How are you holding up? You're probably haunted by horrible thoughts, sounds and images. You will never forget him or "get over it" but it will get easier with time. My husband and I are thinking of you and hope you and your family are holding up okay.
We all make mistakes like this. I'm still haunted by a mistake I made over 30 years ago. I had just gotten a new baby budgie that had his wings trimmed by the breeder. I left the cage door open so he could come out while I wasn't home. I had left a pail of water on the floor next to his cage and when I got home I found him in the bucket- he had fallen in and drowned. I still feel sick when I think about it. I also had two budgies fly away when I wasn't being careful enough cleaning the cage on the porch. We got one back but not the other.
We are ultra careful to try to prevent such a thing from happening again but we can only do so much. One of our birds could easily follow us out the door never to be seen again. They fly free in the room all day and always want to be on us when we're in the room and leaving the room, just like Grim did.
I hope given some time (but not too much time) you get another cockatoo. I think it would help heal your broken heart to have another bird to love in memory of Grim. God bless you and your family.
I really appreciate your message. Your compassion brought me to tears (in a good way). Your support means so much. I’m so sorry to hear about your Budgies, but I know they were very loved and well taken care of by someone with your kind heart.
I don’t think I could ever get another cockatoo, because I would only compare him/her to Grim. Grim was so special. I know every bird is different, but I also don’t trust myself not to make comparisons. However, that’s not to say that I’m opposed to another parrot in the future. When I was researching cockatoos, I read a lot about other parrots—I would need to do further reading before making a choice, to make sure I can provide a good home, though. And I’m not sure when would be an appropriate time, because I’m in the throng of grief. I go between wanting a parrot and then missing Grim so terribly that I can’t fathom any other bird or going through the bonding process again if it’s not him.
But honestly, as I’m writing this, I think I could have another cockatoo if it were a girl, because then I wouldn’t compare her to my little boy in the same way. I’m not sure if that makes sense. But then I’d have to worry about her being egg-bound, which is what happened to my mom’s cockatiels. I have a lot of experience with chickens, but none of them were ever egg bound.
When it comes to another parrot in general, my dad said he’s not sure about getting another one one day because it hurts so much, but he’s adamant that he NEVER wants a cockatoo. Same as me, he doesn’t want to compare it to Grim. But he has a soft spot for female animals (the hens we cared for, our Labrador, our kitties), so I think if there was a little girl cockatoo in need of a home he’d give in. A part of me also wants to go to a rescue and find a bird in need, a bird that’s hurting and needs healing like me, so at least Grim’s absence means another bird had the chance to be rescued, but since I still don’t have a lot of first-hand parrot experience, I don’t think I’d be a good candidate to handle a bird with potential trauma/baggage. I also would like another young parrot, not only to get them used to various things while they’re young (which is important to me), but also so that we can be together until I’m old.
But that brings me back to Grim—Grim was adjusting so well to change, much better than we anticipated. When we brought Grim home, I was more than ready to take care of him if he was scared and reserved and slow to adjust, but now that I’ve experienced him, I’m not sure how I would feel if another parrot didn’t ’meet my expectations,’ and that’s not fair to the parrot. It’s less a logical thing and more of an emotional thing, you know? Grim has a special place in my heart. I also like the traits associated with bare-eyed cockatoos, so if I were to get another, I would probably want a bare-eyed, which is ironic because it would just make the potential for comparisons worse.
I don’t know. It’s a lot. Everything I do reminds me of him. I have a very obsessive personality type, so I have extra trouble letting things go; he’s occupying all of my thoughts. I scheduled an appointment with a grief counselor, but it’s just so hard to walk through the rooms without hearing him scream or talk or holding my arm out to him so he’ll land on me. That’s why I think that a rescue parrot would be nice, not to replace him, but so we can provide a home for something in need while also bringing light and sound to our lives again, but, that’s a very idealistic viewpoint and not something I’m going to throw myself into so quickly. If you have any thoughts on that, I’d love to hear.
I feel my little baby with every step. I didn’t have him for long, but so quickly he became a part of me. I’m lucky to say I’ve never experienced loss like this before, but now I have, and it’s totally consuming. My mom is handling it okay, but my dad is very, very broken up about it. He worked at home and was with Grim all day. He’s devastated and blames himself.
I do a lot of crafts, so mod-podged one of his feathers and then wrapped the end of the shaft in gold twine, then wove that into a string that I can braid into my hair (my hair is almost always braided). I’m also making a necklace out of these big wooden beads that made up his favorite toy (a rainbow ladder). I have a locket with a picture of my childhood dog in it, and I put his picture in the empty half. Close to my heart.
I am going to grief counseling, so I’m not asking for professional advice on here, but if anyone has tips on how to grieve, let me know. I just can’t stop thinking about him, and I feel like at a certain point, that’s unhealthy.
Thank you again so, so much. It really helps having this community, and your message made my morning less dark, and that was very much needed, because waking up to a house without him was a huge blow.
it sounds like something that was beyond your control. 
