I feel for you, Hannah! Our big ginger cat, Seamus, disappeared a couple of years ago and we never found out what happened to him. We hope he's living a fine life with another kind family, but - well - we just don't know.
I think all the pointers were that our Sunny was feeling the pull of Mrs Sunny and a clutch of little Sunnies. Your selflessness allowed him to take part in a normal, corellish life, just as he was born to do. He probably has memories of you and your home as he flies the skies. Who knows? Maybe when the breeding season's over, he might pay you a visit? Maybe not. Whatever happens, we all know you gave him his life back and that was HUGE!
My kids and I used to breed fancy mice. They were the most adorable and clever little creatures (the mice, not the kids - although they have their own charms), but mice only live for two or three years and we had to go through that awful loss every few months. We were comforted by telling ourselves that although the little guy's lives were short, they spent them with *us* and we made each other happy for those two years. My son, Matt, was especially distressed by losing his mousie friends, but even he learned a sort of acceptance: it's Life after all.
You've had the pleasure of Sunny and Spike to brighten your life and you certainly brightened theirs. Don't be sorry. Be glad you got to share that time.
Sending hugs! XXXX