Need life balance help

[Kyoto]

How do you folks manage your time with your fids?

I'm having a very hard time balancing my time with Kyo and my time keeping my house organized while working a full-time job (which I need in order to care for her financially)

Instead of bashing me and telling me to leave her with my mom, I'd LOVE some support in the form of suggestions on a routine to help me.

I think that's what I was trying to get out of my other post, but I didn't get the support I was looking for, so I'll try being more direct.

Her room that she is in most of the time and her cage are my priority and have never been messy, but the rest of my house is suffering.

I usually work 8am - 3pm 4 days each week, with a few evenings taken up by my husband needing help with his photography business.

Thanks in advance. Hopefully whoever responds won't make me want to crawl into a hole and die.

 

[SailBoat]

My GOAL in responding to your Thread is to 'make' you crawl into a deep muddy hole and die slowly !?!?!?!?

In short, its called multi-tasking. Doing things as a family, yes it takes longer, but if you think about it, that's life. While I am slaving away addressing our Thread, stealing valuable time from my family, my Amazon is busy walking around the key board adding to specific words his own play on them.

Smaller parrots busy themselves moving in and around your shirt, while larger parrots move around on the outside. To them, its all one on one time, while we are in fact multi-tasking.

I have on purpose elected not to provide specific tricks that I use, since I have never really put much of any great level thinking into it. It's not like I have come up with a new tool or an additional hand.

Well, if all else fails, you can always take him to your Mom's house. OH, sorry wasn't support to say that.

Yaaaa, there is a bunch of humor built into this, but that is also part of life with a parrot. You got to have some humor and also deal with life and a home that is no longer perfection.

 

[TacoNTiki]

Sarah, I don't think there are very many people who has it "perfect", whether we work or stay at home all day. I totally understand feeling guilty locking Kyo up while you need to work or clean the house as I have the same issue. Kyo sounds like she can entertain herself and this is a good thing, so she is not so dependent on you for entertainment. If you look at the big picture, Kyo will be with you for 20+ years, your home dynamic will change during these years. Her security should be just knowing she's part of your family through thick and thin. She's only young and will out live the cats. She will have her time of hanging on her favorite perch while you work about the house. I am sure any parrot would love to have only one family their whole lives then being out all day. A clean house is nice, but don't let it drive you insane.

P.s. my husband doesn't like our fids, either, but that's a whole different topic of discussion.

 

[Doublete]

You don't want to hear my current hours. It's insanity.
I devote one night a week to cleaning. 2 hours. And I do laundry when I need to so that doesn't count. Dishes don't count either. Loki is a shoulder bird and comes with me when I do dishes or sweep.
I'm working way more than I should and not doig such a great job balancing things but without my animals I WOULD crawl in a hole and die.
So don't make yourself feel bad about it just do your best.

 

[Allee]

Sarah, I'm just seeing this thread and just read through the other one. I think a few people may have misinterpreted a couple of things in your other thread. I know that you are an overachiever in everything you do. When you compared your home to the home of a hoarder, I know that was a huge exaggeration. You also stated the reason your home was in a cluttered state was due to you spending time with Kyo, that says a lot, Sarah. Life is busy and sometimes it gets messy. You are a young woman with a job, a husband, friends and a long list of responsibilities that demand attention every day. As mentioned in your thread title, it isn't always easy to find a balance.

You and Kyo have already been through a lot together, your bond is strong enough to get you through the tougher days, you can trust that bond, I'm sure Kyo does.

The thing with your mom is really a grandma issue. Your mother is not the first mom to get all mushy over a grandchild, human or not. I am guilty of the same with one of my grandpuppies, I spoil her rotten when she visits and she loves it to the point of hurting her real mommie's feelings. The important point though is, it's just a visit. Kyo's visits with your mom are good for everyone. Even the best mom's need a break occasionally, Kyo gets a vacation, you get a little time to yourself, and your mom gets to enjoy having Kyo visit. When it's time to pack up and go home, Kyo knows who her real mommy is.

Try to focus on quality time with Kyo instead of counting hours. If you can set aside a few minutes just for you and Kyo, even on your busiest days, just a few half hour intervals throughout the day, I think it will make a lot of difference. You may need to get up half an hour early or go to bed half an hour late but those few extra minutes will be worth the extra effort.

Just so you know, you are an excellent parront, I am one of many who think so, try to relax and enjoy it.

 

[Christinenc2000]

People say spend time with your Fid they do not mean 100% undivided attention the while time you are home. I work . Leave home at 6 am home at 5 pm. When I walk in the door BB gets let out of the cage. Gets on his play stand. He is in view of me while I cook . I take a shower I roll his Play stand in with me. I clean the Bedroom I roll his play stand with me. Back in the Living area he mostly is jumping on the couch from his play stand into my lap head scratches and chill time.
The whole time I am walking by his Stand I will scratch his head hand him a treat or just talk to him.

People are pretty honest on this Forum . That's one reason I like it. You may not like there reply's . Hell Mark pissed me off a few times but know what. HE was right . I just needed to listen.

 

[Doublete]

People say spend time with your Fid they do not mean 100% undivided attention the while time you are home. I work . Leave home at 6 am home at 5 pm. When I walk in the door BB gets let out of the cage. Gets on his play stand. He is in view of me while I cook . I take a shower I roll his Play stand in with me. I clean the Bedroom I roll his play stand with me. Back in the Living area he mostly is jumping on the couch from his play stand into my lap head scratches and chill time.
The whole time I am walking by his Stand I will scratch his head hand him a treat or just talk to him.

People are pretty honest on this Forum . That's one reason I like it. You may not like there reply's . Hell Mark pissed me off a few times but know what. HE was right . I just needed to listen.

Just FYI that sounds like you didn't finish your thought... Does this mean you agree with the posters that upset Sarah? Or that you think Sarah is being too tough on herself and there's a way to have a balance because she's expecting to be able to give undivided attention? It just seems like an unfinished thought lol

 

[Christinenc2000]

People say spend time with your Fid they do not mean 100% undivided attention the while time you are home. I work . Leave home at 6 am home at 5 pm. When I walk in the door BB gets let out of the cage. Gets on his play stand. He is in view of me while I cook . I take a shower I roll his Play stand in with me. I clean the Bedroom I roll his play stand with me. Back in the Living area he mostly is jumping on the couch from his play stand into my lap head scratches and chill time.
The whole time I am walking by his Stand I will scratch his head hand him a treat or just talk to him.

People are pretty honest on this Forum . That's one reason I like it. You may not like there reply's . Hell Mark pissed me off a few times but know what. HE was right . I just needed to listen.

Just FYI that sounds like you didn't finish your thought... Does this mean you agree with the posters that upset Sarah? Or that you think Sarah is being too tough on herself and there's a way to have a balance because she's expecting to be able to give undivided attention? It just seems like an unfinished thought lol

Well its Sunday Morning so no doubt confusing post .

I think Sarah has to find her middle ground with caring for her bird. She is a great person and will work it out. No unfinished thought just not finger pointing .

 

[bonita]

Dear Sarah, I totally agree with Doublete. That being said i have cleaning issues myself and i had a cleaning business for 8 yrs. Children are with you a short time. Let me ask at a funeral did you ever remember how anyone kept house? Blessings Bonita

 

[BIRDIGIRL]

Sarah I think you are a wonderful Parront and that you are doing a wonderful job with Kyo. However you are asking about balance and I would just say that a contact call from another room or to wheel a parrot stand or shoulder carry Kyo with you as you do some chores (making sure first that the cats are in a different room of course) is alll spending time with your parrot...we can all do with having better balance in our lives...your not the only one...but we work it out and so will you and Kyo. Planning each day is a great help...if it doesnt go to plan dont beat yourself up...life happens just rearrange the plan Kyo is lucky to have such a wonderful mom

 

[bonita]

Sarah, You could try certain days Monday-Laundry Tuesday-Master bedroom Wednesday-Living Rm Dining Rm, Thursday-Bathrooms Friday-Kitchen Every day dishes meal&cleanup Hope i helped.Bonita

 

[SailBoat]

My dear Mother suffered with three (3) dust storms, all three males. Plus pets: dog, cat, parrot, Dad and Grandma. She worked five 3/4 days at the school two blocks from home.

One summer afternoon, the ladies of the block were over play cards, possibly twelve in total - three tables of four, yup twelve. Anyway, the lady two doors away was talking about her three wonderful girls, which she did a lot, and how she just could not understand how my mother could keep the house in any kind of condition with three (3) boys. My mother didn't miss a beat; Oh you see, boys are quite easy, you just get them outside quickly and patch them-up from time to time during the day. In addition, when they fight with each other, its a couple of swings and it over, and their back outside playing with each other. You see, I grew-up with two other sisters and I know the cat fights that go on for weeks at a time. So, glad I don't have to deal with that! The card games when on like nothing of note had happened.

As I ran pass the door, I catch my mother's eye and saw that sparkle she had when she had just dropped four Aces on someone!

My mother and my wife share the love of a clean well kept house, but had long ago come to the understanding that those are moments and rarely anything near ongoing. My dear wife, will tell you that our DYH Amazon will follow her as she is doing a quick clean-up and that he will pull his toys back-out shortly after she puts them away. OK, there buddy so that is where you want your toys today.

Point being, it was picked-up and clean for a moment! And, that is all that matters.

 

[Dinosrawr]

Everyone has already made marvellous posts in response to your concern, Sarah. I apologize if I couldn't provide the support you were looking for the in previous post to answer your question, so I'll try here.

First and foremost - no one is perfect. You could have millions of dollars, provide the most amazing enclosures to your animals, provide them the best toys and quality foods, and STILL feel like it isn't enough. Why? Because we care. And we care a lot. Caring for parrots is a bit of a conundrum because it can often bring about the feeling of incapability. There's always someone we know who does it a bit different and we consider that a bit better than what we do. Or we see our birds happily interact in a new situation and reflect negatively on ourselves because it wasn't us who made the bird light up like that. But you know what the most ironic part of all of that thinking is? It's that we think we aren't giving it to them, when in fact they would have never experienced those "amazing" things if it wasn't for us.

Second - you are doing a wonderful job of caring for Kyo. Life balance is hard, and I don't think there is anyone in the world who has it down perfectly. One of the most amazing men in my life is my boyfriend's father, and while he's 70% of the way to perfect life-work balance, he still doesn't have it down pact... keep in mind this is a man who finished a PhD within four of the six years allotted while working 60 hours a week. Part of creating balance is actually creating a habit or schedule. Making it a habit that on this day, at this time, you will do this task. It may not always happen, but at least you know on that day you have put in the effort to accomplish something that may have otherwise been left behind because other things fell on top of you. Others have suggested this and I think it's actually very key in creating balance, because it also helps create security.

It also helps immensely if other family helps and help with responsibility. I know you mentioned your husband doesn't exactly help, but I think if you expressed your concerns and how you feel he would be willing to make changes - however minor - to help you out. It may be as simple as tidying up every other day just to help keep the house clean so it doesn't feel like such a disaster zone. Once again, forming the habit is what is key. It's really like going to the gym - if you make the habit, eventually it just becomes natural to do that task and you feel a bit lost if you don't do the task.

And anyways... a clean house is one that's never been lived in . My mother always reminds me that a clean house is more important than a tidy house, and that a house that's never messy is a house that no one is comfortable in.

 

[GaleriaGila]

Well, I got my bird when I was in college, with plenty of time to spend with him. As years went by (decades, in fact) he received varying levels of time. But we made it to retirement and now it's all good. Here's my suggestion. No matter how crazy your life gets, have a certain time every day that's all BIRD QUALITY TIME. The Rickeybird, for example, knew that no matter what... he had about ten minutes in the morning before work, and another ten around suppertime. I know that sounds awful, but he had a TV to watch, windows on a busy street, lots of toys, and... we made it!

So my hope for you... schedule a certain reliable QUALITY BIRD TIME.
Enhance the room with a tv, an open window, toys, whatever you can manage.
Maybe schedule other activities as well. Cleaning, chatting with mom...grocery-shopping... that really helps ME.

Keep trying, keep loving your bird, keep reaching out. I'm sure lots of birds would love to be in Kyo's shoes. On her perch. Whatever. Hang in there!

 

[Kyoto]

Thanks everyone.

I think she missed me

https://www.facebook.com/sarah.bottomley.10/videos/10153673779818004/

 

[Christinenc2000]

Glad she missed you . I can't seem to pull the picture up

 

[Kyoto]

Glad she missed you . I can't seem to pull the picture up

Aw. It's a video actually. I spent the night at my parents' and she never left my side until she went to bed. I've never been shown so much love from an animal.

We are home now, she is preening herself on my lap and I am mentally preparing to tackle laundry.

 

[Christinenc2000]

Glad she missed you . I can't seem to pull the picture up

Aw. It's a video actually. I spent the night at my parents' and she never left my side until she went to bed. I've never been shown so much love from an animal.

We are home now, she is preening herself on my lap and I am mentally preparing to tackle laundry.

I am so happy for you !! You were on my mind today while I was cleaning . BB would get on the floor and follow me around until I picked him up. You will find balance with her I am sure of it

 

[Anansi]

I'm so glad you got that sweet reminder of just how much she loves you. I can't see the video either, though.

 

[jdlehman76]

One thing that might help is to set up hanging play stations in several rooms so that your bird can go from room to room with you and still be safe from cats and anything he/she might find on the floor. We just set up one of the atoms in our living room, and we have a homemade PVC play stand in the family room, in the dinning room we use an old high chair. This way I can interact with my CAG throughout the house and still get stuff done. Although I do like using the "I had to spend time with my bird" as an excuse to not do things around the house.