I need Encouragement

[newtobirds]

My parrot hates my guts. I have had her for a year. I used to be able to move her from cage to cage. Now, I can't touch her. She is fully flighted. Today I lost my temper and chased her around until she HAD to step up because she got too tired. This happened because she absolutely HAD to go in a cage because my step son was coming home and she is OBSESSED with him and will pursue him. She will bite his ears til they bleed if she gets on him. I think she does this to prevent herself from being removed from him.

She used to LOVE my husband, but now she will bite him as often as not, even though all she wants is to be near him.

She is about to become cage bound or have her wings trimmed. I don't want to do either, but I am at wits end.

I have training DVDs and books. This bird HATES me though. If I make a wrong move, she will fly off. If she is in the cage for training and I make a mistake, she beats herself against the bars.

I feel like I am about to have a nervous breakdown. I know that I am the problem here, but for the life of me, I don't know how to fix it. Things were SO GOOD! And then all of a sudden, she became the bird from hell. She is a 2 1/2 year old Meyers.

I am at wits end.

 

[Spiritbird]

Things sound bad there. What do you think started all this? I am a firm believer that all indoor birds should have wings trimmed, for safety if nothing else. What kind of a bird are you talking about? Have you had it to an avian vet for a medical check up to see if anything is wrong. Birds do not show most of their illnesses and when they do it may be too late.

I am going to make a bold suggestion and say to you to think about re homing the bird to a person who is used to dealing with behavior issues. You could call in an avian behaviorist also. Whatever happens you may need to just plain start over at step one like the first time you got the bird.

 

[roxynoodle]

Just curious, when did her behavior change? Do you think the bird is mate bonded to your husband or step son? My sister had a Meyer's that mate bonded with her (I tried to warn her not to let him do that, but he definitely got the upper hand). When she started dating her now husband, the bird first started attacking him, but then turned on her for "betraying" him. In their case I did recommend she place him with a rescue as she was letting the bird control her, and her husband was doing things that were physically abusive to the bird. She wanted me to take him, but he didn't like me much either, and all he did was swear at my other birds when he was here. I said, I don't think I'm the right owner for him.

I admit, I don't have a lot of experience with birds who try to mate bond with owners. My amazon tried to court me when I first got him, but I ignored the behavior and he has pretty much given up now.

I think we need some more details to be able to help.

When did it start?
Was there some incident where the bird became frightened or angry?
Do you think she is mate bonded to one of the guys?

There are bird behavioral spe******ts like Sally Blanchard. She may have some articles that are relevant to your situation, and I think she does phone consultations as well.

 

[newtobirds]

2 1/2 year old Meyers. We are her 4th home that we know of. There may be more. She was a bouncer off of Craigslist.

We got a new puppy in November. I think that's when everything started going wrong.

She will still readily take food from my hand. Until today, I have had no trouble moving her from cage to cage.

I make her Shauna's Mash. We feed her the best of foods. She has every toy known to parrots. She has two huge cages, one in the bedroom, one in the living room. We move her to where ever we are. She has two play gyms that she enjoys. She is loved.

I am very good with dogs. I understand training. We take her camping with us and she enjoys it. We love her. We aren't re-homing. We live in the middle of nowhere and there are no bird trainers in the area according to the two nearest bird rescue groups that I contacted looking for a referral.

We have derailed like this once before. We came back from it. She is a handful. And I am pretty sure "She" is a "He." However, her affection would freak my husband out if she was a he, so I call her a she. It's just easier.

She has been rehomed so many times aleady. We aren't going to do that to her again. We just need to figure it out. And do the work. A wing trim would keep her from being the terror in the sky. I just really feel like a failure for considering it and my husband flatly says no.

 

[newtobirds]

She gets all wild-eyed around large men. Her eyes dialate/restrict quickly and she is just obsessed with them. My husband and step son are both full-sized. She is not able to be out when my step-son is home. She relentlessly stalks him. When he is gone, she goes to "his" recliner and perches on it and fluffs up and does this weird dance/crouch thing with her wings raised at the shoulder. If you approach her when she is in this mood, you will get chewed.

 

[newtobirds]

I need to clarify: When I say that I had no trouble moving her from cage to cage, I mean that she knows what I want and will fly from one cage to the other. She won't let me carry her. I open one door, she comes out, she flies to the other cage. Once on the right cage, I can usually put her IN the cage. But that skill is now gone. Thanks to me panicking bacause my step son was about to be home and she wouldn't go in any cage on her own.

I know that I have badly screwed this up. I also know that it's my fault that I haven't done more training. I know she deserves better.

I know that I am fully to blame for this.

 

[roxynoodle]

Ok, first don't feel like a failure. The fact that this is her fourth home means a few things. She may feel insecure in her home, not knowing if she is going to stay. She probably didn't get a good foundation before you on acceptable behavior. And she might be a bossy, dominating bird as her natural personality. Combine all that and you kind of can't blame her for being a flying terror.

I think it's a good idea to clip her wings, at least for now. Sometimes that alone make a dominating bird much more cooperative. It will also stop her from terrorizing your family. And she has to rely on you for transport. They will grow back, and once they do, if she is cooperative you can leave her flighted after that. I did initially have to clip my Nanday for training. She has been flighted ever since though. She is quite a bossy little bird as well. If I hadn't done it, she might have gotten me to the point also where I was at wit's end with her.

She may be jealous of the puppy just as children become jealous when a new baby comes into the house. My birds get jealous of each other, and the cat is very jealous about my attention to the birds.

It does sound like he is a she, lol! My conure loves men, too. She knows they are male and she is female. She is a horrible flirt with nearly every man she meets.

 

[merlinsmom13]

Suebee will see this, she has a senegal. (arent they similar birds) I think she had success w/giving more cage time during the day w/o clipping.

 

[Spiritbird]

Here is a link to Sally Blanchard's web site. If you have time please read them. She is very parrot wise. Perhaps even get in touch with her. I really admire you for wanting to work this out for the little gal. Yes, 4 times around can make a bird not understand what is happening. I would also suggest you read up on the Meyers parrots in the wild and their behavior. That may help you understand more what she is about. She could have really fearful memories of puppies. I would keep her away from other animals after her wings are trimmed. Vets do this best. The reason I suggested a vet exam is to check and see if she is hormonal. They can tell. Do you know if she has ever laid eggs?
This behavior you are describing is so unlike a Meyers as they are known to be mellow.

Please do not self blame. Parrots have the unique ability to read your thoughts and feelings. You did nothing wrong. Especially if you are making this her last home.

https://companionparrotonline.com/Member_Articles.html

http://www.parrots.org/index.php/bl...e_family_units_to_meyers_parrots_in_the_wild/

 

[roxynoodle]

Sally Blanchard's material was what was most helpful to me when I first got my conure. Bless her and her birdie wisdom.

And yes, she may be afraid of the puppy. It may not be jealousy. My mom's dog went after my Blue Crowned conure when she started talking while my parents were here visiting. After that she was afraid of all dogs, including mine.

 

[newtobirds]

Thank you everyone! I will read her material and consult with her if that's an options.

Just to clarify: this bird is NOT afraid of the dogs! I have 3! She dive-bombs them, flies to their crates and grooms herself on them with the dog inside, and plays with one of them through the bars on her cage. She likes the dogs and none of them harass her in the very least. One can not be out with her, but the other two can. She has to be watched closely when she is out with the dogs because she likes to sit on them and I can't in good conscience allow it. She is one of the pack.

Virtually fearless.

 

[Nakiska]

Hello,

First - I want to say kudo's to you for not immediately thinking "Rehome" and for actually WANTING to work things out with our bird.

Second - I want to say...I am in NO MEANS a bird expert, not even close, but I have some experience with the birds I have and have had and, so far, I have a good relationship with them all.

Reading what you wrote, 2 things came to mind that I'd do first and foremost if I took in this bird.

I definitely would clip the wings, as hard as it is...I know...I'd definitely do it. Especially if you want to allow the bird out.

2nd - I'd back totally off from handling this bird for a while. Basically start over, sit by his cage, read to him, talk to him, read his body language and see how he's taking it in. Is he totally ignorning you when you talk to him, does he show interest in your voice. Does he move to the other end of the cage furthest away from you, or does he try to be close to you when you talk to him. When you sit there and talk to him, does he tremble, or sit calmly.

Eventually you'll be able to open the cage door and let him out and that's where the wing clipping will be so beneficial to you. He won't be able to fly frantically around the house and evade being caught. Wing clipping also "humbles" some birds who've become quite high and mighty.

You have to be the one to rebuild your relationship and trust. It's going to take time, and probably lots of it.

Another option if you don't want to wing clip, is what I've done with my pigeon. It was a feral pigeon in the big city, injured. I brought it home with the intention of releasing him when he was healed, but when I tried to release him, he refused to go. So he lives with me.

I let him out all the time and he flies through the house and roosts on all his favorite spots, he flys and lands on me and loves to be with me...until he knows I'm trying to catch him for bed.

Well I solved this issue by buying him a flight suit! It totally works! I put it on him when I let him out, he flies around dragging his leash. Of course he's always supervised because the leash COULD get caught up on something...and when I want to put him away. I just grab the leash, he can't fly away from me, and I put my arm out he lands on me and I take off his flight suit and put him away.

NOW...of course...pigeons don't have the bite of a parrot...so of course training your parrot to accept wearing a flight suit could be a whole can of worms you don't want to open

It really sounds to me like your guy has become king of the house and needs to learn some manners. Of course, parrots don't "train" the way dogs or horses do, they definitely add a huge challenge to building relationships.

But I truly believe you will be able to come to some kind of terms with your guy, just be patient and start over, completely over...like if you've never known this bird before and you just brought him home.

That's what I'd do.

I took in 2 cockatiels last August...they were horribly abused, starved and neglected. After several weeks of letting them settle in, sitting by their cage and talking to them, singing to them, feeding and changing their water... just simply being there with them I decided it was time to clip their wings so they could be out and some what "contained" while learning to be hand tame.

How did I know it was time to let them out? I just "felt" it, they were creeping closer and closer to me when I'd talk to them. They quit being frantic everytime I opened the cage door to get their dishes. They watched me with interest in what I was doing, they quit trembling everytime I walked to their cage....things like that.

Their wings have grown in now, and they haven't been a problem. They are not close to being fully tame yet, but they will climb up on my spouse or I when we have them out with our other tiels and look at us, look around...and you can tell they are still very unsure about this human contact stuff...they don't want us to touch them at all, THEY decide on how much and what kind of contact they have with us, but they've come a LONG LONG way since they day they first arrived at our house.

Since they are still nervous with our hands, we use a stick that they readily jump up on and let us put them in their cage that way. However, if they started flying around and making it difficult for us...I'd not hesitate to clip their wings again.

Thanks so much for seeking help, be patient, step back, take a deep breath and start over. And know that all of us have made mistakes and done things we wish we didn't. You are absolutely not alone here

Toni

 

[luvmytooo]

You mentioned her behaviour started when you brought a new puppy home ? Is the pup in the same room when you try to do anything with her ? She could have some issues with dogs from her other homes. I wouldnt doubt she is just plain jealous of your relationship with your dog or even other family members . .She knows they take your attention away from her and she is rebelling.
She may play with the dogs but holds you responsible for giving them attention instead of her.
Do you play with the dogs in her presence ? Could that be part of it ?
Sorry if this has been discussed , I havent read the rest of the posts.
.

 

[newtobirds]

The dogs are always all over the place. We are all always in the same room together. The 3 dogs sleep in the bedroom and hang out in the living areas.

It's a bit of a circus at our place!

The bird calls the dog's names over and over! It's funny. She's a big talker for a Meyers.

I have photos of my husband playing tug with a dog while the bird sits on his leg or shoulder. She seems to like the drama.

 

[luvmytooo]

LMAO !!! I know the feeling , same here

The dogs are always all over the place. We are all always in the same room together. The 3 dogs sleep in the bedroom and hang out in the living areas.

It's a bit of a circus at our place!

The bird calls the dog's names over and over! It's funny. She's a big talker for a Meyers.

I have photos of my husband playing tug with a dog while the bird sits on his leg or shoulder. She seems to like the drama.

 

[BillsBirds]

Nakiska is absolutely right. Starting over seems the best idea. Also, I, too, thank you for not giving up on this poor darling. I have rescued many birds that only needed a little understanding, patience & compassion. 4 homes is shameful. Has nobody else tried to understand this bird? On a seperate note, I find it amusing (hope I'm not being rude) that your husband is so homophobic that the bird must be female to love him. Doesn't your stepson love him? He's male. Are all your dogs female? Please do not be offended. Just seems an interesting twist in the situation.

 

[newtobirds]

My stepson is terrified of the bird. He tried to be a good sport about "her" but is frightened out of his mind of her. Always was! He is an extreme low-energy guy. The dogs walk all over him! Two females and a male! My stepson's favorite is clearly my male, who is totally awesome and generous with his affections!


Maybe I am underestimating my husband, but he cooes and cuddles and scritches the bird and makes jokes about her being his bird. Maybe if my husband thought bird was a little dude, it would be fine, but I think it would be different. He baby babbles my female dogs but "football coach" talks to my male. I don't want a life filled with "football coach" sounds... I don't think my husband would babble "Wanna Scritch!" to a male!

No offense taken! I have over-thought your question myself!

After reading several of the articles on the link that was suggested, I found the notion of birds being able to clearly read mood to be HIGHLY thought provoking. With the new pup, I have been stressed out of my mind. My husband too. The new little monster is exhausting and we are trying so hard to do a good job. Adding the third dog, who is precious but demanding, may have thrown us all out of whack.

We are starting over!

 

[osnyder]

Hi there! I have nothing to add to people's excellent advice here, but wanted to join in with the encouragement and admiration for your dedication and hard work. I can also empathize in that I, too, have a Meyer's that hates me He's not as spirited as your guy, but he's certainly a moody little stinker. He favors men drastically over women so I'm pretty out of luck.

Funnily enough, I'm possibly adopting another bird and am feeling guilty about "betraying" Geordi. Geordi, the bird I slave over, who won't let me touch him, and who snuggles up under my husbands beard every night. Ridiculous!

O.

 

[roxynoodle]

Hi there! I have nothing to add to people's excellent advice here, but wanted to join in with the encouragement and admiration for your dedication and hard work. I can also empathize in that I, too, have a Meyer's that hates me He's not as spirited as your guy, but he's certainly a moody little stinker. He favors men drastically over women so I'm pretty out of luck.

Funnily enough, I'm possibly adopting another bird and am feeling guilty about "betraying" Geordi. Geordi, the bird I slave over, who won't let me touch him, and who snuggles up under my husbands beard every night. Ridiculous!

O.

I don't think there's anything to feel guilty about with getting another one. If Geordi wants to be your husband's bird, I think it's perfectly ok for you to have your own bird

 

[BillsBirds]

I agree with Roxy, Osnyder! Besides, like they say, "Birds are like potato chips...You cannot have just one!"