My sleepwalking probably killed Cossie, I don't know if the birds are safe with me anymore (vent/wtf happened/help please post)

[𝕾𝖙𝖔𝖗𝖒𝖞𝕻𝖎𝖈𝖆]

Cossie is missing. I have checked everywhere. We have cats but I am EXTREMELY diligent about not letting them in the bird room. Like, extremely extremely, I always make sure they're occupied elsewhere before I even open the door, I go in super fast, then check again once I close the door. And today she didn't come for breakfast, and she's not in the room, I've searched everywhere. And there's a pile of her feathers in the living room. She was there last night, I told her I loved her and put her to bed. But she wasn't in the cage because I was tired out of my mind and didn't feel like bird wrangling (the room is totally bird proof and has a night light, they've slept out hundreds of times without incident). The others were out with her. She's always been a bad flier.

I have sleepwalking behaviors, I'm the only one in my family who does. It's all been harmless but embarrassing, but I haven't had an episode since I was a little kid (to my and my family's knowledge). I've had other involuntary sleep occurrences, but not sleepwalking. There's no way the cats could've opened the door, gotten in, killed Cossie, then closed the door behind them. It's near impossible unless my cats are literal demonic entities with opposable thumbs. They are not, they're the best kitties in the universe. So the only logical conclusion is that I sleepwalked. I think.

I don't feel safe with the birds anymore. I want to rehome them. Should I?

I'm probably going to get a LOT of hate for saying this, but either I'm in shock or I barely care. I've had this issue since I was little, and it's hell to deal with. Everyone expects me to be sad but I'm just numb or even mostly normal. Hence the lack of panic in this post. I can't help it, and I'm sorry, I don't know why (childhood trauma?), and I'm not a psychopath. So please, no huge condolences. I have very personal reasons for asking this, and I hope you will respect that.

 

[Owlet]

I understand. I've been long debating the same thing. I'm working towards getting a POTS diagnosis (but doctors are being difficult and refuse to do the tilt test even though I'm 99.99% sure it's pots). It's something I've been struggling with for a few years now but it's to the point where if I make the wrong move I can just have a seizure right then and there. My energy levels are so low between dealing with this and a fulltime job and I feel like I'm a danger to the birds and that they arent getting enough attention. I'm really hoping Cossie shows up.

 

[𝕾𝖙𝖔𝖗𝖒𝖞𝕻𝖎𝖈𝖆]

I understand. I've been long debating the same thing. I'm working towards getting a POTS diagnosis (but doctors are being difficult and refuse to do the tilt test even though I'm 99.99% sure it's pots). It's something I've been struggling with for a few years now but it's to the point where if I make the wrong move I can just have a seizure right then and there. My energy levels are so low between dealing with this and a fulltime job and I feel like I'm a danger to the birds and that they arent getting enough attention. I'm really hoping Cossie shows up.

As am I of course. I would do anything to have her show up.

I definitely get the struggle of low energy, I have many potential undiagnosed medical conditions (I get the struggle of doctors ignoring you or being difficult as well) and moderate sensory processing disorder, and I basically experience 24/7 burnout that nothing can fix. I'm probably part-time homeschooling soon because I'm starting to fail some classes, but I'm not sure how much that will help. Hopefully you get that POTS diagnosis you need.

 

[Jcas]

Not to be insensitive or gruesome, but if it is a cat, there will be evidence somewhere. Cats always leave the beak and feet of a bird. I would check favorite cat hideout/ hangout spots for evidence. And keep looking EVERYWHERE for Cossie. When I had my little sparrow, he would go missing from time to time ( he didn’t fly very well) and I found him behind tables and desks, on top of the ceiling fan, behind the bed etc. Sincerely hoping your little budgie shows up safely somewhere.❤️

 

[𝕾𝖙𝖔𝖗𝖒𝖞𝕻𝖎𝖈𝖆]

Not to be insensitive or gruesome, but if it is a cat, there will be evidence somewhere. Cats always leave the beak and feet of a bird. I would check favorite cat hideout/ hangout spots for evidence. And keep looking EVERYWHERE for Cossie. When I had my little sparrow, he would go missing from time to time ( he didn’t fly very well) and I found him behind tables and desks, on top of the ceiling fan, behind the bed etc. Sincerely hoping your little budgie shows up safely somewhere.❤️

I looked everywhere, they're confined to a room with little furniture. My mom picked up a "huge glob of throw-up" from the cats this morning, we suspect it may be her, but I'm not digging through the trash to find my little girl torn apart.

 

[Vampiric_Conure]

No judgement here, dah'lin. **HUGE Hugs**

 

[𝕾𝖙𝖔𝖗𝖒𝖞𝕻𝖎𝖈𝖆]

No judgement here, dah'lin. **HUGE Hugs**

Thank you so much ❤️

 

[𝕾𝖙𝖔𝖗𝖒𝖞𝕻𝖎𝖈𝖆]

I feel so horrible that the last thing she probably saw was me letting her be killed, not even trying to intervene. I was asleep but she wouldn't know. She just saw her dad let in the cat that killed her and he didn't try to save her life. My poor little girl.

She's dead for sure, there's a trail of her feathers throughout the house.

 

[SweetBlueberry]

I am so sorry for you

 

[SweetBlueberry]

I hope that does not happen again

 

[4 way borbs]

Cossie is missing. I have checked everywhere. We have cats but I am EXTREMELY diligent about not letting them in the bird room. Like, extremely extremely, I always make sure they're occupied elsewhere before I even open the door, I go in super fast, then check again once I close the door. And today she didn't come for breakfast, and she's not in the room, I've searched everywhere. And there's a pile of her feathers in the living room. She was there last night, I told her I loved her and put her to bed. But she wasn't in the cage because I was tired out of my mind and didn't feel like bird wrangling (the room is totally bird proof and has a night light, they've slept out hundreds of times without incident). The others were out with her. She's always been a bad flier.

I have sleepwalking behaviors, I'm the only one in my family who does. It's all been harmless but embarrassing, but I haven't had an episode since I was a little kid (to my and my family's knowledge). I've had other involuntary sleep occurrences, but not sleepwalking. There's no way the cats could've opened the door, gotten in, killed Cossie, then closed the door behind them. It's near impossible unless my cats are literal demonic entities with opposable thumbs. They are not, they're the best kitties in the universe. So the only logical conclusion is that I sleepwalked. I think.

I don't feel safe with the birds anymore. I want to rehome them. Should I?

I'm probably going to get a LOT of hate for saying this, but either I'm in shock or I barely care. I've had this issue since I was little, and it's hell to deal with. Everyone expects me to be sad but I'm just numb or even mostly normal. Hence the lack of panic in this post. I can't help it, and I'm sorry, I don't know why (childhood trauma?), and I'm not a psychopath. So please, no huge condolences. I have very personal reasons for asking this, and I hope you will respect that.

I don't sleepwalk but I am a walking mess, my room is a mess the kitchen is a mess the basement is a mess and the birds have never had a problem with it. nonbird speaking we are talking about my brothers hampster that died under the treadmill and we didn't find him for a whole year! and dude you didn't have the power to stop it, as a sleepwalker YOUR ASLEEP, YOU CAN"T STOP YOURSELF!

 

[4 way borbs]

Not to be insensitive or gruesome, but if it is a cat, there will be evidence somewhere. Cats always leave the beak and feet of a bird. I would check favorite cat hideout/ hangout spots for evidence. And keep looking EVERYWHERE for Cossie. When I had my little sparrow, he would go missing from time to time ( he didn’t fly very well) and I found him behind tables and desks, on top of the ceiling fan, behind the bed etc. Sincerely hoping your little budgie shows up safely somewhere.❤️

true, when my dog eats something bad he throws up in the spots everyone will see. in the hallway, chicken coop(Not in thankfully), kitchen etc etc etc.

 

[𝕾𝖙𝖔𝖗𝖒𝖞𝕻𝖎𝖈𝖆]

I don't sleepwalk but I am a walking mess, my room is a mess the kitchen is a mess the basement is a mess and the birds have never had a problem with it. nonbird speaking we are talking about my brothers hampster that died under the treadmill and we didn't find him for a whole year! and dude you didn't have the power to stop it, as a sleepwalker YOUR ASLEEP, YOU CAN"T STOP YOURSELF!

I know, but I do feel horrible.

I hope that does not happen again

I'm rehoming them, so it won't. I've gotten quite an attachment to mice, and I have a 40 gallon tank, so maybe I'll get some mice and have a REALLY secure lid. I'm not sure yet.

 

[foxgloveparrot]

ZERO judgement here, Ollie. You don’t need to feel bad for being numb and/or unaffected, I promise.

Anyway i’m so incredulously sorry. That’s horrible, and it sucks that it’s come to rehoming the birds. I hope you can figure things out soon and that everyone (you most of all) will be ok.

 

[foxgloveparrot]

ZERO judgement here, Ollie. You don’t need to feel bad for being numb and/or unaffected, I promise.

Anyway i’m so incredulously sorry. That’s horrible, and it sucks that it’s come to rehoming the birds. I hope you can figure things out soon and that everyone (you most of all) will be ok.

RIP Cossie. While tragic, her death was no one’s fault, and she lived a beautiful life filled with love.

 

[𝕾𝖙𝖔𝖗𝖒𝖞𝕻𝖎𝖈𝖆]

I've decided not to rehome them yet, because Stormy is extremely anxious and traumatized. He basically shakes 24/7 now. The only time he stopped was when I spent 20 minutes talking to him softly. I will put a lock on my door and put the key somewhere secure where I likely won't get it during sleepwalking.

 

[Jcas]

I've decided not to rehome them yet, because Stormy is extremely anxious and traumatized. He basically shakes 24/7 now. The only time he stopped was when I spent 20 minutes talking to him softly. I will put a lock on my door and put the key somewhere secure where I likely won't get it during sleepwalking.

That sounds like a really good idea. I hope your other birds bounce back quickly ( and that you recover soon from this as well) ❤️

 

[Kentuckienne]

You might be making a lot of assumptions here. You don’t remember sleepwalking, you haven’t done it for years, no one has reported you doing it, there are other people in the house. It’s not impossible that someone else opened there door for some reason, and a bird walked out without being noticed. Someone might think I’m sure I didn’t do it or didn’t mean to do it, and once you blame yourself for sleepwalking they have an out. Guilt is a terrible thing and not everyone can stand up to it. If you are worried that you might sleepwalk into there, put a lamp with a motion sensor switch so it will come on if the door is opened. Put a camera on the room.

 

[𝕾𝖙𝖔𝖗𝖒𝖞𝕻𝖎𝖈𝖆]

You might be making a lot of assumptions here. You don’t remember sleepwalking, you haven’t done it for years, no one has reported you doing it, there are other people in the house. It’s not impossible that someone else opened there door for some reason, and a bird walked out without being noticed. Someone might think I’m sure I didn’t do it or didn’t mean to do it, and once you blame yourself for sleepwalking they have an out. Guilt is a terrible thing and not everyone can stand up to it. If you are worried that you might sleepwalk into there, put a lamp with a motion sensor switch so it will come on if the door is opened. Put a camera on the room.

No one else opened it, and I'm the only one who sleepwalks. Even if someone did, there would be crazy commotion. Sure, there's a chance someone let the cats in, lied about it, then let them chase my bird around and kill her (there were HUGE signs of struggle between cat and bird). I've sleepwalked, just not as big of an episode. Basically normal stuff like going upstairs.

Of course there's no way to confirm, but either I sleepwalked, my cats are demons with opposable thumbs, or a member of my family just let her die (while knowing full well that the cats had her because whenever she is scared she makes extremely loud alarm calls, plus there was a huge struggle and there's evidence of that). And I know which one I'd rather believe.

I'm not guilty. Honestly, I'm not. I don't know why, I suspect it may be tied to my severe autobiographical memory issues, but I don't know. I'm sorry for not being guilty or sad, I really am, and I'm devastated that my bird died. But ultimately I can't control what I feel, I can't make myself feel horrible about it. I used to think there was something deeply evil about me to feel this way (have had this issue since I was a toddler basically). But I'm beyond that mentality, I'm not going back to it.

 

[𝕾𝖙𝖔𝖗𝖒𝖞𝕻𝖎𝖈𝖆]

You might be making a lot of assumptions here. You don’t remember sleepwalking, you haven’t done it for years, no one has reported you doing it, there are other people in the house. It’s not impossible that someone else opened there door for some reason, and a bird walked out without being noticed. Someone might think I’m sure I didn’t do it or didn’t mean to do it, and once you blame yourself for sleepwalking they have an out. Guilt is a terrible thing and not everyone can stand up to it. If you are worried that you might sleepwalk into there, put a lamp with a motion sensor switch so it will come on if the door is opened. Put a camera on the room.

While she could've gotten out, there would still be massive signs that something was up. Like screaming. Idk. I'd rather blame myself because at least I don't care. But my sister was the only other one, and she's already killed one of my birds (severe neglect, I've spoken about it before). I'm just tired of having them to be honest. I'm tired of my family being irresponsible and killing Stormy's mates, I'm tired of not being able to stop them from being traumatized. It hurts so much to see them hiding all the time, and as soon as they heal another moderate-severe trauma comes along and they get so much worse. I think rehoming would be kindest right now.