See, now, I thought tampons and napkins were a woman's way of marking her territory...
YOU GET THAT URGENT PHONE CALL THAT SAYS HONEY, I RAN OUT OF TAMPONS/NAPKINS, ON THE WAY HOME FROM WORK, I NEED YOU TO PICK ME UP [INSERT BRAND/AND WAY TOO DETAILED SPECIFICS HERE]...
IT'S VERY BRAND SPECIFIC... "AND NOT THE LIGHT DAYS, THE HEAVY FLOW VARIETY, AND MAKE SURE YOU GET THE KIND THAT HAS WINGS..."
Then you get to the grocery store, and there is this WALL of 10,000 varieties of these things... and you're just overwhelmed... and you want out of there before one of your buddies accidentally sees you, and gives you a ration... (of course, he sees you in that aisle because HIS WIFE, but he's gonna walk around the store awhile and come back... you're not gonna know that. He just revoked your "mancard.") So now you have to actually start reading these boxes. Which one is it? SO YOU CALL HER BACK BECAUSE GOD FORBID YOU COME HOME WITH THE WRONG ONE. AND SHE CAN'T TELL WITHOUT LOOKING AT IT. IT'S IN A PURPLE BOX. WELL THAT NARROWS IT DOWN TO HALF OF THEM...
ASK THE STORE CLERK... (AND WE HAVE AN AVERSION TO THAT ABOUT ANYTHING, MUCH LESS THIS! THAT WOULD BE LIKE ASKING FOR DIRECTIONS... ) But you dare not argue, because this is a heavy flow day, and there will be hell to pay if you show up empty handed. Pick the wrong one, and you just end up right back here...
SO YOU ASK... and the clerk is a woman who torments you with a bunch of questions about the different types of wings available, and you don't know the answers... (Guys, here's the deal. She knows full well which one it is. This is all part of your training. She's in on it.) Well do you want to call her back?!
And you have already just learned way more about the subtle differences between feminine hygiene products than you ever needed or wanted to know...
OH, AND WHILE YOU'RE THERE, COULD YOU ALSO PICK UP...
AND WE NEED...
AND THERE YOU ARE WHEELING A CART WITH FEMININE HYGIENE PRODUCTS, AROUND EVERY AISLE OF THE SUPERMARKET. ANNOUNCING TO THE LOCAL POPULATION THAT THIS GUY HAS A FEMALE IN RESIDENCE, AND IS THEREFORE, OFF LIMITS TO OTHER FEMALES.
And as you stand in line, the women around you check out the contents of your cart, and nod politely. Then ignore you completely.
And as you check out, the clerk says "She's got you well trained."
And that's what this is, marking territory and obedience training.
"Thanks for doing that, but I actually remembered I had a box in the hall closet. Turns out I didn't need them after all..."
