Well, its a complicated and for many people here it'll no doubt be 'controversial', so I'll ask people to withhold judgment until the end. Sometimes you have to practice 'tough love'. It's kind of a long story, so bare with me.
I should start by telling you where I got the 'idea' from. It's actually the same tactics my mother used with me as a child (similar idea, different method). My mother NEVER hit me or spanked me (though I'm sure there were days she wanted too!) When I would misbehave, my mother would have me kneel in the corner and keep an upright posture. She would count the minutes and if I tried to slouch, she'd reset the clock but it worked and its the same method a lot of parents use with unruly children. By that, I mean "time-outs".
I love Skittles like he was my own human son and ANYONE in my RL will attest to that. It is because of that amount of love that in the beginning I ALWAYS gave him what he wanted, when he wanted it. I was essentially his 'slave'. He would screech when he wanted something and wouldn't stop til he got it. Part of me was wanting to please him and part of me just wanted him to 'shut up'. lol. This went on for a significant period of time until a close friend confronted me about how I was behaving with him and gave me a dose of reality. I hadn't realized just how unruly I was letting him become.
I should note, that Skittles is 'free-flighted' and has been for most of the time he has been with me and I believe that fact contributed to the success of my retraining. I had tried the whole 'ignoring' thing with him first and it only made matters worse. The more I ignored him the louder he got.
So what I did was purchase a 'time-out' cage. Small enough to serve its purpose yet large enough that it wasn't 'cruel'. When he would misbehave, I'd give him a warning. If the behavior continued, I gave him an even sterner warning. I didn't go over to him or acknowledge the behavior, I merely used a stern tone of voice. If that didn't work (and it often didn't in the beginning). I would take him and put him in his time-out cage. He often would play 'tag' with me to avoid the time-outs. But eventually I got him in the time-out cage. I didn't want to use his day cage for time-outs cause I didn't want him to associate the cage with that method since getting him to go in his day cage was never a problem. Skittles HATED that time out cage, and I felt guilty as hell doing it, and truthfully, the only reason I continued to do it is because it was working. I'd take his time-out cage, with him in it and put it in a dark room (the bathroom) and close the door. I'd wait about one minute and then take him out. If the behavior started up again (which it did for a while), I'd repeat the time-outs. I never left him in the time-out for longer than three minutes, truthfully, it was always more like 1-2 minutes. I was putting him in 'time-outs' several times a day for a while. He hated those time-outs and he even had this little 'manipulative' tactic which is that he would make his "kissy noises" in hopes of being let out. It's also what he does when he wants something.
Truthfully, I don't know why it worked. But it did and I'm very thankful it did. Eventually, the behaviors corrected themselves. He began to understand what my 'stern' voice meant. I actually only use my 'regular' voice with him when I am setting a limit or command. All other times I use my 'birdy voice' which he likes.
I found that by associating positive behaviors with positive reactions was very effective and using 'time-outs' to address bad behaviors. So he began to understand what meant 'treat' and what meant 'time-out'.
I also rearranged the way I did things. I found that by 'including' him in day to day activities and allowing him to partake in them kept him occupied and out of trouble for the most part. He used to scream incessantly when I was on the phone. Now, I will pet him and look at him when I'm on the phone and he's quiet for the most part. He likes being with me so that was an effective method as well.
Needless to say, I don't even own the time-out cage anymore. I got rid of it. I did have a separate "vet trip" cage so he wouldn't associate time-outs with the vet. I still have the "vet trip" cage and its surprisingly easy to get him to go in it.
In all honesty, there are still occasions where he 'tests' the limits and ignores me and when that happens I put him back in his day cage. Not so much as a punishment now, but rather letting him know that being outside is a privilege and he is expected to behave in order to have it. This is RARELY needed because most of the time (nearly 99%) when he goes on a tirade its cause he's on alert "knocking on door, doorbell, a bug or a 'foreign object'. He also goes on a tirade when he sees people outside walking up the steps of the building next door. I merely reassure him when these occurrences happen and redirect him to something else (or remove the danger).
Now, he usually comes to me when I call him and goes into his day cage without any resistance when I put him in it cause I have to go out.
The down side of all this is it limits the amount of time I can go out because he's not used to being caged for prolonged periods (except bedtime). But he is fine if I am gone for 3 or 4 hours as long as I let him out for a bit before I leave and I let him out after and he gets a decent amount of out of cage time each day. This all works cause I am happiest at home with him than anywhere else.
I realize my situation is unique and most people don't have the luxury of being able to make the changes I was able to make but for me, it worked. He is now the most obedient bird I've ever owned (aside from Peaches- she was an angel from the start).
To give you a few examples of how effective the commands are with Skittles. I tap my shoulder several times and he knows to fly over.
The other day I was eating something and he wanted some. He will fly over to the food item and try to steal some but I redirect him. Once I sit to eat I will often share some with him. He knows this will happen so he's patient for the most part after. If I am eating something he can't have, I either tell him "no" firmly and if that doesn't work I put him back in his cage and he will then usually go eat from his own dish (sometimes he still does it completely on his own).
I found that by associating certain actions I want him to take with certain behaviors or commands that I give him works best. It doesn't confuse him because he knows what each means.
Its a constant exercise I have to practice each day. Setting the limits, reinforcing the boundaries and keeping up with the proper redirecting. There were a few times I let that slide a while back and I found the behaviors began again so that's why consistency is so crucial.
But its like night and day and he is incredibly obedient now its kind of mesmerizing.
