Macaw chooses who it chooses....

[southshore]

Hello everyone!Hope all is well. In my quest to learn about macaws I was told by someone experienced today that if I get a baby macaw it might decide to choose my wife instead of me, even though she might never pay any attention whatsoever to him. He said and I quote "a Macaw chooses who it chooses, regardless of anything".

So, how true is this? How can this kind of situation be avoided from developing?

 

[Terry57]

Hello everyone!Hope all is well. In my quest to learn about macaws I was told by someone experienced today that if I get a baby macaw it might decide to choose my wife instead of me, even though she might never pay any attention whatsoever to him. He said and I quote "a Macaw chooses who it chooses, regardless of anything".

So, how true is this? How can this kind of situation be avoided from developing?

In my experience this is true of any parrot, not just macaws. I have no idea how to keep it from happening, my birds chose me first then chose my husband.

 

[Jexnell]

When I got my Sun Conure, he was the one hatchling of 25 different baby birds that would try to get to me, three days in a row, so that settled it he was the bird for me.

He was so attuned to me that we never really have to say things like step-up. As soon as I stuck a finger out he would raise a foot as well ready to step on over.

 

[wrench13]

So true Terry. A parrot chooses his "person" and nothing can be done to re-direct that. However not saying that anyone else can;t be in the parrots life and interact with him. But parrots can also hate someone for no reason at all. My youngest son had a hand in raising Salty, feeding him formula, for awhile. But Salty decided one day that Brett was evil and to this day will attack him if he gets too close.

 

[Cindylynn]

This is true! But just because you aren't the "chosen one" doesn't mean you can't have a great relationship with the parrot... especially in the absence of the "chosen one".
Family says that Pancho is easier to handle when I'm not around (for short periods of time). If I'm around he acts a fool trying to get to me or get my attention when someone else handles him.
I went out of town for a weekend though, and they said they couldn't handle him. My prolonged absence had him really upset.
All that to say, their personalities are very complex. And change with time and experiences. First and foremost, love your bird. Learn how to effectively communicate with your bird. Reach out for help when your bird is getting the best of you. Just like with human relationships, problems WILL arise. But with patience and understanding can be worked out.

 

[18tillidie]

Our experience is limited, but we have both been very hands on with Debit (the Macaw), and while he seems to be most attached to me, he is also very attached to my wife. Sometimes he'll go to her because I've been busy working and he thinks I've been ignoring him, so he will go to her instead of me just to let me know he's miffed! The key is that we are both equally very hands on with him. The other members of our household are also regularly hands on, and he behaves well with them. My wife has one friend that he seems to really dislike... So do I, so I think he's just a good judge of character!
Manissa (the Sun Conure) will go to anyone that will give her attention!
Don't be fearful that "choosing someone" means hating everyone else.

 

[Kentuckienne]

I will post a slightly different viewpoint. It’s true that birds choose their mates, just as they would in the wild, but even in the wild the mates get to choose back. Especially in te beginning, I think it is often possible to influence the relationship.

When we got our re-homed B&G from a rescue he didn‘t try to approach either of us. A new home was just one more trauma. So when this big guy bent his head down, I decided to take a chance and gave him a scritch on the head. He loved it! He would let me pick him up and pet him, and didn’t want my husband to touch him. As pleased as I was, I realized this wouldn’t work. So I backed off. Didn’t pet him, didn’t scratch him, let my husband give him food and treats, in the hopes that he would be accepted as the primary human. which he did.

For a while we both were able to hold him, and he would sit on my knee, let me scratch him for hours. But he gradually shifted his allegiance to the point where I couldn’t touch him without getting bitten. I had tons of bruises and cuts. Today, he will allow me to provide Parrot Uber rides to another room if he wants to go poop or see his human, he will accept treats without trying to bite me. But he won’t step up if asked or accept scratches. I’m chopped liver. But I’m tolerated, and if my spouse goes out of town for an extended time I can gradually get closer to him. For this particular bird, it’s possible for the bond to shift.

But all birds are different. There are stories in this forum of a formerly loving, bonded bird who suddenly began hating and attacking his person. When birds reach sexual maturity, the changes can be particularly extreme. My suggestion is to start by accepting that a companion parrot is a unique, intelligent individual who may make unexpected decisions. Can you live with that? Can you keep your promise to care for a creature who isn’t what you expected, is a lot of trouble and expense, who likes someone else in the house and wants nothing to do with you? What if you go for an extended work trip, and come home to find your bird bonded to a different person? What if he suddenly starts hating you? Parrots aren’t domesticated animals, and are intelligent. They aren’t pets: they are companions. Often that means they live miserable lives: shut away because they are too expensive for the owner to relinquish and too difficult to handle.

You might do better with a rescue bird, one that was previously bonded to someone who looked like you. A bird that “chooses“ you might stay chosen. There is no guarantee that they will always choose you, but if you make it through birdie puberty you are likely to be ok. And there is always the chance you can influence this choosing. But think about it well, because they live a LONG time, and will suffer if they don’t get the love and care they need.

 

[HeatherG]

I would think that if your wife had no interest in birds the bird might have no interest in her.

My ex husband was around several of my parrots over ten years but none of them liked him, maybe because he wasn’t very interested in them. He had to tolerate them to get me.