Back to school - making friends?

[getwozzy]

You know- I think you'd be surprised at how many of us here are "flawed" as well....

Trish said it so well- you need to stop self-medicating first, because even some 'solutions' only create more problems. I know it's hard- believe me...I do. You also need to stop worrying about what everyone else thinks of you- just be yourself...I know that's easier said than done, but that's one of the things that hangs me up is worrying about what everyone else thinks- and if they start picking on you...be the better man and ignore them. Don't give them the satisfaction of belittling you.

I think you need to give yourself more credit than what you are- English is the hardest language to learn, so don't think of yourself as being handicapped in that department. And electrician school? That's also really hard- my husband is a general contractor, and he knows some electrical stuff to get him by, but not enough to be certified.

I think you need to look for like-minded people, and flourish in those relationships. I know it's hard to take those first few steps because it's easy to convince ourselves that failure is inevitable. But sometimes you just need to take that leap of faith....

Having faith has kept me from some very dark places these last few years (which have not been a walk in the park!).... Please know that you CAN do this. I know you can. WE know you can.

 

[Scott]

I wish you the very best as you tackle some challenging issues. As others have posted, staying clean and sober while boosting self esteem is crucial.

Are there any out-patient therapies or cognitive behavior clinics to assist you? More folks than you can imagine struggle with social anxiety. When I moved during high school, it was difficult to meet new friends in a very different social structure. I didn't have parrots at the time, but walking my very large Great Dane opened many doors. Perhaps your Kiwiberry can be a similar icebreaker! I suspect you, like many of us on the forum, find it easier to interact with animals than with people!

 

[Psittaciformes]

This is gonna be a long post, but before I start replying to everyone I just wanna say thank you so much for all the advice and kind words! I appreciate it so much!

Trish: I was watching a video a while ago about becoming more confident, and they mentioned that people are usually way too self absorb and self conscious to even notice you, that really helps me when i ride the bus or go into new stores.
My cognitive behavioural therapist also mentioned that a few weeks ago.

I need to start working out and exercising again, I remember when I almost lost my mum early this year, I had started exercising a couple months before and it had started reducing my general daily anxiety and depression, it also made me feel better about myself. But then in the summer I relapsed again, which made me way more depressed and started getting suicidal thoughts again. I never learn.
Last time I used was on Christmas day, was drinking and using a dissociative anaesthetic, which probably isn't the safest combination to do but it kills all my back pain and shuts down all the excessive thinking.
So today is day 3 of being sober, it's always the hardest for some reason. But I just have to keep myself busy so I don't have time to even think about getting drunk or high.

Yeah, I just hope it doesn't take far too long to befriend someone. But the motivational course is really good, 'cause obviously there will be other people with problems, so we'll have that in common and that could possibly lead to friendship as well

Do you have any more tips about handling your anxiety? I usually drink water, but I look kinda stupid drinking from a bottle, 'cause of the emetophobia I cannot touch the rim of the bottle with the outer section of my lip, i can't touch the bottle cap far down in case i accidentally touch the inside or near the inside of it. So I do everything really slow and I look so focused, just for a sip of water haha.

Raven: It's a shame to know how many struggle, and those are just the reported cases, what about the people that don't get help or can't do it 'cause of their problems. It's terrible.

Sure thing, I could keep you guys updated

Sunset: I used to be a people person, and then became shy haha
So wait, do you have emetophobia too? I could use some advice for something, but it's kinda embarrassing.

Oh my god, people used to always tell me to picture people in their underwear, how on earth is that gonna help?! Especially when you were young and you laugh and giggle at everything.
Now it just leads to other things

All jokes aside though, imagining stuff about the other person and stuff like that never really worked for me, but I'm wondering how much I actually blush and how much of it is just heat, 'cause who knows, maybe I don't blush as much now as I did when I was 10, maybe my face just heats up.
I need a pocket mirror to bring with me when I talk to people outside, just to check.

Hmm, no, but I'm definitely gonna check it out! Thank you so much!

getwozzy: Yeah, self-medicating has never really provided me with any real solutions, it's never actually helped.
When I first got addicted around 4 years ago, it made me suicidal and I attempted suicide several times, so now my balance is off, my short-term memory is terrible, I kinda slur and stutter when I speak. But I feel like those issues are getting better now, surprisingly, as I've never really done anything about it, didn't really mind too much to be honest.
My latest relapsed was pretty bad, it was short but it was intense, overdosed on an opiate and dissociative and got pneumonia for 2 weeks, then once i was almost back to normal, I was right back on it again. I was doing so many crazy combination I'm surprised I didn't die, I was so wreckless.
But I think that's what woke me up somehow, no idea how it happened, but it did, so I'm thankful for that at least

I used to love learning languages as a kid, before school started teaching us English. I grew up watching Friends, I think that's how it started, I'd just not read the captions on the TV. Then I'd make friends with people from the US, UK etc.
I used to learn spanish and greek too, but can't remember any of it anymore.
Yet I've started struggling with the language spoken in the country I raised in, kinda funny.

I don't think I'd like to go back to electrician school, I just did it 'cause mum and I have always been pretty broke and I knew there's a lack of electricians and it supposedly pays good.
I'd much rather work with animals than electricity. As a kid I wanted to be a vet as well, but people would just tell me it's too hard for me and to do something else, and so I did. But I don't get it, if you want something bad enough, you'll work hard for it, and if you're passionate about it, it's a LOT easier.

Scott: Thank you! Yeah, and they're probably the hardest things to do, but I'm working on it
Yeah she could be an icebreaker, but I don't know how to bring it up, 'cause most people, especially people my age, find it ridiculous when you mention you have birds. I'm planning on harness training her and hopefully be done by summer so we can go out to the parks together.
It's definitely easier to interact with animals.
-
Again, thanks everyone! It means so much to me that people are willing to help a stranger, and even be nice about it
Thank you!

 

[Betrisher]

Well, gee, Psittaciformes, it's easy to be nice to you because you seem to be a nice person and worth being nice to! You've got all the raw materials right there inside you. Just be patient and share them with people.

I was lucky enough to have one session with a CBT specialist who agreed to go walking with me in Town. I was petrified! At the beginning of the walk, my pulse was racing, sweat was streaming down my face and my lips were blue from pressing them together. Every ten steps, we'd stop and I'd do a 'consciously relax'. By the end of the block, I was getting better at it and the CBT lady began to tell me a silly story about her daughter. She'd almost finished telling it when I realised what she was doing: she was distracting me by engaging my mind in something Other than my anxiety. As soon as I realised it was just a technique and not a genuine story, all the nervousness came rushing back and I nearly sat heavily down in the gutter, I was so scared! LOLOLOL!

That occasion was very important to me because it proved beyond doubt that the symptoms aren't real: they're just my mind being stupid. This was what gave me the courage to really work at quelling the symptoms. You have to challenge them ALL the time. You have to stop frequently and do a 'consciously relax'; remind yourself you're doing pretty well and tell yourself you can easily escape into a shop or behind a tree.

The shopping mall became my place of therapy. I would get my husband to take me there and leave me alone, sitting with a shopping trolley/cart in front of me (for protection and camouflage). I would just sit and watch people go by, consciously relaxing the whole time. I would concentrate on finding people's flaws, like big noses or sticking-out teeth and I would see how, despite having these flaws, people still functioned quite well and didn't die of acute embarrassment.

I have found that, unless I practice these techniques, I get rusty and the anxiety rises again. All it means is, I have to do the techniques often just as people exercise or take their insulin. It's no biggie. Once you've had some success in managing it, you actually begin to feel in control of your anxiety - I promise!

Drinking water doesn't help me because I am a lady 'of a certain age' and liquids just lead to a desperate need for the bathroom. I have found that consciously relaxing the muscles in my trunk and lower abdomen has helped in lessening the sick feeling (although it never really goes away). My emetophobia is probably not exactly the same as yours: mine requires a profound knowledge of exactly where every toilet in the State of New South Wales is located. I say that without embarrassment because I know I'm not alone. LOL!

I would think a great idea would be to always carry a stout plastic bag with you in a folder or backpack. That way, if the worst happens, you can manage it. For myself, I always try to avoid eating or drinking before or during voyages away from home. Better safe than sorry. It's possible to get muscle-relaxing drugs (eg. Imodium or Donnatabs etc), but I don't like using those. Taking pills to 'fix' yourself seems not to be the best idea, I feel. So, I just do my best and try to see the funny side of things. Laughter really is the best medicine!

 

[Psittaciformes]

My first CBT specialist would also go out with me, but it was mostly into stores, ordering stuff, eventually eating out, it was quite successful, but then i stopped working on it and it came back. The social anxiety and fear of eating out.

Interesting thing with the shopping mall, my new CBT specialist gave me that assignment for next time's session! Plus I have to take 5 pictures inside the mall.

Oh, I can't use public bathrooms, if they had a box of surgical gloves you could wear while doing your business, then maybe.
I can't touch food I'm preparing or eat with my hands. If I see a fruit fly near my food I usually get unsure whether it's touched my food or not, so I throw it out.
If Kiwiberry is with me and she preens herself and fluffs her feathers with her back towards my food, I usually throw it out depending on how much dust she creates, or if it's something I'm able to quickly grab and put it some place else then I'll do that, but it has to be really quick, if I do see some of the birdy dust too close to it, I throw it out.

Wasting lots of food and money, and we don't have much money as it is.
Yeah, I'd much rather try to solve the issue than getting a bunch of pills prescribed.

 

[sonja]

Have you tried Alcoholics Anonymous? Lots of great support to be found there.

 

[Psittaciformes]

No, I'm not much of a drinker, my issue was mostly very frequent drinking and combining it with other drugs.
I haven't had any alcohol in a while now, which is nice. The problem with alcohol is that it's so readily available.
I feel more determined now to not use any kind of drug though, I really need to get my s- together.

 

[Psittaciformes]

Visited a school last week!
It's a massive school, 17-20 students, something like that. Crazy big amount huh
Anyway, it's perfect for me, you're allowed to study alone in a room as well, not sure how often they'd let you do that though, but I think I'll take advantage of it a lot in the beginning to just get comfortable with doing maths and that again.
It's never even a full class with all the people, they're all split up with a few people per room. I think the only time people gather together is for seminars and there's a day where they read the news and discuss them and stuff.
I wonder if you can bring up any kind of news, say parrot news, or if they have to be world news. I don't think I'll say much, if anything, anyway, not at first at least.

You weren't allowed to apply though, the system was shut down but should be back before January ends, which is today, so it should be back up and running now, either way I couldn't apply by myself, the administrator at the employment service has to, so I asked her to do that and she'll call me back when she's got it done.
I hope for once she'll do her damn job properly!!

I'm really nervous But knowing that there are barely any people really helps.
The fact that they seem to be really flexible and stuff is really helpful too. Say I get too anxious and stuff, they could help me out with that, so it seems like the perfect way to get back into studying!
Excited and really nervous, but I'm not giving up this time.

 

[Delfin]

I will be your friend if you want.

 

[Psittaciformes]

Of course!
So it's that easy huh? Just go around and ask, maybe beg as well.

 

[Delfin]

Good we're friends
I notice that you tried your hand at become an electrician. I work in the electrical field as a Rail Traction Lineworker, actually I been doing it for 30 years. The last time I got drunk was 12 years ago. There was no reason why. I just stopped getting drunk but I still have a drink on rare occasions.

Recently I was asked to stand up and talk in front of audience of over 1000 people. Never done that before. Yeah I was a bit nervous But after I had given my speech I thought to myself That wasn't has hard as I thought it would be.

When I was young I wanted to be a vet But didn't have the grades to do it. You have the opportunity to become a vet, so follow your dream and become the best vet you can. Put everything else behind you and study has hard as you can. This is your dream no-one else's.

 

[Psittaciformes]

What do you get to do in the field you work in?
Yeah it's really pointless getting drunk, using any recreational drug is, been sober for a month and I haven't felt this alive in years.

Wow, over 1000 people? That's insane, I don't think I could have done that, well done!

I'm either gonna try the vet thing, or agriculture and become some sort of farmer. But I might as well get better grades, just in case I change my mind down the road I'll (hopefully) have the grades to do more 'difficult' things.

 

[Scott]

Yeah it's really pointless getting drunk, using any recreational drug is, been sober for a month and I haven't felt this alive in years.

Awesome! That's a brilliant insight into the path for self improvement! Make a small poster of those words and hang it in your room! Embracing those thoughts won't always be easy, but the choice of altering substances was just a Band-Aid to offset unhappiness and misery.

Engaging a bunch of strangers on a forum is a great first step, and hopefully you will be able to form friendships if you decide to attend school.

 

[Scott]

Visited a school last week!........ I'm really nervous But knowing that there are barely any people really helps.
The fact that they seem to be really flexible and stuff is really helpful too. Say I get too anxious and stuff, they could help me out with that, so it seems like the perfect way to get back into studying!
Excited and really nervous, but I'm not giving up this time.

Let me tell you about my sister, age 46, who recently decided to give college a try.... again!

She has many issues, including some social anxiety, ADHD, a bit of dyslexia, etc. Her community college and state college offers "Disabled Student Services." That might sound like "physically disabled", and partially is, but ALSO represents programs for students who learn differently. The bottom line is she has to do all of the required work, but can record the lectures, has special tutorials loaded into her computer, can take tests alone in a darkened room with a nearby lantern, etc. (Glare is very distracting to her) A prescription for the much abused drug Adderall has sharply improved her focus.

While I realize you may have other issues, perhaps a similar program has facets that are ideal for you.

 

[noblemacaw]

I wish you nothing but the best with moving forward. Your posts remind me of myself a little over a year ago and I would like to share my story so that you know you are not alone and things DO GET BETTER!

Before I got cancer I was very outgoing and social person. I was a professional and was going to school for Computer Forensics.

After the cancer was addressed the surgery caused me to gain 90 pounds in a year and half. I graduated and got my degree but could not find a job in my field because of the recession.

I didn't have a car for two years and have no bus service out here so I became a recluse. The more weight I gained the more reclusive I became. My friends went away because I had no transport and basically stopped nurturing the relationships. Because I am hyperviglent I really had problems being in public and going places by myself.

My depression got so bad I could not function. In November 2013 my partner of 13 years wanted out of of our relationship. Three weeks later she had a new partner. That November I got to the lowest point in my life. I had not worked in 4 years and was so dependent on my partner I could not see any light at the end of the tunnel all I saw was strife and struggle and homelessness.

I almost committed suicide on a cloudy cold November morning by taking a handful of ibuprofen ( I am extremely allergic to NSAID medication and would die if I took a handful of the medicine) If it was not for Valentino my RFM saying in a angry voice "What cha doing?" I would of ate all the pills and died. Valentino shook me out of that suicide haze and I realized I was in trouble. I immediately called the VA and got help.

In a little over a year I went from the lowest point in my life to making the decision to move to another state for an opportunity I cannot pass up. I will be literately starting my life over and to me that is a huge blessing I am forever grateful for.

I did not get here overnight. I had to go though a lot of therapy, learned ways to cope with my anxiety and depression, am on the correct medication to help with my mental issues, worked very hard to desensitize myself of my triggers and situations and I had and continue to have a lot of support.

My life is moving forward in the right direction. I am not going to be one of those "homeless vets" without a future. I am going to be able to have a life be able to support Valentino and I. I realize this is a HUGE challenge for someone like me but because of all the work I have done with the VA health care system I know I can do this.

I know you will get there. It is going to take little steps to move forward. Sometimes you will even take a few steps back but as long as you can continue to step forward little by little take on what you can handle, push yourself just a little bit so that you can continue to move forward and in time you will be successful with what you want to be doing. I know you can do it. If I had done it I KNOW you can do it also.

 

[gracebowen]

You could take online classes if they are offered in your field if study. You could also look for a smaller school.

 

[RavensGryf]

Yay! Glad to hear you're giving it another go . Good advice and inspiration here... I believe you can do it!

 

[Psittaciformes]

Thank you so much guys! This thread has helped me way more than I ever could have imagined, can't thank you enough

Noble; really happy to hear things are moving in the right direction for you as well.
Cancer is scary, lost lots of family to it, most notably my grandma on dad's side, the only person on that side of my family I ever loved.
Terrifying seeing her wither away, especially as a little kid.
Are you fully cancer free now? If so, for how long?

 

[Delfin]

I was sent to an interview and was successful and was placed in the maintenance side of the railways. I had to attend and pass two different course over 4 years. I have been in maintenance for 22 years and worked on 1500 dcv rail traction system and High and Low voltage transmission system. This involved teams to conduct switching the power off, which is quite involved, then inspecting, replacing and certifying the OHW components so it's fit for purpose. Then I switched from maintenance and went into construction and now I manage a team to remove old OHW and replace it with new.

I was once told that the greatest obstacle that a person can face is one's self.

 

[Psittaciformes]

I reckon I'd have to really trust the person switching the power off, what if they forget or screw it up

That's a good quote.