Help me and my SUPER clingy blue and gold

[zoeygirl81]

Hello everyone I hope everyone is doing well and I need some help with my 22 year old blue and gold macaw. She has lived with me for 9 years and prior to that was in a very abusive home. Zoey was always a great bird and was always free I only caged her at night before she went to sleep and let her out 1st thing in the morning even if no one was home, because she was always very trustworthy. Last 3 months have been very difficult. I moved in on my own and to be completely honest she's driving me a little crazy. I can no longer leave her outside of her cage because she literally climbs down and breaks everything like windowsills and cabinets and even my clothes and shoes which she never used to do before. I don't spend a lot of time out of the house because I work from home but even then I have to leave her inside her cage. Because when I'm home she lets me do nothing. She is on top of me the entire time playing with my hair, pulling on my eyebrows, or grabbing the tiny facial hair that adorns me. Im saying its constant. It doesnt stop. Even if i ask her to stop or raise my voice she walks away and returns in under 10 seconds to continue.. it is getting increasingly worse and harder to handle. I am sitting on the couch as i write this and shes pulling on my wrist hair.. I have to say that i spend more time with her now then when i lived at home simply because now its just me and her and my cat. When before my sisters and parents were always home even though they were terrified of her (very nippy and untrusting towards everyone else) yet i think she was ok because someone was always there. So now i take her with me if i have to run to the bank drive thru or even when i sit outside for a little while. I take her to the park twice a week and even to the beach while i read. Now.. the obvious solution. Ignore her and return her to the cage when she gets this way.. but there are barriers and maybe this is where i need help. 1. She is like this from the minute i pick her up. 2. If i return her to the cage she screams and doesnt stop for about 30 minutes.. i have neighbors. 3. Im not sure she even gets that something is wrong. 4. She doesn't eat if shes inside her cage only outside.

Im not sure how i got here, and im not sure what to do. I adore her shes like my child but her behavior is stressing and im at loss.. all opinions and advice is highly appreicated.

 

[SailBoat]

Clearly something major had changed and I believe you make reference to it, but it is clear that a change has happened and that change has greatly effected your MAC. I believe you need to define what happened and make a major effort to comfort your Mac regarding those changes.


One of my long standing position is;
It is Never the fault of the Parrot!
It is Always the fault of the Human!
When you change to this vantage point, you more clearly see what you have done and can correct quicker.

 

[TiredOldMan]

Welcome! You have come to the right place.

How long have you had your own place?

I ask because it can take a while for fids to get accustomed to a new situation. I would guess that even though she didn't exactly get along with the rest of your family that she did like the company.

My guess is she is having some separation issues and wants to remain as attached to you as she can.

 

[zoeygirl81]

I moved about 3 months ago. Like i stated i knew the change was big so i gave her alot of extra attention. Today has been one of the worst days. I wokr up at 8 let her out and went to the batheoom. Returned in under 5 minutes and she destroyed not 1 but 3 laundry baskets. She has hundreds of toys. Boxes, books, baskets to play with. She doesnt touch any of them.

 

[eagle18]

I honestly think she is more clingy than usual because of the move. When I got my Umbrella Cockatoo it took months for him to realize that when I left a room...that yes, I was coming back.

But both of you need your own space, so this might be the time to practice a little tough love with her.

 

[TiredOldMan]

I moved about 3 months ago. Like i stated i knew the change was big so i gave her alot of extra attention. Today has been one of the worst days. I wokr up at 8 let her out and went to the batheoom. Returned in under 5 minutes and she destroyed not 1 but 3 laundry baskets. She has hundreds of toys. Boxes, books, baskets to play with. She doesnt touch any of them.

They want to play with the things you do.

Mine will chew on mic cords, mics, the radios, keyboards, lap tops, computer mice, and literally have to go over or move her toys to get to my toys.

You gotta either love them, go nuts, or both. I'm both.

 

[DiscoDuck]

You are 3 months into a 22 year old bird?

Dont give up, dont get angry. Practice positive reinforcement, ignore the negatives.

 

[DiscoDuck]

I only caged her at night before she went to sleep and let her out 1st thing in the morning even if no one was home,

all opinions and advice is highly appreicated.

9 years imprinted..

3 months in now...

Hang in there....

Things change..

 

[Jottlebot]

The pictures are lovely. It's hard when someone you love is actually making your life harder.

The only thing I can get from your post is that it doesn't sound like she gets much structured interaction? I mean training time or something like that? The move will have thrown her and she could be scared, but she could be bored too. Sounds like she could be telling you she needs more stimulation.

It sounds like things are getting bad quickly. I wonder if you should get a behaviourist in asap to help? This forum is fantastic, but maybe you need someone who can step in professionally. Sounds like the risk is she's going to have to be caged for longer, so she'll be more demanding when she's out, she might start getting nasty because she's frustrated, so she'll be caged for longer... then you're both in a cycle that's hard to break.

Good luck, hope you find a solution.

 

[EllenD]

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this issue, I know it can be very frustrating when you love someone very much but you don't know what to do with them.

Something that you need to keep in the front of your mind at ALL TIMES is that your Macaw can sense your frustration, anger, sadness, etc., so you need to do your best to try to control your emotions when she does something, especially the anxiety and the frustration, as this will only make her MORE anxious and frustrated herself. When in doubt, it's best to show NO emotion. Ignoring a parrot is the worst form of punishment they can face.

She has the intelligence of a 4-5 year old human toddler, another thing you need to keep in the front of your mind. This isn't a "pet", like your cat. This is a child. And at only 22 years old she is basically a juvenile with hormones blazing and mood swings going on, and now you have just taken her out of her home of the last 9 years and put her in a completely new home, and even though you are there, the rest of her "people" are not. It doesn't matter that she didn't allow direct interaction with the rest of your family, they were people who were there with her at all times for 9 years, and suddenly they are just GONE. And her home is suddenly just GONE. You have to understand that what was most-likely very exciting to you, your first home by yourself, on your own without your parents/siblings, well this move was nothing but confusion, anxiety, frustration, and loss to your Macaw. When children are moved from home to home or school to school, they often suffer from anxiety, depression, loneliness, etc., and as such they get psychological help.

As mentioned by someone else above, it doesn't sound like you have given your bird much "structured" or "focused" time since your moved, it's just been a cluster of her having anxiety from the move and wanting to be with you or on you 24 hours a day DUE TO THIS ANXIETY, and you getting frustrated because her "normal" behavior, or the behavior she had exhibited for the last 9 years while living in the same environment with the same people has changed, then your frustration making her more anxious, and just a vicious-cycle of this over and over and over again. AND DUE TO THIS VICIOUS-CYCLE FOR THE LAST 3 MONTHS, YOU'RE BOTH GETTING WORSE AND WORSE AND MORE AND MORE FRUSTRATED AND ANXIOUS INSTEAD OF ACCLIMATING TO THE CHANGES!!!

Your bird is going to have to acclimate to these changes that are causing her great anxiety, BUT YOU TOO ARE GOING TO HAVE TO REALIZE THAT THINGS ARE NOT GOING TO BE EXACTLY THE SAME AS THEY HAVE BEEN FOR THE LAST 9 YEARS WITH HER, AND YOU MUST ALSO ACCLIMATE TO THESE CHANGES...

****What you have failed to realize about your bird's behavior is that she suddenly just lost her home and the people in it, WELL, ALL THE PEOPLE IN IT BUT YOU, the home and people she has lived with for the last 9 years, along with her regular routine and FEELING OF SECURITY AND SAFENESS FOR THE LAST 9 YEARS. This is what you must recognize, as SHE IS ALSO AFRAID THAT YOU ARE GOING TO SUDDENLY VANISH TOO! Makes sense, I mean why would she not be afraid that you aren't just going to walk out of the room or the house and never come back again? THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED WHEN YOU PACKED HER AND HER STUFF UP AND MOVED HER, HER HOME AND HER PEOPLE JUST VANISHED! This is why she suddenly feels the need to be constantly with you, on you, or playing with "your stuff", as she is trying to make sure that you don't just up and leave her too.

So now the question becomes, "How do I reassure my bird that I am not going to suddenly just disappear and leave her too, like what just happened to her only 3 months ago?" NORMALCY WITH BIRDS IS VERY OVERLOOKED BY US HUMAN! While you were probably ecstatic to move into your first place by yourself, as an adult, your bird lost everything she knows. She just doesn't want to lose you too. And while I totally understand why frustration and anger are your first automatic reactions to her needing to be with you 24 hours a day or with your things 24 hours a day (albeit her "playing" or "being with" your things means destroying them to your bird, as that's what birds do, they forage and chew), you also need to feel grateful and honored that this bird loves you as much as she does. You also need to feel great respect for the fact that her world was turned upside-down only 3 months ago. If you keep these things in the front of your mind at all times, her behavior should start making perfect sense to you. And only then will you understand what she needs from you right now, at least in this period of dramatic change in her life...3 months is not a very long acclimation period compared to the last 9 years of NORMALCY.

****Have you tried doing a regular "contact call" with her when you walk out of the room and she starts screaming? She's screaming because she wants to know that you're not leaving her forever, she wants to know where you are...So I'd come-up with a regular "contact call" that you will say to her every time you leave the room, and it's something that you're going to need to repeat to her often, at least in the near future...Birds in the wild do this, at night they call to make sure everyone in their flock is safe, and that no one has been attacked or eaten by a predator. They call to each other to tell them they've found food, that there is a predator near, that there's a good spot to sleep for the night, etc. So letting her know that "I'll be right back" if you'll be right back is important, as is "I'm going to the store, I'll be back in an hour". They are quite able to associate a certain contact call with a time-period. Just don't say "I'll be right back" like you do when you go to the bathroom and return to the room when you're going out for 3 hours, that will only confuse her and cause her more distress because you didn't "come right back"...

Also, again, this is a totally new routine for her after 9 years of living a certain way, so if you must put her in her cage for an hour or two and then walk out of the room, you need to just put her in her cage, tell her "I'll be back in an hour", and walk away. Then as she calls for you, keep telling her "I'll be back in an hour", and let her scream. If she screams for 30 minutes to an hour, then that's what she's going to have to do to learn, JUST MAKE SURE YOU COME BACK IN AN HOUR AND LET HER BACK OUT OF HER CAGE! Quickly she'll realize that you really are going to come back in an hour, or 3 hours, and the screaming will stop...,BUT YOU MUST LET HER SCREAM, AS THIS IS TOTALLY NEW FOR HER! YOU CANNOT GO BACK TO HER AND LET HER OUT OF HER CAGE OUT OF YOUR OWN FRUSTRATION WHEN SHE IS SCREAMING, AS YOU ARE REWARDING HER SCREAMING AND TOTALLY THROWING OUT THE NEW PROGRAM.

This is going to be a marathon, not a sprint!!! And you must remember that as stated above, "THIS IS NOT HER FAULT, IT'S YOUR FAULT BECAUSE YOU MOVED HER TO A NEW HOME, WITHOUT HER REGULAR PEOPLE, AND WITH NEW RULES AND ROUTINES!!! I'm not saying this because I believe you did anything wrong for moving, lol, I'm saying this from your bird's point of view...

 

[LoveMyConlan]

First off....Zoey is BEAUTIFUL!! From 1 clingy macaw mom to another, please know this takes time!!

I got my b&g after weaning, and he imprinted on me hardcore. It was to the point that even when he hit a year old, I couldn't walk 2 feet away without him finding a way to me....and heaven forbid I have to pee!! It didn't matter what toys he had, his playstand, what did I gave him to distract him.... he just would not be independent. And anytime he was with me? He had to be on me with some part of me, clothes or skin or limb, in his mouth.

But with the help of this group I've helped him branch out a bit. I learned that I MYSELF created him that way. I coddled him to much and I was all he knew as fun and safe.

So SLOWLY I started doing things in the room with him where he could be close but not on me. Like in the kitchen doing dishes! He say on a chair just out of reach and I gave him a SS bowl to play with... cause nothing is as fun as throwing it on the floor :/ When he was calm I would reach over and let him, or kiss his head, or scratch his chin. Then I'd turn back to my dishes. He was on my on side so he could see my face and hear my voice... by couldn't touch.

It took a MONTH of that before I could sit him on that chair with food and him be fine without reaching for me and fussing. But now he just chills. So I began moving the chair farther. Each time I moved it, it took a few days before he settled again.

MONTHS LATER I can now say that while he will still yell for me if i'm not in the room, and follow me if he can......he now views his chair and stand as 'cool' zones, and even though he will still fuss a bit, and he would rather be ON me....he now knows that to get my attention he needs to relax and be him.

Foraging helped big time too! I would fill a bin with his fav snacks and nuts and we would 'forage' together!! We'd dig in the newspaper stands and much on almonds or dried fruits. Cause of course, if I did it first he had to to! Now I give him a box and he goes crazy digging.

Yes, he still goes out with me, in the car, on walks, to get food....but he rides in the car in a wire crate so he can still see me. He only sit on my forearm when walking. And fun memo...if Zoey is anything like my Rhage.... when she acts up put her in the ground AS LONG AS IT IS SAFE TO DO SO....Rhage hates it! But when he gets grabby, I tell him no and stick him on the ground or on a bench. You can't behave? You can't be on me. End of story.

I thought the best way to volved with my baby was to treat him like a baby. Big mistake. Sure, new things are scary and I didn't want him to feel scared or left out. But all I did was make him more dependent on me.

So with Zoey... know it is gonna be a LONG road. Filed with ups and downs, and unhappy house, and destruction, and testy feelings. You will feel like you are hurting her feelings, or being mean. But know that you are making her stronger by building her confidence to be on her own more.

START SMALL. GO SLOW. BE PERSISTENT. The move was rough. No one likes to move from the place they know, especially with her past. But give her time and try doing things with her that don't require she be ON you. When you read at the park...sit her next to you or on the arm of the bench, or if she's behaving sit her on your lap. Take snacks for her. Find fun things at home to play with together, like foraging or a toy.

I went with what worked best with my guy, so we did the chair and dishes. It also worked great for watching movies or reading! Now he will sit in my lap or toddle the couch. But he isn't glued to me as much.

Please know that she's just a bit stressed and you can work this out! It's going to take time but you both will be stronger at the end. But know extra babying her wont help I made that mistake and I regretted it later.