a bit about pet owner guilt

Emskee

Member
Feb 3, 2023
20
51
Parrots
A 1 year old budgie named Leeli Wingfeather <3
Hello<3
I've been dealing with pet owner's guilt ever since I bought my little one five months ago and I just wanted to be vulnerable about it. See...
I did my research. At least.... I thought I did.
Yet now I'm wondering why I bought from a chain pet store. It's tempting to shame myself for it. Even when I know /technically/ it might not be a bad thing.... Point is, I didn't know about the consequences. It sets up obstacles for both of us. Obstacles like growing back her flight feathers, hand taming her, and transitioning her to a healthy diet. In fact, she doesn't even know how to play with most toys because the pet store didn't put any in her cage. Now I'm spending money on vitamin supplements specific to feather growth, pellets she might actually give a chance, trying to find toys she might like... the list goes on.
Today I made a mistake that caused her to lose the only flight feather she had grown back . . . Again. See, even though I know she's resting and waiting to regain her flight, it's hard for me to let her be. I want her to be stimulated and happy outside of her cage, exploring new places... but naturally she flutters back to her cage, putting air pressure on her feather and causing it to fall out. Today though... she bled when it happened, and I spiraled. I learned something I thought I already knew. To be patient.

All that to say . . . when two things are true - 1) you're not perfect. even when you do all the research you possibly can, try and buy your bird the perfect life, do so many google searches your brain hurts... you're still not perfect. and 2) you care deeply about your bird...
There's going to be a little guilt at some point down the road. But you learn from mistakes, and at the end of the day, just try to remember no one's alone in that.

Anyway, blurb over, ty kindly.
 

Cottonoid

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Feb 20, 2022
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What a good post - I think it's important to share the hard parts just as much as the fun parts of living with parrots. I'm sure all of us have had similar feelings at one time.

Keep in mind, too, that even if you'd gotten her from somewhere that gave her a better start in life, you'd still have hiccups along the way.

One of my parrots came from about the best situation you could imagine, and has been pretty much a dream in terms of getting to know him through the not-puberty-yet phase. I went out of town for one night last month and had a friend watch the birds - who knows them well, and who had been to my house many times. Well.... my little guy has been scared to go to bed since then, so we're working through that.

My other parrot came from a not great situation, and we're still slooooowly making progress with trust. I've made a lot of mistakes with him! But every step forward is so rewarding to me, because it took so much effort and patience and understanding. Every relationship with animals like humans and parrots that are very complex thinkers, with emotions, will have ups and downs. The longer you are in each other's lives, the easier it will be to smooth over the hard bits :)

I definitely have days where I wonder if I'm giving them the best life that I can. But I don't question whether I'm the right person - they're a good fit for me, and me for them, and we'll be able to figure it all out along the way :)
 

SailBoat

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Jul 10, 2015
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DYH Amazon
As so well stated by my good friend above; great situations, never assure any level of perfection.

I really dislike the term 'guilt' as it far too often allows one to stick their head in a dark place and hide for a bit from the reality of the World around them. We obtain the Amazons that have taken ownership of our home from far worst places as they all have been dumped, as little more than yesterdays trash. Each had been abused, some seriously ill, others old and not a one had any interest in ever interacting with another Human!

One can spend time ruling over one's emotions or, just get busy with providing a truly great life from that point forward. Our first time spent with our Amazons had been busy force feeding medication, with very little time for developing a Trust Bond. Each within their own time, came to accept us and then created a special place in their heart for us and in our heart for them.

The sad reality of loving this very special group of Amazons is they leave far too early as their early life has stolen precious time. But each knew that they were loved deeply and felt comfort in their life. So leave the 'guilt' and busy yourself in providing your feathered friend a Well Loved Life!!
 
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Emskee

Emskee

Member
Feb 3, 2023
20
51
Parrots
A 1 year old budgie named Leeli Wingfeather <3
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What a good post - I think it's important to share the hard parts just as much as the fun parts of living with parrots. I'm sure all of us have had similar feelings at one time.

Keep in mind, too, that even if you'd gotten her from somewhere that gave her a better start in life, you'd still have hiccups along the way.

One of my parrots came from about the best situation you could imagine, and has been pretty much a dream in terms of getting to know him through the not-puberty-yet phase. I went out of town for one night last month and had a friend watch the birds - who knows them well, and who had been to my house many times. Well.... my little guy has been scared to go to bed since then, so we're working through that.

My other parrot came from a not great situation, and we're still slooooowly making progress with trust. I've made a lot of mistakes with him! But every step forward is so rewarding to me, because it took so much effort and patience and understanding. Every relationship with animals like humans and parrots that are very complex thinkers, with emotions, will have ups and downs. The longer you are in each other's lives, the easier it will be to smooth over the hard bits :)

I definitely have days where I wonder if I'm giving them the best life that I can. But I don't question whether I'm the right person - they're a good fit for me, and me for them, and we'll be able to figure it all out along the way :)
Thank you for sharing ❤️ I'm trying to remember this. I think it doesn't really help that I subconsciously compare myself to owners in bird 'advice' and 'training' videos who seem to be doing 'perfect'. Kinda dorky of me, I know. 🤣
As so well stated by my good friend above; great situations, never assure any level of perfection.

I really dislike the term 'guilt' as it far too often allows one to stick their head in a dark place and hide for a bit from the reality of the World around them. We obtain the Amazons that have taken ownership of our home from far worst places as they all have been dumped, as little more than yesterdays trash. Each had been abused, some serious ill, others old and not a one had any interest in ever interacting with another Human!

One can spend time ruling over one emotions or, just get busy with providing a truly great life from that point forward. Our first time spent with our Amazons had been busy force feeding medication, with very little time for developing a Trust Bond. Each within their own time, came to accept us and then created a special place in their heart for us and in our heart for them.

The sad reality of loving this very special group of Amazons is they leave far too early as their early life has stolen precious time. But each knew that they were loved deeply and felt comfort in their life. So leave the 'guilt' and busy yourself in providing your feathered friend a Well Loved Life!!
I agree, guilt is more of an umbrella term (... Also specific to what I'm feeling but I'll move past it 😂). Maybe conviction necessary for positive change is a better term lol. But thank you for sharing, that's a lovely story. ❤️
 

DonnaBudgie

Supporting Member
Jan 24, 2023
3,213
3,959
Windham, Maine
Parrots
Budgies. Lotsa Budgies.
Hello<3
I've been dealing with pet owner's guilt ever since I bought my little one five months ago and I just wanted to be vulnerable about it. See...
I did my research. At least.... I thought I did.
Yet now I'm wondering why I bought from a chain pet store. It's tempting to shame myself for it. Even when I know /technically/ it might not be a bad thing.... Point is, I didn't know about the consequences. It sets up obstacles for both of us. Obstacles like growing back her flight feathers, hand taming her, and transitioning her to a healthy diet. In fact, she doesn't even know how to play with most toys because the pet store didn't put any in her cage. Now I'm spending money on vitamin supplements specific to feather growth, pellets she might actually give a chance, trying to find toys she might like... the list goes on.
Today I made a mistake that caused her to lose the only flight feather she had grown back . . . Again. See, even though I know she's resting and waiting to regain her flight, it's hard for me to let her be. I want her to be stimulated and happy outside of her cage, exploring new places... but naturally she flutters back to her cage, putting air pressure on her feather and causing it to fall out. Today though... she bled when it happened, and I spiraled. I learned something I thought I already knew. To be patient.

All that to say . . . when two things are true - 1) you're not perfect. even when you do all the research you possibly can, try and buy your bird the perfect life, do so many google searches your brain hurts... you're still not perfect. and 2) you care deeply about your bird...
There's going to be a little guilt at some point down the road. But you learn from mistakes, and at the end of the day, just try to remember no one's alone in that.

Anyway, blurb over, ty kindly.
Don't beat yourself up. You DID rescue your bird- from a substandard pet store! If you hadn't selected her she wouldn't have the promising future you're going to give her.
 

DonnaBudgie

Supporting Member
Jan 24, 2023
3,213
3,959
Windham, Maine
Parrots
Budgies. Lotsa Budgies.
Don't beat yourself up. You DID rescue your bird- from a substandard pet store! If you hadn't selected her she wouldn't have the promising future you're going to give her.
As for playing with toys- many budgies don't play with toys no matter when they were introduced to them. You are her bird toy and she will seek you out for fun times. And that's a good thing!
 

Cottonoid

Supporting Member
Parrot of the Month 🏆
Feb 20, 2022
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I've met a lot of budgies that love shredding thin balsa strips but don't play with anything else. Over time she'll figure out what sparks her interest ;)

I think it doesn't really help that I subconsciously compare myself to owners in bird 'advice' and 'training' videos who seem to be doing 'perfect'.

This is just like social media - what you see is such a tiny snippet of their lives and nobody's is always perfect. There also is a lot left out of a lot of videos - the time put in day after day for months or years; or in some cases, the incorrect training methods that produce results for videos but aren't building a healthy trust partnership.

My favorite videos on YouTube are from our very own @wrench13 ! Especially if you start at the beginning time-wise. You really can see that it takes patience, and a little dedicated time regularly, and time in general. You can also see that Salty is his own man with his own opinions about what he's willing to do on any given day, just like us. In the first few months I had Cotton home, after he realized he was safe and didn't have a reason to interact with me at all, wrench's videos were so helpful to me as a reminder we're all building a long term relationship with no shortcuts :)
 

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