Friends/family scared of your birds?

[itzjbean]

My husband and I love to entertain and have people over. We have a couple that we've known since high school that used to frequent our house quite often, that is, until we got the cockatiels. We had them over one night for dinner, and the cockatiels happened to be out in the living room on their stand minding their own business, preening, eating, playing. They flew around the room a couple times.

After that night, the couple stopped coming over. Several months went by with them getting out of coming over. We had absolutely no idea why. They would invite us over to their house, and we would gladly go, but anytime we suggested they visit us, they dodged the question and suggested another place to go and meet up. They never told us anything, so we were left clueless. Finally, my husband's sister saw them out and about shopping, and when she mentioned she hadn't seen them at our house lately, the couple admitted to her that the husband is scared sh**less of birds!!

I was shocked when she told us later, and then anger set in. Here I was, wracking my brain for what could've happened as to why they wouldn't come over to our house anymore, feeling like I've done something wrong, and the whole time him he was just scared of my birds!

While it is somewhat embarrassing for a 6'5 grown man to be scared of a tiny cockatiel, I felt terrible. He probably got spooked by them flying around, or maybe they were somewhat disgusted that we were trying to eat with birds flying around? I don't know. But then it made me mad that they didn't have the decency to SAY SOMETHING to us. We had to assume they just didn't like our company anymore.

Whatever the case, this happened last year and we no longer hang out with this couple that much, (they still haven't told us about his fear in person or have come over) and so we just kind of assumed, if they didn't have the courage to tell us about this and be upfront with us, then they really aren't that great of friends to begin with.

I mean, I could've put them in their cage, covered their cage while they visited or something but they chose not to say anything and stop coming over.

My question now for everyone else, is, do you have friends and/or family members that are scared of your birds, that do not come over because of them? And when you have people visit, are the birds out and about or do you put them in their cages?

Thanks guys. End rant!

 

[chris-md]

See, I view it completely differently. Were the tables turned I would be afraid to speak up myself. I know it's a little rude to go ghost like that, but I'd be more afraid of saying something because thats YOUR home and you're free to do what you want. I will NOT say "I'm afraid of dogs, so I'm only coming to your house if you lock up your dog".

Be honest, if they told you to your face "I'm afraid of birds, I'm never coming to your house again", would you feel any better?

We all want to make guests feel comfortable, and to be fair they didn't give you that chance before just disappearing so I see where your feeling of injury comes from. But on the flip side some people would feel they are being very rude to speak up about Their lack of comfort.

 

[plumsmum2005]

Yes I do understand and want to add that people who have this irrational fear can't help it. My MIL (deceased) was like this so we didn't push things. Couldn't understand it but let it go. I always had a picture in my mind of the AH film, 'Birds', relating to her fear LOL. I feel that your birds are best put in their cages when you have visitors for politeness, your birds sake and safety. If they take to them and vice versa then things can change can't they? To add to Chris-md's comments maybe a little embarrassed as well - a 6'5" bloke afraid of two little birds? Shame you have lost that friendship, it is difficult, maybe you could get in touch and promise the birds will be away if you would like to re-kindle things?

 

[itzjbean]

Thank you for the input! I so value other parrot owner's opinions here. I can certainly see it that way, how a guest coming over and not feeling entirely comfortable with the birds but knowing that it was their house and choosing not to say anything. It makes sense to me, but somehow I still feel frustrated that we had to find out the way we did.

I guess, if anything, I was sort of hoping that instead they could've maybe sent my husband a subtle text (that's usually the way the three communicate, I don't have their numbers) telling him of his fear, and saying that's why they haven't been over so frequently. If I would've received that, I would've happily suggested putting the birds away for them or covering them.

 

[itzjbean]

Yes I do understand and want to add that people who have this irrational fear can't help it. My MIL (deceased) was like this so we didn't push things. Couldn't understand it but let it go. I always had a picture in my mind of the AH film, 'Birds', relating to her fear LOL. I feel that your birds are best put in their cages when you have visitors for politeness, your birds sake and safety. If they take to them and vice versa then things can change can't they? To add to Chris-md's comments maybe a little embarrassed as well - a 6'5" block afraid of two little birds? Shame you have lost that friendship, it is difficult, maybe you could get in touch and promise the birds will be away if you would like to re-kindle things?

Yes, I think it best now to keep birds put away when we're expecting company... thank you for the reply! I'm glad to know that this has happened to other people, and it does seem a fear that maybe they will just never get over.

 

[plumsmum2005]

Thank you for the input! I so value other parrot owner's opinions here. I can certainly see it that way, how a guest coming over and not feeling entirely comfortable with the birds but knowing that it was their house and choosing not to say anything. It makes sense to me, but somehow I still feel frustrated that we had to find out the way we did.

I guess, if anything, I was sort of hoping that instead they could've maybe sent my husband a subtle text (that's usually the way the three communicate, I don't have their numbers) telling him of his fear, and saying that's why they haven't been over so frequently. If I would've received that, I would've happily suggested putting the birds away for them or covering them.

I have never yet met the perfect human being and embarrassment probably played a substantial part, not knowing how you would react to this. I in fact did the exact same thing with friends with young kids. They would come over and ransack my fridge without any form of telling off from the parents, left me fuming and didn't want them again.

 

[GaleriaGila]

I have known people who were so phobic about birds that they wouldn't even go into a house with them, caged or not. These people were work acquaintances and not buddies so it didn't get personal.
What would *I* have done in your friends' situation. Honestly? I would have lied and said I was allergic... no hurt feelings but a reason not to visit. Or I might get some behavior therapy. Phobias are often very treatable using systematic desensitization...

 

[Flboy]

I always have JoJo in his cage when some one comes over and I ask if I can bring him out to say hello!
My own wife!! Is afraid of birds!? If she is over, visiting, she will hide if I take JoJo out!
And, she has a feathered companion, Bongo The Barbarian! Bongo works full time doing body piercings!

 

[EllenD]

I understand both sides to this issue, I have heard from several people that a phobia of birds is a very common issue, no doubt related to my favorite director of all time, Sir Alfred Hitchcock...."It's the end of the world!" So I understand their issue, but I agree that it is very silly not to just tell you about it. I understand not wanting to offend you, but honestly I tend to think that they may not have told you partly because they did not want to upset or offend you, and partly because he is probably very embarrassed about having an irrational fear of birds. As you said, he's 6'5 and a big, tough man, so I'm sure he's not very proud of being afraid of little harmless birds.

I can relate on both sides of this issue. First off, my only true phobia is of insects and spiders. And I mean it's an innate, serious, deep-seated, psychological fear of ANY insect or arachnid. Even a single little ant or a "beautiful" (yeah right) butterfly freaks me right out, puts the fear of God in me, and sends me running for the hills. I can't get far enough away from whatever it is, and god forbid I'm stuck in a corner or somewhere that I can't escape from without going past the insect, because this psychosomatic thing happens and I end up doing dangerous things to get away. Once I was sitting in the showroom at work, we had this huge half-moon shaped front desk that was probably 5 and a half feet tall at it's highest front ledge that customers would walk up to, and I was sitting in a chair behind the desk, the desktop we used that was behind the ledge was probably 3 feet tall. A co-worker was sitting beside me, but at the opening of the desk, so I was crammed in the back of it. All of a sudden he yelled that there was a huge millipede crawling towards us across the floor, one of those ones with hair! I leaned around him, saw it coming towards us, and I literally elevated out of my chair, one foot on the desk platform, the next foot on top of the higher ledge, and jumped off onto the floor in front of the desk, and right out the door to the parking lot...I was told it looked like a Bruce Lee move. I wasn't even conscious of doing it. So if his fear of birds is one of these types of irrational fears that you can't explain then he probably is embarrassed about it...(at least insects are ugly, creepy, nasty, scary looking things, I can rationalize this much more than being scared of adorable little cockatiels, lol).

My aunt (my mom's brother's wife) has a horrible fear of dogs. All dogs, doesn't matter what breed, their size, etc. I guess she was attacked by her parent's dog when she was very young, like 5 years old, and she was injured pretty badly. So she had a horrible fear of any and all dogs, though they have always had cats and she loves them. When I was in high school my mom finally got me a dog after me begging for about a decade. We always had birds, she bred birds, but I wanted a dog. So I wanted a border collie, went to the local pet store who had puppies, and ended up falling in love with the sweetest little girl pug puppy, she was 8 weeks old and fit in the palm of my hand. I named her Rudy (I'm a HUGE Notre Dame fan). My grandmother would always have Sunday dinner once a month, we always had holidays at my grandparent's house, etc. I have 2 cousins, my aunt's daughters, that also dislike dogs. Well my uncle loves dogs, he and my mom grew up with lots of dogs, my pap bred hunting beagles. My grandmother and pap were too old to care for a dog anymore, though my grandmother loved them so, she still had English budgies, but she missed having a dog to hold and pet and take naps with, walk, etc. So when we got Rudy, literally the sweetest little dog I've ever known, and I know I'm biased but Rudy was the ultimate lap dog, my grandmother would watch her during the day while my mom and I were at school (she was an elementary art teacher). She loved Rudy so much that she always asked us to bring her for Sunday dinner and holidays. Well you've never seen anything until you see a grown woman in her 50's completely freak out and act just terrified of a little female pug that weighed 20 pounds soaking wet. This caused a massive issue between my mom, my grandmother, my aunt, and my uncle. I had nothing to do with it, thank God, and my cousins hated all dogs as well, so they had no problem chiming in about how they didn't bring their cat to Grandma's house, but it wasn't my mom or myself, it was my grandmother that insisted we bring Rudy to their house to every family function! My mom often said that we would just leave Rudy at home from now on, and she would say this in front of my aunt and uncle, but my grandmother insisted that we bring her, and that my aunt didn't have to be near her and she would just have to get over it...It was stressful. But my grandmother was elderly, she knew they would be moving out of their house into assisted living soon, and she wanted her Rudy pug there as much as possible... Eventually my uncle convinced my aunt to just ignore Rudy, and I would put Rudy in my grandparent's TV den and shut the door while we ate dinner. Oye.

So yes, I think this is a common issue, I haven't been confronted with it yet, but honestly if anyone that knows me were to come over to my house and be upset about my animals they should have known better before they ever even attempted to come over, after all I have 2 dogs (a 3-year-old female Australian Cattle Dog that is very well behaved and well trained and a male Shar Pei who just turned one year and is Satan or a close relative thereof), a green cheek conure, a Quaker parrot, a cockatiel, and a Senegal parrot, each of which have their huge cages in my living room/dining room along with a huge flight cage that my 7 budgies live in, and then a male bearded dragon who has a pretty large Exo Terra in my dining room next to the Senegal parrot's cage. And upstairs I have 7 breeder parakeets in another huge flight cage that can be separated into individual breeder cages. Even though I stopped breeding them I couldn't just get rid of them, they are not tame at all but they entertain me when I'm upstairs with them. That bedroom used to be my breeding room/nursery where they would live and where I would house the baby chicks I would hand-raise, feed them, it has a mini fridge that holds medications, supplements, Pedialyte, etc., an incubator, and several small brooders. So the only place in my house that people can escape the animals is my basement (my house is a 3-floor split-level, so all 3 floors are completely finished). My basement was used as an exercise room, a foyer type of room with a large wood stove, and then a laundry room and half-bathroom. But I actually am turning the exercise room into another living room so that people can not only get away from all the animals if need be, but the basement is actually the ground floor that is level with the driveway, and you can go in through the garage. So if my mother or stepfather can't get up stairs or whatever as they become elderly they can stay down there, we can watch movies, eat, there's a bathroom etc. I actually just installed 2 electric baseboard heaters and ran the electrical so it's toasty down there now, I never had it heated prior, only when I was exercising I might throw a few logs in the wood stove. So I guess I am prepared for anti-animal people now, I just shut the door to the upstairs and that's it.

If I were you (and this is just what I would do) and this had bothered me as much as it seems to have bothered you, I would just call your friends up and tell them that you were told that he has a phobia of birds and that is the reason that they no longer come over to your house. I'd tell them you're sorry but you had no idea what the problem was and that you really wish they had just told you about it in the first place, because you can just put the birds away in their cages and put them in another room or cover them up or something when they come over. Life is too short to at worst lose friends or at best badly strain your friendship, all because of a misunderstanding or something that can easily be remedied by talking the problem out. That's if you want to fix the friendship and get things back to the way they were. Now if you don't care about that relationship then it's obviously a whole other story, lol...And of course if it's a situation where he can't even be in the same house as birds are in, like if just knowing that your birds are in a different room or hearing them totally freaks him out and he can't be in the same house as a bird at all, and the only way they will come back over to your home is if you get rid of the birds, then obviously that won't work and you'll have to either end the friendship completely or only see them at their house or out somewhere else. (I'm almost this bad with my insect phobia, I have a good friend who's daughter has a "pet" Mexican Hissing Cockroach in a 10-gallon aquarium in her room and I really can't be in her house, all I think about is it getting loose or her walking out into the living room with it on her shoulder).

It's a tough situation, but for me the bottom line would be how important the friendship was to me. Yes it was very silly and petty of them not to just tell you, but that can't be changed now, so if you want things back the way they were you'll have to make the first move and get this out in the open to see what they're thinking.

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[BeatriceC]

I flat out ask anybody who's never been to my house before if they're afraid of birds. This is everybody from my friends to the cable repair guy. Actually, we told the cable company to make sure whatever tech got sent out wasn't afraid of large birds, because I know that a lot of people have phobias that affect them even if the birds are in their cages. To their credit, they sent out the tech that used to work at the zoo cleaning the bird enclosures. Anyway, my house is large enough that I can make accommodations that will keep everybody happy if there's a bird phobia involved, and I'm a rather blunt person, so I just ask flat out. It usually works better that way.

 

[itzjbean]

EllenD thank you for those stories!! And thank you everyone for all your input on this. In all honestly....this couple isn't all that interesting, we don't have very much in common with them anymore, and I think my husband and I are both comfortable with the 'shift' in the friendship and seeing them less. If we were closer it would be more of an issue but because we aren't, well...no skin off my back! lol

 

[EllenD]

EllenD thank you for those stories!! And thank you everyone for all your input on this. In all honestly....this couple isn't all that interesting, we don't have very much in common with them anymore, and I think my husband and I are both comfortable with the 'shift' in the friendship and seeing them less. If we were closer it would be more of an issue but because we aren't, well...no skin off my back! lol

Lmao, that's exactly why I said "If you care about this friendship", lol.

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[Kalel]

One of my best friends, who is a grown man was scared to death of my budgie. He was very close to me and was able to communicate that to me openly. I caged him whenever my friend was over. He said the combination of claws, beak, and flight scared the *#%£ out of him! Now, with Moonie he is never caged except when we are not home or at night when sleeping. When guests come over we pretty much only put him away if people indicate fear or display signs of discomfort. It kids are coming over we usually cage him right off the bat. This has worked great for us so far.

 

[Owlet]

Most people have been pretty excited to meet Lincoln, my oldest brother is a bit scared of him though. Not overly so, just kind of edges away from him. I find it kind of funny though because it gives me a leg up when usually I'm the under dog since I'm the youngest >>

 

[RavensGryf]

I've never had people over often.. all my life in fact, I'd usually be the one going over to others' homes, so it was usually me who had to put up with people's animals. If someone did come over, I'd automatically have birds in a cage, unless they took interest and wanted to hold them. When I had my big birds they were gentle with people, but Robin my Red Bellied parrot I'd have to tell people they were on their own right before he would dig his beak deep into their flesh. Luckily for both Robin and them, no one hurt him even by reflex when he would bite hard. But yes, I'd normally always have them in with visitors.

Speaking of bird phobia... my mom had a terrible fear of birds until she was a senior citizen believe it or not. She was really yearning for a pet at one time, and not sure what kind of pet she wanted. I thought this was my chance to show her how birds really are. I finally got her over the phobia once and for all about 10 years ago. Somehow she opened up to the idea that a small gentle bird like a Bourke's parakeet wasn't so scary after all. Now she has 2 birds.

I have a good friend who I don't see often, but she has an extra large (probably 100 lbs) male mix breed dog who is an energetic young adult, and she and her husband have NO clue how to train a dog... need I say more. Although he is not an aggressive dog toward me, he's pretty scary when he's trying to jump on me. I have to not wear clothes that I really like either for fear of getting them ripped or stained. Their dog before that was at least as bad. Trouble is, I have no problem being tactfully blunt generally speaking, but to a close friend who would very likely take it wrong, I really don't know how to say it. I will just have to wear a mechanic jumpsuit over my clothes, and hope she gets the hint LOL!

Sorry to derail a little!

 

[RavensGryf]

One of my best friends, who is a grown man was scared to death of my budgie. He was very close to me and was able to communicate that to me openly. I caged him whenever my friend was over. He said the combination of claws, beak, and flight scared the *#%£ out of him!

That's too funny!! :18:

 

[plumsmum2005]

I've never had people over often.. all my life in fact, I'd usually be the one going over to others' homes, so it was usually me who had to put up with people's animals. If someone did come over, I'd automatically have birds in a cage, unless they took interest and wanted to hold them. When I had my big birds they were gentle with people, but Robin my Red Bellied parrot I'd have to tell people they were on their own right before he would dig his beak deep into their flesh. Luckily for both Robin and them, no one hurt him even by reflex when he would bite hard. But yes, I'd normally always have them in with visitors.

Speaking of bird phobia... my mom had a terrible fear of birds until she was a senior citizen believe it or not. She was really yearning for a pet at one time, and not sure what kind of pet she wanted. I thought this was my chance to show her how birds really are. I finally got her over the phobia once and for all about 10 years ago. Somehow she opened up to the idea that a small gentle bird like a Bourke's parakeet wasn't so scary after all. Now she has 2 birds.

I have a good friend who I don't see often, but she has an extra large (probably 100 lbs) male mix breed dog who is an energetic young adult, and she and her husband have NO clue how to train a dog... need I say more. Although he is not an aggressive dog toward me, he's pretty scary when he's trying to jump on me. I have to not wear clothes that I really like either for fear of getting them ripped or stained. Their dog before that was at least as bad. Trouble is, I have no problem being tactfully blunt generally speaking, but to a close friend who would very likely take it wrong, I really don't know how to say it. I will just have to wear a mechanic jumpsuit over my clothes, and hope she gets the hint LOL!

Sorry to derail a little!

Yes, that may raise some questions LOL

 

[texsize]

My wife is not afraid of birds but she is afraid of beaks.
She is ok with our Cockatiels but is scared of the larger birds.
With our YNA and RLA her fear is not without reason but it is to bad she won't handle our new AG Bella. She is such a good natured bird, she just likes to intimidate or perhaps engage in play and it can look like it wants to bite you.
My wife has seen the injuries my YNA has caused and I think it has instilled a fear she will never get past.
:40:
texsize

 

[MosaicMadness]

I've found a LOT of people are scared of birds (I totally don't understand). Before we fenced in our rear yard, we had our hens free-ranging and they'd come around to the front yard, well, found out people were scared to walk past them! These are hens that totally ignore you, are just calmly looking for bugs and not doing anything "aggressive". *shrug* Our birds are around the corner of our main living area in the sunroom that connects the original house to the addition, so most people don't notice the parrots. I have had problems with health care aides being scared of our dogs and cats... they should be glad my daughter isn't still into reptiles

 

[DRB]

I have friends whose kids I cannot stand, and I will probably never say anything. I rarely go to their house anymore b/c of the kids.

If your friends felt you loved your birds deeply maybe they felt it would be wrong to say something.