Overly Critical People

[lisamarie973]

As I completely understand how frustrating it is to watch folks time and time again, get a bird without doing the proper research or getting appropriate information or education about the breed BEFORE they adopt or purchase the bird because often times, the bird becomes a "burden" a "bad bird" "too noisy" "like a baby" and so on and so forth. I also do not feel like it is our job to lash out at those people for doing so, either.
Once someone has made up their mind, I feel it is all of our jobs to ENCOURAGE the new human pet as much as we can to START learning as much as they can and to make them feel WELCOME to come here and learn. We should do this by being kind to the person, congratulating them on their new companion and offering to help in any way possible. After all, isn't the goal to be sure the bird and new owner have a success story? What better way for us to help than to be KIND to them and not act as though we're all holier than thou and treat them like they're complete idiots. At this point folks, the damage is done, they've already got their minds made up, they WANT the bird and they're GOING to GET the bird, So let's do all we can to create HAPPY endings, not wait around to GLOAT about it not working out, come ON, that's just SAD. Don't you WAN'T the bird to bond and become happy and well adjusted? Aren't you HOPEFUL that the poor bird doesn't have to go through hell to get to be with an owner that fights to make it a success? I'm a realist, I know it can't always happen, but we should at least try to help any person that comes here for help, not matter how "dumb" you feel their questions are. Calling somebody out on a public forum is no better than being a bully or embarrassing someone by pointing out their faults in front of others, when all THEY'RE trying to do, is LEARN PEOPLE!
So, lets get off our high "we know it all" horses and make people feel WELCOME to come here for answers, no matter how big or small the deal is.

This is obviously just MY point of view as I'm sure you all have yours as well. Please feel free to share your thoughts, I have always felt you catch MORE bee's with honey, so if we're such GOOD parrot owners and we do SUCH a GREAT job educating others based on our trials and errors, our ups and downs, what's worked what hasn't and so on and so forth, then lets prove it guys.

 

[Enjru]

A number of kind and gentle people (not including me) will give helpful advice to someone like that, and I wouldn't have a problem with them doing that.

But when the person asking for the advice comes back to respond with a post that doesn't even acknowledge the above-mentioned kind and gentle people, but curses the entire forum (not including me, because I'd have put a person like that on ignore and wouldn't have made any responses to his/her post, because I wouldn't have known what to respond to - until my curiousity gets the better of me if/when he/she replies, to see how he/she would take the above-mentioned kind and gentle advice, only to find that he/she would be berating the whole forum with expletives and therefore obviously not taking in any advice whether kind and gentle or not), then yes, I'd be cheerleading the parrot to bite.

 

[cdog]

I admitt I may have said some things to people that may have come across as rude or mean but I just don't want to see the poor bird have to go through a rehome just because the person wasn't smart enough to do their research ahead of time. I know we are supposed to welcome the people to the forum and encourage them and say congrats on their new bird, but some people that get their first bird like a macaw just because they think they are cool and that they connected after one meeting, they should not be getting that bird. I hatte to see people afraid of their bird and having to keep it caged all the time. People get the large bird then find out they are to much to handle, they get bit and then they have the nerve to blame it on the bird and call it a bad bird with aggression issues. Which is not the case, what happens is the person gets the bird thinking they are cool and they don't know how to train them and they get scared of it then the bird picks up on that and bites them. Too many birds end up in shelters because of people like this. I'm sorry but sometimes what people need is to have someone talk to them in a way that sounds mean, its better to sound rude to the person and have them not get the bird then to encourage them to get/keep the bird and have to rehome it.
That's just my opinion.

 

[Enjru]

I admitt I may have said some things to people that may have come across as rude or mean but I just don't want to see the poor bird have to go through a rehome just because the person wasn't smart enough to do their research ahead of time. I know we are supposed to welcome the people to the forum and encourage them and say congrats on their new bird, but some people that get their first bird like a macaw just because they think they are cool and that they connected after one meeting, they should not be getting that bird. I hatte to see people afraid of their bird and having to keep it caged all the time. People get the large bird then find out they are to much to handle, they get bit and then they have the nerve to blame it on the bird and call it a bad bird with aggression issues. Which is not the case, what happens is the person gets the bird thinking they are cool and they don't know how to train them and they get scared of it then the bird picks up on that and bites them. Too many birds end up in shelters because of people like this. I'm sorry but sometimes what people need is to have someone talk to them in a way that sounds mean, its better to sound rude to the person and have them not get the bird then to encourage them to get/keep the bird and have to rehome it.
That's just my opinion.

I wouldn't find your helpful response rude at all, but some people find anything rude if they are not 100% empathized with, even if this means others have to collude with their mistaken beliefs.

Your point about the fear is a good one. IF someone says he/she is terrified of his/her parrot but in the same post says that his/her parrot is doing well and is very happy, and in the SAME post says that he/she doesn't know if the parrot needs a perch to sleep, then on what basis can we believe that this person can read the parrot's body language sufficiently well to claim that the parrot is happy?

My opinion is that a parrot can be happy if its needs are adequately provided for. I would have some difficulty accepting the notion that the more a parrot scares its owner, the happier it is.

 

[Pedro]

Although I agree somewhat to what is said I also feel frustrated that some posters don't do their homework before getting a parrot. There is so much information on the web on parrot behavior, why they do what they do & so on. Not to mention the many books published.

I to am sometimes a little blunt with my replies & have been accused of being obnoxous & rude to members. However I try to be as understanding as possible.

I have noticed & please correct me if i am wrong, some new members post only about themselves & their parrot, they don't care less about anyone else it's just about them. Funny thing about these posters they will stick around while they have center stage & are hearing what they want to hear but as soon as they get some negetive feed back they are out of here like a flash.

The new members that stay want to learn more & also give something of their experiences. We don't always all agree on the same subject, but between the lot of us we have a wealth of information to pass on.

At the end of the day if we only help one person understand that is one more parrot that hopefully will have a stable home life.

 

[Spiritbird]

Rudeness and profanity are not allowed on this forum for any reason. Thank you for posting your opinions with respect for eachother.

 

[Sulphiria]

I think if someone is coming here before they get a bird and asking for information, its kind of our obligation (for lack of a better word) to give them our honest opinion. If we think they are going about it wrong, we need to say so. If we think a certain breed isnt a good fit, we should say so.

If someone already has the bird and is asking for help with the bird biting or other issues and people sugar coat it, or arent up front and honest, they could end up doing more harm than good. Sometimes honesty comes off as being rude or mean, when its not what someone else wants to hear. At the same time, we are reading text, so its easy to misconstrue whats really being said.

 

[Cliffordsmom]

People tend to take construcitve critisism as mean and hateful. It's human nature to be defensive, but if they ask a question they should expect an honest response from everyone willing to give it. This is a forum with many members each one a different person with a different personality. People should expect that. Not every single answer you get will be sympathetical or understanding, some will be blunt and to the point.
If you cannot accept honesty and sincerity then don't post a question. After all, every single parrot is different, so no one is ever going to be exactly right on every issue.
All I really have to say I guess is that I have found so much help and knowledge in this forum that has enriched the life of my birds. Not just them but me and the other members of my little zoo as well. No one has EVER been mean or hateful to me. EVER. So thanks for that

 

[evesta]

I think the direct approach is best. The first book I read on Parrots was Parrots for Dummies book. The first part of the book is about why you shouldn't get a parrot and how hard they can be sometimes to keep as pets. At first I was a bit put off by the author but I kept reading and kept thinking about what she said. It changed my mind about what kind of bird was a good fit for me and my family and I changed from conure to linnie. I am so thankful that happened and if the author hadn't been brutally honest I don't think I would of changed my mind because I had been in love with conures for over a decade. So don't feel bad, some of us newbs are listening and are aware that sure, sometimes it sounds harsh but sometimes that is what we need to hear.

 

[mandolynn]

I think its our responsibility to give any and all information we feel necessary to help out other owners. I can sometimes be blunt but i also try to be respectful and my ultimate goal is to help the owner and bird any way possible. Sometimes this means giving advice they dont agree eith or dont want to hear. All i can do is try to educate them so they can make the right choices. There are those who dont care what advice you give, they are going to do things their way. Some people lash out when not told what they want to hear. I have found most rational people will give a little bit, but you have to be helpful and not condescending. That pushes them further away. I think most members are respectful. Sometimes what we are saying comes off as overly critical in writing, when all we are trying ti do is give as much info as possible.