Husband is stressed and depressed.....

[Aisa]

Has anyone else had this problem or have ideas that might help? We've had our red front macaw for 11 years. He's a real sweetie, but spoiled, mostly by my husband. Tom has given Frisco so much love and attention that now it's come to the point where Frisco wants to be with Tom a lot. Tom has been feeling that he can't get anything done because Frisco needs his attention. Tom says he can't do anything because of Frisco. This feeling has grown and is overtaking Tom's life. It's now at the point that he's thinking that we may need to give Frisco away, which is killing me. Tom has a job where he is traveling for about 10 days a month, but these breaks don't seem to help. The rest of the time Tom is at home. As soon as he gets home, Frisco wants attention. We also have a very hard time finding a good bird sitter so we don't travel as much as Tom would like. I'm working on finding someone and have a possibility, but I'm afraid it won't be enough. When Tom is gone, Frisco usually settles down and will quietly play with his toys for hours. We just moved into a house with a small basement and I've suggested that Tom use the basement as his get away place. And if we can find a good sitter that may help. But this situation just seems to be spinning out of control. Tom does love Frisco and it was Tom's suggestion that we get a macaw after my nanday died. Tom just feels his live has been taken over. Any help appreciated.

 

[thekarens]

Can you spend time with Frisco to give Tom a break? Let Tom go into another room to do his thing while you spend time with Frisco. When your husband is gone you can work on bonding even more with your rfm.

 

[strudel]

I'm of the opinion that once you've taken on a pet, you don't give them away because they are inconvenient, so I'd focus on finding a good sitter, and also try to find somebody who wants to come and play with Frisco. Is he accepting of other people? Look for a bird equivalent of a "dog walker".

Bottom line, if Tom doesn't want the responsibility any more, then you need to look at rehoming. I just couldn't give up any of my pets just because they were "imposing" on me or being annoying. That's what I signed up for when I got them.

 

[Birdman666]

Okay. My RFM is approximately the same age as yours...

I know what this is. This is the start of what I call "spoiled bird syndrome."
This bird needs structure and discipline, just as a child does...

This is fixable. It's gonna take work on everyone's part, but it's fixable. You don't have to give up the bird. You have to structure the interaction and repattern him so that he is not a PITA.

Macaws are attention oriented and those two little medium sized macaws are about the most attention oriented of the bunch. (RFM & BTM - Very similar personalities.)

One of the things that is happening is you've held the bird too much and he hasn't learned to self entertain well. It's very common with macaws and large toos. They want to be held all the time, and if you do, it's like holding a baby too much. Set them down and they cry.... "Sorry, TOM you are a large part of the problem, and you are causing your own misery. You don't just dump a bird who is acting up because you spoiled him. You fix the problem. Then it won't be a problem anymore."

What you have to do is get the bird on a set, disciplined schedule each day.

The same thing happens at roughly the same time every day.

This is when we eat.
This is when we sleep.
This is your outside the cage time.
This is your inside the cage time.
This is your "human interaction" time.
This is the time you play on your own...

He's gonna resist at first, but you MUST, MUST, MUST be consistent.

If he screams, follow screaming protocols.

If he's piss-ey he goes down until he steps up nice, and he doesn't get extra time because he was piss-ey...

This is your time.
This is people time. You have plenty of toys. Now go play with them.

Once you have the pattern and structure in place, your bird will follow it.

It's just dealing with him until he gets the message that this is how it's gonna be from now on. And then continuing to give him the quality interaction time he needs during "bird time."

He hasn't learned to wait his turn, and he needs to.

That's how you fix it. 30-60 days from now things should be running like clockwork, IF you are consistent with it and don't give in.

 

[Kiwibird]

Listen to Birdman! He's is 100% correct. Parrots are just like small children- they need structure and routine or else issues arise. Frisco's behavioral issues at this point sound relatively minor. I'm 100% confident that as long as you and your husband get on the same page and give Frisco the chance to learn how to be a more independent bird, he will go back to being a wonderful companion. You've invested 11 years of love and care into this bird, he's worth investing a little extra effort and patience in the short term to get him to be a better companion in the long term

 

[Birdman666]

On another level, he's doing this because he loves his flock members THAT much... he has bonded with you guys.

What do you think will happen when he no longer has them, if he gets dumped?! It won't solve the problem. It will confuse him, make him lonely, and probably make the bad behaviors even worse, and someone else will have to deal with it...

Possibly multiple someones if they aren't willing to put up with it either, or the bird does not respond to them, because he is bonded to you.

Give him a structure. He will thrive again. Every rehab I have ever done responded to structured interaction.

I generally board mine when I go on vacation.

 

[DoodlesMom]

Please use the search tools available, BIRDMAN, Im' sure, has plenty of info on this subject in great detail!

Just as we don't dispose of our human kids cause they are a PITA, after 11 years of companionship, Frisco DESERVES the effort of a more structured & happy life. We as humans are the problem with BAD BEHAVIOR in both our human kids AND our pets.

Please don't take offence, I see this EVERDAY, at the shelter I volunteer at, good pets that are now inconvenient to keep. With work, patience and with all the helpfull information on this forum, you, your husband and Frisco can make this work.

Peace and good luck to you!

 

[Birdman666]

When Tom is gone, Frisco usually settles down and will quietly play with his toys for hours.

See, HE CAN AND WILL if left to his own devices...

 

[Birdman666]

He's a real sweetie, but spoiled, mostly by my husband. Tom has given Frisco so much love and attention that now it's come to the point where Frisco wants to be with Tom a lot. Tom has been feeling that he can't get anything done because Frisco needs his attention.

He just chooses not to when Tom is around...

Why?! Because they love the attention...

If Tom structures the interaction, he will do just fine playing on his own...

THIS IS BIRDIE MANIPULATION... AND TOM IS FALLING FOR IT. So the bird is continuing to do it, because ATTENTION is what macaws are really all about! And, it's becoming problematic, because all the bird has to do is act up, and he gets what he wants. There is no greater reward... even food... for a macaw.

Set the schedule. It works this way, PERIOD! Birdie maniuplation only gets you in time out, or covered, or what ever the remedy is for the behavior. They, when you have waited your turn to the appropriate time... you get your attention. Same time every day. Roughly the same period of time every day.

Tom just needs to look at it from a different perspective. The bird is fine. He got greeted when I came home. He gets his one on one time from XXX to XXX. He will survive learning to be a bird and play with his toys in between time...

 

[Birdman666]

In my household, I have five birds, two of whom are super attention oriented macaws, and a third is a super bonded to me amazon.

My red lored amazon goes first. Then goes back.

My Greenwing Goes second. Then goes back.

My RFM goes third. Then goes back.

My CAG and my Lilac Crowned go last. (Those two are the odd couple. You don't pick up one without the other.)

The same thing happens every night, with few exceptions. They know whose turn it is. They know when they go back, it's someone else's turn. And they've each been handled twice that day. (Once in the morning, once in the evening.)

They get more interaction when I'm downstairs, just not picked up and held one on one.

Also, we have an upstairs and a downstairs. Upstairs is primarily for people, and a place people go to be by themselves. Downstairs is primarily bird room. Upstairs means "I'm busy. Not now." Downstairs we play in addition to the one on one time, but they don't generally get picked up. They are out on their stands and interacted with where they sit.

And they are fine with that.

And at one time I had 11 birds... which meant handling them in packs, 3-4 at a time. (Which I handled as evening walks... handling and outside time... multi-tasking.)

 

[SilverSage]

I'm reading this thread, and while none of my birds are Macaws and we have never dealt with this exact issue, I come from a huge human family (7 kids plus foster kids, cousins, friends, and random neighborhood kids who were always over) and I have worked in childcare for over a decade. Basically everything Birdman says also applies to kids, especially toddlers. I see SO MANY moms and dads run ragged by kids who know that if they just cry/scream/misbehave for long enough or in certain ways, mommy or daddy will come running to do their will. Sometimes the kid doesnt even have to be naughty, because the parent doesnt have the backbone to stand up for themselves and be the adult.

structure is important for kids and birds. It doesnt mean you never do anything new and never flex, but it allows kids and birds to know what to expect. I see this most strongly with pets and kids who have been abused or neglected, but it is still true for the others.

This doesnt mean you are a bad parront (or parent) and you are doomed, it just means you have some learning and adjusting to do. Birdman has the experience to back up what he is saying, I certainly dont have anything to add to what he has said.

 

[goalerjones]

I find that a good mani-pedi with the sea salt rub and foot massage relaxes me.