Friend advice i really need it.

[MayMaroa]

Guys, I'm stuck I really need your advice especially from your advice fox because you're an adult so you probably have more friend experience than I, so I finally found my long-lost best friend she joined in my online classes.
she joined and then I tried to get her email because I haven't seen her for 3 years and so I tried for weeks to try to find her email and then I remembered in the attendance( the teacher presents the attendance) while the teacher is calling out names there are the emails of each student (I finally figured that out after weeks) so I quickly copied down her email not expecting that she would even reply when I sent the message to her email and then she replied what shocked me more is her reply this is what I said to her

Hi, Hattoon I've missed u( A LOT) never imagined id see you ever again, I only daydreamed about it and I will tell you something I have dreamed about you 4 times already since I knew that you are in grade 6 and I swear I'm not lying, all of those dreams are us having a reunion so I hope my dream comes true and that we have a reunion or be friends again.

Hugs and hopes

- Maroa

She replied
Hi maroa I miss you too. I hope that your dream comes true cuz I haven't seen you frome grade 3.( I love you ) by the way
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It just shocked me a lot cause I was expecting the worst if she even replied.

Hi again , yes of course I want to talk to you in google meet after the classes .I would be so happy and pls you make the meet cuz I really can't do the meet cuz you know I'm the worst in the c4l but of course not that bad . And ya I'm writing this in the math class

And so Friday( 7 October)was the first time we talked then I texted her on Saturday she didn't reply I texted her in sunday she didn't reply I texted her at Monday she didn't reply and then finally I had it I said to her in the Gmail

Really from the first time of us meeting you are already forgetting me. you are not replying to my messages that don't seem to be a true friendship.

Then she replied

What do you mean? I was having a lot of things to do and don't forget that the time is really not the same and in the morning I have homework and other things and in the night it's a really late in malaysia so it is not easy you see

Oh by the way she lives in Turkey
Then I told her
Really, so you didn't have one minute to just text me sorry I'm really busy these days and I texted you at the times when you were awake like 3 4 5(in turkey time) but you didn't reply then how come you had time to text me on Friday! you had 3 days Saturday, Sunday, and Monday and you were busy all these days and didn't do your homework in all these days all I'm hearing is excuses, wow, from the start of it we are already getting into fights, because you couldn't spare 10 min or 1 min from your time to your friend, and by the way, I was really busy this week too but I still had time to spare for my friend, I manged my time to talk with the person I love, but sadly the person I love couldn't even spare 10 mins, you couldn't spare ten minutes!

And by the way, we could've done homework together!

.
So then I told her does she wanna talk then she joined the meet and told me why she couldn't reply to my message she said on Saturday I had to go to my grandma's house, on Sunday I went to the mall with my mom and at Monday I went to my neighbors house I apologized and then we talked normal and now today I told her this

Hattoon do you wanna talk?
If you don't then that's fine, just don't ghost me like that.

Yeah, I do. (hattoon her name)

SORRY I JUST DID NOT OPEN THE INBOX


Ok join the meeting
----meeting link-----
Then she just doesn't reply
I don't want to make another fight cause I will be honest with you I love her she is amazing most of my 3rd-grade memories is me being with her so first what offends me is that she doesn't reply to my messages and she gives me the excuses I'm busy but she could find one second to just say I'm sorry I cant join that doesn't hurt me the thing that hurts me is she replies to the messages days late and also if she is a true friend then she should fight or manage her time to hangout with me but she doesn't I'm the one who does I'm always the one who says do you wanna talk so please guys advise me.

 

[Owlet]

Sometimes friendship isnt about always being available for your friends. Sometimes friendship is what persists even though you dont talk to each other every day, week, month, year. I think that's something you might have to learn. As an adult you have a lot to manage and it isnt always easy to keep in steady contact with friends. So a true friendship is one you can pick right back up no matter how long it's been. One if my closest friends isnt very tech savvy and lives across the country. I see her maybe once a year around Christmas. Without fail we pick up where we left off and are great friends. I would do anything for her despite only seeing her once a year.

It's less so when you're kids, but even as a kid you have your own life and troubles that you need to take care of. It's okay that she doesnt always have time to talk to you, that doesnt mean she doesnt care about you or consider you a friend. The fact that shes replying at ALL shows she cares, even if its days "late". She still remembered and took time to respond when she could. You were clearly on her mind during the time you weren't talking.

 

[ravvlet]

I think maybe it sounds like you’re so worried that this person will suddenly not like you that you’re coming on really strong, and taking their absences very personally, which must be very hard for you. As someone who frequently forgets to text back if I am busy - and chronically leaves people on read! - maybe allow your friend (and yourself) some grace here.

If they said they’re happy you reached out then they do want to hang out and/or talk to you in all likelihood, which is great. But it also sounds like they’re very busy and maybe their family doesn’t take online friendships seriously, and therefore won’t prioritize allowing them to talk to you when you’re available. That can be really hard sometimes!

You’re a good person and I think if you are patient and believe you ARE worthy of friendship, you will find it’s easier to wait for them to reply to you.

Congrats on reconnecting with a friend! My kid is in 5th grade now and she misses her best friend from second grade, but we moved out of her school district. Maybe one day they’re reconnect online too!

 

[MayMaroa]

Sometimes friendship isnt about always being available for your friends. Sometimes friendship is what persists even though you dont talk to each other every day, week, month, year. I think that's something you might have to learn.

Indeed. Every single day I learn something new.

As an adult you have a lot to manage and it isnt always easy to keep in steady contact with friends. So a true friendship is one you can pick right back up no matter how long it's been.

It's just I thought this was not a true friendship cause I heard that a fake friend is a friend that never manages time to try and see you.

So a true friendship is one you can pick right back up no matter how long it's been.

I feel like you're right even though we have only talked for 2 days we just always make each other laugh as if we were friends for years.

One if my closest friends isnt very tech savvy and lives across the country. I see her maybe once a year around Christmas. Without fail we pick up where we left off and are great friends. I would do anything for her despite only seeing her once a year.

Wow!, you have great patience.

It's less so when you're kids, but even as a kid you have your own life and troubles that you need to take care of. It's okay that she doesnt always have time to talk to you, that doesnt mean she doesnt care about you or consider you a friend. The fact that shes replying at ALL shows she cares, even if its days "late".

Yeah, you're right I got too carried away by her saying I'm gonna join send me the link and then I send her and she doesn't reply, I thought that she didn't have one minute to just say I can't join, but something that still goes around my head even after reading your messages couldn't she just say I can't join it would take her less than a minute.

She still remembered and took time to respond when she could. You were clearly on her mind during the time you weren't talking.

Because even before I knew that she was in my grade I always thought about her I thought where is she right now what is she doing right now and on the days she didn't reply to my message I dreamt of her 3 more times which shows how much I think about her.
Thank you from all my organs especially my nervous system for replying.

 

[MayMaroa]

think maybe it sounds like you’re so worried that this person will suddenly not like you that you’re coming on really strong,

Yeah, because I'm scared that she would depart from my life because this year is the hardest year of my life even a little bit harder than 2020, I have been lonely most of the year since January of 2022 till now I have not made any friends or have any friends in my life because I told my friends that I don't want to be friends with them anymore they were showing all signs of fake friends and then I didn't unfriend one it was my friend Abrar but after a few months we had a big fight and didn't talk since so for most of the year I have been lonely and this year died my loved bird's kiwi and hope and this year my parents all most got divorced and this year my dad has financial issues, and this year has so many more sad things that happened that I may not tell you because yk it's very private.

and taking their absences very personally, which must be very hard for you. As someone who frequently forgets to text back if I am busy - and chronically leaves people on read! - maybe allow your friend (and yourself) some grace here.

Yup, your right even my gut tells me not to make another fight, that's why I came and asked you guys here I wanted to see what you think of this because sometimes we may think we are right but we are actually not that's why I always take advice before taking actions.

If they said they’re happy you reached out then they do want to hang out and/or talk to you in all likelihood,

Phew!, thank god, because I didn't want to lose another friend this year, especially my childhood best friend.

which is great. But it also sounds like they’re very busy and maybe their family doesn’t take online friendships seriously, and therefore won’t prioritize allowing them to talk to you when you’re available. That can be really hard sometimes!

Indeed I have gone through that too but I always reply on time that's the diffrence.

You’re a good person and I think if you are patient and believe you ARE worthy of friendship, you will find it’s easier to wait for them to reply to you.

Thank you for saying that I was just so worried that I would be alone for the rest of the year, I'm having trust issues after being months alone.

Congrats on reconnecting with a friend! My kid is in 5th grade now and she misses her best friend from second grade, but we moved out of her school district. Maybe one day they’re reconnect online too!

Thanks! Oh, I hope she reconnects with her friend too!, and thank you from all my heart for replying

 

[HeatherG]

I will pitch in with: you don’t know all what is going on with your friend. Maybe she is sick or moving or has a big test coming up. It could take some time before you figure out how much time you can expect to spend together. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you it is just that everyone has their own lives.

 

[MayMaroa]

She is in the same class as I am and we don't have a big test coming up, your right everyone has their own life the thing is that I'm sad that she doesn't seem to try and have some free time so she can spend it with me but I do manage my time to spend it with her.

 

[MayMaroa]

So what should i say to her because she still hasn't replied should I say why arent you replying or hi?

 

[HeatherG]

I think you should step back and wait for her to call or contact you. She needs to decide how much time she can spend.

If you are too forward she may decide she doesn’t want to be your friend because she’s afraid you’ll get mad at her. I mean, you’ve already gotten upset with her. Let her choose how much time to spend. You will not be close friends right away. You need to get to know each other again.

If you are really such good friends it will work itself out. Relax and be a kind person and the friend you would like to have yourself.

 

[MayMaroa]

Well I feel like me and she is being too forward because she asked me "what's my guilty pleasure" I said nooo it's so embarrassing she said but we are friends I said " i still need to get used to you"

I think you should step back and wait for her to call or contact you. She needs to decide how much time she can spend.

You're right I was thinking to step back too.

Let her choose how much time to spend. You will not be close friends right away. You need to get to know each other again.

Yup, that's why the first time we talked was just mostly questioning each other.

If you are really such good friends it will work itself out. Relax and be a kind person and the friend you would like to have yourself.

That's why I always when we talk I always make some jokes and I will be honest most of them are successful so I do make her laugh and I am as nice as possible and show her not by words but by actions how much I love her but I did say one-time yk after she said to me

Hi maroa I miss you too. I hope that your dream comes true cuz I haven't seen you frome grade 3.( I love you ) by the way

This, and I was too shy to say it at first when I sent the first message to her but then when I replied I said it back.
So, I am being kind and I am very regretful of the fight i made it is just mostly worried not hate, or that I am angry at her you know sometimes anxiety wins.

 

[MayMaroa]

I remember we were talking about animals in the second time meeting and what was my fav animals I showed her animals that sounded and look terrifying like snacks and lizards and pigs, so I showed her cute photos of them and she said "honestly they look a bit cute", and then after a few mins she said, "honestly maroa you made me love animals more".

 

[Owlet]

Indeed. Every single day I learn something new.

It's just I thought this was not a true friendship cause I heard that a fake friend is a friend that never manages time to try and see you.

I feel like you're right even though we have only talked for 2 days we just always make each other laugh as if we were friends for years.

Wow!, you have great patience.

Yeah, you're right I got too carried away by her saying I'm gonna join send me the link and then I send her and she doesn't reply, I thought that she didn't have one minute to just say I can't join, but something that still goes around my head even after reading your messages couldn't she just say I can't join it would take her less than a minute.

Because even before I knew that she was in my grade I always thought about her I thought where is she right now what is she doing right now and on the days she didn't reply to my message I dreamt of her 3 more times which shows how much I think about her.
Thank you from all my organs especially my nervous system for replying.

sometimes things happens and sometimes peoples' attention is taken away from something. It happens and it is entirely human. It's not bad, it just is what it is.