Oh no.. Not the best news to wake up to..

[Kinny]

So my husbands Father J has never really been a good father, in fact he's been awful.

Got a phone call this morning from my husbands Grandpa (hubbys dads dad) saying J was in Hospital in Vietnam (that's where he's been living for years and years). Just found out that J had a motorbike accident 2 days ago and is still in a coma and has internal bleeding in his brain. His lungs and other organs are damaged.

Ok he's never been a great Dad, but lately he's been trying to make amends with my hubby and his (J's daughter, my hubbys sister). I don't know what to do! Docs are expecting J to pass away.. I don't know how to comfort my husband.. J may not have been a good father, but he is still a father. I never wish this upon anyone, even if i dislike them...

My husband is at his Grandparents awaiting an update from one of J's friends.

 

[Blueridge]

So sorry... I don't really know what to say... But, I do know that my bird has always helped me get through hard times.

Best wishes to you and your family

 

[Rizosmom]

oh that's horrible....we went through a very similar situation this past summer...my husband lost both his father and his step mom (2 weeks apart)....a very difficult relationship and not the best upbringing at all (they went over 10 years without talking and made amends just weeks before his father passed)....I was/am and so was my husband grateful that the last few weeks especially since it gave them both the knowledge that things were better before the end....hopefully they have many more years to work through these things but if not remind him of the positive times as much as possible....its a difficult road for both of you! take care!

 

[Kinny]

Thankyou Blueridge. Birds are so helpful.. But our pet bird died recently, and her mother has been missing for 2 days. Our Haru is also now outside with her mate, so we have no inside birds anymore.

Thankyou Rizosmom. I'm so sorry for your loss, however it is so good you both had good times before he left/they! The hard thing is, there is an extremely tiny amount of good times with his Father, and if there are any more good times, i don't know of them. Its going to be very difficult

 

[SoCalWendy]

So my husbands Father J has never really been a good father, in fact he's been awful.

Got a phone call this morning from my husbands Grandpa (hubbys dads dad) saying J was in Hospital in Vietnam (that's where he's been living for years and years). Just found out that J had a motorbike accident 2 days ago and is still in a coma and has internal bleeding in his brain. His lungs and other organs are damaged.

Ok he's never been a great Dad, but lately he's been trying to make amends with my hubby and his (J's daughter, my hubbys sister). I don't know what to do! Docs are expecting J to pass away.. I don't know how to comfort my husband.. J may not have been a good father, but he is still a father. I never wish this upon anyone, even if i dislike them...

My husband is at his Grandparents awaiting an update from one of J's friends.

Just him knowing you are there for him, I'm sure is comforting to him. Take it one day at a time.

 

[MikeyTN]

I can relate to your husband somewhat....my father never really been a father to me or be there for me when I needed him. I don't really know my father well nor my mother. They kinda abandoned me while I was young. But when my father died, it was still painful knowing that I no longer have a father. Watching my grandma cry was painful too since that is her second son that passed. Just with you being there for him will mean a great deal. Now days I've made amends with my mother and started a relationship with her. It's never too late to start making amends and move on.

 

[Kinny]

He passed away at 4pm... :'( My husband is staying at his grandparents place tonight for his Grandma's sake. Not a good day...

 

[Blancaej]

I'm so sorry for your husband's loss. Sending many hugs your way.

 

[Kinny]

Thank you Blancaej. Its also the fact I hate the month November. November 3rd 2012 i lost my bird Muta to brain damage. November 3rd 2006 lost my dog who was hit by a car. Husbands grandparents dog put down 2 weeks ago... And now this... Its just hard because i feel so overwhelmed by loss, and i cant comfort my husband because hes not here tonight. Just feeling helpless...

 

[Blancaej]

That is a lot of loss for November. Do you have good memories you can try to focus on from past November's?

August is like that for me. Not deaths but major life changes. But I have a lot of good memories of Augusts past, so I try to focus on the good.

Not easy I know. Keep your chin up and try to not let everything get to you. Hugs!

 

[antoinette]

So sorry for your loss
At least you knew he was trying to make amends, even though it never happened.

My entire family had not spoken to Eddie for over 8 years.
I was the only one staying in touch with him and supporting him.
When he got the devastating news he had pancreas cancer, I contacted all family members.
Thank God they made up and said their goodbye before it was too late.

 

[Terry57]

I am so sorry for your husband's loss. I was estranged from my mother, she had cut the entire family out of her life. I found out she had died when doing a google search to try to find her again. In a way, it is more difficult when there is not a close relationship, as I find that I am filled with what might have beens. It is hard when there are not a lot of good memories to balance the loss. Again, I am so sorry.

 

[Kinny]

Thank you everyone.. Believe it or not it helps...

My husband is going to a city (8 hours drive/35 minute flight) from here tomorrow morning for a few days to get stuff sorted (his dad never wrote a will, and no one has authority over his body, so they have to get stuff sorted so they can have the funeral) and then he will be going to Vietnam for a few days. :S So i have to figure out if ill stay at his grandparents or not (coz I've got birds to care for here)

I don't know how I'm going to manage the kids and everything without him for a week, possibly 2. Especially in my current ill pregnant state... *sighs deeply* He was going to come to my 12 week ultrasound this Friday too.. But of course that's no longer happening...

Sorry, I'm just feeling hopeless again, i need his comfort at the moment, and he needs mine. Nyeh....

 

[Kinny]

And no.. No good memories for November. :/ I'll try to be positive..

 

[Blancaej]

Again, I'm sorry for what you are going through right now. You will get through this. Just take it one day at a time. Hugs.

 

[Rizosmom]

Awww I'm so sorry that he passed! Sounds like you have a lot going on but remember to take time for yourself! Blancaej is right you will get through this...one day at a time!

 

[Kinny]

Thank you..

Today it feels like everything has just come crashing down on me.

I cannot manage my 2 and a half year old daughter (never have been able to, but have had hubby around to help because he's the ONLY one she will listen to), which is annoying me because she keeps throwing thigns everywhere and, generally, being a troublesome 2 year old!

My 5 month old baby won't feed properly and is grumpy almost all day today.

I've been so busy last night (staying up til 1am to clean) and this morning, still have a billion things to do, cleaning and packing bags to stay at Grandparents while the hubby is over in Vietnam. (he's leaving tomorrow morning for Vietnam, left for another city yesterday) so I'm freaking out worrying hoping he'll be ok.

Then awaiting all my blood test results to come back, and anxiously awaiting my ultrasound on Friday to see babys heartbeat (because Doctors can't pick up a heartbeat from the dooplers, which is odd for me as both my other kids' heartbeats were hear-able at 10 weeks) - upset because hubby was looking forward to coming along too.

Went to Doctors yesterday for severe UTI symptoms, and alas, I have a bad UTI but they won't give me any antibiotics this early in pregnancy until the test results come back so they can give me the exact correct medication needed - so suffering from all that..

And last night came down with very bad constipation, so that's more pain added to my abdomen.

Stressing about our lost bird...

My depression is certainly not helping.. (i already had depression, then I got post-natal depression.. so that alone is stressful..)

And today after packing I've been having multiple 'episodes' of full on -whole body shaking- crying fits from stress overload, partly because of not wanting to stay at my hubbys grandparents because I have a HUGE thing about burdening other people especially family members with myself and crazy kiddies.. (we'd have to take a billion nappies etc, plus all our food, as grandparents eat a lot of stuff that we don't eat/we eat stuff they don't.. so bags and bags of food.. for just 7 days!? No way! It's like packing the entire house when you have a baby...)

Some of that stress however has now been alleviated as I've decided to just stay at home, at least for today.

A friend has offered to come round tonight to keep me company and help with the kids, but even though I probably need it, I really don't want it..

And since my husband organised for me to stay at his grandparents and hates it when I'm upset/stressed, I feel bad for refusing to go along with what he'd organised. But my stress levels would far outweight my feeling bad-ness.. so yes.

I honestly feel so stuck!

I'm sorry everyone for overloading you with all my stress, but I just have to let it out! *melts into stressed puddle*

 

[Lector]

Im sorry, stuff like this is never easy. I had to remove my apendix in ho chi minh a few years ago. If he's there the only comfort that i can give you is that the french hospital ( wich i think most tourist and westerners ends up in case of emergency) are really good, well equiped and have a great compitent staff.

 

[Kinny]

Thanks Lector. Ouch, appendicitis?

Well I'm concerned now, i had a bit of a frustrated stress attack 10 minutes ago (BIG chest pain that stopped me breathing for a few moments) my daughter grabbed our plate of dinner and threw it on the dirty floor. -_- So she has dinner but now i have nothing to eat. ) And for me to stand up for a whole hour cooking food, its painful and makes me feel sick.. So it uses up a lot of my energy. This isn't counting her trying to destroy the tv, soiling the couches with water and her orange juice when she knows that's a big no no. I honestly can't handle her *eye twitches*

 

[Blancaej]

I honestly think letting others help you would ease a lot of your stress. I know you don't want to, but in the long run you will be glad you did. Its OK to ask for help! You need people right now. You are not super woman. We all need a helping hand now and then. Think about it.