update with Rebecca and Valentino

[noblemacaw]

Well it has been a very hard past two weeks but I wanted to take the time to let the form know how Valentino and I are doing.

We are going to lose the house to foreclosure. Depending on when the date of foreclosure starts I can have anywhere from 3 to 6 months to take care of my belongings, set up emergency help with state, county, VA to be able to set up a place to go. I am working very hard with returning to the workforce as fast as I can.

Today I had lunch with some very good friends and they have offered to help me in a lot of ways. If I truly become homeless and do not have anything set up in time they will let me say with them. They do not want me to go to a shelter. They are also willing for me to take Valentino with me and if need be will foster him for me until I have a stable place to live that I will hopefully be able to take him with me. If I cannot find a place to live WITH Valentino I might have to bite the bullet and place him with people that will keep him forever.

The realization that I am going to lose my home has been extremely hard for me to accept. I have worked hard all my life to have my own home and live well. I know once I lose this home I will never be able to buy another. I am financially ruined and at this time bankruptcy is my only hope to be able to rebuild my credit and finances.

Now that I have accepted my situation as strange as this sounds I feel a great weight has been lifted from me. Maybe now that I can somewhat relax the pain in my chest will abide. I take comfort with my RFM and enjoy my evenings with him when I am having some downtime from all the craziness. I have a lot to do and accomplish in the next few months.

I am selling most of my belongings because I can't take most of this stuff with me. I am going to try to keep my dinning room set and my bedroom set. Unfortunately my bedroom set is Ethan Allen cherry wood set I bought in 1986. Back then I paid $3800 for the 5 set consisting of the womans dresser, chest on chest, cannon ball bed and two night stands. Beautiful as it is the furniture is very heavy and until I am stable enough to be somewhere rather permanent this big beautiful bedroom set will probably be a albatross around my neck. I might have to sell it.

Lots to do and lots to have to let go and sell, donate and what ever needs I can do to get it out of this house. One sick thing I have realized is since I paid for all the fixtures and appliances I am going to give away all of it to people that are in need of it. For example the friends that offered to help me with Valentino and a place to stay need a new dishwasher. Mine is in way better condition because I tend to do my dishes by hand (I never generate enough dishes to load the thing) so I told Phil I wanted him to take my dishwasher and install it in their home. LOL. My cealing fans, expensive lighting what ever I can take out of here or what people want to use are going to be uninstalled and I am leaving my home with nothing in it. I have heard of people destroying the house in anger with the bank but I would not do that. But I feel since I paid for the appliances and such I am taking them out of here. No...I am not going to take the copper out of the house and sell it. LOL.

As for keeping my sanity with all of this I try very hard not to let depression settle its dark black cloak over me. I have come to the realization there is nothing left I can do to save my home so I must move on and prepare other arrangements so I won't be homeless.

I am trying my best to be able to keep my beloved Valentino. I know it would devastate me if I had to place him but I also realize if I cannot provide him with a home he needs to be with people who can provide for him and who can love him as much as I do.

Right now he is downstairs saying "I love you" makes me into a puddle of mush every time he says it.

 

[Sterling1113]

Awww what a heart-tugging thing to read.. I'm wishing you and Valentino the best, whatever may happen. I'm glad you can find comfort in the down time with your beloved bird, that sounds allot like what most of us on this forum would be doing if we had to face the same situation.. instability and a fear of homelessness is something I'm quite familiar with, I'll be sending happy thoughts equipped with sword and shield to fight off that black cloak!! And I'm sure Valentino will do his part to keep the sun shining somewhere over the horizon for you.. as you said, he's making it quite clear that he loves you and I'm sure he will *always* love you, whatever may happen. After all, he's still a young boy, so even if you absolutely have to re-home him, since you so clearly care about him being in a good forever home, once things start looking up I'm sure they'll allow you to come visit anytime. He's got a long life ahead of him.
Keeping you and Valentino in my thoughts, hoping for the best!!!

 

[crimson]

oh Rebecca, I was hoping it wouldn't come to this for your sake and Valentinos'
it must be so difficult dealing with all this stress and change in preparation of finding a new place to live.

I hope for your sake you find steady employment, I think that would give you some assemblance of stability and security, and some cash in your pocket.

I am really relieved to hear your friends have offered for you to stay with them, at least you know in your heart Valentino can stay with you, and you must be somewhat relieved.
do you think he will adjust to the change fairly well?

 

[MomtoPercy]

Thank god for good friends! I am so sorry about all you're going though. I hope and pray you can get things sorted out -for the sake of your own peace of mind and also for Valentino.

Good luck!!

 

[MikeyTN]

I wish you the best with all this happening to you! I hope everything turns out better for you after all this has happened to you.

 

[noblemacaw]

I really appreciate everyone's kind words. They mean the world to me as its been real tough lately. Although it is in a way a relief that I know I am going to loose my home I can now begin to move on and get the help I need before I have to be out of here. I have a lot to take care of in the mean time and will participate on the form as much as I can.

 

[TessieB]

Despite your hard times, it sounds like you have some really good friends who will stand by you. Sending prayers to give you more strength during your very difficult times.

 

[labell]

I was also reading this and thinking it is wonderful that you have great friends that are willing to help. I also think that sometimes finally knowing the worst of it helps us move on, hoping you come out of all this sorrow stronger and with your parrot. Hugs to you!

 

[Abigal7]

This is not news I was hoping to hear. I am hoping you can find employment and if you do rent that you find a rental that allows you to have Valentino.

 

[MarciaLove]

oh I am so sorry I was hoping you wouldn't loose the house at least it sounds like you will be able to keep your baby boy!!!!!

 

[strudel]

Your situation sucks.... but I'm so pleased to hear that you are doing the best you can with the big suckfest. You've got a plan, you've got support, and that's all good in what is otherwise a big downer.

Here's what I hope: You find a new situation soon, one where Valentino will not only be tolerated, but welcomed, and you can fit your nice furniture in and keep it.
Hope things pan out that way for you.

 

[RavensGryf]

Thank goodness for friends that are so close they are willing to help in any way. I'm so glad they offered to foster Valentino. All the best and hugs to you Rebecca.

 

[noblemacaw]

Again thanks for all the good wishes and prayers. I am really going to need them in the next year. For now I need to work very hard not to become homeless. I will report to the VA and local government that I WILL be homeless as the house goes into foreclosure. That way I can get the cogs in motion for the help that I will need. I am not proud that I will have to get help in this manner but I cannot afford to be proud. I need to partake in the system I have paid taxes for years into. Although my brother told my sister "Dad would be mortified and embarrassed to know how Rebecca is using the welfare system" I personally believe he would help me in any way he could if he was still alive and that he would not feel the way my brother projects him to feel because that is what the system was MEANT for, to help people that need it. To utilize the system as the stepping stone to become independent productive member of society once again. I can say I knew my father way better than my brother ever did because I had a very good relationship with our father where my brother and father were not that close. So my brother can just go suck it.

My fears are first...that I will not be able to pull this off and smoothly transition from foreclosure to another living situation I can afford. Secondly I am very very afraid that I will not be able to afford a place in which I could keep Valentino. I am told about how people "rent" town homes (like the living situation I am not in) with the help of the government subsidizing the rent. I believe this is called "section 8" housing and I know from experience of others this housing is not in the best of neighborhoods. Lets say I can pull off taking Valentino into section 8 housing situation. It if be an apartment I know his screaming will not be tolerated. I can say here in the town home situation living in a end unit my neighbors have never complained about Valentino's vocalizations. Yes, he screams less now that he has learned to talk but he still has fits of screaming so loud I have to leave the room. RFM's are LOUD. There is no going about forgetting or ignoring that fact. I do have a horrible feeling to be able to put a roof over my head I will have to place Valentino.

Karen and Phil have offered to "foster" Valentino until I can get a place in which I could have him. But in reality would that place ever be found and would I ever be able to afford such a place. I will have to rent for the rest of my life and I have read countless stories of how people have had to give up their parrots because of the noise levels they make. Deep down I am preparing my emotional levels for the worst because as it is I have lost pretty much everything at this time.

I will work hard to be able to keep my boy but I know at this point a miracle will have to happen for me to keep Valentino.

 

[SandyBee]

I'm not sure if this is an option where you live but where I am many people rent out there basement suites. The advantages are that it is usaully a stand alone property, rents are usually less expensive. And while some may not like a parrot, some busy houses won't care as noise is only during the day/evening. Here many private homes would pick that for a stable long term tenant that does not have parties.

 

[RavensGryf]

Oh Rebecca, your story truly breaks my heart I REALLY am hoping and praying that things will somehow work out comfortably for you and Valentino.
I can feel your pain Rebecca, because while my problems are not the same as yours, I am also going through a couple things which sent us into a tailspin that are of a very serious nature that I have not discussed with the group. I say that to tell you I understand "serious" life changing events. Take care of yourself. Many hugs to you.

 

[SoCalWendy]

So sorry to hear you are going to lose your house. If I were you I would take this time and go through "everything" enlist your friends if you have to. Pack and put aside what you know you are definitely going to keep and then have an estate sell. You will get more by having an estate sale then just trying to sell your things through via craigslist or a garage sale. If you need any help with ideas, please pm me. I work for an estate liquidator company, I would be happy to share what I know to help you get through this.

 

[noblemacaw]

This is what I know now. I will have to depend on government to prevent me from becoming homeless. This means I have little to no control as of where I will be made to live. Because of this I am very afraid I will not be able to have Valentino.

Now if I can pull it off depending on how quickly I can find work and save enough for first and last months rent along with deposit which in my area will be about 3 grand I will then have way more control where I end up. This also depends on my income which I am sure will not be enough to be able to live in the same manner I do now.

I need a break. A HUGE break and probably a miracle for all this to come together enough for me to have some kind of stability and be able to keep my beloved Valentino. I cried so much last night I actually wish I never got Valentino. I feel like I am going to have to put him though so much and with my stress levels this can't be healthy for a young RFM.

It is going to be next to impossible for me to land a job to be able to totally support myself.

It is going to be next to impossible for me to find a place to live with a loud large messy parrot that I will be able to afford.

It is going to next to impossible for me to ever be happy again.

Life really sucks and if I had the courage I would end my life and be done with it. However I am too much a coward to do that.

 

[strudel]

It is going to be

Do you know what? You can't know how it is going to be, all you know is how you are feeling. You have good reason to feel that way, BUT it might not pan out like that. You really do not know....

There are animal-loving people in this world, and those people also own rentals. I rented a "granny-flat" with my cat. Not only did the people not have any problem with my cat, they didn't put my rent up in 8 years. My next landlord encouraged me to get a dog (they were involved in a dog rescue). My dog is a yapper, but I've never had issues with my next-door neighbours. The elderly lady (unfortunately now dead) was hard of hearing, I don't know whether her husband was just tolerant, or they didn't annoy him.....

There is absolutely no doubt that you can't pick up and move into communal housing with a noisy messy pet, but you just do not know what you may be able to find.

Will you get a subsidy to allow you to rent somewhere? If so, advertise. Put a classified in the local bird owners newsletter.

It works the other way as well. People who have noisy messy pets might have trouble getting housemates. You could be just what they need to fill their spare room......

Don't give up.

 

[Jumpingtadpoles]

I know it feels really bad right now. But please trust me. We all reach these lows. And you DO get out of them. You will feel the sunshine. It usually takes a while to get out of those dark places. It's where our courage, our skills, our humility and above all, our character comes from. You will become a better person from this struggle. I think looking for a long term foster could happen. Put an ad out, for friends and family. You may be surprised what people may do to help.
I really do hope to see you get on that the upward spiral. It can't happen until it's time. The universe has it plans yadda yadda yadda lol.
I really do wish I could help you. I would gladly foster him long term.

 

[noblemacaw]

I really appreciate people understanding where I am coming from. This form is very supportive and I would have no sounding board at all with talking about my situation.

I pretty much had a meltdown thinking about all that is ahead for me. I do admit my biggest fear is having to rehome Valentino because I cannot take him with me. If I can't take him with me Karen and Phil have offered to foster him. I would do that if I know I was not going to live in the "forbidden" place for a long time. If it seems too long before I can have Valentino I would look for a more permanent situation for him rehoming him with people who can care for him and love him.

I am determined to have my Valentino with me. For now while working on the situation I will visualize a comfortable, safe place to live with Valentino living with me. I will see this in my mind every day because it brings me comfort but I think the power of visualization works great wonders with things happening to make the visualization work. I use this technique with training animals, picturing in my mind what I want them to do along with saying the command and I have experienced myself that this works.

I will have ups and downs until my living situation becomes stable again. I also am working very hard acquiring employment in my field. There is a lot of activity in my field and I am looking into Computer/network security.