Parrot training and Bonding

My african grey is currently bonded to my dad. It is a little aggressive towards me sometimes. What can I do to strengthen our bond? + What tricks should I train? What are the basic training tricks I should get my bird to master first? Thanks ✌

Work with the bonding first.

1) is the bird female? or are you female? sometimes birds of opposite sex prefer you know...to hang around with the pheromones of the opposite sex.

2) TREATS and head scratchings. good treats, strawberries, oranges, apples.....Usually does the trick and it's good for them, just don't replace their pellet diet.

Personally I do not think pheromones have anything to do with it (since they are species specific, and we are genetically far, far removed from birds), it is probably just the way people move or interact.
Some bird prefer a enthousiastic in-your-face kind of person, others really want to decide for themselves and prefer a more laid back, open choice approach.

Just reward any non-agression (even backing off can be a reward ).
Greys are usually very clear about what they like/ dislike -it's a matter of paying attention.

It really helps if your dad backs of when you try to work with the bird.
When my friends interact with the greys - I am there, but not really near and I am not watching every move they make (of course I pay attention, but no staring or springloaded-ready-to-intervene).
Loads and loads of treats usually do the trick - even if they are not eaten "it is the thought that counts".
(Japie does not eat bread, but if Appie begs for some it is wise to at least offer him some, so he is included ... )


The birds know that 2 friends here means a party (even if they just pop in for a bite to eat, like tonight) and after a few years they will "mingle" at will.

when I was a youngin my first cockatiel was a female and loved to rub up and down on my dad before laying an egg. My second cockatiel was amale and love hanging out on my mom.....I dunno but I think, I really do think they know OUR genders and bond with an opposite sex human. It's at least my experience, they didn't change but the birds (both mine) preferred the opposite sex adult when I was sleeping or playing or whatever.

I'm struggling with this too... We have had our CAG for almost 2 months and while initially she was cuddly with both of us and stepped up better for me than my wife, she seems to now be more bonded with my wife (which is totally ok!!) but is getting more and more apprehensive of me to the point where I ask her to step up and she bites the HECK out of my hand.

She's super picky so I've yet to figure out her "favorite" treat, much less one she'll tolerate. She throws almost everything I give her to the floor. We have weaned her off of her seed/pellet mix and onto the same pellets we feed our Zon (Harrison's). Apparently at the breeder she was quite picky, so that's a relief.

I just keep trying to talk to her, I make sure I'm the one who gives her food, I kick my wife out of the room when I'm trying to work with her and tell her NOT to cuddle her when she's just bitten me

We went through the same issue when we got our Zon and he bonded more to me and I had to back off for a few weeks and let her work with him more. I'm hoping the same thing will happen with our CAG...

In my experience the gender of the bird and the gender of the person it bonds closely with have nothing to do with each other at all, just as Christa already mentioned. And honestly, not much that is logical or makes any sense at all has much to do with who a parrot chooses as "their person"...And that's just it, parrots are the ones who make the choice as to who is going to be "their person", that person who they bond the closest with, and there is typically no rhyme or reason as to why a parrot chooses the person that they do at all. It doesn't usually even matter who feeds them, who cleans their cage, who lets them out of their cage, who is with them all day long, etc. None of this usually matter to the bird at all, they simply like who they like and choose who they choose, and I've honestly never seen anyone change their mind as to who "their person" is. That's not to say you can't get closer to your CAG or strengthen your relationship with him, but if he's chosen your dad as his person, then that's who his person is going to be, unless you move out of the house and take him with you, and he is no longer able to see your dad anymore. And even in situations where that happens, it still doesn't mean that the bird is going to bond closely with you, even when you're the only person that the bird has contact with...

We see this a lot here on the forum with couples...One of the people want to get a parrot, the other one could either care less about getting a parrot or really doesn't want to get one at all and wants nothing to do with the bird. So the person who wants to get the parrot goes out and brings one home, and this person is the person who does absolutely everything for and with the bird, they feed it and give it water, they give it treats, they let it in and out of it's cage, they may even be home all day long with the parrot while the other spouse is at work all day long. And low and behold, the parrot chooses the spouse who wants nothing to do with the bird at all, does nothing with or for the bird, spends no time with the bird, and the bird may or may not even like the spouse who is with him all day long and who does everything for him...In some cases the bird actually hates the spouse who wanted him to begin with and who does everything for the bird and who is home all day long every day with the bird. The bird often even bites and is aggressive with that spouse, and when the other spouse who wants nothing to do with the bird gets home from work every night, the bird immediately changes it's personality to the most loving, cuddly, snuggly bird, and only wants to be with that spouse the rest of the night. And this usually causes huge issues in the couple's relationship, and the spouse who is completely brokenhearted comes here to post, asking what they can do to "transfer" their bird's bond from their spouse to them...And unfortunately the answer is usually "nothing"...

****Now that isn't to say that this is the situation with your bird, however it's obviously clear that your bird has chosen your dad as his "person"...So the first question you need to ask yourself is "Is there an obvious reason why your bird chose your dad?"...Does your dad spend the most time with your bird out of anyone? Is your dad the one who feeds your bird, gives him water, cleans his cage, etc.? Is your dad the one who gives your bird treats and people-food most of the time? When your dad is home is the bird usually with your dad? If the answer to most or all of these questions is "yes", then this makes the reason why your bird has chosen your dad very obvious, and in this case it's probably not going to be hard to figure out how to strengthen your relationship with your bird, because your bird has chosen your dad simply because your dad does everything with and for your bird, and spends the most time with your bird, and you need to take-over a lot of those roles instead of having your dad do them all...

However, if you dad isn't the person who does most-everything for you bird and he doesn't spend the most time with your bird, and your bird has still chosen your dad in spite of this, then it's going to be more difficult to change who your bird is bonded the closest with...

****You called the bird "your bird", and I don't know if the bird is actually supposed to be "your bird", meaning that you're the one who "owns" the bird and is responsible for the bird, or if your bird is a "family" bird. Either way, instead of concentrating on you "replacing" you dad, you should simply concentrate on strengthening your individual relationship with you bird, and hopefully this will encourage your bird to start to feel closer to you. And the best way you can do this is by #1) Spending as much time with your bird every single day as you can. Just having your bird out with you whenever you are home is a good start. If you're home then I suggest that you go and get your bird, and keep him with you whenever you're watching TV, playing video games, reading, on the computer, etc., whatever it is that you do when you're at home, you need to start doing it with your bird. Usually the more time you spend with your bird, the closer they are going to feel to you, so this is going to require a commitment from you every day time-wise...#2) Make sure that YOU are the person who feeds your bird every day and gives him water, who cleans out his cage every week, who gives your bird his treats, who hangs new toys in his cage, who showers with your bird (if he likes to shower), etc.

This is going to take time, as parrots are extremely intelligent and usually "bonding" with them is a marathon, not a sprint, especially when your bird has already chosen someone else as "his person"...So it's very important that you're patient and that you stick with it for the long-haul.

****As far as teaching your bird "tricks", I wouldn't worry about doing this at all for now, not until you start making a lot of progress bonding with him closely; it's likely that your bird is not going to be very into listening to you or doing much that you want him to do, as you're not the person that he's chosen as of right now, and until that happens I certainly wouldn't worry about teaching him "tricks"...You can focus on teaching him to do basic commands for you specifically if he doesn't already do them for you, such as simply "stepping-up" for you, teaching him not to nip/bite you, teaching him to go in and out of his cage when you tell him to, etc., and make sure that you reward him plentifully with his favorite treats while doing so, but that's all I would worry about as far as training him goes.

Salty bonded with me. But a 1 mnth stay in the hospital and rehab for a heart attack had my wife doing all Salty's trick training and stuff that I usually did with him. And now he is cool with eiher one of us. Before this, he used to nip Geri when he could. So Ellens advice is spot on.