I have just had to do a terrible thing. Feel free to flame me, shame me, damn me for all eternity and back again if you want to, but believe me nothing anyone can say could possibly make me feel worse than I already do. I do not say these things to try to gain sympathy because I do not deserve it.
I have had to rehome my poor little ScoMo.
My whole life as a bird person, whenever I lost one of my flock I would rush out and grab something/someone else asap in order to keep the other flock member company and to fill the void in my heart. And every single time up until now that has worked beautifully for me. I know that many people will say it’s best to wait because it may backfire and cause all sorts of emotional trauma, but it never has for me until now.
You all know I lost my baby GCC Baci in August. Even he was a rushed buy when I lost a beloved white cockatiel called Twinkle who was just the sweetest girlie you ever did see. I had him for about 4 and a half years and we were madly in love with each other from day one. Overbonded many people would suggest. As if it wasn’t bad enough to lose that “bird of my heart” as SilverSage might say, he died alone in a tiny cage at the vet hospital during the night. If I had had any idea that I was going to lose him I would have taken him home after treatment and nursed him through the night – the outcome could not possibly have been any worse and at least he would have been with me, holding him and telling him how much I loved him as he passed. But I was robbed of even that.
My usual knee-jerk reaction therefore was to run out and buy another bird, this time ScoMo the quaker. Too late did I realise that I have way too much emotional baggage over what happened to Baci that I need to work through first. I don’t know how long that is going to take, and meanwhile ScoMo and I grew more distant. I thought he had started to like head skritches but after seeming to enjoy them for maybe a week he didn’t want them so much anymore. Actually that would have been OK too, as long as I could give him a good life here, but then he started behaving quite aggressively towards poor old Fang, biting his toes and flying to attack him. That was something I could not bear to see, nor tolerate. My house is simply not big enough for it to be practical to have kept them separate and I don’t believe that would have been fair or workable for any household member here anyway. If I had the wherewithal to work with him to curb that behavior we might have been able to sort something out, but I am such an emotional basket case right now that I was just not capable of doing that for him. It’s not his fault and I feel like a total failure about it.
On the plus side however, I have been able to find ScoMo a wonderful new home. He has been taken in by a farming family just outside Toowoomba, about a 2 hour drive from here. The young man in the family is bird crazy, breeds GCCs and has a free flight aviary but was very keen to have a quaker as a house pet for himself. He seemed quite taken with ScoMo the moment we arrived, and both my husband and I were very impressed with the way they interacted together and how knowledgeable he is. We sincerely believe his new family will be much better equipped to give him a better life, otherwise we would never have left him there. As rotten and utterly disgusted with myself as I feel right now, I am at least confident that he went to the right home this time. Maybe I was just the conduit to get him from here to there….?
Anyway there it is, what’s left of my blackened, shriveled soul laid bare.I may not actually be the worst human being on the face of the planet but I certainly feel like it. It’s just hubby and me and Fang in the house now and it’s kinda quiet. Maybe one day I’ll try again, though I don’t know if I can go through this kind of heartbreak anymore. One thing I can promise is I will not be rushing into any more rash decisions like this because I cannot put any other bird, or my husband, not even myself through anything like this again. If the forum would like to use me as the “poster child” for how not to bring a new bird into a home please feel free! If this experience can save another bird from rehoming and another parront from this kind of torment it might (almost!) be worth it.
