waiting out the storms both external and internal. When it wasn't raining outside, it was raining on the inside. Right now, the rain is falling down my cheeks, but it is time to say goodbye.

Williams Brothers - "Can't Cry Hard Enough" (1992) - YouTube

FUNNY.

DR. SPEERS WAS MY DOCTOR WHEN I LOST PECKER, MY 38 YEAR OLD BFA... I also have a memorial with one of her feathers...

She was my velcro bird.

Sorry for your loss. I've been through this myself.

More than once, unfortunately.

It hurts.

Death comes to us all, eventually. All living things die. The important thing is to live well, to love, and to be loved, in the time you have. Sounds like Gabby had that...