You're doing the right thing. Sending recordings of your voice to help calm down Jordan was brilliant. I disagree with taking them back so soon, for all of the objections I and others have outlined in the past. I know it's painful, but until you're financially able to care for them without relying on others, and until your siblings are no longer an issue, they're just not safe in your house.
Another thing. I've debated telling you this because it's so very personal, but I've decided I'm going to tell you because it might give you some inspiration.
Adult life is tough. Sometimes we have to make heartbreaking decisions. Last year I had to make one of those choices. You see, my life hasn't been all sunshine and roses. My kids have been through a lot. One of my kids in particular had a very difficult time. I'm not going to go into the exact issues because I respect my children's privacy, but let's just say things were really, really bad for a while. The one kid who was having a particularly tough time deteriorated into using drugs. My house was like a war zone for a while. I tried desperately to get him the help he needed, but mental health care and drug addiction care in the US is pathetic and I was unable to get him specialized help. The situation was negatively affecting my other kids. I had choices to make. In the most heartbreaking decision I've ever made in my life, I sent my son to live with his father on the other side of the country. My son hates me right now. He thinks I just didn't want him and got rid of him. He doesn't know I cry about him almost every night. He doesn't know that I did what I did in a last ditch, desperate attempt to help him grow up into a healthy, stable young man. He's had a tough go at life, and his father has resources I simply don't. And as much as it hurt, I let him go. He doesn't know that I collapsed on the floor of the airport terminal as his plane pulled out of the gate. He doesn't know that I relive every moment, every fight, every decision I've ever made and question what I could have done better. He doesn't know that I haven't truly enjoyed a day out with his brothers since he left, but I fake it because I have to be strong for the other kids. He doesn't know that even if he hates me for the rest of his life, if my decision means that he gets clean and becomes successful in life, then it was worth it. He doesn't know that while I'm sitting here typing this to you, tears are streaming down my face. It will never get any easier, but it was the right thing to do.
So you see that while I have some sympathy for the pain of re-homing a bird, I'm a little hardened because life gets much more painful than that. Try "re-homing" a child; a child that you gave birth to, that you spent 4 weeks in the hospital with trying to stay pregnant to full term. A child who's isolette you sat next to for 6 long weeks because in spite of your own hospital stay, he was still premature and spent time in NICU. A child you've fought like hell for his entire life, but you've somehow fell short. Yes, giving up your birds sucks, but it's nothing compared to the decisions you might have to face as an adult. The mature thing to do is to let them stay in a safe home until you are truly able to care for them. Please think of them and put them first.
First of all, I very much appreciate you sharing your story, I know it's a very personal experience that you shared, and as you have already stated you don't have any idea how difficult life is when you're a kid. Yes, kids go through horrible things, awful things, things that make you who you are as an adult, but there is a difference, a huge difference. When you're a kid you have just that to fall back on. When you're an adult and things go wrong you have no one but yourself to try to fix it, to try to get through it. And if you can't fix it, you still don't have a choice, you have to figure out a way to get through it because that's your only choice. And yes, treating drug addiction in this country is not only difficult, it's like the system is actually fighting you while you're trying to get help. Due to all of my chronic health problems, the 2 that I unfortunately have dealt with since I was a teenager are horribly painful (chronic kidney stones and polycystic ovaries/endometriosis), I was prescribed so many narcotics that I spent my years from 18 onward perpetually high. Instead of my GP, my OB/GYN, my Urologist trying to diagnose what was wrong or stopping the problems like the kidney stones, they just kept me on narcotic painkillers for years and years. And I needed them, passing multiple kidney stones every 2-3 months combined with 2 weeks of every month not being able to even move because an ovarian cyst the size of a cantaloupe ruptured is impossible. Had to finish college, had to finish grad school, had to work 65 hours a week. They all want you and expect you to keep going and to be productive, but most will judge you when they find out you're taking narcotics. All except the doctors, when I would beg my Urologist to try to sort out why I was getting the kidney stones he would just say "Some people are just stone collectors", and he'd write me another prescription. And my health insurance would always pay for everything..And then after years and years I was suddenly 28 and an addict. And then suddenly the doctors finally go "Sorry, you're just going to have to deal with the pain because we're being told to stop writing narcotic scripts". That's great. So they made me into an addict, they refused to actually try to stop the medical issues, then they bailed on me and didn't care. So of course the next logical progression is heroin because it's cheap and there's no way I could afford pills on the street. It's a common story that everyone knows, I went through a lot of horrible years, somehow managing to stay functional enough to work, and somehow I didn't get arrested, go to jail, or kill myself. And finally last year I couldn't take it anymore, it gets so tiring. And then when I sought help, ironically my insurance wouldn't pay for a thing, not a thing to help the addiction it funded for years, lol. It's a very pathetic system we have, and out of desperation I ended up relapsing a million times until I finally got clean a little over a year ago. It's hard. Every.Single.Day. But today was good. Tomorrow is looking good too.
So yes, you made the right decision with your lovebird. I don't have to list the 25 reasons why you did the right thing, you know the list well. Jordan will be just fine after he adjusts to his new home. It's no different than any other bird adjusting to their new home, it takes time. Until you can financially be responsible for pets, and until you are mature enough to keep your birds safe and know the mature and responsible ways to react to situations that arise, you have no business having pets. And I think you know that. No, I know you know that.
Life sucks sometimes. And it's not fun to suffer or to feel pain. But what you're going to find is that sometimes it's better for you to suffer and feel pain than to take the easy road that feels good. If you keep giving in and doing what's easy and what simply feels good instead of what you know is the right thing to do, you'll never be able to be responsible for another living creature.
"Dance like nobody's watching..."
