Help please

[Nicci0110]

I went earlier in June to meet several birds at a rescue. There was not a rescue near me so I drove from north ms to Cincinnati oh. I met a special bird who won my heart. She was friendly with everyone but really seemed to like me best. She is 18 and is an umbrella cockatoo. The rescue just received her and had little to no information on her. I paid her fee and went home and bought everything she'd need. I went back about 3 weeks later, this past Saturday and picked her up. She remembered me and stepped right up for me. My husband had no trouble with her but she again continued to return to me. We spent about 2 hours with her and started home. In the car, we opened her cage and she chose to ride in my husband's lap. This is fine and we assumed it may be something with the drivers seat. We got home and she did excellent with my teenage daughter and we got her settled in for the night. The next day we spent all day taking turns with her. She bit me when I opened a puppy pad for her cage to lay on the floor. Then She was back to picking me. This was going perfectly. I was holding her and she was messing with a blanket Burroughing in it which I later discovered was her nesting. I took the blanket as she was tearing it up. My daughter played with her a bit and I wanted her back. She came back over and bit me. I fully expected to experience bites. But she was charging me. Since then she has seriously been trying to attack me at all cost. The next day we made a point for she and I to be alone to work on our bond. My husband stayed outside working most of the day and my daughter was away. I had her in my lap and my husband got up to check on our chickens before bed. The minute he left she bit me climbed up my lap to my scalp, bit me several more times. I got over to the cage and she got on it. I had to stand there and stare her down until my husband got back and she happily stepped up for him and got in her cage. I left with a shoulder bite, three scalp bites, a puncture to my ear, and a bite to the hand. Today she has had it out for me. I have only spoken to her through the cage. My husband got her out to mist her. She ran over to me and said step up. I obliged and scratched her for a bit and she then hit my finger with no warning. I went to put her back on the cage and again she attempted to climb up my scalp but my husband grabbed her this time. I did spend time rubbing under her wings due to being told this was fine since she had already had it done for so long I shouldnt change this. So did my family though. She is showing extreme hormonal behavior towards only me. I do not think this is an adjustment issue as she is the perfect bird for everyone else. She is now even destroying her toys when I'm near her cage but if it's anyone else she is talking happily to them. No one wanted this bird but me. They were fine with me having one but I am the only one willing to be a caregiver. I know adjustments take time but I think the snap in behavior and her exhibiting it only to me is maybe a long term problem. I am covered in wounds, bites, and bruises. The rescue is happy to take her back. There were several applications for her as she really is the perfect bird. Do I throw in the towel or suffer through? I just don't know if I can change her feelings towards me as she has become very violent with me and only me. I realize I should give her time but as her primary caregiver it's really hard to take care of a bird who hates only you and is complete sweetheart to everyone else. I feel like I need to find a better fit. If she wad acting this way towards all of us I think I could work through it but she has it out for only me. Any suggestions? Advice? Is this something we can overcome? I just do not understand the complete 180 in her love for me. I've never raised my voice to her in all of this. I have remained calm every time she has bitten me. I did cry a little after first attack and she set in her cage .ocking my crying noises and laughing in between. My husband wanted me to give her more time but he was able to witness her attack tonight and says she probably needs to go back so she can find a better fit. I am devastated as I truly had the perfect bird and now this. Do I work through this and hope we overcome it or throw in the Towel and try another bird. I wanted a male but she was so sweet I gave in and chose her.

 

[DonnaBudgie]

I went earlier in June to meet several birds at a rescue. There was not a rescue near me so I drove from north ms to Cincinnati oh. I met a special bird who won my heart. She was friendly with everyone but really seemed to like me best. She is 18 and is an umbrella cockatoo. The rescue just received her and had little to no information on her. I paid her fee and went home and bought everything she'd need. I went back about 3 weeks later, this past Saturday and picked her up. She remembered me and stepped right up for me. My husband had no trouble with her but she again continued to return to me. We spent about 2 hours with her and started home. In the car, we opened her cage and she chose to ride in my husband's lap. This is fine and we assumed it may be something with the drivers seat. We got home and she did excellent with my teenage daughter and we got her settled in for the night. The next day we spent all day taking turns with her. She bit me when I opened a puppy pad for her cage to lay on the floor. Then She was back to picking me. This was going perfectly. I was holding her and she was messing with a blanket Burroughing in it which I later discovered was her nesting. I took the blanket as she was tearing it up. My daughter played with her a bit and I wanted her back. She came back over and bit me. I fully expected to experience bites. But she was charging me. Since then she has seriously been trying to attack me at all cost. The next day we made a point for she and I to be alone to work on our bond. My husband stayed outside working most of the day and my daughter was away. I had her in my lap and my husband got up to check on our chickens before bed. The minute he left she bit me climbed up my lap to my scalp, bit me several more times. I got over to the cage and she got on it. I had to stand there and stare her down until my husband got back and she happily stepped up for him and got in her cage. I left with a shoulder bite, three scalp bites, a puncture to my ear, and a bite to the hand. Today she has had it out for me. I have only spoken to her through the cage. My husband got her out to mist her. She ran over to me and said step up. I obliged and scratched her for a bit and she then hit my finger with no warning. I went to put her back on the cage and again she attempted to climb up my scalp but my husband grabbed her this time. I did spend time rubbing under her wings due to being told this was fine since she had already had it done for so long I shouldnt change this. So did my family though. She is showing extreme hormonal behavior towards only me. I do not think this is an adjustment issue as she is the perfect bird for everyone else. She is now even destroying her toys when I'm near her cage but if it's anyone else she is talking happily to them. No one wanted this bird but me. They were fine with me having one but I am the only one willing to be a caregiver. I know adjustments take time but I think the snap in behavior and her exhibiting it only to me is maybe a long term problem. I am covered in wounds, bites, and bruises. The rescue is happy to take her back. There were several applications for her as she really is the perfect bird. Do I throw in the towel or suffer through? I just don't know if I can change her feelings towards me as she has become very violent with me and only me. I realize I should give her time but as her primary caregiver it's really hard to take care of a bird who hates only you and is complete sweetheart to everyone else. I feel like I need to find a better fit. If she wad acting this way towards all of us I think I could work through it but she has it out for only me. Any suggestions? Advice? Is this something we can overcome? I just do not understand the complete 180 in her love for me. I've never raised my voice to her in all of this. I have remained calm every time she has bitten me. I did cry a little after first attack and she set in her cage .ocking my crying noises and laughing in between. My husband wanted me to give her more time but he was able to witness her attack tonight and says she probably needs to go back so she can find a better fit. I am devastated as I truly had the perfect bird and now this. Do I work through this and hope we overcome it or throw in the Towel and try another bird. I wanted a male but she was so sweet I gave in and chose her.

Wow. Such a disappointment for you. I don't have any answers but I wanted to tell you that I understand how upset you are that your "dream bird" almost immediately turned on you. Yes, if I were you I would return her (I don't think this had anything to do with her gender), and try not to feel too bad about it. This happens through no fault of the "rejected person".

 

[Nicci0110]

I really appreciate your kind words. Facebook tore me apart maybe worse than she did for considering returning her but I wasn't her to have an owner she loves and I'm not it for sure. She is such a special bird for sure and if this is something we can overcome I'm willing to do that but I just don't think it is. She is such a joy for everyone who is around even guests but not me her owner lol

Wow. Such a disappointment for you. I don't have any answers but I wanted to tell you that I understand how upset you are that your "dream bird" almost immediately turned on you. Yes, if I were you I would return her (I don't think this had anything to do with her gender), and try not to feel too bad about it. This happens through no fault of the "rejected person".

 

[onamom]

Welcome to the forums though I’m sorry to hear about this difficult situation. I know you must be so disappointed. If it were me - I’d give it more time. Your bird has been through a lot with the move and change in environment. This is all very hard and stressful for you and all these changes are hard for her to. She may settle and come around as she gets more comfortable. That being said, do what you feel is best. Ask yourself: can you forgive her and bond with her if she does come around? Are you willing to be patient with her for a while longer to see how things go? If the answer is no, then returning her is probably best.

I strongly recommend you do not pet her anywhere but the head. Petting under the wings could very likely be contributing to her hormonal behavior.

I would suggest not handling her right now. Just talk to her while she’s in the cage and let her get to know you again, slowly.

You might also try giving her some dried chamomile flowers to help with hormones and to help soothe her. Maybe rescue remedy as well.

Since you mentioned puppy pads - are they unscented? Many of them have chemicals and smells that aren’t good for birds.

I wish you the best of luck and am so sorry this has turned into such a stressful situation.

 

[Keet_Krazy]

I am not an experienced or knowledgeable cockatoo owner, but thought I'd give some suggestions to help you.
Cockatoos (and other large parrots for that matter) can be difficult and require very committed owners. If you don't believe you can handle her I would actually agree with returning so hopefully the rescue can place her with someone more equipped.
I also agree with giving her more time. Cockatoos can be incredibly sensitive and she's had a lot happen lately. For you're own safety please don't physically interact with her just yet.
I know I'm not supposed to link other forums, so I understand if this link gets removed, but I really think this write up would benefit the OP if they are to keep their bird.

 

[Nicci0110]

I am not an experienced or knowledgeable cockatoo owner, but thought I'd give some suggestions to help you.
Cockatoos (and other large parrots for that matter) can be difficult and require very committed owners. If you don't believe you can handle her I would actually agree with returning so hopefully the rescue can place her with someone more equipped.
I also agree with giving her more time. Cockatoos can be incredibly sensitive and she's had a lot happen lately. For you're own safety please don't physically interact with her just yet.
I know I'm not supposed to link other forums, so I understand if this link gets removed, but I really think this write up would benefit the OP if they are to keep their bird.

I wouldn't mind giving her more time at all. It just really makes me wonder if she's a good fit since she went from being so sweet with everyone, me included but now is unmanageable for me only. I appreciate your advice so much!

 

[Nicci0110]

I am not an experienced or knowledgeable cockatoo owner, but thought I'd give some suggestions to help you.
Cockatoos (and other large parrots for that matter) can be difficult and require very committed owners. If you don't believe you can handle her I would actually agree with returning so hopefully the rescue can place her with someone more equipped.
I also agree with giving her more time. Cockatoos can be incredibly sensitive and she's had a lot happen lately. For you're own safety please don't physically interact with her just yet.
I know I'm not supposed to link other forums, so I understand if this link gets removed, but I really think this write up would benefit the OP if they are to keep their bird.

She is not aggressive to any9ne other than me. I love her so much so I just keep.going back for more but I have left her caged since yesterday at the advice of the rescue. I'm going to see how it goes.

 

[Nicci0110]

Welcome to the forums though I’m sorry to hear about this difficult situation. I know you must be so disappointed. If it were me - I’d give it more time. Your bird has been through a lot with the move and change in environment. This is all very hard and stressful for you and all these changes are hard for her to. She may settle and come around as she gets more comfortable. That being said, do what you feel is best. Ask yourself: can you forgive her and bond with her if she does come around? Are you willing to be patient with her for a while longer to see how things go? If the answer is no, then returning her is probably best.

I strongly recommend you do not pet her anywhere but the head. Petting under the wings could very likely be contributing to her hormonal behavior.

I would suggest not handling her right now. Just talk to her while she’s in the cage and let her get to know you again, slowly.

You might also try giving her some dried chamomile flowers to help with hormones and to help soothe her. Maybe rescue remedy as well.

Since you mentioned puppy pads - are they unscented? Many of them have chemicals and smells that aren’t good for birds.

I wish you the best of luck and am so sorry this has turned into such a stressful situation.

I have no problem giv8nf her time but I do not really think it's an adjustment issue as she has been a dream in every way but with me. It's really a matter of if I can reverse the anger she has for me.

 

[wrench13]

Its a long hard road to convince any parrot to like, much less love, someone they have decided is a threat. Given your family situation, where you are the "bird' person. I would return her and seek a better fit. Holding her longer will only exacerbate the situation, IMHO. Can it be fixed ? Maybe but in the mean time she is getting used to your household, and taking her away from what little settling in has taken place, well that time would be better spent on her part settling in with her final 'home'.

 

[Nicci0110]

She still shows me love between the attacks. I am going to keep trying. Give her some time in her cage to calm down which helped considerably today. I'm hoping that helps some

Its a long hard road to convince any parrot to like, much less love, someone they have decided is a threat. Given your family situation, where you are the "bird' person. I would return her and seek a better fit. Holding her longer will only exacerbate the situation, IMHO. Can it be fixed ? Maybe but in the mean time she is getting used to your household, and taking her away from what little settling in has taken place, well that time would be better spent on her part settling in with her final 'home'.

 

[ravvlet]

For some different perspective- this happened to me with a yellow naped Amazon. She is a big older female named Sammy, and like many Amazons, was very particular about what she did and did not like, and she decided what she *definitely did not like* was ME! My partner became de facto primary caregiver as I could only give her treats on a spoon or she’d bite my fingers - and I do not mean nip. She was otherwise a lovely bird and stayed with us for a year as I tried to work past my fear (heh, I lost feeling in the tip of my finger after one bite and she even nailed one of the kids), and we even had a parrot trainer come in. I was able to talk to her through her cage bars or from a distance when she was out, and occasionally pet her, but any prolonged interaction ended in a bite, and she had no qualms about marching up my pants leg to land one if I wasn’t brave enough to offer a finger or other limb, haha.

In the end, we interviewed and searched and after a couple months found her a new family who she adores, a little over a year after she’d come to live with us. She didn’t really pick us and wasn’t at a rescue - we got her from a family whose circumstances had changed and they could no longer care for her. If we had the luxury of knowing she could go back to a rescue who had other homes waiting for her to try, I think I would have happily returned her knowing as I do now that we AND the bird will be happier if everyone likes each other, and there are many other birds also looking for a home, who might be a better fit.

If you decide to give her more time, that’s totally ok too! But if things don’t seem to change, don’t beat yourself up about it for a year like I did. Find a way for you and your feathered friend to be happy, even if it means she goes to live with someone else. Your safety and your feelings do matter also.