One person bird problems..

[Murdery]

Hello everyone. I currently own a 2 year old CAG. He is super bonded to my dad even though he sees him 3 days a week when I see him all week... I really wan't to improve my relationship with the bird. He doesn't want anything to do with me at all really. He won't take seeds from my hand. He would only let me scratch his head for around 7 seconds every week or so. Personally, this bird increases my frustration like I want to be able to satisfy his interactional needs due to my father not being here every day but the bird decides to strike at me. Really just act like a **** from what I have seen. I also don't know how to play with my bird anymore due to him cutting off alot of "play" methods. Like now I truly truly don't know what to do. Someone please help.

 

[Tami2]

Hi

I’m going to suggest you try to make your own connections with him.
My Levi clearly prefers me, however has his ‘special’ things w/ my husband.
It started slow but they’ve made amazing progress. My husband (John) started playing hid-n-seek w/ Levi and that broke the ice. Since then they have many of their own little rituals. Which I am very grateful.

Best of luck to you both.

 

[Scott]

There are many techniques to bond and earn trust with a parrot. This thread may be of help: http://www.parrotforums.com/general-parrot-information/49144-tips-bonding-building-trust.html

Some birds express a preference for either males or females. His bonding to your dad may be coincidence or based on being male. That said, are you same or opposite of your dad?

 

[ChristaNL]

Do not take this the wrong way, but you sound just like my mum.

Sorry your bird choose someone else as *the* person- but greys are stubborn that way.
My parents were sort-of-fond of my grey, and he sort-of-tolerated them.

My mum spend a lot of time desperately trying to be friends and just like you do now tried her very best to make him happy when I could not be around.
(I had the choice of leaving him with my parents and have company during the day and evenings or let him sit alone in my room when I was away taking classes etc all day/ He used to be an in-office bird during the day and a in-house bird during the night, so being alone would be cruel)

He would not have any of it...
he would accept treats and incidental scritches from her, but that was it.
Till the day he died.


(She tried to teach him to say my name for almost 20 years... he refused! She cursed only once... he got that one flawless in one go )

==


So you might luck out like Tami's hubby and if you manage to find some things you like to do together all the best, but if not... sorry, but you will just be 'that flockmate'.


Do not worrie too much about it -> the moment he decides he really needs scritches he will find you!

 

[EllenD]

I grew-up with a CAG for a brother, I was 9 when he came as a just-weaned baby...He's now 32 and still lives with my mom, so I understand where you're coming from...There is no way on earth I could have EVER moved him in with me and taken him away from my mom..He loves me, we get along great and he never bites me or anything like that, but he chose my mom as "his person" long ago and they are very stubborn...

Your CAG is only 2 years-old...How old was he when you first brought him home? And did he used to live with your dad when you lived with your dad/parents, and then you moved him out with you when you moved out? I'm just taking a guess that this is what happened...

I have to be honest with you, lying won't do you any good here...I totally agree with Christa on this...There is no rhyme or reason why birds/parrots choose who they choose to be "their person", they just choose them...A lot of the time a married couple gets a parrot because one of them wants it, the other doesn't...So the one that wants the bird cares for it completely, they are the only one that feeds the bird, cleans the bird's cage, is home all day long with the bird, etc., and the bird still chooses the other spouse as "their person" and wants nothing to do with the person who wanted them in the first place and who does everything with them...It actually causes issues in a lot of marriages...

They are like people in that they choose who they like, who they don't like, who they bond-closely with, and who they don't...And for whatever reason your CAG has chosen your dad as "his person". You can't force him to choose you instead, that never, ever, ever works...All you can do is to spend as much time as you can with him, always be the one who gives him any treats that he gets, be the person that does all the "good" things for him and with him, and hope that he'll one day accept you...But you can't force it, it doesn't work that way. He is bonded closely with your dad, and CAG's are very intelligent and very stubborn at the same time, so the more you try to force him to like you, the less he probably will...And if you try to keep your dad away from seeing him at all, that's when behavioral and psychological problems can start, like Plucking and Self-Mutilation, because "their person" is gone and they miss them...

I'm sorry you're going through this, it happens quite a lot, and there really isn't a black and white answer we can give you that will help, other than just keep spending as much time as you can with him, give him all of his treats, and try to find different ways to play with him that he enjoys...but don't ever try to "force" him to do anything or to be with you/on you when he obviously doesn't want to be, because that will only push him further away from you, and it also usually causes aggression and often biting...If you try to get him to sit with you on the couch and he obviously doesn't want to, then just let him go. Respect his decision and give him his space, and let him come to you when he wants to...

 

[Laurasea]

I used to pet sit a CAG. I couldn't touch him or even give him treats by hand. But we enjoy talking to each other. He would come out of the cage for me while I cleaned and fed him. He would play pranks on me. On the middle of the night he would knock , then say who's there! Someone's here, I'd get up and get start laughing, it would be midnight or later when he'd pull that!!! I had lights out and sound asleep by nine, so he had to wake himself up, to wake me up!! Of tell him he was a bad bird, and he'd say no he was a good bird! We enjoyed each other even though I never touched him. They are so smart! He always asked what's for breakfast? Then say fruit? I wasn't supposed to give him fruit till the afternoon, one day I went ahead and gave him fruit for breakfast, and he looked me right in the eye and said good breakfast!!!
So I think you can have forage games, or talking games, or some way of still having a friend with him.

 

[Betrisher]

Birds are like people. They have their preferences. Just because your bird prefers your father doesn't mean you can't also build a relationship with him (the bird, not the father - you know what I mean). Our recently-deceased galah *hated* me with a deep-seated passion. He would extend his wings, raise his hat and run to bite me! My poor daughter was even more loathed: he would actually take flight to grab her ponytail and kill it to death! (We think it was her flaming red hair that offended him, but we'll never know).

The thing is, this bird was the sweetest, most affectionate fluffy little cuddler with my husband and son. He would do anything for them, but with Ellie and me, it was pistols at ten paces! With Ellie, she just decided to admire Dommie from a distance and keep away when he was at large. I wanted more, so I spent a LOT of time buttering the old bugger up so he would at least allow me to care for him and clean his cage.

The rules were that only I could give him food and water and treats. Only I could have him on the kitchen table and only I could uncover his cage in the mornings. It took rather longer than I'd hoped (months rather than weeks), but eventually Dom came to respect me enough not to take chunx out of my flesh. That was all I wanted. He did allow me to teach him a few tricks (wave, raise your hat etc), but that was very grudgingly and he only ever did it for the treats, not for the joy of showing off as my other birds do.

Thing is, if you're prepared to be patient and put in the work the bird will respond to you in the end. Just expect it to take a very long time and don't be put off.

 

[EllenD]

I think that's the key too, what Betrisher said...It's all about being patient with your CAG, not forcing yourself on him or making him be with you when he doesn't want to be, and just spending as much time as you can with him in whatever ways he is willing to accept you...It probably isn't ever going to be the type of relationship you want to have with him, like he has with your dad, and it's important that you fully-understand that this isn't due to anything that you did...You didn't do anything "wrong", this is very common and it's just the way parrots are. So it's about accepting whatever type of relationship that your CAG is willing to have with you, and then making the most of that relationship as you can...

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but it's important that you understand so that you don't take any horrible advice from another forum, like someone telling you to "force him to sit with you" or something similar...I have seen people on this forum come for help because someone else gave the absolutely terrible advice about how to "bond" with their bird that didn't choose them but rather someone else in their family, and what they did actually made their relationship with the bird much, much worse...I remember one person who was told by someone that they should put gloves on and simply "grab the bird tightly and hold him against their chest tightly for hours"...So this person actually did this, they put a pair of gloves on, grabbed their parrot around it's body, sat down on the couch, and proceeded to squeeze their bird against their chest tightly ALL AFTERNOON while they watched TV!!! Their bird was screaming and trying to bite them until he got tired, and they thought that once he stopped screaming and trying to bite them that it meant that they "Broke Him"...That's what they were told, that they had to "Break-him"...My first thought was "They aren't wild horses"...And you can imagine what that little exercise did for their relationship with their bird, the bird never came near them ever again...

So it's just important that you understand to take everything at HIS PACE, not your pace...Never force him to do anything he doesn't want to...Don't try to keep your Dad from spending time with him, because that will only cause additional problems...And just work hard at spending as much time as you can with him, even if that means he's on the other side of the room from you...Lots of his favorite treats...And just keep at it. Hopefully you'll get to the point where he'll at least like to spend some time with you each day, and you'll find some activities/games you can play with him that you both enjoy...

 

[clark_conure]

I don't know how to put this in any other way. Maybe I'm an idiot and know nothing so ...grain of salt. I'll just put out my thoughts.


I think I handle my parrots very well because when I was traveling and couldn't have pets for a while I was addicted to Caesar Milan the "dog whisperer" when it came out like what 8 years ago or more...

You say the bird is bonded to your dad......the patriarch....the leader of his flock. He probably has that calm, assertive energy that just says I'm the flock alpha and come step up I want you to cuddle with me now.

I....would work on that. Be extremely calm but talkative and assertive. be the flock leader to your one bird.

(It may not even be a bad idea to have a play slap fight with your dad with you winning in front of the bird....(really might do nothing but you have to admit it would be fun.))

Anyways the birds can pick up on energy, or rather body language, and tone of voice etc. Make sure you establish yourself as the "parront". The more you are a leader of your flock and yourself, the more the bird will trust you and follow your lead.

At least seems to be in my case. When My birds get a panic, they jump and then 180 flap right back to my shoulder because they trust me over anything else in the house. more than their cage even.

That's my advice, take for what you will.....

 

[EllenD]

I don't know how to put this in any other way. Maybe I'm an idiot and know nothing so ...grain of salt. I'll just put out my thoughts.


I think I handle my parrots very well because when I was traveling and couldn't have pets for a while I was addicted to Caesar Milan the "dog whisperer" when it came out like what 8 years ago or more...

You say the bird is bonded to your dad......the patriarch....the leader of his flock. He probably has that calm, assertive energy that just says I'm the flock alpha and come step up I want you to cuddle with me now.

I....would work on that. Be extremely calm but talkative and assertive. be the flock leader to your one bird.

(It may not even be a bad idea to have a play slap fight with your dad with you winning in front of the bird....(really might do nothing but you have to admit it would be fun.))

Anyways the birds can pick up on energy, or rather body language, and tone of voice etc. Make sure you establish yourself as the "parront". The more you are a leader of your flock and yourself, the more the bird will trust you and follow your lead.

At least seems to be in my case. When My birds get a panic, they jump and then 180 flap right back to my shoulder because they trust me over anything else in the house. more than their cage even.

That's my advice, take for what you will.....

Actually not bad advice at all, it's something that is totally worth trying, because if this is the situation with the OP's specific bird, where it is a "patriarchal" thing, then this might very well work...It's not usually how this situation goes, especially with CAG's, as they really do tend to be solely "one-person-birds"...I know we hear that phrase a lot used here and a lot of the time it has nothing to do with the bird being a "one-person bird", but with CAG's they really are very much "one-person" birds, at least in the sense that they typically have an extremely intense, strong bond with one person in their "Flock", who they choose for whatever reason they choose them, and then depending on the individual bird they may or may not tolerate certain other flock-members holding them/touching them, etc. (I don't know about Timneh's, never had much experience with them)...But it could be a patriarchal type of situation with his CAG, worth a shot for sure!!! I don't have much experience with men being around birds, my dad has never been a part of my life since I was 7, and my step-father is hated very much by my brother CAG, lol...He can't touch him at all. But it's the opposite situation with my brother CAG, he's always been around women only, from the time he was 3 months old when we brought him home until he would have been around 8 or 9 years old when my mom started dating my step-father, and even then they didn't get married or move-in together for another 10-11 years after that, so he just hasn't ever been around men...

I think the OP should give Clark's idea a try, you're both men and your CAG might very well have chosen your Dad as "his person" because he is the head of the household, head of the "flock", etc. So trying to take that role over for your Dad since you're always with your CAG now and your Dad isn't might just work...The only thing I will say is to be sure that if it's not working out and your bird only becomes more aggressive towards you, then once again, don't "force" it, like you don't want to force anything else....Take your cues from how your bird reacts to things that you try, and then keep doing the ones that he obviously likes, and stop the things that he obviously doesn't like...

****LOL Clark, I had to laugh about the suggestion of the OP having a "slap-fight" with his father...That might be the one thing in your advice that I would NOT try, only because there is a pretty good chance if the OP starts slapping or hitting his Dad in any way in from of his CAG, the CAG may very well attack the OP...You don't know, sometimes they will actually start biting "their person" that they are bonded closely to in that situation because they are trying to get them to move away from the "attacker", and sometimes they will ensue an all-out dive-bombing on the "predator" that is attacking their person...I'd hate to see the OP have this happen to him, ONLY because if it were to go that way where the CAG does get upset at him for attacking his Dad, that could make their relationship even worse and push the bird further away from him...Plus a CAG can do a lot of damage with their claws and their beak!!!

 

[ParrotGenie]

CAG's from experience can be quite picky and literary will pick their owner as they are not as social as other birds and will choose one person in a family and bond to them more over another. That just how they are and you never want to force the bird to bond to you as it does push them already further. Let the bird come to you on his own term. Best to let him do this while away from his cage as they are likely to bond when away from cage then inside cage, where he may think you are invading his territory. CAG's are very intelligent but unfortunately can be slow to adapt and trust you. Best bet is to let him come out on his own terms and let him come to you when he ready and try to offer him a treat every so often and talk to him.

 

[clark_conure]

I know, birds can be very protective EllenD... maybe a shouting match and dad cowers...on all fours....In fact now that I think about it that might be a better idea.

My new bird & clark tend to vocalize a lot more than they do anything else when they are trying to get what they want.


So chirp louder at your dad Murdery

 

[EllenD]

I know, birds can be very protective EllenD... maybe a shouting match and dad cowers...on all fours....In fact now that I think about it that might be a better idea.

My new bird & clark tend to vocalize a lot more than they do anything else when they are trying to get what they want.


So chirp louder at your dad Murdery

LOL...I just had this picture in my head of Murdery having a pretend "slap-fight" with his Dad, hoping for it to help, and his CAG attacking him...Cover your eyes Murdery, cover your eyes!